Dedicated to Bite The Dust, a dumb nerd who thinks I'm cooler than pillows and candy. Been with me through the best and worst of times, and I've been a right shit so I owe her this. Without further ado, nonsensical smut that probably breaks canon a thousand ways. Enjoy~!
All things considered, despite her recent happy life with Suwabara, Monica was having a terrible week. Her boyfriend had been acting strangely, she was certain their competition knew it was them, Azuma had come up with the same type of bread they did, and now Suwa had run off, swearing to kill himself for his failure. They had found him, with Kuroyan's help, kneeling on a bed of rocks in the flowing waters of the Omono River, sword primed to end his life.
Striken with grief, Monica missed most of her friends pleas for his life, but the Manager's words got through to her despite that, "Any man who would die and leave a pregnant girl alone is irresponsible! Right, Monica?"
This got a huge rise out of everyone, her most of all. Her face reflexively flushed a bright red, but her heart sank. Thoughts racing incoherently through her mind, she was certain Suwa was dead now. The Manager's plot was smart, assuming two young lovers with nothing but free time alone together would have sex, but they hadn't even kissed, let alone had sex. Assuming Suwa had any idea how pregnancy worked at all, the only possibility was that she had cheated on him. Of course, she wasn't pregnant, but a man like Suwabara wouldn't just assume that, especially coming from someone like Manager.
"Is… is it true, Monica?!" Everything she knew about the way the world worked told her he was accusing her of adultery in his head at this exact moment, but Suwabara's eyes when he said this sent a wave of doubt through her. Even so, if he somehow didn't know the details of how pregnancy works, she wasn't sure she could bring herself to lie to him. She weakly stammered out a few noncommittal noises, thinking of the right way to tell him the truth without pushing him over the edge, but the fearsome look Manager shot her scared her right out of it, and into making what she was absolutely certain was the worst decision of her life.
"IT.. IT'S TRUE!" She shouted, the stuttering coming more from her own fear of sounding incompetent than anything else, as she made a conscious effort to press her hands onto her stomach, trying to draw attention to where the fetus would have been in her body, hoping against hope for the first time in her life that her lover was an absolute moron.
"Let's go, Monica!" He shouted in response to this, "We must leave, follow me!" Her eyes blank, Monica froze for a moment. Some part of her still thought he knew she wasn't pregnant, but the frenzied look in his eyes was one of dedication and compassion, not fury and judgement. Somewhat losing her composure, stood frozen for a few seconds as Suwa sprinted away, and then took off after him.
As she caught up to him and bent double, panting for breath, her gasps overriding the sounds of the wind rustling the trees around them, her mind was full of a powerful guilt. She was almost certain now that he had bought that she was pregnant, and it made her feel downright monstrous. As they conversed about when she had gotten pregnant, her eyes stayed downcast. When she learned about Suwabara's father, her voice quivered and she felt like she deserved to fall over dead. He had dedicated himself to never having children for the sake of being an artisan, and she had ruined that dream for him. Not only had she ruined it, he wouldn't even be getting a kid out of it.
When her lover exploded with enthusiasm about making her child proud, however, as bad as she still felt deep down, she was overcome with a temporary sense of intense joy. Practically leaping forward, she threw her arms around the samurai's well toned torso, her face pressed into his chest to hide what she thought were about to be tears of joy from his vision. She wanted her lover to be proud, happy about and for her, some part of her thought that a Japanese man like him would look down on her tears. However, he was too busy looking skyward in wonderment about getting her pregnant via a hug to even notice the wetness of her crying on his chest. As Suwabara's arms wrapped around her, all visions of his suicidal desires faded away, with strong feelings of fatherly dedication.
Despite all of this, however, Monica was now left with a unique problem. She had to get pregnant, somehow. Shy as she was about physical affection from ruining her hands working, she had to coerce her dear samurai into sleeping with her as many times as it took for her to get pregnant, or risk him finding out about the lie. He would of course eventually figure out how female bodies worked, so her only hope was to be carrying a child before he found out, to hopefully quell his anger before it overtook him.
Her forehead pressed firmly into his warm skin, the bright sun of a mid-afternoon blaring down on them through the treetops, and the sound of birds lightly chirping in the trees made Monica sigh, both from relief and terror, before weakly smiling.
As he closed the door to the house he and Monica had been staying in during the tournament, Suwabara leaned his head back, losing himself in thought. It was true that he had never been giving any kind of formal sexual education, what knowledge he had was limited to the mechanics of his own body, but he was surprised to learn that one could impregnate a girl via a warm embrace. As he took off his ninja mask, throwing it onto the table in the living room, a silent Monica suddenly vanishing into the bedroom, he considered something that terrified him.
He had always been an attractive man, at least, that's what people claimed, and what the frequent glances from that degenerate Kawachi seemed to imply. Kawachi's glances didn't exactly surprise him, he had pegged the kansai baker as gay almost immediately. In fact, as he thought about it, he realized that a lot of the people who found him attractive were men. Regardless, though, his samurai's body led several people to touch him against his will, and at least a few of them had been women. Though he had to admit the warmth and softness of hugging a woman was enjoyable, the fact that he had allowed that unsolicited contact now terrified him. Do I have other children, somewhere, that I don't know about? He thought, the notion filling him with terror. His child with Monica could damage his quest to make the ultimate bread just because he would have to help raise it, but he could soldier through that, and was, in fact, honor bound to do so. What about the other girls, though? If he in fact had other children, wouldn't Monica eventually find out? Would she leave him because of it?
Collapsing onto the couch, he pulled Azuma's bread out of his pocket and set it on the table. That damned loaf had nearly cost him his life, and could have easily left several women without the father to their children. Closing his eyes and sighing, Suwabara reached into his other pocket and pulled out his bandana, quickly recovering his hair. This did much to help him relax. While he wasn't exactly shy about his hair, he had had it mostly covered for so long that he felt somewhat naked without his bandana on.
Suddenly, from the other room, Monica called out, her voice bringing a smile to his face as it echoed down the hall. "Hey, where are you? Get in here, samurai boy!"
As much as he liked hearing her voice, he had a feeling he knew what this was. Something about either the baby, or his past whether he might have other children. Begrudgingly, he climbed to his feet and somewhat shamefully slinked down the hall, now almost certain he was a father of at least one other child. He would have to admit this to his girlfriend immediately, get out in front of the damage it could cause to his honor if he didn't.
Upon opening the door to their room, what was visible of his face went red and slackjawed with shock. Monica was back in her bikini from the first tournament. While it wasn't unusual for her to wear it sometimes, for swimming or just if she felt like cooking something, he somehow felt odd at the idea of his pregnant lover walking around like that.
"Wh-what are you wearing that for? You're pregnant, you shouldn't be up and about. If you're hungry, just tell me and I'll cook something." Stammering slightly, Suwa stepped back towards the door, bumping into it and causing it to swing closed behind him.
Monica had been hoping that, by wearing her bikini in their bedroom, she might evoke some primal response from him and make her job of having to seduce him much easier, but his response made it clear that was not to be the case. She had even done her best of putting on a lusty face, which immediately fell flat in disbelief from his comment about cooking. Putting one hand on her hip, she slowly brushed some of her strawberry blonde hair out of her face, tucking it back behind her ear and pressing her free palm to her forehead, before falling backward onto the matress.
"Oh my god sweetie I can't believe you could possibly think that. Of course I don't want to cook, I just felt like wearing the bikini!" She was a fairly bold woman, her display at the contest in France proved that, but even she started blushing now. Her faint hope had been that he might trip into an erotic frenzy from his clear lack of any kind of sexual outlet and ambush her on sight, she hadn't even had a backup plan for if that failed. Crossing her arms over her chest, she looked to the side at the pile of clothes made up of her discarded ninja costume, and the large pile of snacks and other things she kept near the bed at all times. Maybe he would have reacted better if I hadn't left such a mess…? Monica thought to herself, sighing slightly.
"Then why did you call me in here? Is something else wrong?" She noticed Suwa's eyes were a bit wider than normal, and he seemed nervous. It didn't seem like an aroused type of anxiety. Did he think she was upset? It was certainly possible, he had just tried to kill himself in front of his "pregnant by hugging" girlfriend. Suddenly her eyes widened too, realization striking her as Suwabara turned to re-open the door. In the world of his head, women got pregnant from hugs now. Did he think hugging people was cheating on them? She had to break the illusion quickly, but she had no idea how to without letting him know she wasn't pregnant. Monica would have to do something very bold, something that terrified her. Making the first move, one of her greatest fears, she had no idea what to do in this situation, but if she could distract her boyfriend by sleeping with him, maybe she could get rid of the questions at least until after they had sex, and with luck, she'd be pregnant for real by then.
Biting her lower lip, she rubbed her badly burned fingertips up and down her arms as Suwa started to leave the room, before quickly shouting out "Wait!"
Against her better judgement, Monica lept to her feet. Dreading the next thirty seconds more than even the few before she was certain her boyfriend was going to kill himself, she reached her hands behind her. Unclipping the top of her bikini, she let it fall to the ground, exposing her fairly large breasts as she sprinted straight towards Suwabara. Wrapping her arms around him, she forced her lips to his. The last thing she saw as her eyes started to close were his eyes, wide open and almost entirely white, his entire face a bright red. Then he fell sideways, they both fell headfirst into the door, and everything went black.