Dr. Yosano Akiko was a smart, capable young woman. She was a competent doctor and a wonderful detective—albeit, not as brilliant as her colleague Mr. Edogawa Ranpo. When described by her friends, they would often say that she was confident and quite adamant in her beliefs that all lives must be considered sacred. Her abilities were unmatched and her wits were always about her. Truly, Yosano was an intelligent individual who could not have possibly lapsed into senseless insanity.
Except, that's just what happened.
Normally, Yosano was the epitome of poise and grace. Her hair was always straight as a dagger and her clothes were always ironed to a crip starchiness. However, the young woman now stood ramrod straight, her eyes wild with annoyance, her fists balled with thinly veiled anger. It was as if she was standing in the middle of the eye of the storm, amidst the chaos of her recently trashed apartment. Clothes were strewn about the floor of her bedroom, the cabinets within the kitchen hung open like gaping mouths, and even her bathroom was not left untouched.
What was she looking for, one might ask?
Her pin.
Her golden butterfly pin.
Usually, Yosano would not have cared about fashion or stylistic choices on normal weekdays. Her uniform was fairly standard—no need to care about that. Her shoes, dark red and bold, were common enough that she could buy those anywhere. But her pin! Her pin! That pin had been through thick and thin—through various scruples by the Port Mafia, fights with random thugs, and so forth. If she were to lose her pin, she would rather lose it during a fight or if a patient struggled during one of her "special treatments".
Soon after almost half and hour of searching, Yosano finally glanced at her clock and groaned, she had barely enough time to casually stroll to the Agency, much less continue searching for her hairpin. With a sigh, the good doctor locked her door and hurried towards the office building.
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"Two minutes late, Yosano," Kunikida's voice rang out. Even though his back was turned, he could clearly hear the older woman's telltale click-clack of her heels. Without pausing from his detailed report, he added, "You're usually one for punctuality. Did something happen?"
"Concerned, Kunikida?" She laughed a bit as she set her bag atop one of the desks. "I was a bit absent-minded on my way here. Nothing too important."
"Good." Kunikida paused for a moment before adding, "Even Dazai arrived earlier than you."
"Huh, will wonders ever cease," Yosano murmured as she keenly scanned the room. Distractedly, she wondered if she would find her precious hairpin in sight. When that proved fruitless, she turned her heel and left.
"Seems like something's got Yosano on edge," Dazai idly commented. Of the occupants in the room, he was the only one who casually kept silent and simply watched his two colleagues engage in conversation. There was a pensive look in his eye and a twitch in his bandaged hands.
Very interesting.
The blond, oblivious to his partner's mental state, grunted in affirmation, his mind already immersed within another investigation.
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Her first order of business was to check her office. Her paperwork was always neat, always stacked to the side ready to be catalogued. Now that her mind was completely in "mission mode", she pushed the stack aside and peered at all the nooks and crannies within her office. Unfortunately, her efforts were in vain. Once she had deduced that her pin was nowhere inside the office, she carefully, but reluctantly, placed everything back in its original place.
All right. Time to think logically.
She knew that if she didn't misplace her butterfly pin, then someone must have taken it… or her pin could have fallen somewhere. Honestly, she didn't know what was worse. With that in mind, the doctor stalked out of the room and into the main office.
As if part of a hive mind, all of the agents present collectively buried themselves in their work.
Figures, she muttered inwardly to herself. How could they be such cowards at a time like this?
"Hello, boys! Have—"
"We're not going shopping today," Kunikida interrupted coolly. At Yosano's steely stare, the blond quickly amended his expression from ice cold stoicicism to that of bashfulness. "Apologies. The newest case has been taking its toll on all of us."
"Really now? The only one I see diligently working is you...and possibly Atsushi."
"Hey! I'll have you know—"
"Dazai, don't you dare lie. We all know that you play while you pawn your work over to Atsushi," Yosano sighed. She ignored the man's outraged grumbling before coming to a full stop at their designated work station. "Regardless, I must speak to you about matters of great importance."
That piqued Kunikida's interest.
"What is it? Another threat to the Agency?"
"Is is the Port Mafia," Atsushi asked worriedly.
"No, I'm afraid it's worse."
Everyone gasped. Dazai, in particular, looked particularly hilarious as he clutched his hair in what appeared to be a mockery of fear.
Even when Yosano still felt anxious, she could still appreciate the brunet's flair for the dramatic.
"I seem to have misplaced my pin. Have you guys seen it?" Or suspect someone who stole it?
She didn't utter that last part aloud, however.
The men visibly relaxed at such an anticlimactic line.
"Sorry," Atsushi said. He had such somber look in his face, that the young woman had no choice but to believe him. "But I saw you leave the office yesterday with it on."
"Hmm...that's interesting. Perhaps it fell or…" Her voice trailed off as she thought about her current situation. Where did she go yesterday?
Oh, what to do, what to do?
Absently, she pasted a smile on her face and excused herself. Maybe some time spent outside would help her.
As she left, she didn't notice that Dazai was looking down at his unfilled paperwork, a lackadaisical smirk pasted onto his face.
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"Do you think she's okay? I've never seen Dr. Yosano look so frazzled before." There was a worried look on Atsushi's face, as if he was also trying to mentally work out the puzzle. "Is the pin really that important?"
Kunikida shrugged, but he also looked mildly concerned for his coworker's plight.
As the blond pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, he said, "I wouldn't worry too much about it. She'll probably find it later."
Nodding to himself, Atsushi was about to go back to filling out some documents when he found himself looking at Dazai's side of the desk. For some odd reason, the brunet was humming to himself—a melody that seemed a bit out of tune and too happy for his liking. Atsushi, for those reasons alone, felt like his superior was up to something mischievous.
Cautiously, Atsushi was about to broach the matter when Dazai firmly lifted one of his bandaged hands and covered the teen's mouth. Before Atsushi could even protest his current predicament, Dazai swiftly shook his head before he winked at his fellow detective.
Don't worry about it, his deep brown eyes seemed to twinkle merrily.
As for Kunikida...he just remained oblivious to the entire matter.
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"Hey! Yosano, what are you doing here?"
The Agency's doctor found herself waving to the best detective in all of Japan. As per usual, whenever she found Ranpo lurking about the streets, he was carrying a bag filled with an assortment of snacks and sweets. Even though the medical practitioner within her cried for Ranpo's diet—or lack thereof—she found herself only ruffling the hair that peeked out from his hat. (She even stole some of his chips without him noticing).
"I needed a walk to clear my head," she murmured more to herself than to her companion.
Ranpo, having already deduced that she was out of sorts due to the lack of her signature accessory, offered a sympathetic grin. He, too, could be absent minded when it came to matters that didn't seem important at the moment, but would prove useful later on. It was like losing your train of thought, but much worse because unlike a train of thought, the object you lose was completely tangible and far more important.
"Has it anything to do with your butterfly?"
"My, already on the case are we?" She looked to him in expectation.
However, Ranpo wasn't having any of it.
"Nuh-uh, Akiko. You can't just expect me to help you for nothing," he lightly teased. His bold green eyes glinted with far more knowledge than he was worth, but the doctor knew that he held the upper hand in this situation.
"And what, pray tell, dear Ranpo, must I do to get this information?"
"Hmm...perhaps if you treated me out to lunch?"
Yosano pretended to ponder a moment before replying, "And inflate your already big ego? I think not! I'll just solve this little mystery on my own!"
"Huh? You just can't leave the greatest detective in the world hanging like that!" Bewildered, Ranpo began trailing after the woman, not knowing that she was smirking at his fruitless attempts to gain her attention. "What makes you think that you're capab—"
Yosano quickly whirled on the heel of her foot and pierced Ranpo with a stare that could scare Rashomon back into the folds of his master's clothing.
"Hehehe...I mean...I know you're capable of solving this mystery on your own, but…" Ranpo grimaced. He realized that he couldn't get himself out of this mess he had unwittingly invited himself into. "Fine! I'll help you out for free! How does that sound?"
The doctor nodded as she took her best friend by the arm and ran to a nearby eatery. He didn't have to know that she was merely pulling his leg—she would have treated him anyway.
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"So… Atsushi claimed that he saw you leave the Agency with the pin, but when you arrived at your apartment, it appeared to be missing?" Ranpo clarified as he stabbed his fork into a piece of cake.
"Yes...after placing all of my groceries onto the floor, I needed to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, that's when I happened to catch myself in the mirror without my pin."
"Interesting...interesting." Ranpo loudly sighed as he regarded his friend. He was hunched forward on the table as he mulled over Yosano's queries. "I can't really solve the case with such sparse clues. Try elaborating a little more!"
The young woman found herself rolling her eyes at her best friend's childish remarks. Then again, it was to be expected.
"Fine...I went out and did some shopping, I used the train as usual, and then…" Yosano thought for a second before an idea hit her. "I saw Kenji and Junichiro working together on a case! Perhaps they might have remembered if I still had it?"
Ranpo thought for a moment.
"Perhaps...although we should explore the events that also proceeded after your meeting with those two."
"Well, they were pretty talkative, actually. They were inviting me out for dinner, but I declined. Junichiro is pretty perceptive, so he would have alerted me if something was amiss and Kenji likes to state the obvious…"
"So we can rule out the possibility of you having not lost your pin. What happened next?"
"I got into a fight with some Port Mafia members."
At Ranpo's worried glance, she simply shrugged.
"Nothing more than your average thugs...and well, nothing of note happened." She thought some more before her brow furrowed.
Ranpo, having noticed that his colleague had probably stumbled onto something of import, eagerly waved his hand in front of her face.
"Heeeeeey! Akiko! Work with me; what happened next?" As she sputtered in annoyance at his childish antics, Ranpo thought that she was one of the worst clients he ever had the pleasure of servicing.
"Fine! I can't believe I forgot this, but I saw Dazai yesterday."
"...you saw...Dazai…"
"Yesterday."
"Yesterday."
"Ranpo, you don't think—"
"Given the curious lack of evidence—"
"You're not even actively looking for evidence in the first place!"
"—and his past as a notorious prankster, I think that it's safe to assume that our dearest Dazai has taken your butterfly pin."
For some odd reason, Yosano didn't find that surprising. What really struck her as odd was his motivation—if he even had such a thing.
"But do you know why?"
"Yup."
Yosano waited for the supposed greatest detective in the world to relay his answer. Unfortunately, he just stuffed even more sweets into his mouth.
"Ranpo!"
"Yosano!" Ranpo teased.
"Aren't you going to impart some supposed wisdom?"
"Hmm...I would, but I think in this situation, you already have the puzzle pieces to solve this mystery. Have fun talking to Dazai, won't you?"
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It was quite late at the Armed Detective Agency headquarters. The late rays of sunset streamed through the windows, highlighting the shadows within the building. Most of the members had already left—they were intent on getting their dinners and retiring to their dorm rooms after such a hard day at work. However, the suicidal maniac of the team, a curious man named Dazai Osamu, had decided to just casually lounge about the room.
Most of his paperwork was done—he could always have Atsushi do it for him if he was feeling particularly slothful, but for once, he was feeling generous. He quickly glanced at the clock that hung on the wall and felt himself grimace at the time. It seemed that it was far later than he had expected. One more hour, he decided, and then he would go home to his bottles of sake.
Just when he was about to look over some of the documents, he heard the door creak open.
"Sorry, the Armed Detective Agency—"
"Did you take my pin?"
Ah, she's here. For a brief moment, he entertained a brief smirk on his face before he looked to her with a feigned look of worry and indignation.
"Why Yosano! I would never have the gall to do such a heinous thing to a beautiful woman such as yourself!" He leaned back in his chair and placed his right hand over his heart. If one didn't know him, they would have thought that he looked the very picture of innocence. Unfortunately for him, Yosano saw right through him.
"Dazai Osamu, I will tear you limb from limb if you don't tell me where—"
"Is that an invitation to a—dare I say it!—a double suicide?"
Yosano was about to retort with a witty comeback when she found herself taken aback by what she saw. The look in his eyes had her reeling in equal parts confusion and terror.
There were...
There were hearts in his eyes.
Hearts in eyes.
Directed at her.
HER.
To Dr. Yosano Akiko, it was as if the world had decided to stop the rotation of its axis and decided to spin backwards while executing a triple lutz in a malformed pirouette while drunkenly juggling her sanity. Confused? That word alone was not enough to fully comprehend what she was feeling at that very moment.
In fact, there probably wasn't a word invented yet that could fully describe that gut wrenching sensation of the rug being pulled out right under her dark red heels.
Was Dazai…?
Dazai…?
The Agency doctor took one look at her colleague—he was still staring at her with the confidence of a man who asked out girls like it was nothing, which you know...he did—and decided to take matters in her own hands.
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"Honestly, Yosano, is this appropriate?"
"Yes, now kindly shut up." She happened to glance at the brunet's sulking features. "Please."
Now that there was nothing to distract her, Yosano took the thermometer from Dazai's mouth after a desired amount of time. As she analyzed the instrument, she could see from the corner of her eye that—
"Dazai, now is not the time for scalpels. My ability doesn't work on you, so suicide is out of the question."
"You're no fun!" Suddenly, his eyes began to glimmer with unconcealed excitement. "But what about a double suicide?"
She rolled her eyes.
"No, thanks." Once she noted down his temperature—completely normal—she looked him dead in the eye and stared.
And stared.
And stared some more.
"Yosanoooooooo!" Dazai sang. "If you really wanted to look in my eyes so bad, you could have just asked!"
"As of right now, I'm your doctor checking your vitals. I don't need permission."
"Isn't that against the Hippocratic Oath?"
"Dazai, I kill people to heal them. I think it's safe to say that the Hippocratic Oath can be circumvented in this scenario...especially since I'm doing this for your benefit."
"Oh, is that so?"
"Yes. You're obviously delusional if you think that I would commit suicide with you. My job is to save people's lives, not take them."
"In that case...would you prefer doing something else?"
The earnestness in his voice had Yosano look at him. Like, really look at him.
She knew that there was something off about him ever since she encountered him so late and engrossed in his work. Usually, it would be Kunikida who would have that dutiful drive to fulfill his tasks, but for some odd reason, Dazai had been there. Coupled with the fact that he had just started to hit on her even when she had rebuffed him in the past and he may or may not have taken her butterfly pin—that was still up in the air for her to find out—she had thought that he might have been feeling under the weather.
He could have also concussed his head during one of his fruitless suicide attempts.
Hence the reason for their staying in the infirmary with nothing to show for it. Even after recording his vitals, there was nothing amiss with his physical health. Briefly, she pondered the usefulness of obtaining blood samples or performing urinalysis before throwing those ideas out the window. Really, the main thing problem could stem from his mental health.
Mental health—the bane of her very existence.
Don't get her wrong, she understood that mental health was very important—almost more important than the physical—however, she felt that she wasn't as cut out to deal with people's problems. Especially when it concerned the mind.
That's why psychiatrists existed!
Still, this was her colleague. Her friend. She had to at least gauge his thought processes and refer him a nice psychiatrist or counselor for his problems.
(Why didn't she do that when she first met him?)
"Uhh...I know that I'm quite dashing and attractive, but I would prefer it if you answered my question."
Right. He asked a question.
"I think you should see a psychiatrist." She turned around to rummage through her cabinets to find one of her files that held the names and contacts of her fellow practitioners and specialists. Due to her organization system—a system that Kunikida himself approved of—she almost immediately found the psychiatrist she was looking for. As she was about to grab the file, she felt the document being pulled from her grasp. At the same time, a long slender arm snaked around her waist.
"Why should I see another doctor—" Yosano felt her body being pulled flush against his. "—when I can see a perfectly good one right here?"
Yosano sighed.
And then expertly brought one of her elbows backwards in a move that dug her elbow right into his ribs.
"What—" She began to ask as she whirled on him with a bloodthirsty look in her eyes. "—is the meaning of all of this?"
For a moment, she felt her anger threaten to take over her mental faculties. There was just something about Dazai that made dealing with him—especially when he was feeling particularly malicious—that just made it that much easier to get mad at him. Usually, Yosano prided herself on being hard to annoy, but this was getting a little much. Her pin was missing, her entire schedule was thrown off, and now here she was, getting hit on by the suicidal maniac.
Ugh, she felt like screaming to the heavens.
And the Dazai started laughing.
"What the—? What the heck is so funny Dazai?" She stalked her way towards him and grabbed him by his bolo tie. "I'm two seconds away from killing you, so explain yourself."
"Ahh, I'm hitting on you Yosano."
"What?"
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Dazai glanced at his colleague. Even when she looked like the entire world was about to crash and burn, she looked quite stunning. Honestly, if it weren't for the fact that he was actually, genuinely interested in her, he could honestly say that he liked seeing this expression on her face the best. Her absolute bewilderment and changing worldview reminded him of Kunikida's lack of good humor.
It was funny.
"What?"
There she goes, repeating herself.
Didn't she know that repetition with an expectation of a different result was nothing more than insanity?
"Would you like to—"
"Wait," the woman interrupted as she grabbed a nearby chair to sit. "Let me get this straight. Did you steal my pin so you can take me out on a date?"
"No."
Exhaustedly, Yosano leaned her head back so that she stared at the ceiling—a boring, but calming shade of antiseptic white.
"Did you have anything to do with my missing pin?"
"Nah."
"Are you being honest?"
"Entirely."
"Then who," she shrieked like a banshee haunting a morgue in the wee hours of three in the morning, "took my pin?"
"Nobody took it. You happened to drop it and well…"
"Well?"
"ItookitandgaveittoRanpo."
For a moment, the Agency detectives sat in relative silence. The only sound that dared break the silence was the dutiful ticking of a clock.
Dazai, not one for silence, observed his companion intently. She was staring deep into space—her eyes were blank and her posture looked too relaxed, but too tense to be natural. As the seconds ticked by, Dazai began to notice something very peculiar...it seemed that there was this unmistakable aura of darkness and promises of torment emanating from her… Oh dear.
"Dazai Osamu...prepare to get the best mental health treatment this side of Yokohama."
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"So, just to recap, Ranpo decided to not return my golden butterfly pin because he wanted free lunch...and you gave him the pin just so you could have the supposed 'perfect opening' for a date?"
"That about sums up everything," Dazai nodded. Lazily, he pointed to the restraints that were currently immobilizing him. "Can you untie me now? Can't have a double suicide if it's actually a homicide."
"I don't think so, Dazai." The Agency doctor tapped her cleaver into her left waiting hand, as if gauging how much force she would need to slice through skin. "You still haven't clarified something for me."
Dazai's eyebrows rose.
"Which is?"
"What on earth would possess you to go to such lengths and absurdity just to go out with me?"
"Why? Is this way not working?"
With a sigh, Yosano used one of her trusty tools to swiftly cut through Dazai's bonds. Interrogating Dazai further would result in an even bigger headache than the one she was currently having. The stupid fool knew how to keep mum about his secrets and she would be hard pressed to actually go forward with her questioning. The situation was too absurd to take seriously.
"Has it ever occurred to you to just ask?" At Dazai's flabbergasted expression, she elaborated, "You know, asking sincerely?"
Without missing a beat, Dazai knelt down, took her right hand, and said, "Miss—er… Dr. Yosano Akiko, would you do me the honor of going out on a date with me?"
As much as Yosano wanted to cause Dazai more suffering, the woman decided to relent just this once.
"Fine," she drawled, "but you're paying."
"Aww! Such a cold heart you have!"
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Ranpo didn't need Ultra Deduction or common sense to tell him that he shouldn't have gone to work that day.
Dazai has already informed that he had gone on a dinner date with Yosano, and while the event itself had exceeded all expectations, the woman still held a grudge against the person who held her butterfly pin. To be fair, Ranpo understood her pain—he hated it whenever someone stole sweets from him. However, watching Dazai hide his blatantly obvious affections for the Agency's doctor was undeniably painful.
And hilarious.
But mostly painful.
If all it took was a simple scheme concerning a butterfly and a free offer of lunch, then who was he to refuse? The greatest detective in all of Japan had to have something productive to do in his free time, right?
Still...knocking on Death's door with a sledgehammer was far more preferable than to see his best friend glaring daggers at him while stroking one of her cleavers.
At least Death could be avoided.
"Ooooohhhhh, Ranpooooooooo! Have you been lying to your doctor lately?"