Author's Note: Yeah. I like 2/86. It closetriffic. Also, there's a few pieces of BEAUTIFUL fanart done for this fanfic (some awesome friends of mine drew them), and if you want to see them, ask. I'll post the links on my profile page, or something.
"Ugh...oh, what do THEY know? They wouldn't know if someone was soda-drunk if...if...they punched them in the face! Yeah! YEAH! In fact . . . "
"No no, Numbuh 86, I don't think they need those kinda of measures taken . . . "
It was all Numbuh 2 could say as he dragged the drunken Numbuh 86 from the Soda SpeakEasy. He grunted as he put her right arm around his shoulder, gripping that wrist tightly so he would have a better hold on her. He put his other hand around her waist, trying to steady her.
"Hey, pal! Keep your filthy hands to yourself!" She growled, swaying slightly as if trying to break free of his grasp, but Numbuh 2 just rolled his eyes and reaffirmed his grip. She stopped struggling after a moment, though she was still swaying unconsciously. Her knees kept buckling, and Hoagie had to continue finding new ways to keep her moving. He needed to get her to the treehouse, so he could drive her back to the moonbase.
"Hey, hey...hey...did I ever tell you about my life?"
Hoagie let out a long sigh. It was going to be a LONG night.
"No, Numbuh 86, you haven't." He felt almost sorry for the girl stumbling haphazardly next to him. When he got a call from Numbuh 362 about Fanny stealing away and drowning herself in soda, he felt like letting out a derisive snort and denying the request to go fetch her. But then the Supreme Leader told him that today Numbuh 86 had to decommission a dear friend of hers, and that she often dealt with that by burying her sorrows by having one too many bottles of pop.
He had felt an unwavering sense of sympathy for Numbuh 86 since then, having never realized that decommissioning was such a hard job. It seemed like a silly thing to overlook now; it would only make sense that Fanny would have troubles with her position. Maybe that's why she always seemed so cold, so harsh on everyone else...she didn't want to become too attached to them, because she knew she'd have to decommission them sometime.
It was a good thing that Numbuh 2 related to Fanny, because none of the other Sector V members agreed to go get her from the Soda Speakeasy. Kuki was probably the one who would've cheerfully volunteered, but her father had made her go home early that night. And so, a bit peeved at his friends' insensitivity to Numbuh 86's problems, Hoagie grudgingly went to go help her.
And now he was remembering why he usually couldn't stand this girl.
"Well, well...I fell off those monkey bars, right? Those long, pretty monkey bars...I f-fell from so HIGH. Y-you were there!" She was rambling now, but Hoagie recalled that day in kindergarten when Fanny had, indeed, slipped and toppled off the bars, though there were only elevated a few feet off the ground. Numbuh 2 had been playing hide-and-seek with his friend Nigel Uno at the time, but they both had come running when they heard Fanny's screams.
"Yeah, I got this HUGE gaping hole right in the middle of my leg! A-and, it was BLEEDING! And, and...then that stinkin' Brit boy went and got the teacher...and you! You tried to get me to stop cryin' by telling my some stupid jokes . . . " It was true. Young Hoagie had gotten worried for the loud, red-headed girl, because she seemed to be in such extreme pain. He made the other kids back off while he muttered light-hearted assurances, many of which included knock-knock jokes and puns. Present-day Hoagie chuckled at the memory, thinking it was probably the only truly pleasant one he had with Fanny.
"Yes, I remember." Numbuh 2 said with only slight annoyance, grinning sheepishly at the cars passing by and the drivers giving him weird looks. He wished he had taken the secret route home, so Numbuh 86 wouldn't have been making such a scene.
"They were s-so dumb . . . and I laughed . . . so funny! Y-you shoulda beena comedian . . . " Her words were slurring now, Hoagie noted, and her gait was even more sluggish. She must be REALLY drunk if she thinks my jokes are funny. He thought grimly, though a memory bubbled to the surface of his mind. He received a vague image of Fanny in fit of giggles over his jokes on that day in kindergarten so long ago, when she had hurt her leg. Such a surprising memory almost made him drop the girl in his arms. She HAD laughed at my jokes. Hoagie glanced to her, wondering what had made him so humorous then but so geeky now.
"I'm happy you found me funny." He told her earnestly, making a point to hug her arm tighter around his neck. The act of intimacy was supposed to be a friendly way of saying he was grateful, but Fanny gazed at him with that dreamy look in her eyes that had once only been shown to Numbuh 19th Century.
Fanny then began to mumble inaudibly under her breath, and Hoagie found himself straining to hear.
"...so cute . . . made fun of you . . . flirting . . . I'm a better kisser than that Cree . . . " Her last statement made Hoagie smirk; it only figured that everyone knew about his crush on Cree. It wasn't like it was a secret. He then realized that he should try to change the subject, before Fanny said something equally embarrassing that she might regret voicing later. He opened his mouth to do so, but she quickly cut him off.
"Yeah...YEAH. 19th Century was a lousy kis'er anyway...you...you haf exp'r'nce. Lessee how YOU do." Suddenly, Fanny tilted her head back and reached toward Hoagie's, where he found that his lips were being graced by this drunken girl in his arms. It was a sloppy and weak embrace and smelled of soda, but that didn't stop his nerves from dancing and a tingling sensation from rolling down his spine. He halted out of shock, dumbfounded at this turn of events, unsure of how to handle it. If he pushed her away, she might get mad and get herself into a fit. If he continued to let her kiss him, she might remember later and come after him with a vengeance. If he kissed her back . . . well, he wouldn't survive the week.
His decision was made for him as Fanny pressed her free hand to the back of Hoagie's head, forcing his lips to conform with hers. Flailing his arms out of desperation and frustration, Hoagie could only watch as she held the kiss for a few moments longer. Finally, she came up for air, and brought a hand to her mouth, as if in awe of what she just did. Then she nodded once to herself, muttering.
"Yes, yes . . . better . . . " And with that, she tried to walk forward, forgetting how powerless her legs were. She collapsed immediately, much to Hoagie's alarm (who had been trying not to think of the consequences of that cursed kiss), and he hastily knelt to her side.
"Fanny! Are you okay?" He exclaimed, forgetting to refer to her as her codename. Pulling her up by her shoulders so she was facing him, Hoagie let out a loud sigh of relief as he found Fanny's eyes open. The last thing he needed was for her to pass out.
"D-dandy as can-nan-dy . . . " She replied in a musical tone, leaving Hoagie to suppress a chuckle and roll his eyes. He hefted her arm back around his shoulders and lifted her up, determined to get her back to the treehouse so she could recuperate. Maybe if he took extra good care of her, she'd had to forgive him for witnessing one of the most awkward moments of her life. He was clutching at false hopes, he knew. This whole scenario would end in a very, very ugly way.
Hoagie looked to Numbuh 86, who was slurring the words of a random song as she struggled to remain upright. He could still feel the imprint of her soft lips, like they were permanently etched on his mouth. Thin, coiling tendrils of red hair flowed together to form a sinuous mane, bouncing at her shoulders, sometimes brushing across his arm. Delicate freckles dotted her cheeks, reminding Hoagie of the way stars dot a sky. Her eyes, despite being glazed over with the sticky film of intoxication, wear overflowing with...happiness. He had never seen her so carefree, so jovial, so vulnerable and exposed. Hoagie decided that, even though she was soda-drunk, the fact Fanny Fullbright's impenetrable defenses were down made her beautiful.
And, despite the looming future, Hoagie took the time to admire such beauty. For the time being, it'd probably be the only chance he, or anyone else, would ever have.