CHAPTER 1

I did not need this now. My life was finally going in the right direction after three years of floundering around, wondering what the hell I was doing. In the last twenty-four hours, I had been handed a dream job and had reunited with the love of my life. I felt like the light was finally beginning to dawn on me and with one thirty second phone call, the light was doused.

"Goddamn him," I said out loud as I slammed my phone on the bedside table. I would not let Kelly Severide rule me. No man would ever rule me. As much as I loved Matthew, I wouldn't allow him to direct my life and I would be damned if I would let a man with whom I'd had a three month fling make me feel powerless. How dare Em let him use her phone to call me. What the hell was she thinking? She knows how I feel about Matthew. She also knows that Kelly was just a temporary distraction for me. I would deal with her on Monday. I was not going to let anything ruin this Sunday spent in the company of the one man I had waited for my entire life.

I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off. I had hoped I would end up spending the night with Matt, but didn't prepare for it. Packing an overnight bag would have seemed presumptuous and a little slutty, in my opinion. But now here I was with nothing to wear but the clothes I had worn last night. I combed through my hair and wrapped a towel around me before rummaging through Matt's closet hoping to find something suitable to wear down to breakfast. The smell of coffee and bacon had wafted up the stairs while I had been in the shower and my stomach started to grumble.

"That's an attractive sound, Coventry," I said to myself as I found a Blackhawks jersey to wear. It hung loose and came to just above my knees. I searched the bedroom floor for my black lace panties and blushed when I realized they were still on the dining room floor where Matt had removed them. It had been an amazing night. One that I would never forget no matter what happened from this moment forward.

"Hey! Breakfast is ready, sleepy head!" I heard Matt call from the bottom of the stairs.

"Be right down!" I hollered back as I quickly pulled on a pair of his boxer briefs and warm socks from his dresser drawer. There were a lot of things I could do without panties, but eating breakfast was not one of them. I hurried down the stairs and was greeted by the site of the dining room table fully set. Heaping plates of eggs, bacon and pancakes were set in the center of it. The most Kelly ever did for me the morning after was pour me a bowl of cornflakes. Just then, Matt entered the dining room holding a pot of coffee in one hand and a pitcher of orange juice in the other.

"Jesus, Matthew...it's like waking up in a four star hotel. It looks amazing," I said, staring in disbelief at the array of food in front of me.

"No...THAT is amazing, Maddy. That Blackhawks jersey has never looked so good!" he said, pointing at me.

"Then I guess you won't mind me wearing these, too...I couldn't find mine," I said, lifting the jersey and showing him I was wearing his underwear. He ran straight at me, hoisted me over his shoulder and carried me to the living room. I squealed as he laid me down on the couch, positioning himself on top of me.

"I could get used to this...waking up with you here," he said before giving me another toe curling kiss.

"Me too," I said as I crushed my mouth to his and ran my hands through his short-cropped hair. Matthew Casey. After sixteen agonizing years. I still couldn't believe it. We laid there for a few more moments, staring at each other. I had loved him for almost half my life, yet we had been apart from each other for all that time. It still hadn't sunk in that it was actually happening...and that phone call from Kelly didn't help. What the hell could be behind Kelly's motives? It certainly wasn't love. If anything, it was probably his insatiable need to win where he and Matt were concerned. Goddamn him and his foolish boy's games. He had put me in the middle and I more than a little pissed off.

"Hey...what's the matter, Maddy? You're body stiffened right up and you feel tense," said Matt. He had a puzzled look on his face. The last thing I wanted was for him to know Kelly had called me. I hated to think what would happen, but I had a feeling a showdown would eventually take place between the two of them. Kelly wasn't one to bow out gracefully and Matt never shied away from a confrontation.

"Nothing...just hungry...and I think I smell toast burning," I said, stroking his cheek with my fingers.

"Shit! I forgot!" said Matt as he jumped off the couch and ran to the kitchen. I heard the vent over the stove go on as small wisps of smoke billowed out into the hallway between the kitchen and dining room. Matt returned holding two burnt pieces of toast and wearing a sheepish grin. I couldn't help but laugh at him. He looked so adorable...sort of like a puppy that got caught making a mess on the rug.

"I guess we're not having toast," I said, trying to suppress my giggles.

"Not unless you want the entire fire company to join us for breakfast. The toaster's fried!" he said, grinning. His smile got me everytime. We sat at the dining room table and began to eat.

"I meant to ask you earlier, but we got, ummm...busy, but why would Walter Addison be calling you on a Sunday?" asked Matt. In the flurry of activity yesterday, I had forgotten to tell him my news.

"Because he called me yesterday morning to tell me that as of Monday, I am the interim Director of Assessment and Referral at Lakeshore," I said as I munched on a piece of bacon.

"What? Why? How?" asked Matt, sounding completely surprised.

" I don't know the details yet. I have a meeting with Addison tomorrow morning," I said.

"Awww, baby...that's great! My girl's a big executive," he said as he got up from his chair and leaned down to kiss me again. I tried hard to ignore the fact that he called me 'baby'...that was a Kelly thing and I certainly didn't want Matt to reference it.

"Your girl?" I asked with a grin. He used to call me that way back when and I hadn't heard that phrase since then.

"You have always been my girl, Maddy," he said, looking into my eyes before gently pulling me to a standing position and kissing me again. "Let go, Madeleine...let yourself believe this is happening and be happy for the first time since you were eighteen," I heard my inner voice say. I wanted to so badly...but the memory of Kelly's phone call loomed largely in the background. Son of a bitch...I hope Em reamed him a new asshole. I knew I would have to deal with him again...and soon, before Matt finds out and blows. Also hanging in the back of my mind was Hallie. They had eight years together and there was no guarantee that they wouldn't resume that. Perhaps I was just a distraction for Matthew the way that Kelly was for me.

"Maddy...you're tensing up again. Is there something you're not telling me?" he said, gently shaking my shoulders and almost scolding me. I couldn't tell if his look was one of concern or curiosity. Either way, I was not telling him about Kelly's phone call.

"Just nervous about tomorrow...that's all," I said. He pressed his lips to my forehead and held me close.

"You'll be fine, Maddy...you're smart, talented and more than qualified. Addison wouldn't have offered you the position if you weren't," he said.

"I wish I could go to Lakeshore tomorrow just like this," I said, wrapping my arms around him and laying my head on his chest. I felt safe for the first time in a very long time.

"You'd violate the dress code and the CEO would revoke your position," he said, looking down at me.

"Only if he's not a Blackhawks fan," I said, looking up at him with a grin.

"And only if he's dead from the neck down," he said, rubbing his nose to mine.

When we had finished eating, Matt brought in the Sunday paper and we sat on his couch with our legs entwined, reading and sharing the sections as we finished the pot of coffee together. It was almost as sensual as making love together...the rustling of the paper, the warmth of his legs on mine, the feel of his hands on my toes, the occasional knowing glances we shared...it was like a symphony...simple, pure and beautifully orchestrated. This, by far, was the happiest I had been in a very long time.

After finishing the paper, we snuggled up together on the couch and watched a marathon of the Star Wars trilogy. Occasionally, Matt would turn to me and give me a soft, deep, wet kiss. After the third time, my puzzled look must have caught him off guard.

"I just need to remind myself that you're really here with me and not something I'm imagining," he said quietly. I slowly changed my position and straddled him, holding his face in my hands and looking into his eyes.

"Matthew...," was all I managed to whisper before pressing my lips to his and kissing him softly. I could feel his body respond underneath me as his hands lifted the jersey over my head. He buried his face between my breasts as I held the back of his neck, his tongue swirling around each nipple. I tugged at his t-shirt, pulling it off of him and running my hands over his chest. His breathing became more rapid as my fingers moved slowly over his skin, down to the buttons on his jeans. His erection was pushing against the buttons as I undid each one, eventually revealing what was underneath. He gently turned and pushed me down into the couch and slowly pulled the pair of boxer briefs I was wearing off of me. He pushed his jeans off and laid on top of me, kissing my mouth tenderly.

"Jesus, Maddy...what you do to me," he said, just before he pushed himself into me. A little gasp escaped my from my mouth as he began to slowly thrust in and out. My body ached for him from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. I flung one leg up on the back of the couch and sunk my nails into his firm ass, shifting my hips to meet his movements. He groaned and arched his back, pulling taut all the muscles in his neck as I worked my fingers into his flesh. I could feel my orgasm approaching as he thrust faster and harder. I thrashed underneath him as I came, grazing my nails down his back as he softly bit at the skin on my neck. He looked directly into my eyes as he came, shuddering and spasming, before collapsing on top of me. He kissed me slowly and softly, sweeping my mouth with his tongue, before laying his head on my chest. I wrapped my legs around him and pulled the afghan from the back of the couch over us. He grabbed my right hand in his left and pulled it to his mouth. We fell asleep wrapped inside our little cocoon, clinging to each other.

When I woke up, the room was dark except for the soft glow of the television. I looked out the front window to see light snow falling in the light of the street lamp. Matthew was still asleep on top of me and I could barely move. I didn't know how long we had been there, but my back was stiff and my thighs were sore. I guessed it was after 6:00 PM but had no real idea of what time it was. I would have to get home soon. I hated to think of this perfect day coming to an end. I didn't want to let him go, not even for a moment. I had waited a very long time to have a day like this with him and the thought of going home to my dark, empty house filled me with dread.

"Matthew?" I said softly, running my fingers in his hair. He lifted his head slowly off my chest and looked at me with sleepy eyes.

"What time is it?" he asked, yawning.

"No idea, but it's dark and it's snowing. I have to get home soon," I said, trying not to cry. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to spend the rest of my life right here on his couch with him next to me...or on top of me, as the case may be.

"Don't go...stay with me...stay the night," he said.

"Matthew...you know I would love to, but I can't. I have a really big day tomorrow that I need to be ready for...and you need to get your truck," I said, looking at the disappointment on his face.

"You're right...I just...don't want to let you go," he said, kissing me again. One more kiss like that and I would sell my house and move in with him. He was perfect and he was mine at last.

Matthew got up and pulled his jeans on as I wrapped myself in the afghan and walked upstairs. I changed into my dress from last night, gathered the rest of my things and stuffed them into my clutch. I picked up my cell phone from the bedside table to call Em, but it had gone dead from not being charged. She would have to wait until I got home. I walked slowly down the stairs into the entry hall. Matthew was waiting by the front door.

"Did you forget these?" he asked, swinging my black lace panties from his finger.

"Smart ass," I said as I grabbed them and stuffed them in my clutch with the rest of my underwear.

We drove to my house in relative silence. The sadness in the air was almost palpable as we pulled into the driveway. We walked inside together and Matthew picked up his keys from the table in the entry hall.

"This is so silly, Matt! We're both acting like we'll never see each other again," I finally said, trying to lighten the mood. He took me firmly by the arms and backed me against the wall.

"We were apart for sixteen years, Maddy...I don't want to be apart from you now for even sixteen seconds...not after losing so much...more than you know," he said. He seemed frantic, almost desperate in his manner. It worried me a little as I had never seen him like this.

"We have a whole lifetime ahead of us, Matt," I said.

"Do we?" he said before kissing me again. I held him tight as his lips met mine with an urgency I hadn't felt before.

"I love you, Matthew...that's never going to change," I said as he pulled away from my mouth. The look on his face almost broke my heart in two.

"I love you too, Maddy...I'll call you tomorrow," he said before opening the door and getting into his truck. Tears streamed down my face as I watched him drive away, partly because I didn't want him to go and partly because I was worried about his state of mind. He had seemed so desperate in our last few minutes together and I had no idea where it had come from. I told myself that it was because we had spent years apart and still had so much to learn about each other and nothing more.

I walked up the stairs to my bedroom and changed out of last night's clothes. I plugged in my phone and pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt as it charged. I hadn't eaten since breakfast and decided to order a pizza and invite Em over. She probably hadn't eaten much all day and I had promised I would call her...two birds, one stone. As the charge came up, I heard Em's text tone. I picked up the phone and read it.

"Hey...sorry...zoned out. Got drunk with Severide and watched baseball...nothing else. I swear on Guthrie's life. See ya 2moro boss...I loves ya...Em xx"

I felt a sudden rush of anger that came out of nowhere. "Oh yes, Emily Morrison...you would see me tomorrow. Of that, you can be certain." I