"Mr. Shue, is he your son?"
Those are the words that have haunted me since glee rehearsal this afternoon. It all started when Jesse St. James first asked to join our glee club after transferring all the way from Carmel High School. When he first came to me, to inquire about becoming a part of our club, I couldn't help noticing his striking resemblance to myself. Rachel is a lucky girl. When I asked him who his parents are and why he didn't live with them anymore, he replied, "My mom was a big slore in high school. She slept with some guy and got pregnant. She never got married. My uncle offered to take me in and I was happy to oblige."
"What was her name, kid?" Since Carmel wasn't an established school until 1994, I figured his mother must have gone to McKinley. I briefly considered all the trashy girls from my class. Was it Terri?
"Phoebe St. James."
The memories had suddenly come back, flooding like rain inside of my foggy brain. Terri had been particularly controlling that week. I had had enough of it and gone to my buddy Howard's party. I got so wasted and had a one-night-stand with Phoebe St. James.
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When Brittany uttered those words from her beautiful lips, even more memories rushed into my buttery head.
2 months after the party on that fateful evening, my best friend Ken Tanaka came up to me before glee rehearsal and told me the latest news. He was the school gossip, the Jacob Ben Israel of the 90's. And he had just learned from a questionable source that Phoebe St. James had dropped out of school due to a surprise pregnancy.
I hadn't really thought about it at the time, but now that I thought about it, Jesse began to resemble me more and more every passing moment. The coiffed and crispy locks. The cohesive ability to pull of a sweater vest. He even had the ghost of a butt chin at the center of his jaw. I tried to get everyone to give him a warm welcome so that I could throw all of the away from my wandering mind.
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Once I got home from school that day, I got out my old Thunderclap. Seeing the face of Phoebe brought back many memories. I went to the kitchen and grabbed the phone book and a beer. I knew that if I was going to do this, I couldn't do it sober. This would be too hard.
A few drinks later and I was standing on her doorstep in Carmel. She answered the door, looking a bit surprised.
"Will Schuester?"
"Hey Phoebe!"
"Will Schuester that I slept with freshman year?"
"Yep, that's me!"
"Oh. Come in."
"Actually I have a question. Your son, Jesse, has recently joined my glee club back in Lima, and I couldn't help but notice the uncanny resemblance between myself and him…"
"…Oh. I wasn't going to tell you about this since things had been going better with Terri and you and I didn't want to ruin your life. But I got pregnant. You are Jesse's father. But he doesn't know. So please don't tell him. I was going to tell him when he graduated, but now you two know each other. He's never questioned who his father was before, and I just wanted him to be happy…"
"I love you."
"What?"
"I've always loved you. Terri was just so demanding, I couldn't possibly leave her. But I've thought about that one night with you every single day for the past 18 years. That was the greatest night of my life. Will you marry me, Phoebe St. James?" He asked, getting down on one knee."
"No. Ever since I slept with you, you never once spoke to me again. If you really loved me, you would've stayed with me, instead of sticking around that psycho-skank, Terri. You probably didn't even know that all through high school she was sleeping with your so called "best friend" Howard Bamboo. Get over yourself, you butter-haired scum-bag!"
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As I drove back to Lima, rejected and alone, I couldn't help but notice the resemblance of Phoebe and Sue Sylvester. Maybe I'm not the only one with an illegitimate child at McKinley… Maybe I'd swing by Cheerios practice and drop some hints to Sue. Hey, I'd even get to see some cheerleaders from the bottom of the pyramid, if I was lucky.