I SADLY OWN NOTHING

I wrote this story at the beginning of last year, I reworked because I wasn't really pleased with the way the story was going…if you read this already, the first 2 chapters are pretty much the same, just some time/flashbacks are a little different. The majority of the changes will be seen in the middle/end of the story.

I appreciate everyone who reviewed/alerted/favorite the story originally, and apologize for the inexcusable delay in updating my stories. Hopefully you enjoy!

Thanks, Nan

It's not really set at a particular time in the seasons, but Elliot and Kathy are divorced, and Kathy is out of the picture.

10:25 am Hospital Corridor

"You'll never understand!" he shouted. "You're not a parent, thank god for that!"

Olivia recoiled as if he had slapped her. She wished he would have, at least that kind of pain was quick and fading, the words he hurled at her hurt. A deep heart breaking hurt that she felt she might never recover from.

"I understand you're upset Elliot, and yes I may not have a child of my own, but that doesn't mean I love Eli any less, or would purposely put him in danger." She wasn't sure he had even heard her; she had never seen him this angry. When he finally spoke it wasn't the response she had wanted.

"What were you even doing downtown? All you had to do was pick him up from daycare and bring him here. Even if you stopped to get him medicine you wouldn't have had to go there." He shouted the last of it causing her concussion to remind her it was there. She felt weaker than she ever had and aside from her head, her broken wrist was throbbing, and her ribs were killing her. The pain from where the bullet had grazed her was a dull ache compared to everything else, probably because she still couldn't believe it had happened. Her cast was hidden under the baggie sweatshirt an EMT had lent her, and she took extra care to disguise her facial expressions to conceal the real pain she was in.

She took a deep breath before speaking. "There was a jack-knifed tractor trailer on the bridge this morning and the detour took us there. I didn't have a choice El, it was quicker to just follow the detour than backtrack the whole way around!"

"Save it Olivia, I trusted you with my son! I trusted you, and you nearly got him killed. He is 4 years old, and he has a compound fracture in his arm while you have no injuries aside from stray glass!"

"Please El, let me explain, there was a . . ."

"No, you know what; stay the hell away of from my son. I don't want you anywhere near him, do you understand?"

"Stabler family?" Olivia welcomed the interruption, and tried to control her breathing as she watched the doctor speak with Elliot. "Mr. Stabler, we were able to set his arm, and close the wound with no difficulties. He has been moved to recovery, and he is asking for someone or something named 'Livvie'."

Olivia had heard that, and tried to make herself invisible, the man had just told her to stay away from his son, and Eli was now asking for her instead of his father. She could actually see his anger creeping up his neck in a cartoonish way.

He turned around to face her, and before he could speak she said "Please, let me see him, to say goodbye, to tell him I won't be around for a bit. Please," she stopped and swallowed because her voice had broken and she refused to cry in front of him now.

"Fine, but I'm going in first, and I will be right outside in the hall to make sure nothing else happens to him." She didn't say anything, just followed him through the double doors that led to the recovery room. She waited leaning against the wall battling the fresh wave of nausea her concussion was causing. She had checked herself out of the hospital as soon as she could. She would be leaving in 1 hour whether she wanted to or not, so she didn't see the point of spending that hour in a bed, so she leaned back against the cold wall and closed her eyes. She wished she could redo the whole day…

EARLIER THAT MORNING

Precinct 7:50 am

Olivia walked into the precinct carrying two cups of steaming coffee. She shivered a little in the elevators as the warmth of the building finally broke through the unusually bitter cold weather for the month of November.

"Hey El." She didn't wait for an answer, not knowing if he would really give her one anyway, and just placed his coffee on his desk. Since his divorce, it seemed aside from being there for Eli when he needed her, she could do nothing right. When she asked how he was doing he got defensive and would advise her to mind her own business, though most of the time it was not nearly as friendly. He also seemed to get mad at her if she didn't speak to him, asking what had happened to not make her blabber all morning. She tried to not take it personally, knowing he was struggling with his faith and the divorce, not to mention that the final breaking point in his marriage was Kathy cheating on him!

"Hey Livia, how you doing this fine morning?" Fin waited for her to stop staring at the back of her partners head as if that would somehow tell her what mood he was in today.

"Hey Fin, I'm fine, and what about yourself?" She answered him as she turned toward him fully.

"I have been meaning to ask you if you ever opened up that restraining order against Raymond Cortez's brother Jesse? Is he still threatening you for locking up Raymond?"

Olivia sighed and debated telling him that everything was fine like she always did, but figured he was asking because he cared for her and he deserved to know what was going on.

*FLASHBACK*

2 months earlier SVU interrogation room

"You think we don't have enough to hold in court? You are a sick disgusting slob who gets off on raping little boys. You were so rough with one of them he died from blood loss! You're going away for good, guess what you'll be doing in prison?" Olivia slammed her palms down on the table that was scattered with various photos of the boys Raymond Cortez had raped or in the last victims' case murdered and raped.

"I ain't gonna be nobody's bitch in prison cause I'm not going! Where is your evidence bitch? You are so confident. Then show me! Otherwise I think we are done here." Raymond sat back with a smug look on his face. He never left a trace of evidence behind. He wasn't sure why he had been brought in for questioning, but his last boy had been textbook clean. He was no idiot, he was certain he didn't slip up.

Olivia smiled and looked at him, "yeah you're right Ray, and we are done here. You're under arrest for the murder of Joey Dawson, and the raping of Joey and 12 other little boys." As she said this she had placed a piece of paper in front of him that had a DNA result on it. "See here Ray, you slipped with your last victim Ryan. He wasn't wearing shoes did you know that? He managed to scrape you with his toe nails drawing blood and collecting skin cells that are a direct match to the DNA sample from the last time you were in prison. You are gonna make the guys in prison very happy."

She looked at him and was happy to see that smug look off his face. He was pale and sweating probably from fear of having what he did to those little boys done to him.

"You will regret this with every breath in your body bitch! Do you hear me? Your days are numbered!..." His shouts were drowned out when Olivia walked out of the room, and into a whole new scene of chaos.

Elliot had Jesse Cortez's face smashed against the wall while he was putting cuffs on him muttering about assaulting an Officer. When Elliot turned towards her she saw he had a split lip from where he had been hit, and also that he had done some damage to Jesse's face as well.

"Where the hell is my brother bitch?" Jesse spat out.

"Jesse, your older brother is a horrible excuse for a man and he is going away for life for what he did." Olivia replied, trying to keep her voice even and control the concern she had for Elliot and the blood she saw on his face and knuckles. She hated when he was hurt, seeing him in pain and bleeding was like her being hurt herself. Not to mention she was usually the one to clean his minor injuries and he was such a baby.

"He may have been dumb enough to get caught, but you can bet I won't! You better watch your back cause when I get out of here, I am coming after you bitch." He shouted the last of it as he was being led away by another officer, leaving Olivia to tend to Elliot's wounds, and assure him that she was FINE and didn't need a babysitter because of Jesse.

"I'm a cop Elliot, I know how to take care of myself, and I have been threatened before and look. Here I am." She flung her arms out to the side with flourish to further prove her point and successfully ending the discussion for the time being.

*End Flashback*

Olivia thought quickly about how much to tell Fin especially here in the open where anyone, most importantly Elliot could hear them. She hadn't told him about all the late night calls with vicious threats, or the times she had sworn she was being followed. They had enough on their plates without adding a potential stalker to the mix.

"There isn't really anything new happening right now Fin. There haven't been any incidents all week, and after I found the box with a dead snake in it I have been more aware of what is going on around me. I swear this whole thing is driving me crazy! I have been paying attention to detail so much I could tell you the flavor of the gum in the guy's mouth behind me this morning while I was picking up coffee." She kept her voice to a whisper and was holding a folder in her hand in case anyone wondered what they were discussing.

"That's good baby girl, you know I'm only looking out for you right?" He asked with the same brotherly affection she had grown to love about him. "And I think you should tell Stabler what has been going on these last two months. If something does happen or he finds out somehow, he is gonna be pissed that you didn't tell him." He added more seriously.

She thanked him for asking but chose not to respond to his last statement fearing it would lead to an argument. She walked back to her desk and looked at Elliot as she took a sip of her coffee. He was on the phone and didn't look happy at all. She chuckled thinking what a surprise. At work he was almost always angry, and not just at her, but everyone. She couldn't wait for her day to end so she didn't have to deal with "work Elliot." When it was just Elliot Olivia and Eli, things were better. Not perfect, but less stressful. He smiled and laughed and joked with her. In the months that he has been free from Kathy, Olivia had noticed that yes, they had been spending more time together after work which she actually loved, but also that sometimes Elliot would stare at her with a look she couldn't quite place. Sometimes it was intense and brooding, and others it was wistful and dreamy. They locked eyes a lot, and she had lost track of the times he has touched her in a non-accidental way these past couple of months. For some reason they had always had this unspoken rule about not touching. Even if one of them got hurt is was a quick moment of touching to make sure they were okay and they would distance themselves just as quick. These touches lately have been longer and more intimate. She wasn't sure if Elliot felt the same way she did for him, but his hand on the small of her back while she held Eli, or the way he would gently push her hair back from her face, and even when he had simply taken her hand in his as all three had walked home from the park, were giving her hope that maybe something could happen after all.

"Are you even listening to me Liv?" Elliot asked with a small frown on his face.

"Sorry? What were you saying?" She jerked back to the present, and stared into his beautiful blue eyes.

"I asked if you could pick Eli up for me. His daycare called and said he has a fever and needs to come home, but I have to go interview the janitor in the Collins Case because Cragen thinks I can soften him up with stories from the marines. All you have to do is pick him up and bring him here till I get back around noon. He can nap upstairs."

He wanted to ask what she had been thinking about when he asked her that the first time. She had a dreamy expression on her face and a small smile playing at her mouth. God she was so beautiful it took his breath away sometimes. He wished she felt about him the way he felt about her…

"Sure I can pick him up; I still have his booster seat from yesterday so I will just head out now." She replied as she stood from her chair to tell Cragen she was leaving for an hour.

As the daycare came into view Olivia slowed down keeping a close eye on the dark blue truck she had noticed was possibly following since she left the precinct. It had taken her 10 extra minutes to get here because she was turning and changing direction as much as possible to confirm she was being followed. When the truck pulled past her quickly she didn't get a look at his face but was able to get the plates. She texted them to Fin to run and see what came up.

Once she had Eli buckled in, she began the drive back to SVU. 15 minutes into the drive she saw the truck in her rearview mirror again.

"Shit" she hissed.

"Livvy say bad word, Livvy say bad word!" Eli sang from the back seat, not knowing how dangerous the drive back was about to get.

"I know buddy, I'm sorry, don't tell your father, okay? Why don't you close your eyes and when you open them we will be at daddy's work?" She asked trying to distract him.

She pressed down on the gas and breezed through a yellow light onto the bridge. She had nearly crossed it when the truck could be seen speeding up behind her SUV. The light ahead was red, and there was no way she was chancing it with Eli asleep in the car. As soon as she could, she sped through the intersection quickly turning right then left again. The truck was still on her trail, no matter how hard she tried to shake it.

She decided it was time. She pulled out her phone and dialed Elliot's number. It rang and she cursed the thoughts racing through her mind, "what should I tell him, I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I need your help, ps I think I'm in love you, no I know I'm in love you…"

It went to voice mail after the 4th ring, and she asked him to call her right back. She knew her voice sounded scared, and she was scared. It wasn't just her life in danger, but an innocent little boy who had so much life to live.

Interview with Janitor

Elliot asked the man what platoon he went through basic in and knew he was going to get all the answers he needed from this guy. Cragen was right; he just needed some softening up.

He felt his phone vibrate and pulled it out to check the ID, seeing it was Liv, he pressed the ignore button. She probably just wanted to tell him something about something that wasn't at all important…she would leave a voicemail. As they were discussing basic training at Paris Island, she called him again.

Somewhere downtown in the SUV

"Come on El, pick up the phone! Ugh not voicemail…El please I…I need you to call me back. Someone's following me." She swore again and smacked the steering wheel with her fist in frustration, and threw her phone into the passenger seat.

"Awww Livvy you have to put money into the sass jar for 2 bad words." Eli said still oblivious to the situation.

She stole a glance in the rear view mirror and tried for a smile, but before she could muster up an excuse, Eli spoke again. "Slow down, my tummy hurts too Livvy."

"Eli buddy I can't slow down. Just close your eyes and we will be with your dad when you wake up." She hoped it was true. She didn't know the exact directions to the school Elliot was at, but if she could get to him, she knew she would be safe. She looked into the rear mirror and didn't see the truck. Had she lost it?

"Livvy why does that man have a gun?"

Olivia looked out the driver side window right into the barrel of the gun Jesse Cortez was holding. She slammed on the breaks as a million thoughts raced through her head. "This can't be happening! El. I should have listened to Fin. What if I die, will anyone care? El. Please god, if you can hear me, I don't care what happens to me. Keep Eli safe. El. I wasted so much time, I should have told Elliot how I feel. Oh god if something's happens to Eli he won't ever forgive me. Please, Elliot I am so sorry, I love you. I have always loved you. Forgive me."

The truck braked with her, and was dead even with her when he fired the first shot. The bullet tore through the window sending shards of glass into Olivia's head, face, and neck. She tried to ignore the blinding pain in her shoulder where she was certain the bullet was. She tried to ignore everything but staying alive long enough to get to help.

The truck swerved hard into the SUV causing an ungodly sound of screeching metal. Eli screamed and began crying loud and hard. Olivia looked back and saw his arm which must have been between his seat and the door when the truck hit. Oh god he was bleeding.

"This is bad" she thought, but didn't have time to finish thinking or even ask if he was alright which clearly he wasn't from the sound of his cries. The truck slammed into them again pushing the SUV right into a parked bread truck. "I am so sorry Elliot, I love you, forgive me." She tried to hang on, but the darkness took over, and she was too tired to fight it.

Interview with Janitor

Elliot looked down at his phone for the 3rd time, and the janitor asked if he needed to take the call.

"Elliot Stabler" He answered in a short tone, hating being interrupted during an interview.

"Mr. Stabler, this is Officer Levice, your son was in a car accident and is on route to the hospital. As far as we can tell his only major injury is a compound fracture of the arm. The woman driving was an Olivia Benson; she suffered lacerations to the face and neck…"

Elliot didn't even finish listening to the officer; he hung up and sped the whole way to the hospital. The only thought aside from the constant prayers for his son was about Olivia. "What was she thinking? What the hell happened, she chooses now to drive recklessly with my son in the car? I am going to kill her when I see her." He didn't know if she was okay, but at the moment his son was his only concern as he ran into the ER.

ELI'S HOSPITAL ROOM 10:45 AM

As Elliot walked into the room, all Olivia could think about was the little boy inside. She couldn't believe he had gotten hurt because of her own stubbornness…this morning seemed like a bad dream, and she prayed it would end, and she would wake up back in her own bed…

When Elliot had let her into the room, she had almost started crying immediately. She really loved Eli, and she had enjoyed all the extra time they had gotten to spend together since the divorce and Kathy leaving her entire family behind to chase a child really, that was half her age across the country to LA. She stood there staring at him for a second before he looked up from his cast to shout her name.

"Livvie! I got a cast! I wanted to get a blue one, but they didn't have blue so I gotta brightest green one! And the Doctor said I was so good, he gave me a sticker that goes on my cast, and he said people can write on it too!"

She smiled at him, and carefully sat on the bed minding her ribs. "That is very cool Eli, and green is my favorite color. I wish I had gotten a green cast too, but they only had white, black or pink in my OR." She had pulled up her sleeve to show him her black cast that matched his. They compared their casts for a minute, and then signed each other's cast, Olivia writing that she loved him, and Eli giving her his sticker because her cast was too dark to see the sharpie.

After stalling as long as she could, Olivia finally turned to Eli with a serious look on her face. "Eli, remember how we talked about how people have to do things they sometimes don't want to do? Like when you had to clean your toys up before getting an ice-cream? "He nodded his head and looked a little sad, and Olivia wondered if he somehow sensed what she was about to tell him.

"Well buddy, I have to go away for a while, and you won't be able to see me while I'm gone." She stopped to control her voice, and glanced towards the door where she could see Elliot's shadow to the right of the frame. She took a deep breath and was about to continue when Eli spoke in almost a whisper.

"Are you mad at me? I will be good I promise, I won't cry anymore, and I will pick up all my toys when I'm done playing. I promise Livvie, please don't go!"

She thought she would come in here and tell him goodbye and be done with it, but sitting here listening to him beg her not to leave was breaking her already bruised heart.

"Eli, you didn't do anything wrong in the first place." She couldn't help or hide the tears as they began to fall. "I don't want to go either, but I have to. You know I love you, and I always will, but like I said I have to leave even though I don't want to."

"But you promised you would come to my play, I am the main pumpkin in the Giving Feast!"

"Eli, please don't cry," she gathered him into his arms even though her entire body screamed in protest.

"It's okay to miss me and be sad when people leave, but remembering the good times makes you feel less sad. Can you do that?"

He nodded, sniffled and added "When will you be back? What happens if I run out of good stuff to think about?"

Olivia reached up and unclasped the necklace she had on. It was the Semper Fi pendant his father had given on her birthday one year. She reached over and clasped it around his neck and said "This will always be something you can use to think of me. This is my lucky necklace, and I never take it off, but I need someone to look after it while I'm gone. Can you do that for me?"

Again he nodded, and held the charm in his palm. "Daddy look what Livvie gave me." He held it out for him to examine, and Olivia was confused at the look that passed over his face, was that hurt at seeing his gift to her in his son's hand? She was too exhausted to think too much into it anyway.

Olivia leaned in one last time and kissed him on the forehead, and told him she loved him. She stood up and walked to the door without glancing at Elliot, but heard him tell Eli he would be right back and then his approaching footsteps. She wished she could have run, because she only wanted to cry right now, she didn't think she was strong enough to fight with him right now.

He reached out and took hold of her wrist and was shocked to feel the cast hidden beneath the sleeve.

"I did what you wanted Elliot and I am going home now. Go back to Eli, he needs you right now." She wouldn't meet his eyes, and neither noticed the pair of suited men that exited the elevators down the hall and began walking towards them.

"Liv wait, you're hurt, you should see a doctor." He was finally seeing her and not just a film of red from his anger. She was so pale, and the shadows under her eyes were nearly black as a bruise. Her eyes were glassy not only from tears, but probably from pain as well.

"Detective Benson" Both turned to the two men in suits that had approached them, and both immediately recognized Dean Porter as one of them. He stepped forward handed the bag that held Olivia's belongings, including her badge and gun.

"It's time Olivia, are you ready?" She looked at Porter as if he were speaking another language, but nodded before turning to Elliot fully.

"I need you to do one last thing for me Elliot, give these to Cragen for me please." She handed him her gun and badge, and turned away with a dead expression on her face.

"So that's it then, things get shaky and you run? What a surprise." She stopped and turned around abruptly almost knocking into him.

"I tried to tell you earlier, but you wouldn't let me explain, and now it's too late. I wanted to tell you myself, but now you will have to hear it from Cragen. I really am sorry Elliot, I didn't think he would try to hurt anyone but me, but I was wrong, I am not running, I have no choice in the matter."

"What are you talking about Olivia?"

"I'm sorry, we have to leave now." Porter stepped between the two detectives and motioned for Olivia to walk towards the elevator. Elliot could only watch as his partner for nearly a decade once again walked away.