Title: Late Night
Author: Batgirl
Rating: MA—mostly for language
Summary: Bruce Wayne
and Tim Drake walk into a convenient store at about 1am in the morning and
makes some INTERESTING friends while WATCHING themselves on TV!
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Batman. They belong to DC Comics as
well as all other related characters. Late Night With Conan O' Brien belongs to
NBC studios and I DO not OWN the man!! I'm ONLY going to borrow him!
Note: This IS set in the animated universe. I'm SORRY if
anyone gets offended to this. If you HAVE a problem with LATE Night talk shows
then the ONLY advise I can give you is: Don't READ this! =o) Read on! If you dare! Humor!
**
[Pan slowly down to give the full view of Wayne Manor.
Strange noises that are dwelling within seem to come alive. Position camera to
a walk in setting maneuvering into the study and through the clock down and
down into the cave. Show two figures getting out of the batmobile. Freeze
frame]
Robin: *rips off eye mask* Whoa—did you SEE the way those guys TOOK off?
Batman: *looks over to him* THAT'S what REAL fear
looked like. Remember that look.
Tim: But— *sighs* Hmmm. *looks at watch*
Maaan. We're in REALLY early tonight you KNOW what time it is?
Batman: *shakes head* If forgotten the time due to
lack of sleep *slips of cowl and sits down in front of the batcomputer*
Tim: *kicks off
his boots* Haha—REAL funny Bruce.
Bruce: I'm SERIOUS.
What time is it?
Tim: Time to go to
SLEEP. THAT'S what time it is.
Bruce: Why? The
night's still young.
Tim: EASY for YOU to
say. YOU don't have a term-paper due on the criminal justice system tomorrow.
Bruce: *looks at
him* Have you even STARTED that yet?
Tim: *rolls eyes*
What do YOU think Braniac?
Bruce: How LONG have
you had to DO this paper??
Tim: *whistles
casually and walks over to the changing quarters* OHHH… I say about a
month—
Bruce: *grumbles*
you KNOW you should
be keeping up in your school work.
Tim: *waves him
off and kicks off his suit* Yeah—RIGHT.. it BLOWS
Bruce: You WILL do
that paper.
Tim: *mocks him*
You WILL do your paper—
Bruce: *hears
him* OH, just for that I'm NOT going to help you?
Tim: *pulls shirt
over his head and pokes his head out* NOT gunna help me? You mean you were
GUNNA?
Bruce: *nods*
I WAS, until THAT little comment came out
Tim: NO! Yer gunna
help?? I'll-- *pulls on pants and comes hopping out* Okay—I'm SORRY! I
withdrawal that statement—have it… stricken from the records!
Bruce: *smirks a
little bit and stand after typing a few things into the computer* WEEELLL…
How LONG does it have to be?
Tim: *frowns*
Nine pages written, at LEAST five typed.
Bruce: *walks
over and gets changed* That's—a LOT
Tim: Don't YOU have
work tomorrow?
Bruce: Yeah. I DO,
but I don't have to be in until 10am.
Tim: LUCKY!!
Bruce: *takes off
his shirt and pulls on a clean one* Well if I'm going to pull another all
nighter I THINK it would be wise if we stocked up on liquids to KEEP us awake
Tim: *turns his
nose up* WHAT are you suggesting? We go to the NEAREST open STARBUCKS?
Bruce: *pulls on
a pair of pants and walks back out* Well.. NOT exactly. I was thinking..
more along the lines of a Seven 11.
Tim: *surprised
and kinda follows him* You mean.. you've BEEN to a Seven 11?!!!??
Bruce: *nods*
Of COURSE. You think I'm a RICH-Airhead-DITZ don't you?
Tim: Well the
THOUGHT could ONLY cross my mind—
Bruce: *grumbles*
ZIP the lip will ya?
Tim: Ha!! A "ditz"
NO one EVER uses THAT word anymore! Well EXCEPT for the Valley Girls
Bruce: *looks at
him quizzically* VALLEY GIRLS??
Tim: *nods*
YEAH—these GIRLS who say "like" and "Ummmm" all the time!! They're USUALLY
blonde. LIKE—those women who HANG on your arm at those fancy parties.
Bruce: *starts
heading out to the garage making sure he has his keys* OOH… Airhead's—*chuckles*
So what word DO you kids use nowadays?
Tim:*thinks* Mmm..i
dunno!! WHATever comes to mind
Bruce: Gets into the
car and starts the engine* But… I thought you said you—*groans*NEVER
mind--*pulls out*
Tim:*straps on
his belt*o… I CAN get a slushie can't I??
[Follow the black
car through the streets of Gotham. A quick frame shot of each of the passengers
as they enter the parking lot to the Seven 11, show two walking into the
convenient store.]
Tim: *runs up and
opens the door* SLUSHIE! SLUSHIE!!!
Bruce: *walks in*
YES Tim.. you CAN get your slushie *nods to the cashier who's watching TV*
Cashier: *to
Bruce* How ya doin'?
Bruce: *smiles
slightly* Just fine thanks *walks over to the potato chip isle looking
around*
Tim: *pretty much
runs over to the slushie machine and fixes his cup* YEEES!! Surge slushie--
*pours the icy beverage into the cup and sticks a straw in it and takes a
sip and goes to find Bruce* Mmmmm, want some?
Bruce: *shakes
head* NO.. I'm fine *points* ARE these the ones Alfred usually picks
up?
Tim: *picks up
the bag of chips* Yup!! Sunchips! These things are SO BOMB!
Bruce: *ooks at
him* Bomb??
Tim: They're Tight!
Bruce: But that bag
is puffed out with air
Tim: *groans*
They're phat!!
Bruce: *looks at
him with a raised eyebrow and walks over to get himself a cup of steaming hot
coffee* "Phat?" *sighs* KIDS today and they're slang
Cashier: *laughs*
HAHA!! Monica Lewinski-- *continues to watch his TV*
Tim: *hears him
and walks over* HEY!! The Tonight Show with Jay Leno!! He's COOL
Cashier: *surprised*
YOU watch Jay?? *Chuckles* Aren't you a little YOUNG?
Tim: Nope!
Cashier: Uhhh huh.
Tim: BRUCE lets me
watch it *gestures to the tall guy over at the coffee machine*
Cashier: Is THAT so?
Bruce: Actually ON
occasions, only if we're…. Up late. I'll let him watch the Late Night Show…
SOMEtimes
Cashier:" *thinks
for a minute* You mean the Late Night with Conan O' Brien?
Bruce: *nods and
starts to walk over to the counter* Yes, THAT'S the one. I was kind of
upset when his sidekick…Andy Richter left the show
Customer: *hears
their conversation and jumps in* OH yeah.. SAME here. They were QUITE a
team. LOVED that Year 2000 sketch they did
Tim: OH yeah!! "IN
THE YEEEAR TWWWO-THOOUSAAAND!"
Customer2: "Donkeys
will declare NOT to be called Jackasses. Unless they wear stone washed jeans."
Cashier: *chuckles*
You're a fan too?
Customer2: *nods*
WATCH it EVER night.
Cashier: They're
supposed to have a REAL good show on tonight.
Tim: Oh yeah?
Customer: Some rich
dude—FORGOT his name is supposed to be on
Tim: You FORGOT his
name?
Customer: Yeah.. he
DOES live in this area
Bruce: *is
staying quiet listening in on the conversation*
Tim: *thinks*
Hmmm.. who ELSE is supposed to be on?
Customer2: I think
George Clooney and…..
Cashier: Charlie
Sheen! That guy's BEST there is—
Customer2: Well…
Clooney's pretty good too
Tim: NO musical
guest this time?
Cashier: *shakes
head* Nope... NOT today…
Tim: *points*
Hey—it's comin' on!! *to Bruce* CAN we stay and watch?
Bruce: *blinks*
Uhh.. I don't see why not—that is IF the cashier doesn't mind
Cashier: *waves
him off* Aww. For ALL I'm concerned you ALL can stay. Don't bother me! The
more the merrier!
[Pan Camera on the
group standing in the convenient store then turn to the television, affix
camera to rolling credits on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.]
Joel the Announcer:
From NBC studios in NEW YORK, it's LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O' Brien!!!
[Conan O' Brien
theme song blares]
Joel the Announcer:
Tonight's guests George Clooney. Charlie Sheen. Bruce Wayne!
[More music plays,
focus camera on Tim]
Tim: Bruce??
Bruce: *stays
quiet and drinks his coffee* Could be ANY Bruce Wayne.
Cashier: *looks
at the TV then to Bruce* YOU?? You're BRUCE Wayne!??
Customer: *looks
at Bruce and then to the TV* There IS a striking resemblance!
[Camera focuses back
onto the television]
Joel the Announcer:
WITH THE MAX WEINBERG 7!! AND here HE is—COOOONAN O' BRIIIEEEN!!
Conan: *drops
back onto the stage and does his little jump-thingy as Max continues playing
and motions so the camera can get a look at the band before returning back to
him* Thank you!! Thanks everybody!
Audience: *is
cheering and applauding wildly!*
Conan: *runs hand
through hair dramatically* OH, I KNOW—the CROWD LOVES me!
Audience: YEOW!!
Conan: *chuckles meekly* OH—ONE pity
hollar?? That's IT!? *brings hands together* Well…isn't THIS a
surprise?? I come out and there's a BIG audience??? Heh.
Audience: *hollers
some more!*
Conan: Oh YEAH—I
KNOW. *Groans* Well we have a GREAT show for ya tonight. REAL good show.
These are our THURSDAY shows.. "Must see" night after all—They're the GOOD
ones.
Audience: *laughs
a little* YEAHHHH!!! WOOOHOOO!!!!
Conan: *claps
along* Yeah—ha!! Yeah.. Tuesdays OW—Wednesdays and Thursdays-- WATCH it!
Nono.. excellent, excellent show tonight! MUCH to discuss in the news,
YESTERDAY China once again demanded an apology from the United States over the
spy plane incident. They WANT an apology *pauses* Yeah, and in response
President Bush said, "Sorry but the word apology, like MOST words are not in my
vocabulary…."
Audience: *laughs
out!* HAHAHA!!
Conan: Yeah.. That's
RIGHT. True story!! *turns head* "Huh?" Ya see I'm working on my Bush
impression *turns head* "Wha?" Yeah—getting MUCH better. EVERY time I do
that. *Call* Mr. President?! *turns
head* "huh?!"
Audience: *is
LAUGHING!!*
Conan: Yeah, but you know what? LOVED Clinton-*tries
to do an impression* "I want the boobie"
Audience: *laughs*
Conan: What?? He
SAYS that—Well THIS is interesting. For all of you Dallas Maverick fans, they
just made basketball history
Audience: *laughs
and cheers* YEEEAH!!
Conan: *monotone*
Oh COME on!! That's just SAD
Audience: *applauds!*
Conan: *mocks
them and applauds with them* We're from DALAS—YEH!! Heh.. No—actually the
Dallas Mavericks made history by signing the first player born in China. And
apparently the guy is seven foot one. Yeah—unfortunately he was kicked out of
the league because there was ONE Chinese guy standing on another Chinese
guy—so….
Audience: *laughs*
[Pans camera back to
Tim]
Tim: *laughs
hysterically nearly spitting out his slushie* AWWW MAN!! That's SO sad!
Cashier: *laughs*
THAT was good *applauds him from that one!*
[Quickly pan back to
the television]
Conan: *laughs a
little* Yeah, when a seven foot tall man comes in wearing a tretch coat—NO
need to get suspicious….
Audience: *is
still applauding!*
Conan: Oh! Yeah—THIS
is interesting: Yeah they're coming out with a new Planet of the Apes Movie.
Audience: *one
person applauds*
Conan: OH yeah! Some
people'll clap for just about ANYTHING, won't they?
Audience: *laughs*
Conan: But this is TRUE. What was reported was that
they had to CUT a sex scene between a MAN and a chimp. Yeah—BUT, the scene WILL
appear in an upcoming movie called "The Michael Jackson Story."
[Pan Camera back to
the convenient store]
Bruce: *chuckles* That's SO wrong—ALWAYS picking on that man—
Tim: *bursts out
laughing* You DO mean WO-man, don't ya!?
Cashier: HAHA!! Heh,
got a FUTURE Conan O' Brien, huh?
Tim: ME???
Cashier: YEAH you!
What's yer name, Son?
Tim: *smirks*
Timothy Drake!
Cashier: *nods*
I'll BE sure to remember that!
[Pan back to the
television]
Conan: *claps hands together* But anyway—we've got a WONDERFUL show for
you this evning. Got.. a VERY famous man on tonight. he's well known for his
role of Dr. Doug Ross on the HIT drama ER. George Clooney!
Audience: *goes
wild!*
Conan: That's RIGHT!
*mumbles* They're REALLY cheerin' for me!
Max: I BEG to
differ—
Conan: *goes
monotone* OH really now?? Heh *back to the camera* And another
FAMOUS man, Gotham City's WELL known CEO, philanthropist, BRUCE WAYNE is here!!
Audience: *whistles
and hoots!!*
Conan: And FINALLY…
From the hit show Spin City—Charlie Sheen is here and—we WILL be havin a NICE
little chat *evil grin*
Audience:
OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Conan: *frowns* Oh
COME now!! It's going to go over REAL nice.. just wait and see.. *smirks and
points to Max Weinburg* And PLEASE give it up for MAX WEINBURG and the Max
Weinburg Seven! *exits and walks to his desk as Max plays*
Max and the Band: *starts
playin' "Jennie with the Light Brown Hair"*
[pan main camera
back to Bruce who is sipping on his coffee. The television keeps playing and
goes through the first skit
Customer1: That's
YOU ain't it?? YOU'RE Bruce Wayne?
Bruce: Could be
ANYone…
Tim: *waves him
off* Oh COME on WAYNE!! How come you never TOLD me about any of this??
Bruce: Didn't think
it was important
Tim: This IS!! *points
at the TV* THIS kinda thing you NEED to tell me about! You could let ME go
to the studio WITH you
Bruce: *sips some
more of his coffee, plainly* They don't let KIDS your age into the studio..
Tim: *frowns* Bet
they DOOOO!!!
Bruce: *shakes
head* You have to be sixteen or older to get in. I WOULD have taken you,
but I wouldn't have been ABLE to—
Tim: *angered!* I
coulda SNUUCK in!
Bruce: Security's
TIGHT
Tim: *I* Could have
gotten through!
Bruce: *completely
calm* Doubt it—
Tim: *SO ready to
show Bruce a piece of his mind*
Cashier: *gives Tim
a Slim Jim* Here Son.. calm yer butt down, all right? The man's right—There
woulda been NO way a kid your age could get into the studio.
Tim: *looks at
the Slim Jim and takes a bite* Thanks-- *chews* YEAH?
Cashier: *nods* Yep—
Conan: *voice in
the background* All right.. now my NEXT guest, as I've SAID before is the
CEO of a MULTI-Billion dollar Industry-- *adjusts tie, to Max* Wonder if can
LOAN me about a thousand—to pay off my GAMBLING debt
[Pan camera back to
the television]
Max: *chuckles*
You NEVER know Conan—
Clooney: MIGHT wanna
ask him. *laughs a bit* I might be askin' him too!
Conan: *looks at
him* Oh COME on! *I* NEED it more than you. You've got yer retirement fun
you can dip into.
Audience: *laughs!*
Conan: *softly*
Well, it's TRUE.. ANYway—Would you PLEASE Welcome Mr. Bruce Wayne! *stands to
greet him*
Audence: *is
REALLY going crazy as Max's Band plays music!*
Bruce: *walks
out, waves to the crowd, shakes Conan's hand smiling, shakes Clooney's hand and
sits down*
Audience: *is
STILL appludin'!*
Bruce: *smiles*
Thank you!
Conan: *softly*
Boy they just LIKE you don't they!? Heh, can you TELL me yer secret???
Audience: *whistles*
WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!
Bruce: *chuckles*
Well *I* love you too!!
Audience: *goes
CRAZY over that!*
Conan: *laughs!*
VERY Self confident, hmm?
Bruce: *shakes
head* Nah. Not really.
Audience: YEOW!!!
Bruce: *is
amused* Yeah—THANKS!! Like the suit?? *kinda pulls up the collar and
fixes it a bit*
Conan: *smirks*
OH yeah—it's NICE *shows him HIS coat* THIS came from SEARS.. heh. Shows
you how CHEAP this show is
Bruce: *chuckles*
No.. It looks REALLY nice on you, really.
Conan: You think?
Bruce: *nods*
OH yeah! *turns to Clooney* Oh I was supposed to give you a message from
my.. girlfriend. She LOVED you in ER-- *laughs slightly*
Clooney: *smirks*
Girlfriend?
Bruce: *nods
slightly* Yeah—she wants to know if you could SAY her name.
Clooney: *chuckles*
Sure—what IS her name?
Conan: *looks at
them* TOTALLY ignore me!
Bruce: *turns*
Heh, I'm NOT really ignoring ya.. not YET anyway
Audience: *laughs!*
Bruce: *to
Clooney* Oh! Her name's Barbara.. Barbara Gordon.
Clooney: *turns
to the screen* Hello Barbara! I'll
be SURE to send you a little something when Brucie here returns home
Bruce: *chuckles*
THANK you SO much! You have NO idea what she put me through—she made SURE I
said it. *shows him the slip of paper that served as a reminder note*
Conan: *takes the
paper* Lemme see that-- *reads it over* OHMIGOD!! Your GIRLFRIEND
wrote this!? *shows the camera* Man—you're LUCKY you even HAVE one—but
this is—THIS is DEVOTION!!
Bruce: *nods* It
IS….
Conan: *gives him
the paper back* That's STRANGE.. I NEVER seen that happen before. So.. uh.. how
long have you two been together?
Bruce: *thinks* Ummm
a GOOD nine months?
Conan: *nods*
Jeez, that LONG?? *places a hand on his shoulder* You POOR man. Heh heh,
NAAAH, that's GOOD! Happy for ya!
Bruce: Thanks. *makes
himself comfortable*
Conan: *taps his
pen against the desk* So.. how ya been?
Bruce: *nods*
Been pretty good actually. How about you?
Conan: *surprised*
Oh me? Heh heh. I'm FINE *fake laugh* No life—
Audience: *feels
pitty!* AWWWWWWWW
Conan: Oh YEAH,
THANKS for the supposrt!
Bruce: *chuckles*
THAT bad then, huh?
Conan: *points to
the audience* You can HEAR them! Of COURSE it's BAD!
Bruce: *shakes
head* Don't worry.. *places hands on knees* Your time WILL come.
Conan: *waves him
off* PSHHHH!! Right—whatever man!
[Period of silence]
Conan: *notices
the silence* See THIS is nice—this is all WEIRD and cooky! *to the
camera* You don't GET this on Late Night TV! They usually edit it out or
SOMETHING—
Bruce: REALLY?
Conan: YEAH! Really!
*sarcastic laugh* ha ha haaaaaaa
Bruce: *thinks
for a moment* Oh! I heard about
your DOG. *kinda makes a BIG circle around his neck with his hands* Heard about
the cone thing…
Conan: Oh YEAH…. My
DOG *informs the audience* I TOOK my dog to this PARK and he WONDERED off. So I
was like "Oh all right, Going to a tree gunna do his BUSINESS." So I LET him go
off and he gets into this BUSH with the pricks and stuff and WEDGES his HEAD in
between two trees! So *shakes head* This dog is STUPID—this isn't the FIRST
time he's had to wear it. So NOW when I take my dog for a walk in the city, you
know—JUST for exercise, the OTHER dogs STARE at him and my POOR dog just backs
away. I KEEP wanting to KICK his little behind and make him FACE off to them.
SO THEN.. I kinda PUSH him to DO so and gets in front of this ONE stray dog and
goes ballistic. Of COURSE *looks over shoulder* I'm LOOKING over my shoulder
wondering if anyone is WATCHING this and then my POOR disabled DOG—tries to
BITE this other dog, but finds out he CAN'T cuz of the cone!
Bruce: Feel SOORY
for the thing-- *laughs!!* Can't IMAGINE what it must be like for him to
eat *kinda imitates a dog trying to get it's food with the CONE on* Food must
be SCATTERED across the place!
Conan: *looks at
him* And HERE I thought you were a SERIOUS man—
Bruce: *shrugs*
Can't be serious ALL the time.. *waves hands to the camera* Yo! I'm on
Late Night TV!!
Conan: *adds to
that* .. AND on a show that NO one watches!!
Bruce: *chuckles* Oh I dunno about that.. A friend of mine,
goes my the name of Timothy Drake.. my…WARD.. LOVES this show.
Conan: *smirks*
Oh GOODIE! ONE fan! Ha! No.. REALLY??
Bruce: Yeah! He's
thirteen *waves to the camera* Hello Tim!
Conan: That's pretty
nice! *waves at the camera too* HI Tim!!
Bruce: *goes back
to Conan* There.. maybe NOW he won't get as mad—I KNOW he'll be upset
seeing I wouldn't have been able to take him
Audience member: *Screams
out whistling* WAHOO!! YO Brucie!!??
Conan: *confused*
Did we WRITE this into the script?
Audience Member:
WHAT ABOUT ME!!??
[Camera ZOMS in on
the audience member]
Dick: *frowns* I'm
SOOOO hurt!
Bruce: *squints* Dick?
Conan: What!?
Dick: Don't even say
hi to ME???
Bruce: *looks at
him wondering what he's doing there* WHAT are YOU doing-- *sighs and
decides to give him what he wants* And I'd ALSO like to say HI to a VERY good
friend of mine—DICK GRAYSON!
Dick: *nods*
That's RIGHT!! HELLO AMERICA!
Conan: *nods to
the camera curator* ALL right-- *turns to the camera* And WE'LL be
right back!
[Fade out to the convenient store, show Tim
at his knees laughing]
Tim: *is laughing
HARD!* HAHA! DICK showed up!!?? Heh--- *regains himself and takes a sip
of his slushie*
Cashier: *chuckles*
REAL funny STUFF Wayne…GOOD performance! *applauds him*
Bruce: ONLY a part
of the job! *starts for the door, to the Cashier*And THANKS again for
letting us stay—COME on Tim..
Tim: *frowns and
follows after him* OOOHKAY. *waves to the guy* MAYBE if we HURRY home we
can catch the MUSICAL guest??
Bruce: MAAAYBE—
Tim: *looks at
him* was there EVEN one that night??— *turns* WHAT about Charlie
SHEEN!!?? I wanna SEE HIM!! He kicks ASS!
Bruce: You will IF
we hurry. *looks at him and takes the slushie*
Tim: *grumbles* HEY!!
Give that BACK!
Bruce: *drinks
it* NO.
Tim: WHY??
Bruce: You said a
Fu*cking swear word, that's why!
Tim: *STARES*
[Fade Out]
