The Blood Gulch Rap
Featuring Pvt. Rick Simmons
(-P-)
(Please don't make the joke but)
My name is Richard Simmons
I clean my room, I clean my base,
I clean my weapons, and even my linens
(-P-)
My best friend is Dexter Grif
(I don't even know why, 'cos he always starts a tiff)
He's a slob, he drinks too much
And I even caught him smoking kif!
(-P-)
My CO is Sergeant... Sarge
(He's not all that great but he's in charge)
He does his best and in the end
Things tend to work out, by and large
(-P-)
I suppose I should talk about myself:
Despite Grif's efforts, I'm in perfect health
I don't drink and I don't smoke
I keep things neat and clean and don't drink Coke
(-P-)
Honestly, I love my team to death
But I'm worried Grif's doing meth
Sarge is crazy with his schemes
And, when he talks, Donut never takes a breath
(-P-)
So, you see, I may be a nerd
I've never gotten a medal for anything (higher than third)
But I'm fine with who I am, and love my team
Even though they're all flightier than a bird
(-P-)
(-P-)
A/N: Okay, so, I kinda went a different way with the formatting on this one: every new stanza is a different verse (instead of intro, chorus, verse, chorus, verse, chorus). I thought it would be better and, quite honestly, I just kept writing because I see Simmons doing this as less of a way to brag about himself so much as a way to just talk about how he feels and shit.