There is No Arizona
I stood at the small door, crouching, but still waving goodbye. He turned around one last time, his sky eyes meeting my forest ones. Something in them told me he planned never to come back, yet I ignored what I saw there. His soft blonde hair flowed behind him like a majestic cape.
~~He promised her a new and better life out in Arizona~~
I went back into the house, rubbing my hands on my face. Tear marks already began to show. I sat down at my place by the fireside. I brought my knees to my chest to conserve the space I was in. My eyes drifted to the calender on the mantel. Febuary 14, the day my heart left with him. I knew that I would slowlu start to become acustomed to life without him. Daily chores, sleeping, and crying would be the best ways to start. That was the conclusion I came to. After my bought with tears, I pulled a worn, bound look from the pocket of my apron. I opened it and fingered it.
~~Underneath the blue never ending sky~~
I stuggled to get up off the floor. My shaking hand went to the mantle to keep myself from sinking back into a well of tears. I made my way slowly to the desk, the one thing besdies my bed that was my size in this small house. Though I am short for the lineage of my father and my mother I was not small enough for the normal things. I sat, taking the small quill in my hands and wrote.
"He left today, he left for his kingdom. He promised to come back for me when he is settled. He says I deserve such a life, for such noble blood fows through my viens. A better life. He will send a grande party for me, someday, when his affairs are in order."
I dated the entry Feburary 14. The book was to help keep my mind off the pain of missing him and the ghost of doubt that he might never come back.
~~swore that he was gonna get things in order he'd send for her~~
That night my friend, he took me out to drink, to have with our friends. They asked me, all of them, about my love, where he was and when I was to go. I told them all the stories he had told me of his land. The forests, the fireflies that lit up the night like floating starts. The waterfalls, that splash outside paneless windows. I spoke of the breeze that blew soft and warm and smelled of honeysuckles. There was never any doubt in my mind as I spoke of ths wonderful winterless place.
~when he left her behind, it never crossed her mind~~
After hours of being with my friends, of speaking about my future and what I was to be, I laid in bed and fell into a dreamless, litless sleep. I felt empty and hollow, thought I did not know why. I missed him yes, but this was the sense of being left. I guess I had never felt anything like this before. I was blissful, with a silver band upon my finger, but in the mist was a shadow of loss that I could not piece together.
~~ there is no arizona no painted desert no sedona if there was a grand cayon she could fill it up with the lies he's told her but they don't exist those dreams he sold her she'll wake up and find there is no arizona~~
I woke up the next morning, feeling sad, missing him, for I has not spent a day without him for many weeks. I washed, dressed, in my simple green dress, then went to my desk. I pulled out the bound book and wrote. Writing of all my expectations and my dreams. I dated it Feburary 15. This was now my set rutine. I did this for three months. Leaving my pain mixed with dreams in the worn book. The I went about chores, eating, and talking over tea, next to the fire with my dearest friend.
One day a knock interupted my writing. I ran, thinking my love had returned. The ink went spilling from the bottle as I ran. I cared not. I flung open the dorr, waiting, wanting, ready to fling myself into his arms. When I looked all that was there was a letter.
~~ she got a postcard with no return adress post marked tombstone~~
I took it in my hands and felt it knowing that his hands had once touched it, while thinking of me. I sank to the dirt, bracing myself on the door frame. With excited fingers I opened the letter. I read with fast eyes, ready to soak up his words. What words were there was over much too quickly. All it said was, " I do not know when I will be there. I have been detained by other business. BUt when I get there and ready I will let you know."
~~ It said i don't know where im going next but when i do i'll let you know~~
I smiled to myself. Only a few more days, I thought to myself. I busied everyday after that with getting my things ready to go. I got more day after day. I sewed clothes that were more and more intracate so I would look good enough for him. I sewed until my fingers were red with blood. I worn the wood by the window wait and looking for him. The only things I did was sew, wait and write. My daily rutine. I never did more I never did less. I waited and waited and waited. Months flew by, my friends were worried I could hear them talk in hushed voices about me, about my waiting.
~~may june july she wonders why shes still waiting shell keep waiting cause there is no arizona no painted desert no sedona if there was a grand canyon she could fill it up with the lies hes told her but they don't exist those dreams he sold her she'll up and find there is not arizona~~
I watched the sun raise and set. As the sun sank into the west I thought of him, missed him, longed for him. Everyday my hopes sank with it. My dreams slip form me one by one. The shadow was creeping in turing into a person, a reality, not just a shadow of a fear.
~~each day the sun sets lower in the west her heart sinks lower in her chest and~~
They came, my friends. They tried to reassure me that he was coming. I could see it in thier eyes though I saw the doubt, the questions. They knew what I did not know. They knew what my heart would not alow me to know. I was scared. I knew he was never coming back I knew it now in my heart. I looked at them and said," Don't you know he is never coming back, never." I ran to my room, trembling. I had lost my purpose my way, my reason for living. I felt lost but better, maybe if he is never coming back, I can find myself be myself again and learn to love, one who has always seemed to love me, inspite of all I have done. He looked at me fromt he door," Are you okay." I looked up and gave a weak smile," I need some time and help. Just help, Frodo, all I need is help." I gave one last look at the calendar February 14. A whole year.
~~ friends keep asking when she's going finally she tells them don't you know there is now arizona no painted desert no sedona if there was a grand canyon she could fill it up with the lies hes told her but they don't exhist the dreams he slod her she'll wake up and find there is no arizona~~
He promised her a new and better life, out in Arizona
I stood at the small door, crouching, but still waving goodbye. He turned around one last time, his sky eyes meeting my forest ones. Something in them told me he planned never to come back, yet I ignored what I saw there. His soft blonde hair flowed behind him like a majestic cape.
~~He promised her a new and better life out in Arizona~~
I went back into the house, rubbing my hands on my face. Tear marks already began to show. I sat down at my place by the fireside. I brought my knees to my chest to conserve the space I was in. My eyes drifted to the calender on the mantel. Febuary 14, the day my heart left with him. I knew that I would slowlu start to become acustomed to life without him. Daily chores, sleeping, and crying would be the best ways to start. That was the conclusion I came to. After my bought with tears, I pulled a worn, bound look from the pocket of my apron. I opened it and fingered it.
~~Underneath the blue never ending sky~~
I stuggled to get up off the floor. My shaking hand went to the mantle to keep myself from sinking back into a well of tears. I made my way slowly to the desk, the one thing besdies my bed that was my size in this small house. Though I am short for the lineage of my father and my mother I was not small enough for the normal things. I sat, taking the small quill in my hands and wrote.
"He left today, he left for his kingdom. He promised to come back for me when he is settled. He says I deserve such a life, for such noble blood fows through my viens. A better life. He will send a grande party for me, someday, when his affairs are in order."
I dated the entry Feburary 14. The book was to help keep my mind off the pain of missing him and the ghost of doubt that he might never come back.
~~swore that he was gonna get things in order he'd send for her~~
That night my friend, he took me out to drink, to have with our friends. They asked me, all of them, about my love, where he was and when I was to go. I told them all the stories he had told me of his land. The forests, the fireflies that lit up the night like floating starts. The waterfalls, that splash outside paneless windows. I spoke of the breeze that blew soft and warm and smelled of honeysuckles. There was never any doubt in my mind as I spoke of ths wonderful winterless place.
~when he left her behind, it never crossed her mind~~
After hours of being with my friends, of speaking about my future and what I was to be, I laid in bed and fell into a dreamless, litless sleep. I felt empty and hollow, thought I did not know why. I missed him yes, but this was the sense of being left. I guess I had never felt anything like this before. I was blissful, with a silver band upon my finger, but in the mist was a shadow of loss that I could not piece together.
~~ there is no arizona no painted desert no sedona if there was a grand cayon she could fill it up with the lies he's told her but they don't exist those dreams he sold her she'll wake up and find there is no arizona~~
I woke up the next morning, feeling sad, missing him, for I has not spent a day without him for many weeks. I washed, dressed, in my simple green dress, then went to my desk. I pulled out the bound book and wrote. Writing of all my expectations and my dreams. I dated it Feburary 15. This was now my set rutine. I did this for three months. Leaving my pain mixed with dreams in the worn book. The I went about chores, eating, and talking over tea, next to the fire with my dearest friend.
One day a knock interupted my writing. I ran, thinking my love had returned. The ink went spilling from the bottle as I ran. I cared not. I flung open the dorr, waiting, wanting, ready to fling myself into his arms. When I looked all that was there was a letter.
~~ she got a postcard with no return adress post marked tombstone~~
I took it in my hands and felt it knowing that his hands had once touched it, while thinking of me. I sank to the dirt, bracing myself on the door frame. With excited fingers I opened the letter. I read with fast eyes, ready to soak up his words. What words were there was over much too quickly. All it said was, " I do not know when I will be there. I have been detained by other business. BUt when I get there and ready I will let you know."
~~ It said i don't know where im going next but when i do i'll let you know~~
I smiled to myself. Only a few more days, I thought to myself. I busied everyday after that with getting my things ready to go. I got more day after day. I sewed clothes that were more and more intracate so I would look good enough for him. I sewed until my fingers were red with blood. I worn the wood by the window wait and looking for him. The only things I did was sew, wait and write. My daily rutine. I never did more I never did less. I waited and waited and waited. Months flew by, my friends were worried I could hear them talk in hushed voices about me, about my waiting.
~~may june july she wonders why shes still waiting shell keep waiting cause there is no arizona no painted desert no sedona if there was a grand canyon she could fill it up with the lies hes told her but they don't exist those dreams he sold her she'll up and find there is not arizona~~
I watched the sun raise and set. As the sun sank into the west I thought of him, missed him, longed for him. Everyday my hopes sank with it. My dreams slip form me one by one. The shadow was creeping in turing into a person, a reality, not just a shadow of a fear.
~~each day the sun sets lower in the west her heart sinks lower in her chest and~~
They came, my friends. They tried to reassure me that he was coming. I could see it in thier eyes though I saw the doubt, the questions. They knew what I did not know. They knew what my heart would not alow me to know. I was scared. I knew he was never coming back I knew it now in my heart. I looked at them and said," Don't you know he is never coming back, never." I ran to my room, trembling. I had lost my purpose my way, my reason for living. I felt lost but better, maybe if he is never coming back, I can find myself be myself again and learn to love, one who has always seemed to love me, inspite of all I have done. He looked at me fromt he door," Are you okay." I looked up and gave a weak smile," I need some time and help. Just help, Frodo, all I need is help." I gave one last look at the calendar February 14. A whole year.
~~ friends keep asking when she's going finally she tells them don't you know there is now arizona no painted desert no sedona if there was a grand canyon she could fill it up with the lies hes told her but they don't exhist the dreams he slod her she'll wake up and find there is no arizona~~
He promised her a new and better life, out in Arizona