Title: It Just Hurts

Disclaimer: All characters around Naruto and the god himself belongs to Masashi Kishimoto

Warnings: Language and a little lime

Prologue

If you ask me how I'm doing I would say I'm doing just fine

I would lie and say that you're not on my mind

But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two

and finally I'm forced to face the truth

No matter what I say, I'm not over you

There is certain things in life that you cannot change.

You can't change that the grass is green, you can't change the fact that you were born, you can't change the way you look and you can certainly not change how you feel.

Trust me on that, I know. If I could control my feelings I wouldn't sit here brokenhearted because then I would never have fallen in love with my best friend. My straight best friend. But I guess this is how it's supposed to be. At least that's what I'm trying to convince myself.

Argh. I cross my arms on my desk and bury my head in them. Why, why, why? I lift my head up only to let it fall down again punctuating each word.

My mind betrays me and pictures of the person who is the reason for all of this starts filling my head. Pale porcelain skin, his eyes gives midnight a challenge and eyes to match. He's basically beauty personified. And then that body, mhm, that's some good shit. I shake my head in a desperate attempt to escape the pictures since they were sending shivers down my spine heading somewhere particularly south.

"Uchiha Sasuke" his name rolls off my tongue like it was meant to do that for the rest of eternity. "why did it have to be him? He's a bastard and he's straight goddamnit! Anyone else but him, anyone else.." Hah talking to an empty room was becoming more and more usual for me.

For real though, he is a bastard and he can be quite the mean one when he wants to. And he's straight. Probably because of that giant stick up his ass.

I know that unrequited love always hurts, well duh, but this is more than hurting. It's the knowledge of never having him love me the way that I love him, It's the knowledge that he'll probably be disgusted by me if I tell him that I'm gay then imagine how he'll react when I tell him that he's the one I love.

Besides all that unrequited love thingy, which you would think was enough, there's the acceptance. The acceptance of myself, to accept that I like boys and accept the fact that there is nothing I can do about it. Where I live you don't look down on gay people and you don't treat them any different, so that's really nice but still. All around the world, people are talking about how truly disgusted they are about a person who likes the same gender. It doesn't matter how strong of a person you are, that shit gets to you.

I'm still fighting with accepting myself everyday. I'm closer today than I was yesterday.

Yeah Uchiha Sasuke, you've really fucked me up man. Everyday being with you, taking on the role as your best friend, acting like everything is perfectly normal when all I want to do is kiss you and run my fingers through your hair.

It just hurts.

P.O.V Change.

There is certain things in life that you have no control over whatsoever. You can't control how the earth moves, you can't control the fact that if you're placing your hand on a warm hotplate you're gonna burn yourself idiot, and you can't control your feelings.

The last one is the most frustrating one for sure. I'm a pretty conservative person, I don't let people get to know me, who I am on the inside like what I'm feeling and such. I've learned to control how I express myself, I never show what I'm feeling. I can arch my brow and put on a smirk, give the expression that I'm confident, when all I want to do is break down and cry, that's my defence mechanism.

That's why the fact that no matter how I want to be confident and secure and act like everything is under control, I can't be that and I can't just feel that way just because I want to.

Trust me on that, If I could feel the way I wanted to, my life wouldn't be so fucked up. One of those feelings that really has drove me to the edge is love. Ugh I hate that word, love. Love for a certain someone. An idiot really. Love for my best friend, my straight best friend that is. It's like the universe just likes to mess with me, toss me around till I can't tell left from right. Loving your best friend is enough hurting as it is then of course he can't be interested in the same gender as me. That's just... UGH.

I lean against the blue-white tile wall while closing my eyes. The warm water is running through my dark hair down my body. Hn, something's strange, I look down my body and can't help but frown. Of course I have to become hard just by thinking of him.

As those words are formed all kinds of naughty pictures fills my head and my cock twitches happily. I wrap a wet hand around my shaft and I start pumping carefully.

"Oh god" I moan while feelings of ecstasy fills me.

I imagine that instead of my hand, I feel his lips. His lips around my throbbing cock, looking up at me with those blue eyes that I know all too well. I imagine that I drive my fingers through his blonde spikes and pulls him closer.

His head bobs faster and faster up and down my cock creating that lovely friction. I let my head fall back against the tile wall and I can't hold back my moans. My hips starts bucking forward and my vision turns blurry, and I'm close. How could something feel so good? How is this kind of pleasure not a sin?

I look down on him again and I feel shiver of pleasure running down my spine and I feel that my eyes aren't able to move from those beautiful eyes. He's looking up at me with an expression of innocence on his face and his blonde bangs are sticking to his forehead with sweat. I can feel him smirking around me as he gives my cock one last hard suck

"Naruto!" I scream out as I climax. I feel the hot substance on my hand as my hips jerks froward.

Oh. My. God. That was truly and utterly amazing.

I glide down with my back pressed against the wall until I'm sitting on the floor and I can't suppress a sigh. No matter how god that feels physically it's killing me emotionally. That scene will never happen. He will never love me. Why can't I get that through my head? It hurts being filled with so much hope and then realise that I've been lying to myself. I don't stand a chance and that breaks my heart.

Yeah Uzumaki Naruto you've really fucked me up man. Everyday being with you, taking the role as your best friend, acting like everything is perfectly normal when all I want to do is kiss you and let you run your fingers through my hair.

It just hurts.