A/N: Vietnam fic; Steve's point of view. -Jacqueline
He had always been here, right beside me, in times of happiness, and in times of tragedy. Whenever I had been down, or he had been hurt, he would just laugh it off as if it were nothing. He is the reason why I haven't completely lost my mind in this maze of tragedy people refer to as life. Now there is nothing.
I remember the day it all started; the kid out with some friends from school, Superman, head in his hands as he attempted to pay the bills, and Sodapop and I were having a good laugh as we watched Two-bit unscrew the fire hydrant just as some socs walked by. But the peace was finally and forever broken when those dreadful words were spoken, "Get the mail."
I remember rummaging through the envelopes when one in particular caught my eye. It was addressed to a "Sodapop Patrick Curtis," the text written formally in cursive. We both gave eachother a horrified glance as we both knew well what was in that envelope. He gulped as he opened it, and I swear I could see tears forming in his eyes as they followed the text that was written.
"No!" I had said, yanking the letter from his shaking fingers. "They can't make you go! They just can't!"
He was clearly in shock from the sudden change of events. I guess he just never anticipated that this was a likely future for him when he dropped out of school. I wish it had been me. I don't even deserve to have been born.
I remember he had just laughed it off like he always did, always avoiding the day when he would have to tell his brothers the horrific news. I of course couldn't bear to let him leave on his own. I could never live with myself if something… if something happened… Therefore I decided to go with him.
I remember the day when we finally told them, just a short week before we had to leave, the older brother put his head in his hands and murmured words of disbelief. The younger brother ran over to my friend and hugged him. I could see in his eyes that he never wanted to let go. I then turned to leave, knowing that they should work out the issue as a family, when I felt tight hands wrap around me. I turned my head slightly to see the kid, hugging me almost as tightly as his brother.
"What are you doing, you stupid kid?!" I flung him off as quickly as he had grabbed on. I wish I hadn't.
He just stared at me with pleading puppy eyes, tears already forming within them. He had just wanted to help. He always had.
I remember the day when it was time to leave. The whole gang was there to say goodbye, or at least what was left of it. The kid ran to his brother just before we boarded. He held him so tight, I wouldn't have been surprised if his head fell off. When it was time to board, Soda was forced to let go of his little brother.
"Don't worry about me, kid," He smiled. "Just worry about your life. I don't want you to suffer through it because your big brother is away from home."
The kid was in doubt but managed a nod for the sake of his brother.
"Goodbye!" We had all said at the same time. Little did we know that this really would be goodbye.
All the way there, he had cracked jokes, lifting the other recruits out of their misery, yet I had sat alone in the corner, wondering why fate had chosen this path for me.
When we arrived at the camp, everyone was gaping at the dullness of the place, it could have easily drained the life out of me just at the sight of it. But he went on, so I did as well.
During training he laughed at every other word the general spoke, and every other action the recruits made. He even laughed at the very thought of holding a gun in his own hands, and every time he was whipped for these outbursts, he laughed that off as well.
I remember when I first shot a person. He was just like me, he left behind a family too, and most importantly, he had a life. I had to watch as the fear left his face, and the rest of his body became limp. After this, a wave of something overtook me. It was then okay to run around killing people, because that was what people do in wars, but I still never got over that first kill, the guilt will forever be built up in my chest.
Everything was looking promising, several months had passed, and there were only two weeks left until we would return home. That is- until it happened.
It was a day like any other, Soda and I were on scout duty, and of course, he was talking away about some obscure topic. I toned him out, for all I could hear was the stomping of boots on hard dirt, and guns firing in the distance. That was when I realized what was happening.
"It's an ambush!" I screamed and ran to get more troops. I fought my absolute hardest, and it was all for him, just so he could return home in one piece. I wiped sweat from my forehead after the other side had retreated. I looked to my other side to congratulate Soda, but he wasn't there.
"Soda?" I hollered questioningly, "Soda!" I desperately searched every body for the missing face of Sodapop Curtis. I had nearly given up, but after searching about 20 bodies, I finally found him. He was just- lying there, arm blasted nearly 10 ft. away.
"Sodapop?" I stared at his broken body in disbelief.
"Stevie," He looked at me and managed a smile, "Do me a favor and screw my arm back on; I didn't want to end up like Frankenstein, but we don't always get what we want, do we?"
"No!" I screamed, shocked that even like this, he could still just laugh it off. "You gotta bear with me, Soda! I can fix you!"
He laughed in-between wheezes, "You know what?"
"What?" I hoarsely managed.
"Your face is priceless…"
I sobbed as I watched the light leave his eyes. They were always so full of joy, yet now they lay still and blank. I could still see the faint smile embedded on his face, the one used for his final laugh.
I thought this was all just a nightmare, that I would wake up and it would all be over, but I never woke up, and I never will. I knew I couldn't take the body home with me. The brothers would freak out and possibly become as depressed as I was, or worse. I had to give them hope, and there was only one way to do that.
I strayed from the group for several days, earning myself a huge punishment for when I got back, yet somehow, it was worth it. I found a cave where I stayed the night, soda's body deep in the corner, buried under various plants and dirt. I knew he deserved better, but unfortunately I couldn't give that to him. He would want me to protect his family anyway.
When I arrived home, I found out that he was listed as MIA, which hurt me in a way, but also sent relief down my spine. This is what I wanted, to give the Curtis brothers hope.
I remember seeing them for the first time since I left, no one could look at me. They all saw me as the one who survived, the one who left their brother to die, the one who should be dead instead, and truthfully, I agree with them.
After a while, living the way I did became too hard to handle. My friends couldn't bear to see me and every time I somewhat forgot about the events of the past few months, I began to talk to my friend and there was never a reply. Eventually there was only one way to go- Drugs.
They didn't really help me, in fact they only made me worse, but it was the only way to get Soda out of my head. The Curtis' noticed how I had gone downhill fast, and the youngest one always seemed depressed as well. In his heart, he knew Soda wouldn't be coming back, but his head always told him otherwise. He even started coming by my place sometimes, because I was the only thing left that had a connection with Soda.
I remember he tried to cheer me up, tried to make me laugh like Soda did, but it never worked. Instead of laughs, all you could make out were sobs, from the mere memories of jokes.
He started coming more and more often, I have no idea why, seeming how I'm a hopeless case. One day he even tried to flush the drugs down the toilet, but I hit him, and I screamed at him, and I told him never to set foot in the house again or I'd kill him. He still came back, over and over and over again, until one day, I noticed some of my drugs were missing. I knew the kid probably flushed them again, but there was no evidence of any such thing. The next time he came by, he looked absolutely miserable. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair longer than I've ever seen it, and he was wearing a sweater, in the summer.
"Pull up yur sleeves, kid," I demanded.
"Why? Like you care about me." He began to cry. "I tried to help you, I really did. But all you care about is your stupid heroin, and now you've sucked all the gold right out of me, not to mention you and my brothers! I don't even know who I am anymore!"
Those words pained me more than any I had ever heard before. That was when I finally broke. I pulled up his sleeve and winced at the cut marks embedded in his once baby-soft skin.
"You have to stop this, kid! Look what you're doing to yourself! Do you think I LIKE being depressed? Do you think I ENJOY being on drugs every freaking day of my life? You can still pull through, live a normal life without ending up like me, and that means no more visits!"
"He looked shocked at my sudden outburst, but I almost got the point across. That was when I made the most important decision of my life.
" And I'll make sure that you don't, just to seal the deal!" I ran as fast as my legs would carry me, the one moment of my entire life that I actually felt free. I stopped in a forest nearby, making complete sure that no one had followed me, especially the kid. That's when I saw it, the huge waterfall that connected the creek to the river, the same waterfall children were always reported as drowning in.
"I have to make sure the kid doesn't visit." I took a step closer.
"I don't want the kid to end up like me." I took a step closer.
"I'll never get Soda out of my mind." I took a step closer.
"I'll never be able to stop the drugs." I took a step closer.
I was now one step away from falling off the edge of the cliff, the plummeting waterfall directly beneath me. I took a deep breath.
"I won't cause any more pain." I took a step closer, and could feel the breeze rushing through me, all at once as I freefalled toward the strong current of the water. All at once, my life flashed before my eyes:
"He had always been here, right beside me…"