Josh
November 19th, 2009
"Hello?" Donna picks up on the second ring.
"Hey, it's me."
"I do have caller ID, Joshua."
"Why aren't you home yet?" I might be whining a little. I mean, come on! She's the one who gets all finicky about getting to the airport on time.
"I'm at the store." Very informative, thanks.
"Getting what? We're all packed. Meticulously." Last night, Donna and I packed for our trip. She had an extensive list.
"Ohhh, nothing." I know that tone. My irritation flies out the window immediately. Now I just want her here so she can have her wicked way with me.
"What store might you be at ma'am?" My voice has dropped a couple octaves.
"One you'll be glad I stopped at." I cannot wait for this vacation. I never thought I'd say that but then I got a life. Plus last time Donna and I were in Hawaii, we hardly left our bedroom. I'm hoping for a repeat.
"Take as much time as you need. We can find another flight." She laughs at me. Because of course she does! It's Donna.
"I'll be home soon. Love you."
"Love you too."
After we hang up, I look around the apartment. It's changed a lot in one year. For one, newspaper and files aren't strewn across every surface. There's pictures on the shelves and pillows on the couch. Our bookcase is packed. There are little touches of Donna everywhere and our lives together.
I get changed into jeans and a more casual button down for the trip. I load the suitcases into the car because we are cutting it close in Donna time to get to the airport. I take out about half of the files that are in my backpack and leave them in the den. I grab Donna some snacks because she hates spending money in the airport because everything is so overpriced. Truthfully, we don't need to worry about money. Donna and I have pretty much the highest jobs you can in the White House. Her salary isn't an assistant's anymore but she's still in the girl on a budget mindset. She refuses to acknowledge that we share expenses now and therefore really doesn't need to be worried.
Listen, I'm from Connecticut and I have a trust fund. It's not something I like to flaunt but I can afford to spoil Donna on things like, oh, I don't know, food at the airport.
Donna's still not back yet so instead of pacing, I sit on the bed. I try to convince myself to stop staring at the backpack. Here's the thing. There's something in there that is very important. You might be thinking that it's something work related like a classified Kazakhstan briefing or research on the new conservative tax plan.
Nope.
It's a small velvet black box hidden in one of the inside pockets.
I'm proposing to Donna in a matter of days. Then I'm going to fly to Wisconsin with her to meet her giant Irish-Italian family for Thanksgiving.
Originally the plan had been to go to Hawaii. Then we would go to Wisconsin and I had planned on asking her parents for their blessing (not permission, I'm a smart man) to marry Donna. But I changed my mind last week.
CJ was in town for the weekend and I told her what I was planning and she'd gone all teary. Instead of Sam, CJ, and I going to lunch, we went ring shopping. And now that I have it, I don't want to wait. CJ said I'd better be ready for her dad to give me the stare down if I was going to do it before talking to them but I couldn't get the idea of proposing in Hawaii on our one year anniversary out of my head. I'm turning into a sap and I don't mind it nearly as much as I thought I would.
Donna
November 21st, 2009
Okay, Josh is freaking me out.
Our flight got in late and we pretty much passed out immediately in the gigantic comfy white bed with the doors to the balcony open.
When we woke up, we ordered lunch since it was past breakfast time. Then we showered which lead to fun physical activity. Then we laid out on the balcony for about fifteen minutes before ending up back in bed to do more physical activity. We managed to leave the hotel room for dinner and a walk on the beach that was cut short by our need to get back to said hotel room. Josh and I didn't have sex for more than eight years. Next week we'll be at my parents where no sex will be taking place. We're making up for lost time and stockpiling for next week.
Which leads to why I'm freaking out now.
I hadn't even thought about making outside the hotel room plans until at least day three. It's now the morning of our second full day here and Josh has made plans? We, and I'm quoting him here, did not have time for shower sex. So we showered separately. Don't get me wrong he woke me up in a very nice way this morning and while I was satisfied, he was not! And he turned down shower sex? Who is he and what the hell does he have up his sleeve? And why the hell is it still dark outside?
I don't know how Josh managed this but we have ditched his secret service detail. I know for a fact that in order to do that he has to fill out many tedious forms. That's Josh's least favorite thing.
He got a car service and we're in the backseat, winding up a mountain right now. He's bouncing. If I wasn't suspicious before, I am now.
"Donna?" He sounds weird.
"Yes, Josh?" I may have snapped a little. Sue me, I'm not a morning person. I reiterate- It's still dark! My tone makes Josh smirk a little which is comforting because at least that's normal.
"Do you trust me?" He asks. I can hear the mischief and the nerves in his voice and I don't know whether to strangle him or kiss the hell out of him.
"What kind of question is that?"
"Listen, I have a surprise. In order for it to be a surprise, you have to put this on." He pulls a blindfold out of his pocket. I look at him with my eyebrows shooting up my forehead.
"You- you are insane!"
"It won't be for that long, I promise. We're close." He's giving me the dimples and the puppy dog eyes and dammit! I grab the blindfold and go to tie it but he takes it from me and puts it on ever-so gently. There's something erotic about it. He must agree because he's planting soft kisses along my jaw and my neck.
A minute or two later, the car stops and I feel Josh exit the car on his side. I hear my door open and Josh helps me step down. I can't say I'm a huge fan of not knowing where I'm going.
He leads me somewhere and then tells me to stay there for a minute. My patience with this is wearing thin. I can hear him whispering a little bit away with someone but I'm not sure what they're saying.
He's leading me somewhere again and the ground changes to some kind of gravel. He stops me and I hear him take a deep breath.
Josh
November 21st, 2009
I'm shaking. I take a deep breath and look around. The sun is just starting to rise and everything looks beautiful. We're in the middle of a botanical garden on a mountain in Hawaii and none of that matters because I'm about to propose to the most breathtaking women on earth.
I reach up to pull the blindfold from her and watch as she blinks, adjusting to the light. She looks at me first. She cocks her head, confused probably at my nerves.
Then she looks around.
"Josh?" Her blue eyes are fixed back at me.
"Hi." Seven sixty verbal. And that's all I can say when she looks at me like this.
"Joshua…" She sounds a little teary. I think she knows what I'm about to do. Oh god. I hope those are good tears.
"Donnatella, I love you more than I can put into words. Sam offered to help me on that front but I thought that'd be a little weird so, uh, bear with me here-"
"Jo-"
"Donna, you've gotta let me get this out!" I whine a little because she reduces me to a little boy. She smiles and nods. I continue. "You showed up out of the blue in my life. To this day, I don't know how you saw that working out, just pretending like you were supposed to be there. Ah. No interrupting." I saw she was about to interrupt with some smart ass comment but I've got one advantage here. I smirk a little before coming back down to reality. "The thing is you did belong there. We belong together. Some days you're going to want to strangle me and some days I'm going to be exasperated with you. We're going to argue and crowd each other and nag one another and love each other. Last year Sam told me to get a life and I can't imagine one without you. With you, I can imagine a life with joy and energy and curiosity and adventure and warmth. I want you to be the mother of my kids and I want to grow old with you. I want you to be my wife." I can't look at her now. I look at the ground, get on one knee, and reach in my pocket. I finally look up at her. She's crying and biting her lip but her eyes are smiling and her hand is over her heart like she's trying to calm it.
"Donnatella, will you marry me?"
"Of course, Josh." Her voice breaks as she says my name and my face breaks out into a smile so big it almost hurts. I pop up to capture her in my arms. Her arms go around my neck and I stroke her cheek with my thumb. "I love you so much." My heart is pounding but everything feels so right. I kiss her softly, lingering in the feeling.
I reach up to pull her left hand as I step away. I take the ring out of the box and put it on her finger. Her hand is shaking a little and the ring looks right at home on her finger.
"Josh, it's beautiful. It's…" I know what she's going to say.
"If you say it's too much, Donnatella, then I did not do a very good job of showing you how much you mean to me." She pulls me in for a kiss in response and now that both of my hands are free, I clutch her to me and put everything I have into this kiss.
"I know how much I mean to you. I just don't need fancy things to prove it. But I do love it. It's perfect." She says when we pull apart slightly, resting our foreheads against one another.
"You're going to be my wife." I whisper, feeling a bit overwhelmed at how very much I love her.
Donna
November 25th, 2009
It's Thanksgiving day. We're at the airport in Madison and Josh is on the phone. He's holding my left hand as he tries to talk Sam down from whatever has him so panicked at work. Josh doesn't seem to worried about whatever it is.
He is worried though. Just not about work at the moment.
He's worried about facing my family.
And he's not entirely unjustified in that fear.
He's going to have to face my dad, my stepdad, Grandpa Joe, my Nonna, and my brothers. Which would nerve wracking without the shiny piece of jewelry on my left hand. My sister and my mother are going to be ecstatic. I keep reminding him that he's signed on for life with my family now. He'll frown deeper for a second then break out into a small smile. Any other man and I'd be afraid of them running for the hills when they meet my family. Hell, Josh a year ago would have high tailed it out of there faster than I could say his name. But he's changed and he loves me and we're going to spend the rest of our lives together.
Mom is going to kill him for making us late to lunch though.
Josh
November 25th, 2009
The SUV pulls up to Bob and Kath's house. I can't stop my leg from bouncing. There are two children playing on the tire swing hanging from one of the trees. The house is two stories, painted in brown with a red door. A Thanksgiving themed flag hangs by the door.
Donna and I wait in the car for Secret Service protocol but I notice that the two kids are now running towards the car. Jerry, the agent in charge for this trip opens the door on Donna's side. She slides out and runs to the kids.
One of them has curly red hair that is flying everywhere. She looks about eleven. Then there's a little boy who looks a little like the kid from Home Alone but with glasses and braces. He seems about eight or nine.
"Aunt Ella!" They're squealing and have attached themselves to her leg. The door flies open and more tiny humans come running. "Ella! Ella! Ella! Aunt Ella!" Who the hell is Ella?
"Hi guys!" She picks up the smallest one and plants a kiss on his forehead. I stand behind her awkwardly, not sure what I'm supposed to do.
A couple adults have come running out behind the kids, jackets in hand. It's not snowing right now but there's an inch or two on the ground.
"Jackson, Ciara. Get over here right now and put on your jackets! Hi Donna!" A woman who looks about my age with wavy brown hair yells over as she gets closer.
"Hi Rachel!" Donna waves back.
"Alright, get off my kid sister before you hooligans break her. You're a stick, Ella!" Donna's brother is next. I recognize him from photos. This is either Luke or Tony- I'm not entirely sure. I know every face in the House of Representatives but show me one of the three Moss brothers and I'm at a loss. Okay, not totally. The youngest is Kolbe and he's not a hulking mass of a former football player. I've also met him before so that helps with recognizing him.
"Tony!" Donna squeals as he picks her up. Wait a second. Donna is Ella. Maybe that should have been obvious. I blame jetlag.
"Seriously, do you not eat in D.C.? Nonna is going to have a fit." Tony puts her down pinching her thin arm. She rolls her eyes at him. I'm just standing in wait for someone to notice the ring.
"Tony, this is Josh. Josh, this is my big brother Tony. And his wife Rachel." Rachel comes over to me and hugs me, surprising me a little.
"Nice to meet ya!" She says then adds, "Oh, don't mind him. His bark is worse than his bite." I assume she's referring to the part where Tony is staring me down. She goes over to hug Donna and nudges her hulk of a husband over to me.
"Josh." He shakes my hand and I genuinely think it might break.
"Nice to meet you." I say when I've regained the ability to speak. More people have joined us it seems. I don't know why we're doing this outside in the cold.
I spot Kolbe and he hugs me.
"Good to see ya again, Josh."
"You too." I genuinely mean it this time. I like Kolbe. I figure I'll have Kolbe and Kathy on my side if nothing else. Kathy won't let me be pummeled by the rest of them. She knew I loved her daughter from her first step into the hospital room in Gaza. Plus she voted for Santos in the primary instead of the guy her daughter was working for. Donna claims that her mother like me better and Kolbe joked when he came to Fourth of July that I was her favorite son. I'll take it.
"Oh my god!" We all look over at a woman who looks like an older version of Donna. I'm pretty sure it's her sister, Francesca. She's staring at Donna. More specifically at Donna as she hugs the other hulking mass of a brother. Perhaps to be even more specific… she's looking at Donna's hand. "YOU'RE ENGAGED!?"
Uh oh.
I can see Kolbe trying not to laugh at my panicked expression as Tony, Francesca, and Luke turn to me with fire in their eyes.
"Kids! Get out of the snow!" A voice bellows from the door. When no one follows immediately, he adds, "Excuse me! Now!" The grandkids are the first to take the cue. Francesca turns on her heel and walks away. Donna's face falls for a second before she pastes a smile on her face.
"You can grill Josh and I inside, let's go." She takes Luke and Tony by the arms and Kolby and I follow behind them.
"Good luck, man." He whispers to me.
I feel like a goldfish wandering willingly into the shark's mouth.
Donna
November 25th, 2009
Fran looks really upset with me.
When she just turned and walked away, my stomach dropped. I mean, I expected my family to give Josh a hard time but I didn't think Francesca or anyone really would have an actual problem.
"Donnatella!" My mom wraps me in a hug the second I get in the door. "Fran just said you're engaged! Where's my son in law?" She kisses me on the cheek before turning to Josh and tackling him. At least mom is happy. I knew she would be. She's in love with Josh.
You should have heard her when I was campaigning for Bob Russell. Is Josh alright? I saw him on TV, he looks skinny. Tell him I'll send him food. Why aren't you with the Santos campaign? Santos is very attractive. I'm going to volunteer for Santos here. Tell Josh!
I didn't have the heart to tell her at the time that we weren't speaking really. After the disastrous job interview with Josh after the primary, I came home and cried and told her everything. She was supportive, of course. And she was mad at Josh for turning me away. But I think there was a part of her that mourned the loss of who she thought would be her future son-in-law. Her relief was palpable when I got the call to come aboard the Santos train.
"Joshua! You work too hard. Come in, come in. Don't let these idiots scare you." She tells him, dragging him away.
"Donna?" I turn to the voice. It's Bob, my step dad. I just call him dad. My mom has been with him since I was in middle school. Fran and Tony were too old by the time he entered our lives to consider him their father but Luke, Kolby, and I sure do. "Are you happy with him?" He asks me quietly.
"I am. I really am." I tell him, tears springing to my eyes at the look of sentimentality he's giving me.
"I love you, Ella. Congratulations." He hugs me then turns to Luke and Tony who are watching with slightly guilty expressions. "Boys, are you going to congratulate your little sister?" Even if Tony doesn't call him dad, Bob still has the authority in this house.
"Congrats, kiddo."
"Yeah, congrats, Ella." They both hug me and go back to the den to watch football or check on their kids. Dad just shrugs at me. We walk to the kitchen to check in with Mom and Josh.
Nonna has him cornered having him taste various items. And knowing her she's tried to squeeze his butt a few times. I did warn him about her.
"Donnatella! Let me see the ring!" Nonna drops what she's doing and scampers over to me. "Oh, very good, Josh! Good job, Donnatella. Marry a rich man! That's what I tried to tell your mother!"
"Mom!" My mom yelps.
"Hush, dear. You know I love Bob."
"Love you too, Gigi." My dad is helping my mom with bringing the food to the table now.
"Kiss ass." Nonna mutters before turning to Josh. "He knows what he's doing. Learn from Bobby."
"Yes ma'am." Josh says, trying to tamp down his grin. Nonna pats him on the face and follows my mom and dad to the dining room, leaving us alone. Josh immediately wraps me in his arms. "How ya doin'?"
"I'm good. What about you? Running for the hills?"
"You're not getting rid of me that easily. Besides I stick around here and I think Nonna is gonna give me a little action." He smirks at me and I roll my eyes while trying not to grin. His expression softens though. "What about your sister? You okay?"
"You noticed that?" I grimace. He kisses my forehead. "Yeah. I'm fine. I just didn't expect… I don't know Fran and I are weird sometimes. I guess I just thought this would be different." He doesn't say anything but he does pull me in for a kiss.
"Donna, Josh, you do have a room, you know?" My mother must have snuck back into the kitchen. Stealthy, that woman. I didn't even hear her.
Josh pulls away and squeezes my hands.
"I'm going to go grab the suitcases. Give you two some time to catch up." He leaves the kitchen. My mom is scurrying around like she usually is on a holiday with a full house.
"Let me see it again. I only saw it for a second when you first came in." I hold out my hand. She actually stops what she's doing. "Wow… I can see what Nonna was talking about." I blush quite a bit. "Oh, Donnatella, I'm so happy for you two." She hugs me quickly before pulling back to return to her mental to do list.
"What can I do?"
"Go help Josh with your bags. He'll probably get lost in this place." Mom huffs a bit. Her and Bob bought this place with what they'd saved up five years ago. Before that, mom had always lived in smaller places. She thinks this is extravagant. There are three bedrooms upstairs plus the master on the first floor and an entire basement. Nonna lives in the basement. It's a whole set up down there. She has her own mini kitchen and everything. Mom and dad live on the first floor and the second floor is only ever used for holidays or when grandkids visit. Bob tells her all the time that it's perfectly reasonable. There are eleven (and counting) grandkids after all.
I meet Josh in the entryway and take a bag from him.
"Come on, we're up here." I tell him, throwing him a slightly sensual smile.
Kolby and his wife Jenna are in one room with their eighteen month old, Kylie as they live in Philadelphia. The other room is occupied by Luke and his wife Molly- they're live in Wisconsin but about two hours away. Their two kids, Brandon and Mckenna, are sleeping on the sofa downstairs. Tony and Fran and their families live less than fifteen minutes away so they just come for the day.
Once we get the bags in the room, I collapse on the bed. I'm exhausted. It's been less than twenty minutes and I'm ready to be back celebrating my engagement in D.C. Josh pushes me over so he can get in since the bed is pushed against the wall. He wraps his arms around my waist and I flop over, burying my head in his chest.
"You and your mom didn't talk very long." He says.
"She likes the ring. She's very happy for us. She just gets very particular on holidays." I sigh. I pull my head up, resting my chin on his chest so I can see him. He looks down at me with those beautiful brown eyes and damn, if I don't want to get back to Hawaii activities.
"Are you disappointed?" He asks.
"No. Really. I'm not. Not about her. It's Fran that's still bothering me. I didn't see her in the living room or anywhere else. I'm worried."
"Why?" He asks sensitively.
"Fran is weird. Our relationship is weird. She's thirteen years older than I am. She quit college when Pat left so she could come help mom with us. You know this…" I hesitate. I don't want to bore him to death or make him worry. "It's just I've always been trying to impress her. Maybe. I don't know. Mom worked all the time. Fran was around. When Bob came around, she went back to college of course. But I've just felt like this burden on her, scampering after her, trying to get her to like me."
"Donna, she likes you. She loves you."
"You don't know that." I put my face back down. He pushes the hair out of my face.
"I do. I know you. She's your sister. You are the most lovable person I know. It's impossible not to like you." Josh is so sweet sometimes. I don't answer him with words but I do attack his lips.
"Aunt Ella!"
"SSh! They were kissing!"
"Ewwwww."
I jump off Josh and look over at our intruders. It's Mckenna and Lily, my eight and six year old nieces.
"Hi Aunt Ella! Grammy says food is ready!" Lily informs us.
"Aunt Ella, are you getting married? Daddy says you're getting married!"
"I am! To Josh. Josh, this is Princess Mckenna and Princess Lily." I jump up and scoop up Lily and tossle Mckenna's hair. They're the girly girls of the family. Josh looks a little wary.
"Hi Uncle Josh! We need to go to dinner now." Mckenna grabs him by the hand and pulls him out the door. He throws a look my way, clearly saying what the hell just happened?
Welcome to the family, Josh.
Josh
November 25th, 2019
I'm being dragged downstairs by Princess Mckenna who is stronger than she looks. Right when we reach the end of the stairs she takes off running. Donna puts Lily down who chases after her. Donna takes my hand.
"So you're about to meet my dad." She whispers to me as I look over to see a gangly older man with a shaved head and tattoos coming towards us. That's Donna's biological father? Well… okay.
"Ella! C'mere give your old man a hug." Donna gives me an encouraging smile and drops my hand to go over and hug him. Behind her back he's glaring at me. Here's the thing. I'm not afraid of Patrick Moss. This is a guy who got Kathy pregnant when she was seventeen, married her then knocked her up again three years later. And while she was pregnant with Tony, he took off for a few years. He came back. Got sober. Stuck around for a decade then bailed again after having three more kids. Donna was the youngest and she was five at the time. Kathy divorced him and stayed gone for a while. He came back for Donna's middle school graduation but he wasn't sober. Since then Pat's sobriety has been off and on. He's been sober for the past two years hence him being allowed at Thanksgiving but Donna and Kathy were hurt by this guy and I'm not inclined to let that go.
"Pat, this is Josh, my fiance." Donna introduces us. We shake hands quickly and stiffly but neither of us say anything. Luckily the moment isn't too awkward because Kathy calls everyone to the table.
I sit next to Donna, across from Luke and next to Nonna who elbowed Kolby away from taking the seat next to me. I see Donna try to hide a smile at that. I pinch her knee and she holds in a giggle. It's nearly unbearably adorable.
There's a lot of chaos as everyone settles in. Aside from the main table, there are a couple of card tables around the room in order for everyone to fit. Kathy sits at the head of one side and Francesca at the other, their husbands next to them.
"Listen up!" Bob calls. Everyone looks at Kathy.
"Thank you everyone for being here. It's been awhile since I've had everyone here and we're so happy to have our whole family here. Before we say grace and before everyone says what they're thankful for, I want to toast to our youngest daughter and our newest family member, Donnatella and Josh!" I feel my face heat up a bit at the attention and Donna is blushing too. We smile at each other and I thank Kathy. Everyone toasts and I'm surprised at how much everyone seems to be accepting it. Well, not counting Francesca and Pat.
"Now let's say what we're thankful for. I'll start. I'm thankful for all of my beautiful grandkids." Kathy starts.
"That's a hint to you two to get started." Nonna pipes in, nudging me. Kathy rolls her eyes and most of the table laughs.
"I'm thankful for a wife and a mother in law who have put together such an amazing meal!" Bob contributes, clearly navigating away from Nonna's humor.
"I'm thankful for my wife putting up with my two brats." Luke goes next, tossling his daughter's hair next to him. The love in his eyes is clear though.
"I'm thankful that Aunt Ella is here! I haven't seen her in aaaages!" Mckenna goes next. The table laughs at her dramatics.
"I'm thankful for the week off from school!" Molly, Luke's wife, says. I think Donna told me she's a teacher.
"I'm thankful for my soccer team!" Hunter, one of Tony's twins, answers.
"I'm thankful for french fries!" Gunner, the other twin, announces.
"I'm thankful that Jackson survived his first high school dance!" Tony smiles over at his son who puts his head in his hands.
Next is Pat and I really don't know what to expect.
"I'm thankful for second, third, and twenty fourth chances." He nods at Kathy who smiles at him. There's a quiet moment but Francesca breaks it before it gets too awkward.
"I'm thankful to have our Nonna and Grandpa Joe here!"
"You kids can't get rid of us!" Grandpa Joe pipes in, wearing his WWII US Marines hat. Grandpa Joe is Pat's dad and was more supportive and consistent of Kathy and the kids while Pat took off.
The rest of the thankfulness is fairly lighthearted. When it gets to Nonna, I'm expecting some joke about something inappropriate but then I notice she's tearing up.
"I'm a very old woman. And when Marco, my husband, died all those years ago, I was so afraid I would be all alone. But my daughter took me in. And I have all these grandbabies and great grandbabies and tii amo moltissimo." Francesca's husband on her other side puts an arm around her.
"I love you Nonna!" Lily says which the rest of the little kids rush to echo. When that's died down… it's showtime.
God, this is nerve wracking. Donna puts her hand on my knee reassuringly. I turn to her and look her in those gorgeous eyes.
"I'm thankful for Donna, for everything she is to me and for bringing me into her family." I think Donna actually swoons a little but I really did mean it. My family was quiet and small. Especially after Joanie died. The Bartlet administration gave me more family than I expected but Donna is letting me into her crazy, rambunctious family and I feel whole.
Donna
November 26th, 2009
Josh and I officially survived Thanksgiving Day.
After dinner, Josh and I did dishes with Bob who was surprised at just how efficient we were. Josh and I are just good teammates.
We joined the adults in the living room where everyone watched football. The kids were either playing in the den or outside. At some point, I fell asleep on Josh's shoulder. A full stomach plus jetlag had gotten to me. Josh woke me up and we used the flight as the excuse to take a nap.
That nap was put off a little bit by making out but at one point as I was kissing his neck, he yawned. Which made me giggle. Then yawn. So we went to sleep.
When I woke up, Josh was sitting at the desk working on his laptop.
"Hey." I sat up. He turned around to me and his face changed from work mode to Hawaii activity mode in a second.
I swore that I wouldn't have sex at my parents' house but it was actually kind of fun trying to stay quiet, challenging the other to not.
I probably shouldn't be thinking of that right now. I'm eating breakfast with my brothers and a couple of nieces and nephews- the group of us that woke up later than the others. Josh was up with the first group, of course.
When we were finished, I told Kolby and Luke that I didn't mind doing the dishes. They asked me if I was sure since I did them last night but I didn't mind. I didn't really want to watch sports in the living room and Josh was in the SUV on a sensitive phone call.
"Grandma?! Ciara!?" I heard the door open and a scurry of footsteps. I'm pretty sure that was Sara calling out. Great, that means Francesca is here.
When Josh and I came downstairs after our "nap" my mom made us sandwiches for dinner since Thanksgiving "dinner" was more of a lunch. Everyone that wasn't staying at the house was gone except for Grandpa Joe who was downstairs having a beer with Nonna and watching MASH. I felt weird because I wasn't sure when I'd see Fran next and I should probably find out what her deal is.
She was downright frosty to me yesterday and I had stood in the shower this morning holding back tears. Not just because it's a disappointment but because I'm angry at myself for caring this much about her opinion.
"Ella?" Fran enters the kitchen. I look over and give her a polite smile for a greeting and turn back to the dishes. She picks up a dish towel and starts drying. "So it's been pointed out to me that I may owe you an apology."
My stomach turns over and I look at her in shock. Apologies aren't really what my family does. It's more passive aggressive comments that turn into vague allusions to apologies and then some kind of act of kindness. But addressing things directly? Not really the Moss family style. It doesn't surprise me that she won't look at me. I turn back to the dishes because it'll be an easier conversation if we focus on the task we're doing.
"You're my baby sister. There's a lot that we've… tried to shield you from. You were five. I was practically your second parent for… God, I don't know. Years. Even when Bob was in the picture I still felt responsible for you. Mom did her best but when dad left, there wasn't money and she had to work a lot and so I was there-"
"I know this, you know. I was there."
"You were… but again we did try to shield you from stuff. Mom was… devastated. And dad took a lot of their money when he left that time. Mom was depressed, severely." She pauses, as if to let those words sink in. I never knew that. I guess it stands to reason but… I still don't get why she's telling me this now! "You're a lot like him, you know. I know you don't want to hear this but you're passionate and you're fiercely independent and I just… I know he's done bad things but I wish you had more good times with him."
"What's the point of this?!" I snap, dropping a bowl into the soapy water.
"Don't be a brat, Donna!" She looks up, her tone all mothering.
"Don't be a bitch, Fran!" I raise my voice at her.
"God, I'm trying- dammit, Ella!" She yells back at me. "You couldn't even call your sister! You got engaged and you couldn't call me!?"
"That's what this is about!? Oh my god! You are unbelievable. I knew I'd see everyone in a few days-"
"I'm not talking about everyone! I'm talking about me! You used to go around telling everyone you were my mini me! What happened? Why don't you care about your family anymore? Do you think you're above us!? Is the First Lady going to be your Maid of Honor!?"
"You are so petty! You're jealous of me! That's ridiculous! You're fu-"
"Okay! Okay." Josh has entered and put an arm around me. "Let's go take a minute." I'm so angry I could spit. My sister is insane! Was Josh eavesdropping!? Why did he interrupt me!? God dammit!
"Hey, guys go inside please." Josh says as he takes me into the garage. Griffin and Bailey were doing something in here. My angry tears are clouding my vision so I don't even know what it was. I'm surprised that they listen so readily to Josh. Maybe they're just freaked about seeing my cry though.
"What the hell, Josh!? Were you just out there waiting to come in!?" I push myself out of his arms.
"Donna, I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I was coming to check on you and I'd just heard things heating up and I was going to leave but I figured I'd stay just in case you needed me. I got you out of there before you said something you'd regret." He's steadfast in what he's saying but I resent hearing it.
"She's not coming to the wedding." I snap.
"Donna…"
"No! She's not! All she ever does is make me feel small. She can't handle me succeeding or being happy or being an adult!"
"Listen, we don't have to invite anyone you don't want there. All I want is for you to be happy. But let's not make any decisions while you're this upset." I hate him being the reasoned, measured one.
"I'm not upset!"
"Donna?" He raises an eyebrow at me. I take a breath before letting it go.
"You're right… It's annoying when that happens."
"Sorry babe." He smiles at me. "Can I hug you now please?" He asks. I nod hurriedly. I don't know why I can't stop crying but dammit. Family makes you emotional, okay?
"Thank you." I whisper.
"You're welcome. I love you."
"I love you too."
We stay like that, wrapped up in each other until the garage gets too cold for my thin sweater even with Josh's heat. Inside my mom is pacing in the living room.
"Oh, Ella. You two!" She admonishes me but hugs me anyways. "You alright?" I nod. "Okay, good. Now go talk to your sister." I wrinkle my nose at this. "Donnatella!" I'm going to have to learn that tone for when Josh and I have kids.
Wait.
Woah.
I find Francesca downstairs drinking cocoa with Nonna. Nonna makes some excuse and leaves, giving me a kiss before leaving.
"So…" I begin when it's clear she won't.
"I was going to apologize."
"Right."
"I was! I'm just not… good at it."
"Francesca Moss admits she's not good at something?" I joke and sit next to her. She rolls her eyes at me then takes a deep breath.
"What I wanted to say… Donna, this is hard for me, okay? I like being your hero. I know I stopped being that a long time ago but this is weird, okay?"
"Fran, you're my big sister. It's corny but you still are my hero."
"Even when I'm a bitch?"
"That might have been a bit harsh?" I cringe a little.
"Nah. You were right. You're thirty years old. I can't treat you how I treat my teenagers… What I was trying to say was that I've never stopped wanting to protect you. And I couldn't protect you from Max… And you dropped out of school and I was so mad at you and you were so mad at me and I couldn't see how horrible he was. I didn't protect you from-" She pauses as she chokes up. I grab her hand.
"Josh calls Max Dr. Freeride." I don't know why I say it but it works. She laughs.
"Yeah… have you told him?"
"Not everything… I will. Especially now that we're engaged. Josh takes being protective to the next level."
"You should tell him. I'm glad he's protective. I couldn't protect you from Max and I couldn't protect you from… the bomb… and it was so obvious you were in love with your boss when you would call and not come home and I didn't know anything about Josh other than he was older and your boss and that he overworked you. I just hate that bad things happen to you. I want to wrap you in bubble wrap and keep you in Madison."
"I can't imagine how your daughters feel." I joke but I am touched by how much she cares.
"I don't know Josh that well… Seeing you suddenly engaged… When the last I'd heard was that you two were barely speaking again and then oh! Now you're engaged... it scared me. And I was mad because it felt like you were shutting me out."
"I'm not shutting you out. And you should get to know Josh. I love him. He's nothing like Max or… well, anyone else I've ever met."
"I just want you to be happy and safe."
"I love you."
"I love you too, Ella."
Josh
November 26th, 2009
I wake up pretty early so I'm surprised when I go downstairs to try to fineagle my way with the coffee machine that Bob is up as well. He's dressed and ready for the day. Bob pretty much looks like a computer generated version of a stepdad. He's even wearing a sweater vest.
"Morning, Josh." He greets me. I feel a little silly standing there in the too large blue pajama pants and an undershirt that's wrinkled from when Donna threw it on the floor last night.
"Good morning, sir."
"Oh, none of that sir crap. I'm not the president or nothin'." He laughs at his joke. "Call me Bob. What are you doing up so early? I know there's no way Donna's up."
"She's still asleep. I had to wake up to call in to our senior staff meeting. Donna slept through it."
"Not surprised about that. You could have been yelling and having a one-man-percussion band in there and she still would've been dead to the world. You should've seen her as a teenager." We both chuckle. I'd always thought Donna was a morning person. This was before we started sleeping the same room. She was the one who usually called me in the morning when she was my assistant. Apparently, she'd set ten alarms in between five a.m. and five thirty just to make sure she'd wake herself up in time to call me. These days I'm her alarm.*
Bob's comment about her being a teenager gives me pause. It's something I've been thinking about since we got here. This isn't the house she grew up in but I do wonder what she was like. I would've been in law school and starting out at the hill while she was a teenager though so perhaps it's a rabbit hole better left alone.
Bob notices that I've taken a trip inside my head and raises an eyebrow at me, handing me a cup of coffee.
"Just thinking about what you said, Donna being a teenager and what not." He smiles at this response. There's a note of mischief in this smile that makes me think of Donna. They may not be related but there are definitely some things that he passed on to Donna.
"Come with me. I know where Kathy keeps the yearbooks." Bob leads the way.
In the attic, there's a box for each kid that contains things like trophies and yearbooks and other memorabilia.
"She was president of her freshman class, ya know?" Bob says, finding Donna's box.
"I didn't actually." I do love that she's always been interested in politics.
"Yeah. She got frustrated by the end of the year because the adults didn't let the kids do very much so she didn't do it the following year." He shrugs. Sounds like Donna. I pull a yearbook out. "That's her senior year. The red tab should be her senior page." Kathy has the organizational inclinations of Donna and had put color-coded tabs on the relevant pages.
I flipped to the page and and a much younger Donna stared up at me. It was the typical senior page. Purple with white polka dots, a large solo picture of her in the middle with smaller picture of her with friends and family scattered on the borders.
There's one of her and her friend Stephanie Gault. There's another of her and Kolby at some kind of amusement park. But the one that makes my heart stop for a second is at the top left corner. She's a baby. Maybe six months old. Francesca is holding her and smiling down at the baby in her arms.
In that moment, I have a vision of Donna, with a baby in her arms, smiling down at their daughter. It takes my breath away and it's just an idea at the moment. Donna and I have talked about kids in passing. We both want them but we haven't talked about specifics. Now I'm wondering how I'll ever think of anything else.
"Did Donna tell you about Kathy and I?" Bob has settled himself on a chair, looking like he's about to have a serious talk with me. I resist the urge to gulp.
"Bits and pieces, sir." I answer.
"Again with the sir-"
"Sorry, habit-"
"No worries." He waves me off. "I owned a hardware store. I guess I still technically own it but Tony runs it now. Tony was seventeen, his dad was in and out, Pat was in a bad place then. Tony got in with the wrong crowd. One day him and his friends get in a fight in the parking lot of my store. I come out trying to stop it, one of my employees calls the cops. Right as they pulled up Tony tried to take swing at a kid close to me and ended up hitting me."
"Donna never told me that."
"Yeah, Donna was pretty young then. She was about eight or nine. The cops were trying to get me to press charges and I guess Donna had overheard her mom and Fran talking about it. So she managed to get on the bus on one Saturday and brought me a letter asking me to forgive her brother." I can't help the smile my face breaks out into. I can picture kid Donna, protective and independent and determined. "She's special. I tell her not to worry, that I'm not pressing charges. She thanks me and goes to leave but I stop her and call her mom. Kathy comes to pick her up, she's frantic. Apologizing and thanking me. But damn, if my world didn't just skid to a stop when she walked through those doors… I was married at the time and she was still in a sensitive place with Pat so we were friends for about five years… When we did start dating, I was scared about the kids' responses. And Fran and the boys, well, they reacted like any other kid. But Donna was just happy… She's not my daughter. Not by blood. But Josh, I love that little girl. And I've seen her go through a lot and never once question why the world was so unfair to her. So I want you to stockpile all the love and happiness you can and give it to her for the rest of your life." When he ends his monologue, we're both a little misty eyed. He stretches out his hand.
"I will, si- I mean, I will, Bob."
"You can call me dad."
* Quick AN this little piece of head cannon about Josh being a secret morning person and Donna, ya kno, not, is heavily inspired by kcat1971's transition universe which i highly recommend!
After my moment with Bob, I helped him and Kathy with breakfast. Apparently there would be two groups- the early risers and the Donna's. In the middle of eating breakfast with the early risers, I got a phone call from Sam. The President wanted me to sit in on a meeting with the joint chiefs because of an Israel-Iran issue. I was in the SUV on a secure line for over an hour and half and when I came in, I could hear raised voices from the kitchen.
I could tell it was Donna and she sounded upset so I waited. I really didn't mean to eavesdrop but things escalated pretty quickly and so I made a tactical decision to get Donna out of the room before she said something she'd regret.
As I held her in the garage, it hurt to think that Donna felt small every time she was around her sister. But I was reminded of what I had promised Bob. I'm to bring her as much love and happiness as I can. If she really doesn't want her sister around or if I see Francesca hurting her any more than this, I'd be quick to step in the line of fire for Donna on this. But I also know what Donna doesn't. Losing your big sister is too painful to give up willingly. So I'd support whatever decision she came to while trying to help her mend fences with Francesca.
November 27th, 2009
Donna
We're leaving today. In just a few hours.
This visit has been emotional and stressful and wonderful and exhausting. I'm volleying by the minute between being heartbroken we have to leave and hightailing it out of here. Nonna and my mother have made several grandkid comments. Josh and I both go a little pale at those. I don't think either of us are ready for that.
But I am grateful to have Josh as my family. It's like a pocket of love and assurance that I'm surprised has changed over the past week or so- just because of a ring. I knew I loved Josh before this. I've loved Josh for more than a decade. There were times when we were attached at the hip in the early years and saw more of each other than we do now. But there's an intimacy now that I hadn't experienced before.
Things are a little hectic in the house right now. Josh and I still have some time but Kolby, Jenna and the baby are leaving in just a few minutes but we're waiting on Tony and his family to get here so we can all have at least a cookie and a hug goodbye. Nonna, Molly, and I did some baking earlier today. Molly and I ended up having some really good conversation about arts education that I plan on using when I get back to the office. Nonna told us to stop being boring and get to the hot gossip.
Somehow in all the chaos of getting out the door and waiting at said door, Josh was handed baby Kylie. And I swear to god, my knees just about give out. Thank god there's a couch close. He looks so much more comfortable than I could have imagined. He's bouncing her a bit and she seems enthralled. I still don't think either of us are quite ready for it but I may have to move up my time table.
There's a vision in my head of Josh holding a baby as a toddler pulls on his pant leg, trying to get her dad's attention. The smile I'm imagining grace Josh's features is enough that I'd pull him upstairs by his collars right now if it wouldn't cause quite the commotion. What can I say? The man looks good as a Moss.
AN okay hi! hellO! It's been quite a while! I'm working on a Trophy Wife update but ahhhhhhh my brain! I honestly don't know if this is any good but it was in my head and I feel all fuzzy so get ready for some dad!Josh in the future- as always, reviews are appreciated… like a lot.. Please… i am begging… ty