AN: A quicky this time - I promise! Before I do anything else, I'd like to apologise to Nicole Silverwolf (an infinitely better author than me BTW) because our fics turned out so alike, despite having used two different songs. After reading this, could you all go and check out the real thing: "You're Standing On A Ledge"? I hope she can forgive me… *blushes* I think I even started borrowing from it near the end… Ii darou… I used the song "If That's What it Takes" by John Bon Jovi. I don't own any of the characters. (Would I be writing fanfics if I did? No! I'd be out spending all my dosh!) I'm actually a valued member of the "Let's Kill Relena Association" but this is a one off. Also true is the fact that I generally don't do romance… (Sorry for this Rabbit!) But this is - again - a one off. I'm real sorry to Heero 'cause he shouldn't have to bear the sight of the girl after all he went through in the series! AND PUT A BOMB IN THE BEAR! (Sorry.) Okay, so it wasn't such a short AN, so sue me! But all you'll get is pocket lint! Enjoy! R+R too! Pluuuuuuueeeeeeze?
*-_-*
"Where are you Heero?" Absently, Relena ran her fingers down the edge of the windowpane. Raindrops ran down the outside of the glass like small rivers. "Almost like tears," she thought privately to herself.
"Miss Relena?" Dorothy watched Relena turn towards her voice. The two girls hadn't seen each other since the end of the first war - which was years ago now. And, although Relena was aware of Dorothy's actions during the most recent outbreak, she had yet to thank the girl in person. But it seemed that Dorothy was here on other business than seeking thanks for her help.
Relena smiled slightly at the tall blond, who'd taken a few more steps into the room at being acknowledged. "Hello Dorothy. What's provoked this visit, if I might ask?" The girls had always had a very prim and proper way of addressing each other.
Dorothy tactfully avoided the question. Having noticed Miss Relena's position as she walked in, she said quietly, "You still pine for him Miss Relena?"
"Yes, Dorothy, I do."
Dorothy instantly regretted opening her mouth at all, as it allowed Miss Relena an excuse to shut hers. They were both aware of the thick atmosphere that filled the room - like a static charge before a storm. Making both in the room jumpy and longing for the other to speak.
Then, unexpectedly, Relena continued, "The fighting has ended, and yet the soldiers roam among us looking for more to occupy themselves aside from fighting. That's a silly way to approach the problem, when there are people within reach who dearly want to speak with them again."
They didn't need to tell each other who they were discussing. "Maybe he associates you with the war Miss Relena?"
Relena sighed as she felt a chord in her heart tugged with such ferocity that she feared it might snap. "Perhaps. Although I fail to see why he should." She returned her gaze to the window, before suddenly reaching out with a hand and pulling the handle roughly. The window, grasped by the relentless and howling wind, slipped from her already rain-soaked fingers and slammed against the outside wall. Dorothy winced as she watched her one-time mistress stare miserably out of the window.
Fingers trembling, Relena looked, transfixed, into the storm. Laying her hand gently on the windowsill, she whispered, as though it was her dying breath.
Dorothy didn't hear the one word Miss Relena spoke, but the pilot who called himself "Heero Yuy" was the most likely suspect.
*I played the part of a broken heart upon a shelf
*I played that part so lonely and so well
*I thought that love belonged to someone else, not me and you
*Yeah, I know that you've been shattered, you've been bruised
*And we both know what it feels like when you lose
*But I'd bet my life on a roll of the dice for you
Heero looked up, a war torn glance, towards the sky. Then he proceeded to rub a large drop of rainwater out of his large, blue eyes. It felt as though someone had just called out to him. Someone he cared about a great deal, but never wanted to see again. He looked towards the large, impressive building on his right. His eyes were hollow and expressionless at the structure. Anyone else would have felt awed at such a sight, but Heero's mind was occupied with other thoughts beyond buildings.
He had felt this feeling numerous times during the war for independence between earth and the colonies. And then, again, when Operation Meteor had been recreated. A gnawing feeling that told him that someone, somewhere was thinking of him. At times it was a comforting thought, but more often than not he regretted not doing what he should have done three years ago.
He cast a half-open eye in the direction of the castle-like building that he'd neglected to take notice of earlier. In that building was the source of all his troubles. She, Relena, was the only reason he was still alive. She had sparked some kind of hope deep inside him that soldiers shouldn't be allowed to feel.
He wondered where the others were. If they ever thought of each other. He thought of each of them every day. Hoping, despite his naturally closed off nature, that they were well. Doubtless they were all too busy to give him a thought. "Apart from Quatre," thought Heero fondly, a small smile gracing his lips at the thought. "Quatre probably never stops thinking of each and every one of us."
None of them had spoken to him in such a long time that Heero had lost track of how long it had been. This was probably a good thing. They wouldn't have to stay and watch. He wouldn't want them to. They would only try and stop him. But they would each get a delayed mail in the next week and, assuming they checked their inboxes every day, they would discover his fate then. But not before then. He couldn't risk any outside interference.
*If that's what it takes, that's what I'd do
*Tonight's the night, I'm gonna prove it to you
*Do I have to break down, baby just to break through
*If that's what it takes, then that's what I'd do
*If that's what it takes…
Awkwardly, Dorothy put a hand on Relena's shoulder. She was appalled at how it shook beneath her. "Miss Relena, you'll accomplish nothing by staying here worrying about him."
Relena nodded, more to herself than her companion. "You're right Dorothy. I know deep down that you are right. But…" She paused as she considered the right words to express what she was feeling. "But something about him just won't leave me."
Dorothy frowned for a moment. "It sounds to me, Miss Relena, that you care a lot more for him than you will tell even yourself."
"Perhaps Dorothy, perhaps. But," she declared, suddenly rising. "Nothing will ever be accomplished if I am forever staring out of a window. Did you come here for a reason?"
"I did Miss Relena." Dorothy curtsied politely before continuing. "I come to you on behalf of…"
Relena watched as Dorothy's words trailed off and followed her gaze of amazement out of the, still open, window. She caught the barest flash of prussian blue before it was gone. Dorothy, who had straightened by this point, bolted for the window, closely followed by Relena. Relena made a desperate grab for the handle as she thrust herself out of the window, only just managing to keep her balance and stay inside the building. Mad eyes searched the street frantically for someone she knew was already gone.
Relena stood like that, rain and wind lashing at her exposed position out of the open window, for a time bordering on ten whole minutes before pulling herself back inside dejectedly. She felt Dorothy's hands help ease her in by her shoulders.
Relena stood miserably and shivered, trying to ignore the large drops of rainwater that leapt dramatic kamikaze dives off the tip her nose. "I'm sorry Dorothy, what were you saying?"
She looked up at her friend to find that she was smiling.
"Miss Relena, I think there are more important matters that need discussion. Matters that do not concern me or the peace of this world." At Relena's confused look, Dorothy continued in an almost exasperated tone. "Go and find him Miss Relena. It's plainly what you want to do. Our discussion can wait."
"Dorothy?"
Dorothy pushed Relena towards the door, which was still standing open. "Go and find him! Hurry, or he'll be away!"
Setting her features into a position of determination, Relena followed the other girl's advice, barely pausing to grab her coat before running out into the merciless storm.
*I bet you counted all the tears up that you cried
*I bet you swore you'd never let love back inside
*'Cause it hurt you way too bad to say good-bye
*Now, there'll be times when I might put us to the test
*And it's hard for broken hearts to just forget
*But I'm driving blind, I'll lay it all on the line for you
Slowly, as though he were an old man instead of a teenager, Heero climbed the service stairs. Nobody would know until it was too late. None of them would have to know until he couldn't hear them anymore. It was better this way, he supposed. There seemed to be nothing worth living for anymore. The mission, as he had said many a time, was complete. He was going to jump, and what scared him was that there was nobody to stop him.
"I'll jump," he muttered to himself as he forced the door open at the top of the stairwell with a sickening squeak. "And there'll be nobody stopping me."
*If that's what it takes, that's what I'd do
*Tonight's the night, I'm gonna prove it to you
*Do I have to break down, baby just to break through
*If that's what it takes, that's what I'll do
*If that's what it takes…
Frantically, Relena glanced from side to side. Where was he? Suddenly, she caught a mere shadow of someone sneaking away about a corner. Knowing how little chance there was of it being him, she followed. The shadow had barely turned the next corner when she reached the first one. Doggedly, Relena pursued him.
She paused as she came up against the tall building, an office block, still in regular use during the day. The door stood open. Cautiously, the young pacifist pushed it open and followed.
"Heero," she murmured quietly as she stood at the bottom of the service stairs, listening to footfalls pace up the building. "Where are you going?"
She stood like that for so long she lost track, just listening to those footfalls. They seemed to continue up and up in a transfixing succession.
"I'll jump, and there'll be nobody to stop me."
She took in the words open-mouthed. She recognised the voice, that half-dreamed whisper. Had it really said what she thought it had? Suddenly, as though someone had thrown a switch, she sprung into life. She leapt the stairs, several at a time, using strength she hadn't realised she had.
Up and up and up for a pure eternity. Forcing herself to her limit until she could see the light. The top of the stairs. The door that would take her to her friend.
Taking huge gulps of air, Relena threw open the door leading out onto the roof. The sight that greeted her eyes was simply beautiful. For a few seconds she was hardly able to move or speak. The magnificent colours of the sunset painted the sky. Fuchsia, deep orange, and a mockingly ironic shade of prussian blue. Then her gaze landed on the one she had come to find.
"Heero!"
Relena watched as the boy stopped for a second upon hearing his name, but continued his assent onto the edge of the wall. His shock of chocolate-brown hair was pushed and stroked by the howling wind with a deathly chill. The boy teetered for a second, staring into a huge void, one that almost made him think twice about what he was going to do. Almost…
Relena took a few steps forward towards him.
"What do you want?"
She stood where she was, stunned, before recognising the husky voice as Heero's own. "Heero? What are you here for?"
"To end it."
"To end what? What's wrong?" Relena could have slapped herself. She already knew…
There was a twitch in Heero's footing. "Don't fall," she thought quietly to herself. "Please Heero, don't fall."
"I'm nothing more than a weapon. I was created, Relena." Relena saw fists, which were clenched at her friend's sides, shake with raw anger and frustration. It was almost as though he wanted to lash out at someone, or something, anything to get this anger out of him.
"Heero Yuy!" Relena took another outraged step forward, panicking when she saw Heero's footing twitch again with the desire to spring into space and certain death. Recovering herself, she continued. "That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard a person say in my entire existence! You were not created! You're a good person!"
"I have the blood of thousands staining my hands!"
Determinedly, Relena strode towards him. She saw him turn to look at her, wide-eyed like a small animal caught in headlights of an oncoming vehicle. She grasped at his wrist and scrutinised the palm carefully before Heero wrenched away.
"What…?"
"I see no blood there Mr. Yuy. Only an oddly guilty heart. A heart that helped save millions is guilty? This is a great phenomenon."
"Relena, this is my decision. Don't you understand? I want to do this." In speaking, Heero shuffled further along the wall, away from Relena. Away from what he saw as a curse that was to force him to continue living. He'd given in to her too many times. He wouldn't repeat the mistake again.
"You want to know what I think?" The young aristocrat continued without missing a beat, "I think you're trying to trick me into leaving so you don't have to do this with a spectator! You don't want to be reminded of those of us that you're going to leave behind! That's all this is Heero! DO YOU HEAR ME?" She made no move to follow the other youth, but let him creep further away.
Eventually Heero stopped, satisfied that he had moved far enough, and stared again over the edge. He could feel the blood throbbing in his head, almost as though his heart was sending a warning signal. Sharply he shook the thought from his head. He wasn't going to keep questioning his existence any longer. Every morning he asked himself the same question - "Who am I?" Every morning the darkness was his only reply.
"I'm a soldier," he muttered to himself. "I fight, it's what I do."
"You don't have to fight any more, Heero." Heero locked eyes with Relena as she held out her hand, gentle yet firm. "Come down to me Heero. How much longer must you make me wait?"
"Make you… wait?"
She nodded. The motion made her honey-blond hair, which had taken on a deeper colour in the rain, prance past her eyes. Stray wisps were almost being kidnapped by the wind, which continued to dance its merry, yet deadly, dance past them both.
"Every day I waited for you. Every day since the day we met." She bit back a small smile at the memory. "Ever since the day you swore you would destroy me." She returned her gaze upwards. "There's one thing you haven't done yet. Destroying me. Don't you at least want to do that before you leave?"
"Why should I want to do that now?"
"Why did you want to do it then?"
"I…" He tried to explain himself, but until that moment he hadn't realised that there was no way to do it. "Leave me Relena."
"Why should I have to?"
For a second Heero considered the ground far below him. "Because," came the barely audible undertone from behind the upturned collar, "I want to jump without knowing that you'll be watching my back the whole way down. The way you'll shout my name before I hit the ground. I'll hear it and that sound will follow me to my death. I don't want to go like that."
"Heero…" Relena bit back the sob and tried again. "Heero Yuy, I don't want you to go at all."
He turned one prussian eye the girl critically. "You mean that?"
"I do. And I know several others who would speak the same words. I don't believe there's a single person in this world who wants you dead."
"I know someone."
Relena stared at Heero's turned back. "You do?" The way he was speaking sent shivers up and down her spine as she realised that Heero could be a spontaneous person.
She watched the back of his head as he nodded, sending tremors through his dark mop of hair as he did so. "Yeah."
"Who?"
"ME!"
*So, when you feel like jumping,
*Just when your heart starts pumping
*When you're standing out on that ledge - staring over the edge
*I'll be there to talk you down, I'll be there before you hit the ground
Relena leapt forward onto the wall and wrapped her slim arms about his waist, pulling Heero back on balance after his attempted leap into oblivion. After she felt the balance return she kept a firm grip on his middle.
"What're you doing?"
"If you jump, I'm going with you."
He turned and glared at her angrily, eyes flashing on a backdrop of confusion and anger. "Don't be stupid. The world needs you for the peace."
"Yes Heero," she said, nodding, "But I need you too."
"Get off me!"
He tried to struggle free, but Relena just held him tighter towards her. "Heero, why is it such a reasonable thought for you to die but unspeakable for me to do the same?"
"I will jump Relena, whether or not you come with me is your choice."
She nodded solemnly, looking towards the ground with half-lidded eyes. "I know you will Heero, and you know I'll follow you. I've always been prepared for it."
"You're crazy!" Heero spat the words out as though they were a foul taste in his mouth.
"Not as crazy as you are." She looked into the infinite depths of Heero's eyes. It was like they were a bottomless ocean, but she was desperate to find the pearls that had been sunk at the bottom. "Heero, if you jump here, have you considered how many different people may follow your example? To be with you again?"
"What?"
"I would follow you to the ends of the earth and space. You should know me that well by now. Death would just be another step in the cycle."
The look of anger had abandoned Heero's features to be replaced with one of confusion. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why would you follow me that far?"
Relena sighed, taking in the crisp evening air being delivered on the breeze, which had dropped to an insistent nip. "Because you're a great friend of mine. One of the greatest people this world has ever known. And, most of all, because I don't want to see you waste your life in the way you're determined to. I wouldn't want to see anyone do that. Heero, that would break me."
"Get off me Relena."
Slowly, Relena loosened her grip, Heero glaring at her all the while.
"Get on the ground."
Obediently, Relena stepped backward off the wall, never losing eye contact with her friend.
"Relena, I…"
She watched his eyes screw up as he tried to force the words out of his throat. The three words that had never passed between his lips. He shouldn't have to force them. He could say them when he was ready. Not a second sooner. Besides, she already knew.
She held a hand out towards him. "Come to me, Heero."
He stared at the hand for a moment, contemplating with himself. He swore he wouldn't let her get the better of him, hadn't he? What was the point of living? He could do nothing but fight. Even showing any kind of emotion was a feat for him now, he'd not shown the inside of himself for so long.
Relena felt her arm begin to shake, but she gritted her teeth firmly and kept it outstretched.
Heero frowned at the ground far beneath him.
He had no orders now. Nobody was telling him how to proceed. He felt almost lost without the orders he had relied on for so long.
Several more silent minutes passed between girl and boy.
Relena grimaced at the aching feeling in her arm, but she held fast. Backing out now could cost a life…
With a sigh, Heero took a furtive glance to either side, before reaching slowly towards the outstretched hand. Was he making a mistake?
He saw the grateful look in his friend's eyes and saw that - No. He hadn't.
*If that's what it takes, that's what I'd do
*Tonight's the night, I'm gonna prove it to you
*Do I have to break down, baby just to break through
*If that's what it takes, that's what I'd do
*If we take the time to do it right, I know we'll pull through
*If it took all my life, I'd prove it to you
*If that's what it takes, that's what I'll do
*If that's what it takes…
*I'd do anything baby!