The living room is the most painful place of all. I guess most people would say the bedroom, because that's where we became one. For me though, it will always be the front room where our couch sits just looking out into the kitchen. It's where we spent the most time, and connected on a different level.
I remember a night he came home late after work. We weren't dating yet then, but he gently kissed my forehead, and pulled the covers up to my chin. I had fallen asleep on the couch waiting for him to come home. His diner had long since grown cold. I only pretended to be asleep so I could watch him show how exhausted he was, and how much work was wearing on him, because he never let me see.
Fond memories can be found around any corner. Just as tragic ones can be lurking behind that same one. The couch, the bed, house, and path we always took to the train send such memories flooding through me. Like a river whose dam couldn't hold, it all rushes into me, and I feel so overwhelmed. All the fights we had, wasted time I now know we couldn't spare. I just want to go back and hold his hand within my own. A warm hand that isn't six feet underground.
Just like our, I mean, my living room other things as simple as a spoon can bring back a time when something was better, or bad, but still there. A spoon was the first thing he threw at me when I left for Scepter 4, followed by a shoe, a bowl, and a chair. How I'd take a chair flying over my head any day now instead of it sitting here empty.
We were walking home after our date that night. Ramen and a movie upon his request. Our hands linked together at our sides, and a slow stride to our step. There was no rush to get home, because it was just the city lights and us. When we get home there wouldn't be the warm snuggly feeling filled with content, but a hot lusting passion persuading our bodies to come together.
I loved how his hand fit in mine, that he walked on the outside to protect me and show me he was my man. A silly trait he picked up before Homra, Sceptor 4 and kings when it was just us facing the world. I never would have thought that positioning would actually protect me.
It happened too fast. I was spacing out too giddy to think about anything other than his warm body by my side and the ring he'd placed on my finger just five minutes before. After so many years finally going to one knee and asking me to be his, and only his. Then he was pushing me away, bright headlights blocking my vision as tires screeched. His small body flying into the air upon impact.
People around us began shouting, and the car continued swerving down the street, but none of that mattered. My Misaki was laying 5 feet away from me not getting up. As I ran toward him I already knew from the way his body was laying something was wrong.
I didn't dare move him, but I set his head into my lap. I began petting his hair trying to comfort him. I began petting his hair trying to comfort him as it grew damper with blood. I hardly noticed that my hands were beginning to get covered in his warm, sticky blood. I knew the ambulance was on its way so I just sat there holding him. He was looking at me, blood beginning to trickle down from his mouth. Not a tear came down from his beautiful eyes, but I sat there weeping quietly.
"Saru, I can't feel my legs." He told me quietly, smiling yet fear shone in his eyes brightly. He began coughing until blood was seeping down his chin. "Before I die will you show me one thing I've always wanted to see? Will you just smile a true smile for me, so I know you'll be alright?"
I paused, unable to bring a smile to my face. "Misaki, I- I can't." Was all I could choke up before the tears overpowered me. I couldn't bring myself to smile at that time. I tried to think of my happiest moments in my life, but they were all of the man who was about to leave me. The sobbing persisted, but I still didn't break down into screaming at Misaki he wasn't going to die. That I wouldn't let him die.
His breathing became raspier. The blood beginning to pool, and his eyes starting to go blank. His life, my life, it was all about to be over. I thought I could faintly hear the sounds of sirens in the distance, but that might have been more hope than reality.
"I love you." I said. Waiting him to hear it at least once. I grabbed his hand into mine, knowing he couldn't grab my own and that the moment. "Misaki I've always loved you."
He chuckled weakly, a faint smile gracing his face. "I know. I love you too." He said before his eyes closed, as his head went limp in my lap. The hope I had for emergency vehicles no longer mattered as their lights began rebounding off the surrounding streets, and adding new colors of blue and red to the city lights.
A small crowd gathered around us, I almost could hear them mumbling if I had cared to listen. Beyond the sirens a man's voice telling the crowd to make room grew louder. My mind was blank. I knew I was sobbing, mumbling things like, "wake up Misaki" and "you can't die now". I almost fought the nurses when they tried to get him to the ambulance.
When they checked him they said there was no hope for him. Internally bleeding, broken spine, fractured skull and a rib through a lung. Only a miracle could have saved Misaki after he was hit. He was as good as gone upon impact. There is no bringing him back now.
How pathetically ironic. A powerful hero wielding a skateboard and a sign of honor, to be slain by a drunk driver. Stab wounds, magic and being beaten to a pulp was nothing to him. and yet an average human, on a normal day killed the only man I may ever love, and I couldn't do a god damn thing about it.
The driver was never caught, and if he was I'd probably torture him slowly until he died. If there is a lesson here I seemed to have missed it. My life should have ended long ago. I want to think, can only think, Misaki wants me to keep going, to stay here. All I want to do is get hit by a train, or finally cut deep enough. I want the misery to end, but I really just want him back. Now I'll live to find the smile I couldn't give him, hoping there is a heaven so he can see it at least one time.
Author's Note (AKA Rant): My goodness this took forever. I'm so sorry SunFlor and happy very late birthday present! I hope it's sad enough and gave people some heavy feels.
I know it's been awhile since writing for this fandom (Hi fandom! Remember me?) I'm sort of having trouble reading the novels, but I'm going to return anyways. Sorry for disappearing for like a year it's time for me to finish Freezing Fire (now that I have a plot for it), A Fairytale's Nightmare (though that will require taking it down and restarting the editing), and I'm going to finish Crimson Shards (sorry it was taken down I had nothing to do with that...) Now as far as the things that actually require more than editing my writing speed has decreased, but I've been working on my writing abilities (yay!). I'll also be redoing absolutely everything and re-posting on AO3 because FFN is almost dead. (my account is RinNightshade might change it back to Deaths Lie). So long as swimming doesn't overrun my entire life I'll have something posted (hopefully rewrite of everything listed above) by early morning Monday of next week.
Anyways back more on topic and less about information no one really cares to read. Thank you so much for reading this story. I seriously hope 1'200+ words was enough to royally break your heart and make you cry (I'm not evil I'm just honest). Please review, favorite, PM me, share to others, or just ignore it and continue with your life. Everything you do is fine I'm simply happy you read it, and hopefully enjoyed it you cute little masochistic fanchild.