Enjoy, and please please please comment and tell me if my friend and I should continue this. Thanks!

-shortpeopleproblems

C. E. thequiettwo January 1st (20 minutes ago)

to (loners. )

Dear Anonymous "Friend",

So… I guess I should start with this? I mean, we're not supposed to know who we're talking to… And they did say you'd be our "anonymous friend" to email our thoughts and feelings to. But, how weird is that? An "anonymous friend", sounds sketchy to me. I mean, a friend is somebody you know, somebody you care for, right? So how can a "friend" be anonymous?

Ahh, I'm asking too many questions. Let me start over.

Dear Anonymous Person,

Hi, so, as you know, our support group is asking us to email somebody we don't know, in our support group, our own little thoughts and feelings and whatever comes to mind. Well, I can't tell you my name but you can probably see my initials on the email anyway… So call me C.E.

Nice to meet you?

Technically we already know each other if we're both in the group… But I don't know who you are so… nice to meet you.

So… yeah.

Wow, this is hella more awkward than I thought it would be originally. Like I thought it'd be some commonplace chat with a random stranger, like you do. But guess not. Life's like that…

Uh… Yep, thats all from me.

See you soon.

~C.E.

Hey C.E., January 2nd (unknown minutes ago)

I'm with you in the fact that this is all a little weird, strangers freak me out. But so does the dark, and bugs, and failing, but those are other stories. Mom used to tell me never to talk to people on the internet, because it'll get me into trouble in the long run, but you're not really a stranger...are you? I'm sure just by looking at your I.P address that you've been in the support group emails before, but I'm still not truly sure as to who you are as a person. I know everything about your computer I'd want to know- wait don't think about that too much, that sounds really stalkerish ahh. Umm sorry just...computers are kinda my thing, they're my safe place. Taking apart memory boards, locating people's I.P addresses, it's what I do in my free time to keep my hands busy, otherwise, I'd go back to the way I was before. Which again, is another story. I gotta go now, hopefully I can see you soon? I'm a very visual person.

~Lola

P.S. Sorry about the "unknown minutes ago thing...I maybe sorta programmed it that way cuz I hate people seeing what ungodly hours I'm awake at.

C. E. thequiettwo January 2nd (1 hour ago)

to (loners. )

Dear Lola,

Wow, you must have a lot of "other stories" then, huh? Haha, well, don't worry. We've all got stuff we're afraid of. Ever heard of Venustraphobia? Fear of beautiful women. That's not one of my "stories", but it definitely works for some people I know. Point is: There are some pretty strange "stories" out there, so compared to those, you're pretty normal. So don't worry. I guess I'm not a stranger, I mean, don't you have to not know each others names to be strangers? I know yours and you, well, you know my initials. And my IP address. Which I'm not sure whether to turn tail and run or say 'cool' in that drawn-out, apathetic way that most guys my age do. You know the kind.

Also I apologize for whatever you've seen on my computer. (Is there even anything I should be ashamed of? Please, let me know).

Either way I've decided I won't turn tail and run, or say cool because that would be stereotypical of me and I don't like to be stereotypical. Too cliché. Instead I'll simply say 'neat'. And leave it at that. We've all got our hobbies.

Mine is photography of…

Dammit that's too cliché.

Let's go with… 'visual arts'.

No, not working for me either.

Eh, let's say fuck it and also say that I'm a varied hobbyist who doesn't know what the shit they're doing with their life but may or may not have some untapped talent photographing specific events.

Yep, that works for me.

ON ANOTHER NOTE:

Uh, yeah, maybe not 'see' me soon… I've kind of learned from these things that it's best to actually talk a bit more with the person before you see them face to face. Mano a mano, that kind of jazz. But… yeah. No prob about the whole 'unholy hours time'. God, if people knew my usual sleeping schedule…

Well I'd either have a lot more strange friends, or a lot less sane friends.

Or both.

Probably both.

I'll talk to you soon, though. Kay? You seem like a cool gal.

Chick.

Woman.

Female?

Whichever sounds the least like a rapist…

Which all of those do.

Talk to you soon.

~C.E.

PS. Yes, I do have a tendency to write uber-long emails.

PPS. Since part of this is getting to know each other and stuff, what's your favorite song? Mine is Atomic Man by Portugal. The Man.

Hi again C.E., January 2nd (unknown minutes ago)

Woah. That was possibly one of the longest messages I've ever read that wasn't a letter of things wrong with me from some doctor, and the lengthiness of your response just sent my dyslexia into orbit, but that's okay. I'm used to it. It's kinda funny, actually, considering that I'm dyslexic and one of my hobbies (along with hacking people's computers, and don't worry there wasn't much to apologize for on your computer...anyways) is words. The longer the word is and the harder it is to spell, the more I love it. For example, the third longest word in the dictionary, pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, is my favorite word of all time. Just btw, it refers the the lung disease caused from inhaling volcanic ash...oh the irony. But again, what's ironic about it is, as you might've guessed, another story. I tend to procrastinate telling people stories about myself/my life. One of my friends always used to say to me that whenever I said "long story" it was really just a short story that I didn't want to explain. Which was mostly true. Then he left, too. Just like everyone else…

What amuses me about you is that in your act of trying to keep from becoming cliché, you are the most ultimate cliché I have ever met. And I think it's hysterical. LOL! And that's not the kind of "LOL" that THOSE KINDS OF GIRLS type as they sit stoic-faced. God I hate those kids. And I think you're pretty sane. About as much as I am, which is to say, not very. I blame it on the pills. Mom used to blame it on Dad. Said he was the one who insisted that the Vicodin was a good idea. Evidentially not. And don't worry about sounding petohilic, you don't as much as you think you do. :)

~Lola

P.S My favorite song as of late is Asleep by The Smiths. I've been listening to it a lot. That song is the shit! And what do you think about vintage stuff? I always listen to The Smiths on my walkman. And do you even know what a walkman is? Most kids our age don't. Last question for the day before therapy. What's your favorite food? Mine's nothing.

C. E. thequiettwo January 2nd (1 minute ago)

to (loners. )

Dear Lola,

Into orbit huh? Must be one of the first. We should hold a press conference for it or something. A dyslexic with a word hobby… Actually not the first I've heard of. Third, maybe, if we're being specific. Well, no, fourth if you count my aunt. When you say words, do you mean writing-type or reading-type? I'm no dyslexic, but I love to read. Which I suppose is more normal. But god is that boring. Huh, not much? You must be a very flexible person there. Cause I'm pretty damn sure that there's a lot more than "not much" on my computer. (Photography, ho! Either that or you have weird tastes in art.)

Pneumo-what?

Christ on a blanket (my aunt's saying) that's a long ass word. Yet I'm still surprised nobody has come up with anything longer.

I'm going to take a wild guess here and say you're a reader. Your obsession with stories has led me to believe so.

Also, no prob, I like a little mystery with the people I meet. I mean, it's nice to have that level of comfortability with which you can walk in on each other naked and just say 'Sup?' and keep walking but I would rather not be that comfortable with literally everybody. One or two people is alright with me. Soo I guess I need to make one more best friend then to fill my quota.

Also your friend doesn't seem like a good friend.

He seems like the kind of guy who would walk in on you naked and flip his shit while you were just trying to be friendly and he gets all blushy and all 'oh no, turn away, turn away' meanwhile you're just like, 'calm down, it's just-' 'DONT SAY IT' 'it's just nudity calm down.' etc. etc. Usually that ends either with both of you standing there awkwardly or him running out screaming bloody murder which of course attracts more people to your whereabouts and then you just sigh…

'Not this again'.

That kind of situation.

Damnit, I'm losing my rep as an individual then. What parts of me, exactly, are cliché now hmm miss LOL-a? Also, if I may be so rude, I would like to point out that in your pointing out my clichéness you, yourself, have tried to point out your anti-clichéness which has pointed out your clichéness as well.

Your cliché is showing LOL-a.

It's showing.

Also yeah, I tend to dislike those kinds of people too. Which, don't worry, you aren't. Your cliché might be showing but it's showing in another place so don't worry, you're still in the green. (Or black if we use monetary terms). Well, glad to know you're insane too, then. We insane people must stick together, you know?

It's always the guys in the family, huh? *sigh* One day I'm going to have a kid and the kid will end up emailing some LOL-a and say 'IT WAS ALWAYS BECAUSE OF MY DAD' and I'll just be sitting in my corner, poking the dust with a stick and wondering where I went wrong.

Humor aside, shit. Sounds like you've got quite the collection of "stories" huh? Also, pills are never fun. And hypocritical. Isn't taking drugs supposed to be fought against? I don't get people.

Also, yay. I have yet to reach the rapist level. I'LL HOLD ONTO WHAT INTEGRITY I HAVE GOSH DARNIT.

As for what I think about vintage things…? Depends on the thing. I mean, some music is cool, some items are cool, some clothing is cool, and some isn't. The same with stuff today. Just because it's 'vintage' or 'new-age' doesn't make it automatically good in my book. I chose quality over age. And quality come from anything, place, time, or anyone too.

And yes, I do know what a walkman is. They're alright but, tbh, music listening quality has improved a shitton so I prefer my phone and headphones to a walkman. Although I don't dislike them. They get the job done. Talk to you soon.

~ C.E.