Title: Curses of a Fanfiction Writer
Author: Auna
Rating: PG
Discclaimer: Farscape isn't mine, and it's very obvious once you read this. :P
Beta's: All mistakes are mine, but the Fluffy Bunnies took a look at it and told me they thought it as funny. Thank You!
Author's Note: This is a true story, the scene changed to protect the innocent from spoilers of OH. It was a manifestation of my frustrations that I'm sharing with all and asundry to see how fahrbot I really am. I think every author on this board might understand this.
************************************************************************
It was the final showdown. Cycles of the endless cat and mouse game were finally coming to an end. John stepped away from the safety of the circle of his friends… his family, and faced Scorpius, Braca, and the numerous faceless peacekeepers, standing across the room.
"My man, Braca!" John yelled into the silence. "Grasshopper! Long time no see! What brings you to this end of the universe? I know the fries are to die for, but the trip was bit long, even for you." His hand hovered over Winona, knowing that D'Argo, Chiana and Aeryn had his back.
He thanked God right then that TJ had been left on Moya.
"It is time, John. Even you should see the logic in us joining forces. You cannot run from both the Scarrans and the Peacekeepers forever. You have seen the carnage that follows them."
"I see the mess the Peacekeepers leave behind in the name of liberation. No thanks. I've managed to keep my ass out of the fight this long; I'll keep relying on my friends. Thanks."
"John, we will not leave without you in custody."
"Somehow Scorpy, I knew you'd say that." John flipped his hand and instantly a loud blast reverberated outside, shaking the building. "You should have left when you had the chance."
Peacekeepers began pouring in to the room from all sides surrounding John, Aeryn, D'Argo and Chiana, trapping them.
… trapping them…
…trapping them…
Margie let out a huge sigh and leaned forward to bang her head on her desk. "GOSH DANG IT!"
What the frell was going to happen next? Everyone in the room looked at her vacantly, waiting for the next sentence to appear on the page. "Quit looking at me!" she ordered.
"Hey," one of the faceless peacekeepers called to her. "Can we hurry up and get to my death? I have to go to the bathroom."
"No," Margie answered. "Just wait a second."
"I really have to go."
Aeryn turned around and glared at the peacekeeper in all black. "Ralph, you should have gone before you got in here. You haven't been in a scene for twenty pages and you choose NOW to whine about it? You just got here!"
Scorpious cleared his throat. "I have a suggestion."
"No," Margie declared firmly. "The last time I listened to you, we ended up with that whole quicksand debacle. Not again."
"Your readers loved it," he pointed out.
"Yeah, but then I'M the one who had to figure out how to get everyone out of it, didn't I? NO!"
John turned and faced her, raising a hand. "What I want to know, is how the PK soldiers managed to actually get in here, when I've got firepower outside."
Margie turned an exasperated glare in his direction. "It's a big building and the Peacekeepers were already inside."
Ralph began dancing from foot to foot. "That was a forty-two ounce Cola I had for lunch, I really need to go."
Every soldier in the room groaned.
"Fine!" Margie sighed. "Hurry up."
Braca pulled a deck of cards from a hip pocket and found a nearby table in the room. Scorpious, John, and D'Argo all joined him and he began to deal the cards expertly. Aeryn turned to Chiana, rolling her eyes and leaned against a nearby pole.
"So, what are you going to get D'Argo for your anniversary?"
"I'm not sure yet," Chiana said, pulling an emery board from her cleavage and starting to work on her nails. "I thought maybe a new robe. What do you think?"
"HEY!" Margie called and everyone in the room turned to look at her. "What the heck do you think you're doing? We're working here!"
"You're just staring off into space," John pointed out reasonably. "And you told Ralph to use the can."
"So?" she asked. "He's a Peacekeeper! I believe the scene would work with one less Peacekeeper."
"Oh, you can't cut him out of the story," Chiana argued. "He's really been looking forward to this. He's been practicing for days. Besides, he needs the work."
"Oh good grief." Margie gave up and stared at the screen blankly. All of the characters resumed their individual pursuits.
"So what about you, Aeryn? What are you and John going to do for YOUR anniversary?"
"Well, since you said you would watch TJ, we thought we'd…" the side door opened and Ralph entered, looking very much more comfortable.
"Sorry guys. I'm better now."
"Everyone up," Margie said, excitement in her voice. "I think I have an idea now."
The inhabitants shifted, each going to their original spots, each adjusting clothing, fluffing hair, getting expressions right. "Ready," John said.
"Ready," Aeryn said, distracted by the sight of John's rear in black leather right in front of her.
"Are you sure you're ready, Aeryn?" Margie asked.
"Yes," she said pulling her gaze upward to Scorpious and Braca, donning a suitably angry look. "I'm ready."
"Everyone else?"
"Ready."
"Ready."
"All good."
Peacekeepers began pouring in to the room from all sides surrounding John, Aeryn, D'Argo and Chiana, trapping them.
"Frell!" Chiana mumbled, finger itching closer to her trigger.
D'Argo, swinging his Qualta blade above his head, raced toward the nearest…
"That is stupid! I AM NOT going to do that!" D'Argo declared.
"Come on D'Argo, what's wrong with it?"
"What's wrong with it? Did you ever watch the show? Do you know my personality at all? I am not going to just hack my way through the Peacekeepers on a suicide run. Think of something else."
"Please?"
"No."
Sighing, Margie stopped talking and stared at the screen. Every character in the room stood watching her, waiting for the verdict. Her eyes glazed over, her mouth hung slightly open, and her breathing turned shallow.
Ralph coughed nervously. "Is she going to be all right? Should we call someone?"
"Shhh!" the entire room shushed him.
"That's what she always looks like," Aeryn whispered. "She's looking for The Zone."
"Uh, 'The Zone'?"
Chiana rolled her eyes. "Yeah the zone. You haven't worked with her enough to recognize it yet. But if she hits it, watch out. Things are going to get rough."
Margie released what little breath she had and began to bang her head on the desk.
"Ralph you idiot!" a peacekeeper accused.
"You ruined it!" another seasoned extra grumbled.
A few soldiers around him began pounding on him.
"Wait guys. Be nice to him," Margie defended the annoying extra. "It's just not there right now."
She got up and began walking away from her computer.
"What?" D'Argo asked. "You're just going to leave us here like this? This Qualta blade is getting heavy."
"I'm sorry guys, you aren't coming up with anything useful, or helpful."
"I gave you an idea."
"I AM NOT going to write Chiana going in to labor right now. It would be stupid."
"You have to admit," John reasoned, "It would add to the humor of the moment."
"You have got to be kidding me," Margie said. "No. I'll come back later."
"Can I put my rifle down while we wait?" a Peackeeper asked. "This thing is getting heavy and the prop lady didn't give me a strap."
"NO!" the entire room shouted.
"You never know when she'll be back," Aeryn explained a little more softly. "If you're not ready, you'll blow it."
Everyone watched her pick up a romance novel that had nothing to do with Farscape. John, picking up peanut-like nuts from the table in front of him, began tossing them at Braca. The captain opened his mouth but got hit in the eye anyway.
"Almost, try again." Scorpious encouraged.
"How long are you going to make us sit here and watch the boys play?" Chiana asked.
"Shut up," Margie declared.
"We're waiting," Aeryn whispered.
"Is it your turn to tell the story?"
"No. No, I don't want this shift."
"Than leave me alone."
The room fell silent, accepting the inevitable. Everyone merely stared at her, watching as she read her novel, fixed dinner, tickled her boys and played catch.
Who knew how long the standoff would last, and everyone had to force themselves from throwing Ralph out the window. Extras. John promised himself that he'd be the first Peacekeeper to die.