Toby Mendosa was boring. He wasn't just unimaginative; he was practically coma-inducing. The Time Agents were a rare bunch - they had all of time and space to play in, theoretically. They could travel to places, to cultures, to eras that were inconceivable to the rest of humanity, and some of them had the sense to learn from their experiences. Some of them picked up a little colour here and there. Toby Mendosa, on the other hand, seemed immune to colour. Of all the Time Agents in all the years available, it had to have been him who had answered the beacon. And of all the Time Agents in all the years available, he had to be one who had met Jack before. Mug's Law was so much more vindictive when it was played out on a galactic scale.
Jack, needless to say, was not impressed. Mendosa had been caught out by him before, and wasn't the type to laugh off such trickeries - so the scam wasn't going to work, he was stuck on Arosa, his ship was impounded, and his credit rating non-existent. Just an ordinary day in many ways, but he had had such glorious plans for Mendosa's money. He had invited the guy out for a drink anyway. You never knew your luck, and anything could happen with a pint of cherry brandy masquerading as raspberryade. Mendosa, however, had declined the invitation. Apparently Jack had invited him out for drinks once before, which Jack certainly didn't remember. Given how boring the other man was, though, that probably wasn't all that surprising. Clearly he had got him drunk on that previous occasion in order to facilitate some scheme or other in addition to the main scam, and Mendosa, sadly, was good with faces. Time Agents shouldn't be allowed such useful memories. It really wasn't fair.
Still - always look on the bright side. He was Captain Jack Harkness, intergalactic criminal, a man who had broken more laws in more time zones than possibly any other human being before him. A man who prided himself in being the cause of new laws in at least a dozen cultures, and being wanted in nine separate decades just on Earth. A setback, therefore, was merely an opportunity in disguise. Or that was the way that he was determined to think of it, as he sat in the gardens of Auric Castle, watching tiny scarlet fishes swimming in a white marble pond, whilst the communicator device built into the computer he wore strapped to his right wrist squawked annoyingly at him. Toby Mendosa was looking for him again, no doubt complaining that he hadn't reported his whereabouts on the hour. It had been made a condition of his 'parole', if one could call it that in a place where nobody but Mendosa himself really cared for the law that declared Jack a criminal. The local authorities had impounded Jack's ship largely just to avoid further official visits from Mendosa, who had done an impressive job of annoying everybody worth the effort. He had no real jurisdiction on Arosa, but he was extremely insistent, and inclined to quote the names of famous politicians who were apparently all personal friends. They had all been dead for the best part of six thousand years, but Mendosa clearly didn't consider this a problem. So the authorities had taken Jack's ship, frozen his financial assets whilst apologising for doing so, and told him not to leave the planet before a final decision had been made on whether or not to officially place him in Mendosa's custody. If they decided to do so, he would be whisked off back to the Time Agency in very short order. A damned shame, given that his former employers didn't know much about his new career as a criminal - at least as far as he knew. It could be hard to tell with the Time Agency, and the various powers behind it. Right now he didn't care, anyway. At least as far as he could see it, the only thing of importance was how he was going to get off the blasted planet with no money, a ship he had no intention of leaving behind, and every guard in Auric Castle under strict orders not to let him off the grounds. So far he had tried climbing the walls - impossible, given the security; disguising himself - impossible, again given the security; and even tunnelling - not a good idea in a castle with walls seven feet thick, built on solid rock. It had seemed like a good idea after several pints of something unidentifiable, made in secret in the castle kitchens by a conspiracy of footmen happy to entertain and to be entertained. A good evening, digging venture notwithstanding, even if the hangover had lasted two days, and caused him to wake up wrapped in somebody's blue patchwork curtains, with one foot being nibbled by a goat. Or the local hybrid equivalent, anyway. Larger teeth, tastier milk. Apparent fondness for fifty-first century toes. One to tick off in the Spotter's Guide To Unlikely Animals Encountered Whilst Drunk, at any rate - or would be if he ever got around to writing it. All things considered, drunkenness, goat hybrids and an interesting new type of alcohol aside, the last few days hadn't got him any closer to escaping. They had, however, introduced him to Idira.
Idira was a lady-in-waiting. Apparently that was a fancy way of saying 'maidservant', or possibly 'bodyguard'. Her job seemed to consist of doing a lot of embroidery, and pouring a great many glasses of fruit juice, ideally whilst loudly flattering whichever government ministers happened to be nearby. It was rather akin to being paid to look pretty, something at which Idira was extremely skilled, whilst also knowing half a dozen different bare-fist fighting techniques, and being capable of killing intruders one-handed, by a considerable variety of methods. They had met when Jack, in the process of looking for escape routes out of the castle, had been discovered by a group of guards somewhere that was apparently expressly off bounds, under penalty of something or other. Idira had come along, insisted that Jack was with her, and had permission to be there - wherever 'there' was. Jack had had no idea at the time, and had only later discovered that it was somebody's private chamber. He didn't know whose. He didn't know why the guards had been there, either, which apparently was why Idira had been so anxious to appropriate him. She had interrogated him for several hours, he had complimented her on her startlingly green eyes, she had threatened to break his teeth, and they had wound up in a local bar, testing the Arosan equivalent to whisky. Idira had got steadily drunk, told him a tale of intrigue and treason within the castle walls, and then got extremely irate with him when he had tried to use her drunkenness to escape. He had neglected to realise that he was just as drunk, and didn't remember a great deal more of the evening. He had a distinct memory of cheese sandwiches, and a very earnest conversation about great traitors in galactic history - and then some sort of brawl with a lot of men in scarlet uniforms who had fortunately been even more drunk than Jack and Idira. After that everything was a blur, but Jack and Idira had been friends ever since. She steadfastly refused to help him escape, but at least with her around imprisonment wasn't so bad. And she was endearingly fond of beating up castle guards.
"Toby is looking for you." Sliding onto the bench beside him, Idira gestured vaguely at the squawking wrist computer. Jack nodded.
"Yeah. I noticed."
"I thought you might have done." She leaned forward, mimicking his posture, staring into the white marble pond. "See anything interesting?"
"Fish."
"And?"
"Just fish." He shrugged. "Not the most enthralling pond I've ever gazed at."
"You make a habit of it, do you? Pond-gazing?"
"No. Just if there happens to be one around when I've got some gazing to do." He looked over at her for the first time. "Although I kinda like gazing at you too."
"I know. The difference being that the pond won't get up and punch you if you stare too much." She offered him a conciliatory grin. "Let me guess. The staring is to help you think. What is it this time? Tunnelling? A hand-glider built out of old bits of sheet? Training the castle ravens to carry you over the walls?"
"I'll think of something." He leaned back suddenly, staring up at the walls instead. They were huge, grey, stone affairs, built to last in an era when castles had been all but abandoned by the rest of the galaxy. By much of the universe, come to that. Castles belonged to a long, long ago time, of kings and soldiers and gallant princes on horseback - but then Arosa was like nowhere else in this era of technology and supposed sophistication. Mendosa's voice blared out of the communicator again, and with a growl of frustration he raised the thing to his mouth. "What is it?"
"There you are." Mendosa sounded immensely satisfied. "You didn't answer me."
"I didn't?" Jack sounded greatly surprised by this, and Idira laughed softly. Mendosa didn't appreciate the joke.
"You're supposed to report in every hour during the day. It's a condition of your continuing freedom. Much more of this, and I could insist you be taken into custody. There'd be none of your games then."
"If they were willing to lock me up, they would have done by now." Jack hid a sigh. He didn't want Mendosa to know just how annoying he was. It might serve to encourage him. "Look, I've called in. I haven't escaped. I'm sitting in one of the gardens with one of the king's most trusted employees, and you can see that for yourself if you bother to check your scanner. I'll talk to you in an hour."
"See that you do." The link went dead. Jack glared at it. It was so much more satisfying when he was the one who got to break the connection. Idira tried out her conciliatory smile again, but he wasn't watching. "Damn. See, if somebody was to help me escape--"
"You mean if some innocent, blameless person was to risk their reputation, their freedom and their job, just to help a known criminal escape the consequences of his depravity?"
Jack nodded. "Yeah. I'd do it for you."
"I don't doubt it. Your reputation would hardly suffer. Jack, if it was just a question of getting you out of the castle, I might agree to it." She frowned. "Well, no, actually I wouldn't. But that's beside the point. It's not just getting you out, is it. There's that remote control device that was confiscated from you. The king has it, doesn't he? And then there's your ship. That's about half a dozen laws broken before we even start on Toby and the Time Agency."
"That's a no then, huh."
"It's been a no every other time you've asked me. It's a no now, too." She stood up suddenly. "Come for a walk with me, Jack."
"I never miss up the chance to accompany a beautiful lady on a stroll." He jumped up, his apparent melancholy draining away before her eyes. "It should be by moonlight of course, but I guess we can compromise."
"Daylight will be just fine, thankyou. This isn't romantic. I intended it as something of a business proposition."
"You say business, I say romance." He pulled a hip flask from his jacket pocket. "Champagne?"
"You keep champagne in a hip flask? And no thankyou. Business should always be discussed with a clear head, don't you think?"
"No." He seemed genuinely perplexed by her contrary view. "And since you ask, it's not really champagne. The bubbles get uppity and leave. This is a local wine." He took a sip. "It's nice, but it lacks that sparkle. Packs a punch like absinthe, though. I might take a few crates of it with me when I leave."
"If you leave."
"Nobody can hold Jack Harkness prisoner for long." All sign of his earlier moodiness was gone, and the swagger was back in his voice and his stride as he followed Idira away from the pond. She led him towards the sweeping flower-beds, as old as the castle, and filled with more plants than most Arosans could name.
"You could never break into the king's private chambers to get that remote control device. It'll be in his safe. He's had it tested by security experts from several different planets, and none of them managed to get in." Idira smiled fondly at him. "You're good, Jack. I won't deny you that. If even half of your stories are true, you have a real flare for the inadvisable. But the king's safe? You don't stand a chance."
"All of my stories are true." Jack almost sounded insulted. "Several different planets, huh? That's tempting."
"If you get caught trying something like that, you'll be in the castle dungeons before your feet hit the ground. Toby Mendosa won't get you, but neither will anybody else. I don't care how many prisons you've escaped from in the past. You haven't seen anything like the dungeons of this castle. They're twenty-five feet underground for a start."
"You know how to get a guy's attention, don't you." He grinned at her playfully, and slipped an arm through hers. "But I won't be ending up in a dungeon. Not this time. I just spent forty-eight hours in one on Mylos V, and I don't fancy it again so soon. How about you and me, in among all these nice bushes, with my wine to keep us warm? Much better than dungeons."
"It's a warm day. We don't need wine to keep us--" She sighed. "You're going to tell me that we'll be wearing a lot less clothing, aren't you."
"A whole lot less." He let go of her arm and took her hand instead, kissing it gently. "Nobody would see us out here. Nobody but the birds, and they can gossip all they like. I got nothing to be ashamed of."
"The world 'incorrigible' takes on a whole new level of meaning with you, doesn't it." She extracted her hand from his. "Business, I said. Remember?"
"Business goes best with pleasure. Lots of pleasure, a little bit of business. And some wine to make it all go that bit smoother. You know you want to."
"I know that I want to talk." She quickened her pace, so that he had to hurry to catch her up. "When I rescued you from those guards, it was because I had an idea. I could see you being useful."
"It wasn't my overwhelming charm and undeniable good looks?" He flashed her a grin, and pointed to it. "Or my irresistible smile?"
"It was the fact that you're a tenacious bastard, who could probably sneak into anything, and enjoy trying." She sighed. "I like you, Jack."
He grinned at that. "Good."
"But I have certain responsibilities that come first."
"And I have certain--"
"I'm sure you do." She couldn't help smiling at him, though she kept the smiles to a minimum. "What do you know about Arosa?"
"The basics." He was serious now, more or less, realising that she really did want to talk. She was glad of that. For all his flash antics, he still seemed to know what was important. "You're an old Earth colony, but you got your independence about three thousand years ago now. You're all mostly still human, but you've got a little something else mixed in. There's been a lot of cross-cultural influence over the centuries, just like there has been all over the place. Arosa has changed a lot since ditching Earth's government." He shrugged. "I guess three thousand years is a long time on any planet."
"You could say that."
"It's interesting now. The technology is the same as almost everywhere else. You have advanced space flight, you trade with planets in at least two other galaxies, and you use durithium-powered energy cells. That's hi-tech stuff. And yet your countries are ruled by hereditary kings, who live in castles that look like they were built on Earth in the thirteenth century. Hereditary kings. Nobody has hereditary rule anymore."
"We're not that alone. There are other planets that do much the same."
"Yeah. The mad ones. The ones that keep going to war with each other, and invading weaker planets. Blood-crazed lunatics and megalomaniacs wanting to take over the universe. Arosa seems like a nice place - or this country does, anyway. I haven't been to any of the others."
"You think that we're mad."
"I think that you're eccentric. Which is nice, usually. I just don't really hold with the idea of hereditary rule. Haven't you ever fancied a revolution?"
"Perhaps we like things the way they are." They had reached a white stone bench in the middle of an artistic tumble of flowering bushes. They could see nothing of the rest of the castle now, nor of the rest of the gardens. Everywhere was twisting green branches and deep purple flowers. Idira sat down. "Our king is a good man. He rules the country well, and his son will follow suit."
"Even if he turns out to be a lunatic or a warmongering maniac. Yeah, I know how it works. I've read one or two history books in my time, you know."
"You're a Time Agent gone rogue, if Toby is telling the truth. I don't think it's history books that have told you what you know." She stared at him silently for a moment, then sighed. "You remember that when we first met, you were in a private chamber?"
"Yeah." He sat down beside her, somehow contriving to take her hand without her being at all sure how he came to be holding it.
"And there were some guards there too. They shouldn't have been there. That's one of the reasons why nobody bothered prosecuting you. They said that they had followed you in, but we both know that they were already in there. It was the queen's private drawing room."
"So? Maybe they were checking out the security. That's their job, right?"
"Jack this is Arosa, not the Third Dark Age of Durin. They could check up on security without ever leaving the guardroom. They were there for some other reason."
"Meeting with somebody?"
"Who? The king and queen were entertaining, and their eldest son is off world - some space-yachting regatta in the Milky Way galaxy. The other members of the Household are still only children. No, they were up to something. I don't trust them."
"Surely castle guards are all screened? The king wouldn't want just anybody patrolling his corridors."
"Oh, and you're telling me that you couldn't pass a security check if you had to? In the last few months I've heard whisperings. There's a small group of dissidents who want to get rid of the king, and establish a government in his place."
"And democracy is a really bad thing? Idira, you're pretty wonderful, but you've got a lousy head for politics."
"And you think you're pretty wonderful, but you've got a lousy head for politics yourself. Do you think we've had hereditary rule all this time because it's the best we could come up with? It works." She sighed. "Look, I rescued you that day because I thought you could help. Who better to spy on people than you? You've got no reason to be loyal to revolutionary factions or anybody else on this planet. You're not from Arosa."
"Exactly. Why would I want to spy on anybody? Look, if there are people here who want to get rid of some old royal family with no real right to rule, then--"
"What's in it for you to stop them, you mean? You're a real mercenary, Jack."
"Hey, a guy's got to make a living." His eyes narrowed. "But I mean it. Why would I want to help you prop up your monarchy? I'm no freedom fighter, but I don't see why kings and queens are such a great idea. Getting rid of them might be the best thing you lot ever do."
"Regardless of what the dissidents want instead?"
There was a silence. Jack shrugged in the end, looking faintly uncomfortable. "I just don't understand why you're so anxious to be ruled by some guy who's only in charge because his father was."
"I don't expect you to understand. I just want to know if you'll help." She stood up, looking very earnest and urgent, and making him want, quite inappropriately, to leap up as well and sweep her off her feet. Blast the guards for taking away his ship's remote. He could do with a little music right about now.
"I've got no reason to want to get involved in your politics." He looked away. "I'm sorry." He didn't look it, and Idira didn't doubt for a moment that he was lying through his teeth. She scowled, and played her trump card. You just had to know how to deal with a man like Jack.
"I'll help you get away," she told him, her matter of fact tone making it clear that she could easily do just that. "Help me, and I'll help you. It wouldn't be hard for me to get that remote control device of yours, and I can get the impound order removed from your ship, too. That's what you want, isn't it? That's what you've been trying to get me to do ever since we met."
"You said that you wouldn't help me." He looked suspicious, as though doubting her ability to do as she claimed. She shrugged.
"We're all mercenaries in our own way, Jack. What was in it for me to help you before? I wanted something out of the deal too, and with certain things that have happened just recently, I know what it is that I want now. What do you say?"
"You want me to be a spy." He didn't sound impressed - as though espionage was somehow distasteful and beneath him. She shrugged.
"More or less. It shouldn't be too difficult for you. Sneaking around and avoiding suspicion is practically your life's work. That's the kind of thing a spy does."
"Yeah. That and getting shot." He folded his arms, looking for all the world like a sulking child. "I thought we were friends."
"Friends help each other. Come on, Jack. I would never have thought of you as the type to turn down a challenge."
"Challenges I like. Fools' errands are something different. I never get mixed up in politics. You'll always get on the wrong side of somebody in that game, and the kind of thing you're talking about means guns and trouble. I don't like sticking my neck out unless it's for a real profit."
"And escaping isn't a real profit?"
"Not when I'm halfway free anyway, no. A few days from now the king is going to make his decision, and I'd bet you any amount of money that he'll find in my favour. Why would he turn me over to the Time Agency?"
"Any number of reasons." There was a glitter in Idira's eyes. "Chiefly what he might think when I tell him about you being in the private chambers of the queen, creeping around in the dead of night, and in the company of some guards whose loyalty may well be suspect. I can play dirty when I have to, Jack. The king would be only too glad to be rid of you then. You'd be whisked away by Toby, and I doubt you'd see freedom for a long time."
"You wouldn't do that." Jack found that he could no longer entirely read her expression. "You have no idea what they'd do to me. What they've already done to me. It'd be--"
"I would do it." She interrupted him sharply, her tone cold. "I wouldn't want to, and it wouldn't serve me any purpose; but I never make threats that I'm not prepared to carry out. Help me and you're free. I can absolutely guarantee that. Don't help me..." She smiled sadly at him. "Well, you can write the end of that story yourself. You know better than me what the Time Agency might do. Just say yes, and we both get what we want."
"If I don't get shot, or drowned in the castle moat, or whatever the hell else your traitors are likely to do to me." He looked even more like a sulking child than before. "I'll help. I'll be your spy. But if I wind up hanging from the castle battlements, or buried under a rose bush somewhere, I'll haunt this place until it's nothing but dust. I can be pretty damn stubborn when I feel like it."
"I don't doubt it." For a moment she smiled sadly again, looking very beautiful. For once Jack didn't notice. "I'm sorry, Jack. I need to protect the king, and that comes first."
"Yeah. Sure." He stood up, not quite meeting her eyes. "Forget it." Still not properly looking at her, he turned to leave. She called after him.
"There's things you need to know. Information. People. Don't just walk off like this." She sounded, he realised, as though she really was sorry. As though some part of the tough front she had always presented to him might be about to waver. He glanced back at her, though he looked far from happy.
"Buy me a drink. I don't like to discuss business with a head this clear."
"A drink?" She frowned suddenly. "You do understand how serious this is?"
"Oh believe me, I understand." For a second he looked away, almost as though he were trying to avoid her eyes. "I just want a drink. Feels like I might need it."
"This isn't some trick?"
"No." He took her hand. "No, no trick. Just alcohol. Indulge me, yeah?"
"Hardly." She retrieved her hand. "Fine. A drink. It's as good an opportunity as any to talk."
"Exactly." Somehow he had her hand in his again. Some day she was going to have to work out how he did that. She glared at him, and he let her go.
"Jack..." It was probably pointless trying to explain, but somehow she felt that she had to. "I'm desperate. You understand that, right? I have to do this."
"Yeah. You probably do."
"I..."
"Forget it. Whatever it is, forget it." He flashed her a smile that seemed to say a thousand things at once. "Deal's made, right?"
She nodded. "Right."
"Then there's nothing else to say." He had her hand again, and somehow her laser pistol was in his belt. She was going to have to have words with him, she could tell. "Second thoughts are pointless, Idira. I make a point of always ignoring them."
Somehow, that wasn't too hard to believe.
"Jack, are you really listening to me?" In the middle of a complex explanation of the history of the royal family, Idira was rather concerned by her companion's constant fidgeting. Between a succession of glasses of a particularly strong local cider, he was building a tower out of coasters. It looked to be enjoying a far greater share of his concentration than she was. He nodded vaguely.
"Prince Theobald. Married a colonist from Io. About seven hundred years ago."
"I haven't mentioned anybody from Io. And there's never been a Prince Theobald. Or if there has, I've never heard of him." She sighed. "Jack..."
"I'm listening!" He pushed the tower of coasters over. "What I don't understand is why. Look, you said there were dissidents. Possible traitors in the castle. Okay, fine. You want to stop them. I get that. What's Prince Theobald from seven hundred years ago got to do with the price of apricots?" She glared at him, and he smiled. "Prince Jacob, then. Who you did just mention. Something about him having enemies among the land developers. Didn't you also say that he died fifty years ago?"
"Yes, but the developers were hoping that his successor to the throne would be more--"
"Idira, if you've got traitorous guards sneaking about the castle, they've got nothing to do with a fifty-year-old argument with some builders." He signalled to the waitress, who brought them over another two glasses of cider. She lingered as she collected the empty glasses, smiling all the time at Jack. Jack, needless to say, smiled back. She wasn't especially pretty, and she wasn't by any means young, but she had nice eyes, and he never ignored a pleasant smile. Idira just rolled her eyes.
"I've not seen you in here before," the waitress observed. Jack's smile brightened a little. He liked to be noticed.
"I got barred from the other place." He made it sound like a particularly pleasant form of entertainment. "If I'd known about here first, though, I wouldn't have bothered going there at all."
"Ah, well sir." The waitress lowered her voice conspiratorially. "The other place doesn't sell the local cider, you know. Imports the fruit from abroad. Cheaper, I suppose, but the local stuff is better."
"Sure is." Jack toasted her with his new glass. "The beer there wasn't up to much, either. Plus there were soldiers all over the place. You can't have a good conversation in a room full of men in uniform."
"You're probably right, sir." The waitress leaned a little closer to him, if that were possible. "There's all the privacy you need in here, sir. We don't ask any questions. Have to learn all about confidentiality, when you run a place like this inside the castle walls. My family have been serving the people of this castle for five generations."
"That's very impressive." Idira clearly didn't care. Jack just flashed her the faintest of smiles.
"Can I ask you a question then, er...?"
"Joanna, sir." She was clearly delighted by the inquiry. He nodded.
"Joanna. Can I ask you a question, Joanna?"
"Of course." She put the two empty glasses back on the table, and sat down on an empty chair next to him. "If you're wanting a girl, sir, I do know one or two addresses. Not inside the castle walls, of course, but not too far distant."
"I'm not looking for a girl." At this precise moment. "It's a more general question than that." He glanced across at Idira, smiling at her irritated expression. "Five generations, and you're probably pretty loyal, right? Present at the coronation, danced at the last royal wedding? Toasted the duke of wherever on the day he was born?"
"Of course." Joanna smiled primly. "Not that I'm old enough to remember the coronation. I was there, though."
"Fascinating though this is..." began Idira. Jack hushed her with an almost imperceptible gesture of his hand.
"Is there anybody that you won't allow in here? Anybody who maybe doesn't think quite like you do? I know you like to keep everything confidential, but there's got to be something you've heard, that's maybe led you to bar somebody? Or to prefer not to let them in?" He raised the hand that he had just used to silence Idira, to reveal - where she would have sworn that there had been nothing before - a gold credit chip. Joanna's eyes widened. That was more than she would see in three months. Gold credit chips mostly stayed in the hands of gamblers and rich young business-types. They didn't get flashed around in quiet inns like hers. She smiled even more warmly than before, and hid the chip in her apron.
"There's Captain Stuart," she said quietly, her voice almost too quiet for Idira to hear. "And Captain Rye. They met up in here a few times, before I barred them. I said they were noisy drunks, but the real reason was the things they were saying."
"Traitorous things?" asked Idira. Her voice was a little too sharp, and Joanna looked suddenly awkward. Jack took her hand, and turned his voice to one of soft, warm persuasion.
"What didn't you like about them?" he asked. She frowned.
"They were hinting at things. Suggesting at things. Talking about how this was the last generation of kings we'd see in the castle. I didn't hear anything traitorous, but it was only one step away. If they'd been somewhere more private, I don't like to think what they might have said. Security's too good in most other places, though. People like that can't get the kind of privacy they need without going right out of the castle, and captains like those two can only leave the grounds every once in a while. So they come here and keep their voices down. Here or at the other place. Mostly there, I'll bet. Take any sort over there, they will."
"Thankyou." Unwilling to listen to a rant against a business rival, Jack raised his voice slightly as he thanked her, showing that their private conversation was at an end. She stood up straight away, picking up the empty glasses and disappearing with all the practised speed and silence of a professional waitress. Idira raised an eyebrow.
"Your credit was frozen," she pointed out. Jack shrugged.
"You should always have some liquid assets handy. Anyway, that's not important right now, is it. You know either of those two captains?"
"Of course I do. I'm a lady-in-waiting to the queen. It's part of my job to know everybody in the castle."
"And?" He drank some more of his cider and looked at her expectantly. She sighed.
"I didn't suspect them, no. I thought there were two or three of the guards who couldn't be trusted, but I never gave those two much mind. If your pet waitress is right, this could go deeper than I thought."
"I don't like to boast..." He leaned back in his chair and stretched luxuriously. "Well, maybe a little. Anyhow, I told you it was worth sitting around in here and seeing what turned up. Always talk to the people everybody else ignores."
"And always bribe them with stolen credit chips?"
"It's better than bribing them with your own." He flashed her a dazzling grin that left her caught between wanting to grin back, and punch him for being such a show-off. "And if it makes you feel any better, it was a castle guard I lifted it from. If they can't be trusted anymore, their money is fair game."
"You took that from a castle guard? The guards don't make that kind of money." She frowned at him suddenly. "Which one?"
"Which guard? I don't know. Dopey-looking guy with a walrus moustache. Looks kinda like one of the Village People. Sorry, wrong millennium. The one who looks after the north quadrant. Complains a lot about his boots."
"Acton." Her voice showed distaste. "Blast him. There's only one way he could come by gold credit chips."
"A bribe?" Jack spread his hands wide, showing three other such chips. "And quite a big one?"
"One hell of a big one." She scowled so ferociously that for a moment he thought she was angry with him. "I was going to lecture you on your light fingers, but I suppose I should be glad about them now. Come on. We've got to get to the north quadrant."
"Why the rush?" Jack followed her, unmoved by her haste, and looking sadly back at the last of the cider. Clearly thinking that there were more important things to be worried about than alcohol - or paying for it apparently - Idira hurried him out of the door.
"Acton patrols the north quadrant, remember? Now what might a guard take a bribe for?"
"To leave his post. But he's not the only guard there, and they can't all be on the take. Your security has got to be better than that. If all the castle guards are crooked, you need to make some serious changes to the way you run things here."
"You don't understand. Acton isn't the only guard in the north quadrant, no. But he is the only guard with access to the upper levels of the north quadrant. Nobody could have any real reason to want to get in there, so the only person likely to bribe the guard is somebody who's already there - and doesn't want any questions asked about what he's up to." She swore. "Damn it. We have to get up there."
"Care to fill me in?" She was speeding up all the time, and Jack had to hurry to keep up with her. "It's tough to be a spy when nobody will tell you things." She didn't seem to hear him.
"One of the people closest to the king. It had to be, and I never gave him a thought."
"Call the guards," he suggested, not really sure what she was getting so worked up about. She shook her head.
"Right now the only people I can be sure that I can trust are various members of the royal family. And I can't go reporting this to them. It's not really in my job description to panic the royal household by telling them that they cant trust anybody, is it."
"I don't know. Last lady-in-waiting I met didn't seem to have any job description at all except being sure to lace the queen's bodice nice and tight."
"I won't ask." She was pulling ahead again and he had to catch up, obediently following her back across the grounds, around the side of the castle, and in at the north door. A few guards were there, but they made no challenge to a lady-in-waiting, and soon enough the pair were heading along the wide stone corridors, towards the first flight of stairs. Only there did Idira pause.
"We shouldn't be seen together." It seemed rather late to decide that, thought Jack, given how many people had already seen them - and had also been witness to his attempts to make them very together indeed. He frowned, not quite understanding, and she flashed him one of her rare smiles. "You have to get to know the rebels, remember. My loyalty is unquestionable, and everybody knows that."
"Oh. Yeah." His lip curled in distaste. "The spy thing."
"Well you can hardly have forgotten." She stared up the staircase, obviously torn with indecision. "Jack, can I trust you?"
"I'm not known for my trustworthiness. Generally speaking." He also looked up at the stairs. "Is something supposed to be happening?"
"I don't know. Up there are the apartments of the king's magician. Acton is in charge of the only access route to him, and if I'm right and he's being bribed to keep his mouth shut, I--" She broke off, distracted by his expression. "What?"
"The king's magician!" Apparently he found this considerably amusing. She glared.
"Never mind that. It's tradition, and anyway that's not exactly important just now. Acton isn't at his post. I have to raise the alarm."
"Why bother?" He couldn't help grinning. "If the king's magician knows you're on to him, surely he'll just magic himself away from here?"
"Oh shut up." Her tone of voice was not entirely unfriendly. "And give me back my gun. You won't look very convincing as an independent agent with a castle weapon stuck in your belt." He handed the gun over, obviously unwilling. "Now get upstairs and see what's going on. Get yourself involved with it, whatever it is."
"If they're doing something they shouldn't be."
"Yes. Who knows how often Acton has been bribed to leave his post? Or what he might be involved with upstairs? Just get up there, and warn them that the alarm has been raised - unless they're doing something really bad. Make out that you're helping them escape."
"So that when you come running in with the cavalry, I get shot to pieces for helping a traitor. I really love your plans."
"Cavalry?" She looked confused. "And you won't get shot. Or I won't shoot you, anyway."
"Thanks. That's one less laser beam to dodge. I'll only have twenty others to worry about."
"Jack..."
"Yeah. Shut up. I know." He went up the first couple of stairs, then hesitated and looked back. "How do I know? If they're doing something they shouldn't be, I mean?"
"Jack..."
"Well it could be important! I go up there trying to find out what Acton is getting up to, and all he's doing is taking a leak. I mean that's a great start to a relationship. And he probably won't appreciate you bursting in with all the king's men, either."
"He should be here. He's not. He was paid a number of gold credit chips by somebody, and I doubt anybody would pay Acton that much money to go to the bathroom. Now get up the stairs, and make yourself useful."
"I'm going." He turned around again, but once more hesitated after climbing just a handful of steps. "Idira..."
"What?" She thought he was going to make some other joke, or some other comment on how unhappy he was with the plan. Instead he simply flashed her a small smile.
"Be careful. You don't know who you can trust."
"Yeah." She smiled back at him, and was about to tell him to be careful as well - but he simply gave her a brief nod, thenturned and went on up the stairs. He took them three and four at a time, for all the world as though he couldn't wait to begin this latest endeavour, whatever his earlier concerns. If they had ever been real concerns to begin with. Idira shook her head faintly and headed off on her way. For as long as she came to know him, she didn't think that she would ever understand Jack Harkness.