Authors Note;
Jester sitting on his lazy boy recliner playing his game system. Phone rings, on answering a loud yell runs through his skull.
Voice on the phone: Yooooo Jester I need your help I stuck in a comic need help fast.
Jester: Bear how the hell did you get into a comic?
Jester turns towards his reader screen with an awkward look. Waving his hand with a goofy smile Jester continues.
Jester: Harry did you open that weird box that Smiles gave you.
Bear A.K.A Harry: Maybe shit I was curious.
Smiles laughs out loud from his still locked room shouting: I told you it would be funny when you opened that box Harry.
Bear shouts: Let me go…JESTER I GOT A PROBLEM SEND HELP NOW…FUCK!
Jester: Harry if you can still hear me I'm sending an expert. If he can't get you out of that comic no one can.
Smiles yells from his room: Who You gonna call!
Jester dials on his phone a number on speed dial telling someone on the other end: Get me the Merc With Mouth.
When I got the call I didn't expect him to ask me for one last favor, his last favor. To think that his counter identity actually gave his friend a portal box. The figure stands up and looks at the screen and shouts, "But who else would he ask for a job like this but me THE MERC WITH THE MOUTH…DEADPOOOOL"! I sang my name for dramatic interest. Still looking at the screen I tap it slowly saying, "So Jester you relax while moa takes care of every thing.
(Authors Note; Hey don't talk to me while the stories going stay on point and find Harry). I cross my arms and wave away a yawn saying, "Yeah what ever but first TACO TIME!" As I run through the street I can feel some things familiar about this place. Of course its familiar sport we fought the alternate Spiderman here. Yeah you know the one that took over Kingpin's operations and has tons of street goons.
I stopped sharply sliding a little on the heels of my shoes as several goons come from around a corner. Several goons held various weapons from hand-to-hand police nightsticks, to small firearms. My eyes widen at the stand off with spideys foot squad. Me, "HEY you guys can tell Spidey that as long as he doesn't get in my way I won't have to kick his or your butts. Plus I can't fully un-live any of you on an empty stomach". Giving a wide grin under my mask the goons just chuckle and slowly move forward.
Me, "AHHH Why don't you got play in rain…. BULLET RAIN!" Leaping into the air I pull to submachine guns opening fire in a downward fashion. Several goons are un-alived while a good handful runs away. As I land I quickly pull a katana from my back holsters and start swinging at anything that moved. I slowly began to sing," Yooour right lands connected to the wrist bone, the wrist bones connected to shoulder bone, the shoulder bones connected to the neck bones, then the neck bones connected to the back bone. WHILE THE SKULLS KEEP ROLLING ALONGGGG!"
New personal best twenty un-alived in two minutes. I laughed at myself as I stroll over to the toca stand. The stand had several holes in it with the lone vender cowering behind it. I knock on the metal cover feeling that they were still warm with gave me another smile. The vender looks up from his hiding place to see my bright red mask in the dime street lamplight. Me, "Hey buddy give me four taco's extra spicy with everything on it". The vender was quick giving me what I wanted as I started to chow down on my meal a screen gave a chime song.
I look over to see alternate Spiderman on the screen his voice boomed, "Deadpool I thought I killed…well you're the second person to jump into my world today. My boy's are going to kill the other guy. But I got some thing special in mind for you". A light bulb shines over my head then it smash's into my head. Me, "Hey Spidey if I kill the other guy can't you just let me go free. Promise I won't cut off your other hand this time. Sorry by the way still cool".
Spidey give a low growl as he looks at his left hand now replaced by something else. It looks like a robo hand not sure though. He smashes something just out of sight saying, "To all gang member, madmen, and psychotic killers we're postponing kill the brat at the docks. Instead I'm putting a twenty thousand dollar cash prize for any one who brings me DEADPOOL STILL BEATING CORPSE!" I blink twice only give Spidey a rebuttal, "I only have one thing to say I've go to 'hand' it to you Spidey, you've done well for your self. Yaa know for a guy with one hand".
With that Spidey smash's the monitor screen shouting, "SOME ONE KILL HIM ALREADY!" Deadpool, "Ok Harry's at the docks so and I'm full of toca's. So that leaves me thirty minutes to use the little merc's room". As I run to the bathroom in an apartment complex two blocks from the taco place I didn't know that a certain yellow man was fallowing me. (Break's the wall for the audience: Yeah I know someone's following me I just wanted to set the stage for another encounter. Jester what are you doing here. 'Your in my room I live here, get back to Harry you idiot').
Shaking my head I return to the comic book world after Jester punch's me. Once inside the bathroom I start to do my business, until the guy fallowing me blows up the bathroom and half of the floor I was one. Man in yellow shouts, "Sorry to interrupt you bud but the boss wants you dead. An what the boss wants he gets." Looking up still siting on the toilet with a newspaper in front of most of my body I laugh at the funny comics. Me, "Heeeaa where do they come up with these things."
The guy in yellow erupts pissed that I was paying him little attention. (Authors note; play the song some things got me started by Swingfly for every one of Deadpool's fights. 'Thanks for the music Jester'. I advise you to duck). I move to the left just before another energy blast hits me. Back flipping I pull out twin pistol and begin to fire at the guy. Me, "Hey are you the Shocker I though Spidey threw you off a roof". Shocker, "What? NO, he threw the Rhino and Doc. OC off a roof to prove a point". Pulling my katana's saying, "You mean like this!" Slashing at his hands his gloves begin to buzz until in a flash combusts into an explosion.
I push my self out of the rubble that once was one of the inner portions of someone's home. Looking around I didn't see the shocker but the blur of sirens. They stop just in front of the hole in the ground and me. Ton's off goons in riot gear storm out of the cars shouting, "Hurry kill him now"," Don't let him get away fire!"
With a sight of relief followed by a smile I jump to my feet saying, "I just got the shock of my life…I can't be un-alived but you guy's can!" Leaping in the air I was meet by automatic gunfire. Several shoots hit me but it didn't stop me I carved a way through the mod of goon's hacking or shooting at anything. More sirens erupted from down the street followed by the whirling of rotors. Looking up I see a helicopter its light shined at me a speaker booms, "You fools heard the boss kill the punk!"
Reaching into my pouch I pull a little gadget I took from another comic. Me, "I may have lost to the bat but at least I grab something from his belt". Aiming at the chopper I pull the trigger with a snap the grappling hook locked and I was air born. Me, "Hey I can flllllyyy soo very higghhhhh!" Grabbing the chopper-landing rail the cabin door opens as a boot was trained at my face. Grabbing the boot I shoved it to one side them pulled my self put to the goons face. Me, "Hey you want to try flying."
Pulling he free from his set I toss him from the climbed in. Once again met by gunfire saying, "Ok that is getting old". Grabbing the pilot I point to the docks he shacks his heard understanding what I mean. Only a yard from the docks we we're met by missiles. Blown free from the chopper I was free falling only saying, "I guess my personality really is EXPLOSIVE!"
Crashing into a building skylight I thought the worst was over but looking down I see ten floors down. The skylight was directly over the stairway all I could do was hope I could fix my back quickly once I touch the ground. With a loud thud I hit the ground floor as more explosives detonate not only the building but also most of the block I was on. Crashing through a window I begin my mad man sprint to the docks. Me, "These guy better have a lot of cash for fixing my suit". As most of the blocks I run past lay in fire or a smoldering mess. Me, "I would hate to be the cleaning crew."
Finally getting to the docks I run from warehouse to warehouse looking for a guy I don't know. (Breaks the wall for the audience; Hey Jester what does he look like. 'Light skin, short beard, mildly trimmed hair, jeans, hoody, and,,,never mind'. What? What are you not telling me I thought we were friends Jester! 'Well he's Jewish'. Wait he's a bear and he's Jewish I now shall call him JEWBEAR! 'To anyone reading please don't be offended I will explain to you Deadpool's reasoning at the end of the story'. Now back to me running!)
Still running into the various warehouses I soon burst into a one to see a few goons surrounding a shipping container. Goon turns, "Shit why is he here", "Shut up and kill him". Me, "Once more into the pit I will swing at thee!" Once again I carve past goons limbs and various parts fly past me as more holes are blown in torsos and faces. Slashing at the containers lock I look in to see the guy I was looking for. Me, "Yooo JEWBEAR GET OFF YOUR ASS WE GOT TO GO!"
The young guys gets up from behind the containers contents he really was hairy. Me, "Dude you lost your razor or something is that why you took that box from Smiles". Harry, "What no! He told me that there was some good beer in it that I could drink. So I opened it only to be pulled into this place where am I any way". Me, "Your in New York just comics land version". Once in the lights his eyes widen looking my bloody battle scared costume over only to say," HOLY SHIT…your fucking Deadpool. Wait I've got to take a picture of you".
Aloud crash hits us as a portion of the warehouse came crashing down. Pushing Harry back the container to cover us both. I look up as the debris clear to hear," DEADPOOOL Get you idiotic ass out here so I can kill you". Me, "Spidey buddy did you lost weight cause your suite really shows it". Only receiving a low growl he snapped his hand as tons of goons and a few choppers took aim at us. My eyes widen in disbelief only for me to look over a JewBear whose mind was blow. He really is a fan of mine.
Patting his shoulder I said, "JewBear we have nothing to fear but that big as bomb near Spidey's feet". Looking at his feet Spidey's eyes widen along with his mask. His face went from confusing, surprise, to anger in four seconds. Spidey, "Really…I HATE YOU DEADPOOOL"! As the explosion we off I grabbed JewBear's collar lifted him up saying, "Can't bring you back deep fried lets get back to Jester place.
Now standing in Jesters room once again Harry tries once more to get a picture with Deadpool.
Deadpool; No time I have to go kick Spidey's butt but first I need take care of something later fools.
Once again he slide out of screen as Harry stand next to my desk and all my side notes.
Harry; Did you tell him my nickname was JewBear?
Jester; No he kinda said it after I said you were Jewish still I hope no ones offend by me adding that.
Harry; Well fuck them I'm not offended and that's my really nickname. Even due you don't use your really name here at all.
Jester; My names on the account sign up due, any way hope you liked hanging out with Deadpool.
Harry; Motherfucker I didn't hang out with him I was practically running half the time near the docks. After I saw him fall the whole block exploded I had to run away.
Smiles; Sounds like a personal problem bro!
Harry walks to Smiles still locked room and bangs on it saying; If it wasn't for you I won't have been in that mess and stop using my phrases. You're messing up the order.
Jester; any way once more Harry is not a made up person he's a friend that wanted to be in a fic with Deadpool. Even due this isn't what he had in mind I still wrote it. Any way peace off.
Smiles; And officially this is your shortest fanfic to date. Any way flamers be gone and WE'LL HUG YOU LATER!