I'll Never Let Them Hurt You
The Nightmare.
I ran. I didn't stop. Branches slashed my cheeks and the cold air stung the cuts. Narrowly missing trees that seemed to spring up in front of me. That's when I realised that I couldn't hear anything except my own feet pounding the hard forest floor below and my rapid breathing. Where the hell was my dad? He was right behind me a minute ago.
I slowed to a jog then collapsed in an exhausted state on a felled tree. My lungs were burning, my breathing was rapid and un-organised. That's when I felt it, a shuddering jolt rippled through my body. It was after me... no, there was a name. My name. Someone was runnning towards me shouting my name.
"Frank?" The voice without a body shouted through the dense greenery.
"Frank!" It calls again and then he floated into view. Above me? But, oh wait. I'd had another nightmare.
"Frank, you had the nightmare again didn't you?" asked Gerard, re-arranging the pillows behind me so I could lean on them.
"Yeah, it's been happening a lot lately." I replied, removing my damp shirt and throwing it on the floor.
"It's okay, i'm still here."
I could tell he was smiling sympathetically at me through the darkness as he wrapped his warm, protective arms around my shaking body. When my heart had slowed down, he pulled away from the embrace.
"I'll go run us a bath." Gerard said, as he turned on the table lamp.
"But it's..." I looked at the clock next to my bed, 4:17am, "not even half four in the morning."
"I know," Gerard let out a short laugh, "but it'll calm you down and besides, you're wet through anyway." he turned and left my room.
It was true, the nightmare always brings on a cold sweat, i've never been able to control it. It happens when I get nervous. At least when i'm on stage it's thanks to the hot lights and the performance.
This nightmare i've been having, it's all down to a real event. When I was 16, I went fishing with my dad and we were camping overnight in this national forest in the middle of New Hampshire. My mom wasn't happy with us going out there from Belleville because it's about five hours away but my dad managed to persuade her.
The next morning, we set off at about six in the morning to get there on time to set up the tent and the rods when we got there. Everything was fine, i'd atually managed to catch a few fish and set the tent up without too much trouble. Then sunset came and that's when things turned for the worse. My dad had helped me to light a fire and the smoke was ascending high above the trees, the smell of the cooking fish was travelling with the smoke which must have been what attracted the bear.
It appeared from the deep undergrowth about ten minutes after we put the fish on the fire. It sniffed the air a few times and alternated between looking at me and my dad then the fish. Then it lifted itself up onto its hind legs and my dad told me to look away.
"Frankie? I need you to stay really quiet and look away from it. If it charges, run. Run as fast as you can, i'll be right behind you."
I tried to interject, I wasn't going to leave my dad with this bear, "But dad I..."
"Shush Frank," he said firmly but quietly, "I'll be right behind you, it only wants the fish."
Too late, the bear snarled and ran at us, I did follow my dad's instructions but with regret. I didn't stop running, to this day I hate knowing that I didn't go back to him. I'm just lucky that I ran straight into the campsite of the Way brothers otherwise I would have never gotten home. Of course, at that time I didn't know that Gerard, the eldest Way brother, would become my boyfriend. He was just a guy helping a scared and distraught sixteen year old boy that ran smack bang into the side of his tent. I still remember the conversation despite it being five years ago, I don't know how, maybe it's because the situation was so unusual but anyway...
I remember running into this tent and being really confused and disorientated for a few seconds, I stumbled backwards and tried to get my bearings, that's when Mikey came out of the tent with an equally confused look on his face. He told me to sit down and offered me some water.
"Gerard?" Mikey shouted into the trees, I remember it scaring the shit out of me because I thought his shouts would attract the bear. I started shaking again, the water sloshed about in the flask i'd been given.
"Gerard!" That's when he appeared from behind a thick tree trunk. A tall, skinny boy with black matted hair, carrying a pile of twigs and branches. He dropped them down next to me and asked my name and what had happened.
"Well, Frank it's a good job you ran into knows what you would have done if you hadn't. You can stay with us tonight and we'll drive you home tomorrow. I'm truly sorry that you've lost your dad, he was a brave man to make you run when he stayed. Look, if you need anything just ask us okay?"
That was the first time I saw his famous sympathetic smile that i've grown to know. It looks cute on him and usually makes me feel better but, at that moment, the only thing I wanted in the world was my dad.