A/N: This is crack. I have flu – so I think that's my excuse. My delirium riddled brain is filthy and random!
Clint sighed, "What'd he do now?"
Thor rocked back and fore in the corner, cradling Mjolnir to his chest, "I don't want to talk about it!" he sobbed.
"Ooookkk, I'm guessing it was traumatic?"
Big Viking sobs were the only response.
"Thor, you're gonna have to give me some more information – I don't have time to play twenty questions."
The day had started so well. A dash of smiting, and some pop-tarts for breakfast; what more could you want?
Then he'd gone up to the Man of Iron's suite to see if he wished to hunt... and that's when it had all gone wrong. So wrong.
He'd thought that the Man of Iron and his brother had required assistance – had some heinous foe broken into their fair tower? For, surely, those were sounds of pain ringing out in his little brother's voice?
"Mine eyes!"
"Shit!" Tony threw a blanket over Loki's head and body; as if that made the problem disappear.
"Tony, what the fuck are you doing?" Loki yelped, voice muffled by the wool,"I am not a sofa!"
"Wait, wait, wait!" Clint raised both hands above his head, "Tony was in bed with Loki?"
Thor clutched Mjolnir tighter, and nodded miserably.
"Stark, get this fucking blanket off my head! My arms are pinned under you!"
A growl, low in Thor's throat, "Man of Iron, thou hast ravished mine brother!"
"Oh for fuck's sake, is that Thor?" Loki's voice, and a twitch of the blanket, "I'm a grown man Thor – I can have sex with whoever I want!... Anthony, get this fucking blanket off my head!"
Tony, who had been trying to wish himself invisible, and avoid drawing attention to his obvious (ahem) interest in the lithe form struggling in the blanket beneath him, looked up like a startled rabbit.
"I believe," Thor rumbled, "that my brother made a request of you, Man of Iron – or are you the sort of coward to hold a lover against his will?"
"Oh please, Thor!" the blanket-voice snapped, "Stop being such a big fucking baby! Tony – either get this blanket off of me, or fuck me as I am; I'm getting impatient, and this butt-plug is slipping out!"
Thor felt naseous.
"Clint's acting weird."
Loki looked up from his book, "That's nice Tony; how can you tell?"
"Nice... He won't even look at me, though. Do you think he borrowed my toothbrush?"
Loki rolled his eyes, "Yes darling, I'm sure that's what it is."