mbsilvana@yahoo.com
standard disclaimers
Yes, Hikaru, I know
you may lose your license if you give me too much to drink- now shut up
and give me another martini, stirred, not shaken. Bad James Bond
joke- but I'm entitled. I think I just managed to help the world
along the path to its own destruction.
Stop laughing at me!
It's the truth, I tell you! When I think about what I just did, it
gives me the shakes.
Oh? Now you're
willing to listen? Are you sure this is the strongest stuff you have?
Baka! Of course I realize what I'm saying. But if you'll keep
me supplied while I talk, I'll tell you the full story.
Yes, I promise I'll let
you call a cab. Stop laughing- I'm not afraid of cabbies anymore.
Not after today.
You know what I do
for a living, right? I'm an employee at the Department of Motor Vehicles-
more specifically, I'm one of the people who gives the licensing tests-
you know, the practical? Well, I've seen a lot of stuff in my day,
but today... my glass is empty. Anyway, today was certainly the beginning
of the end of the world.
It started normally
enough- my last appointment of the day. Contrary to what you may
think, I'm well aware of the fact that I'm a little cranky at the end of
the day, so I tend to be a little more lenient- anyone who is confident
enough to schedule for a six o'clock test deserves a little bit of credit.
Anyway, my last client
had just left- barely passing, but it was a pass. Today fifteen students
failed- those Driver's Ed. Classes these schools are teaching now adays
ain't worth crap. They sometimes don't even put the student
in a car with an instructor anymore- afraid of sexual harassment or something
like that.
Anyway, I looked around
for the next victim, trying to shake myself out of my foul mood.
It wouldn't be fair of me to flunk them, but at that point, I'd do it on
principal. I was cold, tired, and there's nothing I wanted more then
a nice hot bath and a book to curl up with. It really wasn't that
hard to find- an unusual looking white car was sitting exactly where it
should be, though there were a pair of skid marks. I made a mental
note of this- probably a little bit nervous, perfectly understandable.
If this was a close call, though, I could always use that little tidbit
to justify flunking the kid.
I opened the passenger
door and slid in, buckling my seat belt reflexively. First thing
they teach you before you give the practical. Anyway, I was buckled
in before I turned to view my latest client.
Rather then the pimply-faced
teenager that usually comes my way, I ended up looking into the pale face
of one of the more attractive members of my gender. Shut up, Hikaru.
I'm not a lesbian... give me another drink while you're at it. She
had brilliant red hair and her eyes were the strangest shade I've ever
seen. A warm crimson, barely restrained temper flashing every now
and then.
"Sakamoto Eudial?"
I asked cautiously, looking at my clipboard for her name.
She nodded curtly,
and I got the impression that everything she did was efficient. She
was still wearing a lab jacket, and I guess it was because she'd just gotten
off work. "What do you want me to do?" she asked.
I glanced at the clipboard
again, looking over the notes. Apparently she'd passed the exam with
no mistakes (not that uncommon an occurrence), so all we had to do now
was go through the practical and poof! One more license person contributing
to the phenomenon of road rage. I was under no illusions- Eudial-san
looked like she was a boiling kettle, only waiting for a little more heat
to explode.
Thanks, Hikaru.
That went down the wrong way... I guess my choking on my brandy wouldn't
do your business much good. How about a daiquiri next? Strawberry,
please.
Anyway, I smiled (or
attempted to, at least- it felt like her eyes were looking right through
me, I swear) at Eudial-san, and told her to take the car out onto the main
road. She pushed her glasses higher onto her nose, and them started
the car. The car's engine didn't sound quite... right, for lack of
a better word. She'd tell me what it was later.
Shut UP. Lemme
tell the story, baka. And I want a cherry on top of that daiquiri.
Anyway, this Eudial whips the car out of the lot faster then you can say
"Vroom!". We went from zero to thirty in less then ten seconds- something
I would have sworn was impossible. A slight smile danced on her face,
and I didn't like it. Cruel, she was. The kind who would
smush the cat that tried to cross the road just for the fun of it.
That made up my mind-
I wasn't going to be the one would gave her a license to drive. I
was about to order her back to the parking lot so I could inform her of
her fail, but she shot me a look from those crimson eyes and asked in a
voice that reminded me of a purr, "Which way?"
"R-right," I stuttered,
and she was off, jerking the wheel violently. I glanced down at her
feet and watch in horror as she pressed the gas pedal with an extremely
spiked red shoe.
Ah, this is good-
nice consistency. But where's the whipped cream?
Eudial ran at least
two red lights, and I finally couldn't hold my terror back any longer.
"Stop! You're going to get us both killed!" I yelled loudly.
She laughed, not bothering
to take her eyes off the road, which is a good thing I guess. "Nothing
is going to damage this baby!" she declared confidently. "I
tuned the entire car, changed the engine with a few of my own special modifications,
and reinforced the walls with titanium- that's the stuff they use to make
rocket ships, you know," she informed me. "Of course that old lady
is going to have a problem," she said without any real concern.
I looked out the window
and to my horror, there was the classic little old lady trying to cross
the street. Eudial just kept going, and I closed my eyes, a scream
stuck in my throat.
Oh, don't worry, Hikaru.
That old woman actually managed to get out of the way. Unfortunately,
there was this poor little dog that wasn't so lucky. And a squirrel,
and even a skunk...
Finally enough time
had passed. "That's enough, Sakamoto-san," I told her. "Turn
around and drop me off at the place we met. She gave me an almost
disappointed look, but swung the wheel around.
And then the most
amazing thing happened. The car did a one-eighty- on ONE WHEEL...
I'm not kidding. I was very glad for my seat belt, for even with
it, I got thrown against the side of my door. Eudial started
to laugh as she raced back to the lot.
She whipped her car
into the lot, and I grabbed my book, intent on writing her a fail notice-
and telling my supervisor that if Sakamoto Eudial ever applied to take
the test again, to make sure that I wasn't the one who had to ride with
her. I had the feeling that Eudial would be most irate about me failing
her.
My black pen was shaking
in my hand, but to my surprise, my hand-writing was its usual decorative
cursive. My eyes widened in horror as my hand, seeming of its own
free will, filled out the form. For a pass.
I looked out at Eudial's
face, and I hastily finished it. Her lips were slightly parted, and
those eyes... those eyes seemed to be glowing with the fires of hell...
I swear to you, Hikaru, her expression must be the same way the devil looks
just before he claims a soul.
Shoving it into her
hands, I stumbled out of the car. I watched as she peeled out
of the lot, dreading what I had just allowed to happen. I came right
here... maybe if I can get drunk enough, I can justify what I did.
I just don't understand how it happened- it seemed almost like magic.
But magic isn't real- we all know that.
Oh? What about
them. They're just urban legends- really, I thought better of you.
Sailor-suited school girls protecting the Earth from evil? Come on...
next thing you'll be telling me is that Eudial chick was a witch.
Gimme another.
I don't care what it is- just make sure it's strong. Eudial with
a license is a scary enough to do damage to anyone who happens to get in
her way. Ah, a fuzzy navel... you really know how to take care of
a girl...
THE END