Hey everyone! I've been busy recently with school and life in general, but I managed to write this story a few days ago, so I hope you enjoy it! This fic is dedicated to the awesome Sky-Hetalia-Trash in return for the amazing giftfic they wrote for me a while back :)
Quick warning, this story contains a short scene of fairly graphic homophobia, including a slur. I don't expect it should be too upsetting for anyone (I think?), but take note if that's something that could upset you, it's important that you're all safe and happy! :)
I won't make friends with change
When everyone's perfect
Can we start over again?
Toris' heart is pounding. He walks down the corridor with his folders clasped white-knuckled to his chest, his legs trembling and and breath fast as he forces himself not to run past the boys spitting and swearing as he passes, the two girls standing on a table to scribble Sharpie on the plain wall above. He's being ignored as usual, he knows, but today it feels like everyone isn't looking through him but into him. It feels like he's been peeled away, ripped open and exposed to the world.
They don't know. Of course they don't. There's no way any of them could know the terrible thing he's just done.
If only his heart would realise that, and slow down. He wipes his clammy palms on his jeans and forces himself to breathe.
"Shit, man, you okay?" Toris blinks and sees Eduard and Raivis perched on the wall beside him. He startles slightly. Eduard's face is scrunched in concern.
"Oh – yeah, yeah, I'm good." He manages a shaky grin, hoping it's convincing enough. He jabs an elbow into his friend's side. "Shove up."
Eduard squints at him suspiciously for a moment, then swipes some dust off the wall and shuffles along can sit down next to him. Toris tosses down his folders as Raivis starts talking again.
"So according to Peter, Arthur's gonna bring a knife to s-school if Alfred doesn't have his stuff by the end of the week."
"Then what?" Eduard asks. "He's gonna stab him?"
"Dunno. I th – I think Alfred might've planned something to get back at him, he's pretty smart. It's just a hunch, though."
"So you think they're gonna rumble?"
"Dunno, man. What d'you think, Toris?"
"Huh?" Toris startles again. He has been listening, vaguely, because it pays to be alert, but he's had more urgent things on his mind – like the way that hand had grabbed his, tugged him into the store cupboard, the way those beautiful hands had tangled into his hair and those lips pressed against him, those shining green cat's eyes met his and – "Oh, yeah, maybe. They've done it before. Not on school property though, they'd be pretty brave to do it public like that."
"Mhm." Raivis looks thoughtful. "A w-warning, maybe?"
"Probably," Eduard snorts. "Violence is the only thing that would ever get Arthur and his lot into an educational facility."
Toris looks around nervously. "Guys, I don't think we should talk like this. Not here." Toris and his friends aren't officially members of any gangs, so it's usually fairly safe for them to scathingly discuss matters like this, but it's always risky. There is no way of knowing who is affiliated with which gang in their high school. Raivis' friend is the younger brother of one of the strongest gang leaders so they can occasionally get some inside knowledge – but of course, that comes with its own dangers, and the last thing Toris wants is for any of his friends to get hurt.
Eduard nods. "You're right, it's not safe. Why don't you guys come to my house after school? We can play crappy video games, and if my dad's out, we can swipe some of his vodka, and we can shit-talk whoever we want."
Raivis agrees readily, but Toris bites his lip. He can't, of course, but how can he say that?
"Come on, Tor! It's practically summer, you'll be able to walk home before it's even dark enough for the streetlights to come on."
That isn't what Toris is worried about. It's a valid concern, of course – walking home in the dark alone in an area like this would be suicide – but…
He shakes his head. "Sorry, guys. I can't make it tonight."
"Why not?" Raivis asks. "What are you doing? What even is there to do in this neighbourhood, other than drugs? Wait – you're not doing drugs, are you?"
"No, Rai," he says patiently. "I'm not doing drugs, or alcohol, or getting involved in anything illegal." What he is doing is far, far worse.
"Then what?" Raivis persists, but Eduard lightly punches his shoulder.
"Leave it, Rai. If Toris wants to be a dick and hide stuff from us, then let him. As long as he doesn't drag either of us into it."
"I wouldn't – Eddie, it's not like that!"
"Yeah, sure." He knows that Eduard doesn't believe him, and honestly, he doesn't blame him. Last year, Eduard's friend Tino – the sweetest, most innocent kid on the block – had got caught up in some gang business and was now in a detention centre for the foreseeable future after getting hold of a pistol and shooting a kid in the arm. A few inches to the right and it would have been his heart.
It wasn't that the people round here were bad, exactly, it's just that everyone was so corruptible. This was one of the 'rough' neighbourhoods – the ones people would avoid driving through even if it added an extra half hour to their journey, the kind of place where the police barely bothered to turn up anymore unless it was a murder – and it was how things worked here. People took things into their own hands, and the outcome wasn't always pretty. In fact, it rarely was.
You don't understand, he wants to tell them. I'm not doing anything illegal or wrong. This is the rightest thing that's ever happened to me. But he can't. Better to let them suspect he's joined a gang than learn the truth. He trusts Eduard and Raivis, of course, but in a place like this the walls have ears, and if anyone found out what he was doing he would be beaten to a pulp, gang affiliation or not. People like him were free range for everyone. He wasn't going to become a sitting target.
"I'm sorry," he says instead, and stands up to leave. He scoops his folders into his arms and walks away without looking back, because he can't bear to see the hurt on their faces. If only they knew. If only anyone knew.
If only it was safe for the world to know that he has fallen deeply, passionately, inescapably in love with Feliks Łukasiewicz.
-...-...-...-
The moment he rounds the corner of the building, he is being pressed up against the wall and kissed hungrily. He melts into it instinctively, a shiver of warm making his legs go weak as the tension evaporates off his shoulders like steam and his hand tangles into long blond hair, and all he can think is Feliks Feliks Feliks.
Then it all rushes back and he shoves him away, wide-eyed.
"No, Feliks, you can't!" He pants, looking around wildly. "Not here - not where people could see!"
Feliks' expression falls adorably into confusion, and all Toris wants is to hold him close and kiss him until he smiles again. "But I missed you."
"I know," he says, and feels his heart shift again. How is it possible for Feliks to change him so much and in so many ways? He never knew there was so much of him still left to discover. "I missed you too. But we can't, okay? It's dangerous. People here don't like people like us."
Feliks had only arrived in the neighbourhood less than a month ago. It was a rare occurrence, someone moving to an area like this, especially someone who was so goddamn beautiful. And gay. Toris had never met someone before who wasn't afraid to be openly gay. He had had to change that, of course, before Feliks got hurt, and had pulled him into a classroom to warn him. Their conversation didn't go quite as planned (or maybe it went exactly as planned. Toris was never sure) and by the end of the talk, they had had their first kiss.
Their relationship had developed quickly and passionately in the way only clandestine romances do. For three weeks, they had sneaked kisses and whispers in supply closets and alleyways, empty street corners and bathrooms and abandoned houses before the squatters moved in.
It was wonderful, the most wonderful thing Toris had ever had. And it was so terribly, terribly dangerous.
Feliks' forehead crinkles and he kicks at an empty cigarette package on the ground. "I wish it didn't have to be like this," he says sadly. "So, like, secretive and illegal. It's not like we're planning to hurt anyone. It's just love."
"The most perfect kind of love," Toris promises. He strokes his cheek just for a second, almost a caress. "And do you know why it's perfect?"
Feliks shakes his head.
"Because it's just for us. We don't need to share it with anyone else."
"But I want to share it!" He says, frustrated. "I want to share our love with the whole wide world. I want everyone to know that – " He cups his hands around his mouth and cries out to the sky – "I am in love with Toris Laurinaitis!"
"Feliks!" Toris clamps a hand over his mouth, horrified, but then suddenly he is spluttering with laughter. Feliks meets his eyes and starts to giggle as well, and soon they are leaning against one another and Toris is heaving with so much laughter that he doesn't think he'll ever draw breath again.
The yard is empty, silent aside from the cawing of a few scabby pigeons, and they lie side by side on the grubby tarmac to catch their breaths. The sky above them is a pastel blue, the only splash of untainted colour in their world of grey and black. Although their little patch of world is bleak, if he remembers to look up, the sky is always smiling down at him.
"I love you, you know," he says softly as the clouds drift by. With Feliks by his side and the sun shining bright above them, he finally feels like he can breathe.
"I know," Feliks says, and when he rolls on his side to face him, Toris can feel nothing but love. He doesn't even need to say it, but he does anyway, because he's Feliks. "I love you, Toris."
"Why?" He can't help but ask. "It's not safe to love me, Feliks. It's dangerous."
"Our love isn't safe. It's better than that." Feliks grins at him, his eyes bright and sparkling and full of everything. "Our love is revolutionary. Our love will overthrow the world."
"Are you sure?" He says. "Because sometimes it feels so fragile. Not – not our relationship, but us. Just the two of us, surrounded by…this."
"We're strong enough," Feliks says immediately, and his confidence is almost tangible. "And we're brave enough, and we love each other enough. That makes us able to withstand anything."
"Anything?"
"Absolutely anything."
And with the clouds smiling down at them and the sun winking its approval and Feliks' fierce, passionate eyes locked with his own, Toris really and truly believes him.
-...-...-...-
School breaks up for summer two weeks later. With coursework and exams to study for, Toris doesn't have a spare second to meet Feliks, aside from glances in the corridor that linger just a little too long. It would be so easy to neglect his grades like most of the students in his high school, but Toris knows that that's what keeps the vicious cycle going. If he can do well, prove that he is better than all of this, then he can have a chance to get out of here.
Raivis and Eduard are speaking to him once more, although grudgingly. They're still suspicious, Toris can tell, and Eduard never invites him to his house anymore (Raivis doesn't either, but Raivis never invites anyone round. Toris suspects he has a poor home life, but that's just one of the many things they don't talk about) but they're not going to abandon him. Toris knows they have his back and he's eternally grateful.
When Toris steps out of school on the final day, it is with a mix of relief and apprehension. Although the freedom from school will mean hours and hours to spend with Feliks (his heart leaps at the thought), it will also mean a spike in gang activity as bored delinquents hit the sweltering streets. He will have to warn Feliks about how dangerous it can get.
They meet the very next day in the forest. Feliks dares him to scramble up the tallest tree they can find and although he would rather keep his feet firmly on the ground, he can't refuse the excitement on Feliks' face. Surprisingly, the view is much better from up here.
"It's good, isn't it?" Feliks asks, bouncing the branch they are sitting on. Toris is frightened, but he doesn't want him to stop. He's often scared around Feliks, he realises, and it isn't always a bad thing.
"It is. I feel like I can see for miles."
"We can practically touch the clouds." He stretches up his arms and pretends to cup one in his palms. "What do you think they taste like, Toris? Cotton candy?"
Toris laughs. "Water, probably. I mean, that's basically what they are."
Feliks pouts. "How would you know? You've never tasted one."
"Well, no. But we learnt about it in biology class, remember? The water cycle."
"So you just think that because you're believing what someone else told you?"
"I'm pretty sure he knew what he was talking about, Feliks."
"No," Feliks argues, and Toris gives him a confused look. "Maybe that's what clouds would taste like for him. But not for you, Toris! You're more interesting than that. What do your clouds taste like?"
"Um…" Toris blinks up at the clouds, thinking. They look soft and swirly and cold, like snowflakes, delicate whorls that would melt at the slightest touch. "Ice cream. The soft, whipped kind that they served at the ice cream parlour where I used to live. They would make tall sundaes with strawberry sauce and honey and whipped cream and sprinkles, and a cherry on the top. They were heavenly."
He glances at Feliks, worried that he has bored him with his reminiscing, but Feliks has his eyes closed and a small smile on his face, as if imagining. "They sound, like, amazing. You have to take me there one day."
"I will," he promises, his heart swelling at the prospect of one day. Feliks isn't like anyone else he's ever met. Feliks thinks about the future as something other than a spiral of poverty and addiction and working himself to an early death. Feliks thinks in dreams; he expects something from life, he won't just settle for what he's given, and that ignites a spark in Toris that he thought had long been extinguished. He wants things, too. He wants better than this.
"Why did you move," Feliks says, startling him, "from somewhere like there to here?"
"I could ask you the same question." He's teasing, but regrets it immediately when he sees the flicker in Feliks' eyes. Before he can apologise, though, his smile has returned.
"You could. But right now, I'm asking you."
Toris shrugs and tilts his head to the sky. It's not difficult for him to talk about anymore, but somehow he feels ashamed in front of Feliks. He wishes he had something better to offer than his messed-up, hopeless, impoverished self. He wishes he could be the person Feliks deserves.
"My dad was having trouble at work, I guess, so he started drinking, and he was acting like shit to Mom so she left. Then Dad lost his job, started drinking more, we couldn't keep up with our rent, so…" He shrugs again. "Here we are."
He waits for the noises of pity, but none come. When he turns towards Feliks, he finds him looking at him curiously.
"Why drinking?" He asks. "Out of all the things you can do when life goes badly, why did he choose drinking?"
It's a raw, honest question that Toris isn't prepared for. "Um…I don't know, really. He's never told me. I suppose he just needed a way to escape and forget. Life was too much for him."
"Life is too much for everyone, really," Feliks says. It seems to be directed to the sky rather than Toris, so he doesn't reply. "But that's what makes it so awesome. It's better to be too much than not enough, right?"
And, sitting in a tree with Feliks – with his dazzling green eyes and wild hair and brilliant, magical mind and smile that seems to bring the world to life – in a forest with the birds wheeling above in the clear sky and everything far away, just him and Feliks and the world in its purest form, everything the way it's supposed to be, everything overwhelmingly right, he can't help but agree.
Life is too much, and Toris wouldn't want to miss a second of it.
-...-...-...-
They're getting careless in the summer months, and Toris knows it. The heat and boredom is making them restless, the stagnancy in their relationship frustrating them; there's no way to move it forwards without anyone suspecting. They spend as much time as they can together, but the secrecy is making them tense and snappish, and they both soon realise that they need a break from one another.
So, late one morning – a Friday or Saturday, he thinks, although the days seem to blend into one another when there's nothing to do – he pulls out his phone and fires off a quick text into his group chat with Eduard and Raivis.
Hey are you guys free today
It's not really a question – of course they'll be free, no-one in this neighbourhood is rich enough to do anything interesting during the break – but things have still been tense between them and it gives them the opportunity to refuse if they want to.
He keeps his phone out of his pocket because Raivis is notorious for replying eagerly to texts as soon as he receives them, but surprisingly it's Eduard who messages back first.
Sure come on over I have lemonade
Smiling in relief, he pockets his phone, yells a quick goodbye to his dad who is still in bed nursing a hangover, and sets off in the direction of Eduard's house. He's halfway there when his phone vibrates with a message from Raivis.
no
sorry
He pauses in the middle of the street and frowns. Something seems…odd about that. The message is so blunt compared to Raivis' usual paragraphs of word vomit and weird emojis, and honestly, what would Raivis be doing on a day like this? He considers walking over there to check he's alright, but he's never been to Raivis' house before and is a little nervous. He sends him another message instead;
Are you okay?
By the time he gets to Eduard's house, he still has no reply.
"Hey, come on in," Eduard says when he opens the door. Despite their previous tension, he seems happy to see him. "I was bored out of my fucking mind here."
"Same." He steps inside and tosses his coat on the floor. There isn't anywhere to hang it. "Now where's that lemonade you promised?"
While Eduard is in the kitchen preparing them drinks, Toris calls out to him, "Hey, Eddie? Do you know if there's something going on with Raivis? He was messaging me a minute ago and he seemed kind of…off, somehow?"
Eduard emerges from the kitchen, looking wary. "Well, yeah. I visited him the other day and he still has a massive shiner."
"What?!" Toris feels a rush of protectiveness for his younger friend. "Where did he get that?"
"Where do you think?" Eduard gives him a withering look that he can't quite understand. "He's been hanging around home all day for weeks, and his mom's a crazy psycho bitch. What do you think happened?"
Toris blinked, stunned. "I…didn't know all that," he mumbles, feeling like the worst friend in the world. "And I didn't know you've been to his house, either."
"'Course I have, tons of times," Eduard says, then backtracks. "So what? We live near each other, it doesn't mean anything."
His defensiveness makes something flicker at the back of Toris' mind, but now isn't the time for speculation. "I'm sorry. I should have known what was going on with Rai. I should be spending more time with you both. I'm a terrible friend."
"I'm not gonna argue with that," Eduard says mildly, handing him his lemonade and reaching for the remote. "But there's something going on with you, too. You've been distracted these past few weeks. Care to share?"
Something sour coils in Toris' gut. He wants to tell Eduard, he wants to so, so much, but he can't, for Feliks' sake. He might be willing to risk the backlash, but he wouldn't be able to bear for Feliks to get hurt.
"I really, really wish I could tell you, Eddie," he says, his voice withered with guilt. "But I can't."
"That's okay." Toris looks up, and is surprised to see understanding on his face rather than anger. "We all have secrets. As long as it's nothing dangerous. As long as you're safe."
"I'm safe," Toris says quickly, and feels the lie stab him in the gut. "Now give me a chance to beat your ass at this video game!"
"You're on!"
The lie sits heavy in his stomach, festering like a pit of worms.
-...-...-...-
Toris is almost expecting it when it happens. He isn't, of course, in the way that no one ever expects terrible things to happen to them. But somewhere in him, he knows that they've been too rash, too reckless, taking too many risks. He almost knew it was coming.
Almost.
"I love you," Feliks says again, pressing their lips together, and Toris laughs into their cloud of shared breath.
"I love you too, Feliks, but look at the time. We have to be awake in a few hours."
"Why?" He sounds scandalised. "Why can't I just, like, lie in bed till noon thinking of the amazing night I had stargazing with my Toris?"
My Toris. His heart shifts.
"Because sleep habits are important!" He's only pretending to be annoyed because honestly, he doesn't want to leave either. The empty, starlit park with Feliks is where he wants to be right now. Wherever Feliks is, he wants to be.
That and the fact that he's not looking forward to walking back through the streets in the dark.
"You nag too much!"
"I only do it because I love you." Feliks melts like butter.
"I love you too," he says, and Toris pushes him away before he can manage another kiss.
"Come on, you sap, go home. We can see each other soon."
Feliks pouts, but relents. "Very soon."
"So soon you won't even notice I'm gone."
They exchange final goodbye kisses and go their separate ways, waving until they're out of sight. Toris half walks, half skips along the street, his skin buzzing and his heart ablaze. Feliks always makes him feel more alive, as if he can feel all the colours and emotions that had previously been trapped in the grey dancing around him through the streetlights like fireflies.
He slows down his pace a little, out of breath, and that's when he notices the footsteps behind him. They sound like an echo at first, almost in beat with his own but each one landing half a second after, but when he hears them pick up into a run he knows he isn't imagining anything.
The terror paralyses him. In his daze of euphoria, he has forgotten the most basic rule of this neighbourhood: Never walk alone at night. Ever. And if you do, be armed.
And now he's paying the price.
"Oi, faggot." Toris' breath is hitching but now, suddenly, he feels a wave of calm. This isn't just a mugging, this is a hate crime. The name says everything. This is how he's going to die. "What's a pretty boy like you doing walking alone at this hour, huh? Where's your little boyfriend got to?"
Toris doesn't recognise the voice. It doesn't matter. "Nowhere," he says, his voice clear but wavering. "I don't have a boyfriend. I'm alone." Thank God Feliks isn't here.
"Aha." He doesn't let himself look, but there is hot breath on his neck. I love you, Feliks. And Eduard and Raivis and Dad and Mom. I love you. There is a rustle of leather, and something clicks. I love you. "That will make it easier for me to do thi – "
Everything happens at once.
A gunshot rings out, piercing the silent streets and ricocheting off the buildings, but Toris feels no pain. He crumples to his knees. This must be what dying feels like, he thinks, but when he looks down there is no red seeping through his chest. There is no wound. Something thuds in front of him, and he looks up.
His attacker is lying face down on the ground, his dark leather jacket dripping with even darker blood. His face is twisted sideways, his face contorted in fury and pain, his eyes glowering unseeingly into Toris'. He gasps and recoils. He's lived in this neighbourhood since he was a child, he knows all the crime that goes on here, but he's never actually seen a dead person in the flesh. Those cold, empty eyes sear into his chest like icy lasers.
"Hey, it's alright." Footsteps sound behind him, and he looks up to see a figure standing over him, black clothes silhouetted against the backlight of the streetlamp. "He's dead, see?" He kicks the dead body, and it jerks dully on the tarmac. Toris gasps again. "Nothing to worry about."
"He's…He…Arthur?" He doesn't mean to say it aloud, but the identity of his saviour astonishes him. Arthur, the feared leader of one of the largest and most powerful gangs in the neighbourhood, only a couple of years older than him but already a hardened criminal, involved in almost every kind of illegal activity, has just saved his life. The idea is unthinkable.
"That's me," he says, and then his eyes harden. "That gun didn't have a silencer. Everyone on the block will have heard that. You'd best get out of here, now."
Toris nods, still too astonished to reply, and scampers to his feet. As he's hurrying away, Arthur calls after him in a loud whisper.
"And Toris? I was never here, okay? Neither of us were."
He nods again, head jerking up and down like a broken marionette, then runs as fast as he can on trembling legs to the closest safe place he knows.
He knocks softly on the door. "Eduard? Eddie, it's me. I know it's late, but I need you to let me in. Please? … Eduard?"
There's no reply. Toris knocks again, and the force of his hand sends the door creaking inwards. Something cold and terrible prickles up his spine. Slowly, he reaches for the handle and twists it. The door swings open. The house is dark.
Toris opens his mouth again, but no sound comes out. Something is wrong. Something is horribly, horribly wrong. No one in a neighbourhood like this would leave their door unlocked at night, especially not someone as sensible as Eduard.
Carefully, he inches forward. There's a sound from the living room, a sort of soft, humming sound and a creak, and he snatches an umbrella from the stand by the door and holds it like a sword. It will do nothing to protect him, he knows, but he feels stronger holding it.
The sound comes from the living room again. Quiet voices. More than one intruder, then. Every instinct within him is telling him to get out of there, but he can't, not with his best friend in danger. Taking a deep breath, he flings open the door so hard it bangs against the wall, snaps on the light, and –
- freezes.
"Toris?!" Eduard shoots bolt upright on the couch, tugging the throw over his naked chest, but Toris knows what he's seen. "What – what are you doing here?!"
Toris just shakes his head and walks forward slowly, dropping the umbrella to the ground. "You can stop hiding, Rai," he says gently. "I already know you're here."
Slowly, Raivis uncurls himself from underneath the blanket. He's sweaty and his hair is sticking up and he has a yellowing bruise surrounding his left eye, and he looks terrified.
"You s-saw?" He whispers hoarsely. Toris' heart breaks for him.
"Yes, I saw, Rai. I saw you and Eddie together. And it's okay."
"It's okay?" Eduard speaks this time, sounding almost as hesitant as Raivis. "But we're – we're – "
"You're gay, I know," Toris finishes gently. "And so am I."
He doesn't look up, but he can feel them both staring at him. "Me and Feliks. You know, the new boy."
"You and Feliks," Raivis repeats in something akin to wonder.
"So that's what you were hiding!" Eduard exclaims, and suddenly there are tears running down his face as he half laughs, half cries. "God, I really thought you'd joined a gang!"
"Me?" Toris says, and suddenly he's laughing as well, and his cheeks are wet from how all the fear of everything building up to tonight bursts out of him like a shaken soda bottle. "A gang? I'd be terrible at all that! I can't even kill a spider! How did you ever think I'd manage in a gang?"
"I don't knoow," Eduard chokes out through his laughter. "I just couldn't think of any other explanation."
Raivis, who had been sitting in a stunned silence beside them, suddenly erupts into hysterical giggles. "God, we're s-such idiots. We're all such idiots."
"We are," Toris says, and nothing has ever felt this good, not even the candyfloss clouds and the smiling sun. "I love you guys, you know. Come here."
He holds out his arms and his friends fall into them. They hold each other in a sloppy hug of laughter and sobbing for goodness knows how long, revelling in the safety and trust of one another, and when they finally pull back and wipe their eyes, they are wrung out and exhausted and blissfully happy.
"So what do we do now?" Raivis asks, looking between the two of them. "How is th-this going to work?"
"We need a plan of action," Eduard decides, and Toris nods.
"We do. But not tonight. Tonight, we all need to go to sleep, because it's past three am and we're all exhausted. We can organise something tomorrow morning. I want Feliks to be there."
"Of course!" Eduard says, pulling Raivis into his lap. "We need to meet our best friend's boyfriend to make sure he meets up to our standards."
"Oh, he will," Toris assures them. "He most definitely will. But tonight: sleep. I'll call Feliks, and we'll sort everything out in the morning."
And so they do.
-...-...-...-
"Are you sure this is going to work?" Toris asks for the millionth time, smoothing out his banner anxiously. It's the first day back after the holidays, and they're crouched in the yard behind the school where he and Feliks had kissed that day, and he's pretty sure he has never felt more terrified. Well, aside from the shooting incident, but he doesn't like to think about that.
"Nope!" Feliks says brightly, adjusting his own display. "But really, what's the worst that can happen?"
"Uh, I really don't want to th-think about that," Raivis chips in. He has a flag in one hand, and his other is clinging to Eduard tightly. "There's a lot that could go wrong."
"There's a lot that could go right!" Feliks counters immediately. "Think about it, we can't be the only gay kids in our school. We can't be the only gay kids in the neighbourhood. Maybe if other people see us doing it, they might want to speak out as well."
"Th-they might even join in the parade."
"Exactly! It's the twenty-first century, and it's time to make a difference. How's the music coming along, Eddie?"
"Um…" Eduard hesitates, straightening his glasses. "It should be okay. I made some changes to the volume settings so it'll be loud enough."
"Great! So we're all set then?"
The four of them exchange nervous, anticipating glances. Toris clears his throat and summons all the confidence he has in him.
"Come on, guys." He holds out a hand into the centre of them. "Who's ready to change the world?"
Feliks grins and smacks his hand on top of Toris'. "I am!"
Raivis hesitates, then extends his own hand. "I am."
Eduard smiles and places his own hand atop the pile. "I am."
"Then," Feliks begins, looking round at them all with such a wide smile that Toris thinks his face could split in half. "Let's have the best, first, gay pride parade that this neighbourhood has ever seen!"
They all cheer and fling their hands up into the air. "Let's change the world!"
Feliks crouches down and begins unrolling banners and straightening badges and adjusting music settings. Then he stands up, grabs Toris in his arms, and kisses him, hard.
"What was that for?" Toris asks, smiling, when he draws back.
"For being the best, most wonderful, bravest, most revolutionary boyfriend in this whole, entire, crazy-ass world. Let's turn everything upside down."
Toris kisses him again, and then suddenly they are standing up straight and holding up banners and doing last minute checks, and then they are all chanting together;
"Three…two…one…"
Eduard slams his hand on the music button and they erupt into the sunlight to the sound of their own laughter and cheers and the music booming over the stereo, swelling into the morning air and filling every corner, every dark alleyway and boarded-up house and littered pavement with their passion and hope for the future. The fire has been relit in all of them, glowing brighter and stronger than they had ever thought possible.
And as he tilts his head up towards the light, feeling it dance across his skin and ignite everything in him until the pride and exhilaration and pure love is bursting out of him so fiercely he can't hold it in anymore, and the colours and emotions are exploding around him and life is too much, far, far, too much and it's brilliant, Toris realises that Feliks is right:
Their love is revolutionary. Their love will overthrow the world.
When it gets hard
I get a little stronger now,
I get a little braver now.
And when it gets dark
I get a little brighter now,
I get a little wiser now,
Before I give my heart away.
~Fin~
Thank you for reading! This is genuinely the trashiest thing I've ever published but I hope you all enjoyed it anyways. Feel free to leave a fav, follow, or review – feedback for my stories would make my day, and concrit is always welcome :)
(Title and extracts are from 'A Little Braver' by New Empire)