Chapter one

For two weeks Harry Potter never did a lot. He would wander around the ruined castle, staring at all the damage done during the fighting. He was waiting for the people to leave before he put the elder wand back with Dumbledore. He explained everything to McGonagall with the help from Dumbledore's portrait. They both agreed it would be safer to wait until everyone left so no one would see Harry hiding the wand in the tomb.

While Harry had been waiting, he would get his wand out and start repairing sections of walls or stairs. When he found books, he banished them back to the library and hoped Madame Pince could repair the damage done to them.

In those two weeks, Harry had finally started to relax and he realised how stressed he had been. His whole life was full of stress and tension, now Voldemort was dead and he never had to see the Dursleys again, he was calm.

At first Mr. Weasley and Ron both tried to get Harry to come to the Burrow. But when Harry explained he needed to do a few things and he just wanted some time to himself, they finally relented, but made Harry promise to visit a lot, which he did.

During this time, he had healed, not just all the cuts and bruises over him, but he'd started to heal his heart and soul. When Harry was calm, at peace, he finally got a chance to think about everything, think about himself without Voldemort or danger invading his thoughts. He formed a theory about something and decided to speak with Madame Pomfrey and if he could, Dumbledore's portrait.

Harry stepped into the hospital wing, 'Madame Pomfrey.'

'Mr. Potter, are you having problems with your injuries?'

'No, they all healed thanks to your potions and your skill. This is something personal I would like to talk to you about.'

'Follow me,' the matron walked into her office then shut the door as Harry stepped in behind her, 'Take a seat and tell me what I can do for you.'

Harry sat down and sighed, 'These last couple of weeks has been the first time in my life that I haven't had to worry about Voldemort, danger or the Dursleys. Normally my thoughts were consumed with all that. I've finally had a chance to think about me, my life, well, who I am really.'

'Considering what old injuries I found from when you were a child and those injuries from you know who, I think I could understand why those were always in your thoughts.'

'Yeah,' Harry sighed again, 'What this is about though is, well,' Harry lowered his head, 'my sexuality.'

'I take it you mean whether you're heterosexual or homosexual?'

'Yes,' Harry lifted his head, 'I dated Ginny Weasley before Dumbledore died. But I've been thinking about that time because Ron told me Ginny wants us to get back together and I figured I would to. I've been remembering the times when we were together, we did have a good time, we did snog a lot. But what I remember is watching a lot of the boys. At first I thought when I watched Malfoy it was because he was up to something. But thinking back, I actually stared at him, the way he moved, the way he spoke, how his body moved when he was talking. So I thought more and realised I'd done that with other boys. So I need your opinion on this as I never got any sort of, well, sex education. I heard the other boys in the dorm room talking about sex, but I never took a lot of noticed. Normally I was wondering when Voldemort would try and kill me next.'

'Normally boys from a younger age will work out their sexuality, but yes, you never did have a normal upbringing. Now don't get uncomfortable, but at any of these times, when you watched the other boys, did you ever get an erection?'

Harry blushed brightly as he lowered his head, but nodded. 'Yeah, but I was with Ginny at these times as well. The other day, when I went into Diagon Alley, well, I kept staring at another bloke and it happened again.'

'Then in my opinion, you're homosexual, or as the young people say today, gay. Sorry, but another embarrassing question. Most boys from around twelve years old and up with have a lot of wet dreams, sometimes as they get older, they relieve themselves. Have you ever done that and if so, who were you thinking about?'

Harry lifted his head, 'No, nothing like that. My dreams were all on Voldemort. But I do know the other boys do that, I heard it a few times, in the bathrooms. Is that normal, for someone my age to never do that?'

'Normally no, but look at your life Harry, those abusive relatives of yours, what you went through all your years here, everything you know who put you through. Those thoughts consumed you and even consumed your dreams. Now everything has settled down, I believe you will start thinking about sex and I mean a lot. You're almost eighteen, young men of your age are even having sex by now.'

'Yeah, it has been in my thoughts lately, that's why I wanted to talk to you. Even though I knew I'd be embarrassed because you're a woman, but you are a healer and someone that has looked after me for years. So again, I was able to bring out the Gryffindor courage to mention this. I knew I must have had some left inside me.'

Poppy gave one of her rare smiles, 'I'm glad you did and I do speak with seventh years all about sex education. But of course, you never did your seventh year. If I can get any student to tell me if they are heterosexual or homosexual, or lesbian, maybe I should say gay or straight. But as I was saying, if a student does tell me then I would give them some information,' the matron got up and went to her cabinet, then handed Harry a small book, 'That is everything you need to know on being gay and gay sex.'

Harry nodded, but just put the book inside his jacket, 'Thanks and it wasn't as bad as I thought, talking to you.'

'You're welcome Harry and you were easier to talk to then most young men at your age. Now if you did want to speak with someone who is gay, then Albus' portrait could give you some more information.'

Harry's eyes widened, 'You mean he really was gay? I thought that was just Skeeter spreading vicious rumours.'

'He kept his private life to himself mainly because he was a teacher. So why don't you speak with him when you get a chance?'

'Yeah, I will, thanks Madame Pomfrey,' Harry gave her a small smile then left the hospital. He was walking along the corridors thinking about Dumbledore and wondered how Skeeter found out about him. He then thought what would happen when people found out about him. She did insinuate something was going on between Dumbledore and Harry, now people might believe it. All Harry wanted was to work out if he could tell his friends, especially Ron. Hermione he could, she would still be his friend no matter what, Ron, well, Harry had heard some of the things he'd and other blokes say about gay men, the names they got called. So Harry realised Ron might not accept him anymore. But he knew he already didn't trust Ron, not after he left during the time in the tent. He couldn't change how he felt, so if Ron couldn't accept his sexuality, then it might meant their friendship is finally over. Harry realised he had a lot of thinking to do about all this.

Over the next couple of weeks, Harry had attended a lot of funerals, the hardest were for Remus, Tonks and Colin, today he was attending Fred Weasley's funeral. After showering, he dressed in his good clothes, then joined the staff who were all attending the service at Ottery St Catchpole, just as they had been attending all the other funerals over the last couple of weeks.

While Harry was standing near the staff and of course near Hagrid, he kept thinking about how to get Hermione alone to talk to her. Even though today wasn't really a day to talk about sex, Harry needed her advice.

When the Weasley family along with Hermione stepped into the small cemetery, Harry instantly stood next to his friends and held Hermione's hand. They stood in silence listening to the ministry official overseeing the service. Mrs. Weasley cried through the whole thing, but she wasn't the only one. All the female friends of Fred and George cried, but so did some of their male friends.

As everyone made their way up to the Burrow, Harry gave Hermione a look as he squeezed her hand and hoped she got the message. So when all the Weasley's headed into the large marquee, Hermione pulled Harry towards the back of the house.

'I was hoping to get a private word with you.'

'That's what I thought you wanted, but you know I don't like to keep things from Ron now we're a couple.'

'I know Hermione, but this is something he can't know, not yet anyway.'

'What's going on Harry?'

'Over the last few weeks I've had time to really think about my life and I worked something out. I even spoke to Madame Pomfrey and Dumbledore's portrait. So I need your word you want say anything, until I can get used to this myself.'

'You know I wouldn't say anything.'

'Okay, well this might shock you a bit, but here goes,' Harry blew out a big breath, 'I'm gay.'

Hermione's eyes widened, 'But Harry, you snogged Ginny.'

'Yeah, I know. But during those times, I remembered that I used to watch some of the blokes around Hogwarts. You know how I used to watch Malfoy, trying to work out what he was up to. But I also realised I did stare at him. I'd watch his body move, his lips when he talked and I always thought he was a good looking bloke. Now I'm not saying I have a thing for him, I don't because I did the same with other blokes. I couldn't stop watching the way they moved. Madame Pomfrey asked me a couple of embarrassing questions and we were both of the opinion I'm gay and since then I've had, well, fantasies about snogging a bloke.'

'What were the embarrassing questions because I need to understand how you could snog a girl then think you're gay?'

'Well she said boys will often have,' Harry hesitated, 'Okay, you're smart so you probably know anyway. They have a lot of wet dreams and also relieve themselves. I never have Hermione, you know what my dreams and thoughts were always about. Now though, all I think about is sex, but it's blokes I think about now. Not any particular bloke, just like with Cedric, he was a cute bloke, Malfoy, his hair was nice. See this is what I'm getting at, all those times I was actually checking them out without realising it. Think about this as well, you're beautiful Hermione and a really nice person. You're calm, you considerate, you think about things before you react. Ginny is beautiful, but so different from you. Now me, I'm not one for whipping my wand out just because I'm angry and apart from what Voldemort made me feel, I don't get angry, I'm a pretty calm person and only recently worked that out. So if I was going to be attracted to any girl, it'd be more you than Ginny. But I see you as a sister, my best friend. Ginny, we did have a good time and Dumbledore said that's normal for a boy to date girls until they work out their sexuality. Unless they figure it out early.'

'So those times with Ginny, you never…um,' Hermione hesitated.

'No, not once and Madame Pomfrey said I normally would if I was straight. You saw how Ginny used to be Hermione, she'd literally rub her body against mine, but nothing happened. But the moment I thought of another bloke doing that, well, yeah, I reacted.'

'I have read about all this because I knew Madame Pomfrey did sex education classes for all seventh years. So nothing ever happened when you were with Ginny, but your imagination is now on men and you're getting an erection?'

'Hermione,' Harry quickly glanced around as he blushed, 'Yes,' he said quietly before he looked back at his friend, 'So you see, I've had time now to think about me when before I only thought about what was happening and when Voldemort try to kill me again. I never really had a chance to work out who I really am. I've accepted it and know it will be hard on people like Ron, that's why I don't want you to say anything, not for a while. It's still not really accepted and once word gets out, it will be all over the Daily Prophet, like now, every day there's something in there about me. So my private life would be big news if this got out, even if I wish I could keep it private.'

'I promise not to say anything, but what about Ginny. She's always asking me if I think you will get back together with her. So what are you going to say to her because she knows you're here and will probably want to talk to you?'

Harry sighed, 'I don't know, I can't be honest, not yet. Maybe I can just say after everything, I don't want to get into any sort of relationship, which I don't. This is the first time ever that I've had time to myself and I like it.'

'At least it is honest Harry, so if she asked, then tell her that.'

'Okay, but how do you feel about me now you know?'

'I feel the same way, if that's who you are, then it is and I will always love you.'

Harry hugged Hermione, 'Thanks Hermione, I was worried because you're the only person that has never deserted me.'

'I never will, now we should get back or Ron will come looking for us,' Hermione took Harry's hand and they joined the group of people all in the marquee, 'Ginny's watching you, so I can see her asking for a private word.'

'Yeah, I know she will, let's hope she doesn't hex me. But it's not like I can change anything and I don't want to. I've finally worked out who I am and I'm happy with the way I am and my life.'

'I'm happy for you Harry,' Hermione kissed his cheek before sitting next to Ron who was sitting with George, Lee and Angelina. None of them were saying anything, just sitting together. Harry watched all the Weasley's, George looked so lost where Mrs. Weasley looks like she's aged ten years, but Harry knew how she felt. As far as Harry was concerned, he lost a father when he lost Sirius. Now though, he felt like he was as old as Dumbledore. The Weasley's lost a brother and son. So they all would be feeling lost right now, wondering how to go on without one of their own. Harry felt the same when he lost Sirius. He still missed his godfather, and probably always would. It just gets easier thinking about him. The pain he felt when he lost Sirius was heartbreaking, now it was just a dull throb.