T'was the day before New Year's Eve And Ianto was mad
Tosh just sat unusually sad
Owen knew he was the one to blame
Sitting beside her softly saying her name
.
Gwen was pleased as she finally won
Telling Tosh about the tattoo on Owen's bum
She had waited months for the chance to take her shine
Tipsy enough over the post-Christmas wine.
.
Jack was oblivious as he skipped down the stairs
Arms full of chocolates, sweets and éclairs
"Look what I found" he chortled with glee
"Doc must have left these behind for me."
.
Finally settling he looked up at them all
"What did I miss?" he asked, sitting up tall
"Gwen and Owen had sex" Tosh said with a sniff
Jack frowned and said "Oh, I know" adding to the tiff
.
"You knew!" she spluttered as Gwen grinned with glee
"You knew she had…had..and never told me!"
"I thought everyone did" Jack said without thinking it through
Ianto's warning growl too late to stop words said true
.
"Well … she can have him" Tosh said with an airily pout
Owen whimpered "Hey, let's work it out."
Gwen sat back and Ianto's frown deepened
Knowing she had also not thought through the problem now creeping
.
Tosh did though, realised it quick
"What will Rhys say" she asked, dropping the brick
Gwen's smile faded as she turned to stare
Tosh already reaching for Ianto's phone she saw there
.
"That's enough" Ianto scolded as he rose
Scooping up the phone then striking a pose
"I've seen his bum in me face as well!"
They all squealed as he added "I may well go to hell."
.
"What do you mean?" Tosh asked with new shock
"When we fell in the mud looking for that stupid space rock."
Tosh blinked as she looked again at Gwen
"Did you … I mean … was that when?"
.
Gwen was not stupid, saw Ianto gamely offering an out
Settled back with an incredible pout
"Didn't you? We all copped the horrible sight
Screaming about his bits getting the blight"
.
Tosh seemed to relax, take a breath and then shine
"Silly, wasn't I to think you're not mine."
Owen relaxed as well, but was not sharp as a tack
Muttering "Thank fuck I got out of that!"
.
"Got out of what?" Tosh asked anew
"The bog" he spluttered, "You got out too."
Jack looked around like watching a tennis match
Finally realising the sticky patch.
.
"Come on kids, yummies on me!" he cried
Clapping his hands and they all chose a prize
Leaning in close he whispered to his welsh god
"Good save sweetie" with a sage nod.
.
"I don't know if I can do it" Ianto hissed under his breath
"Last all through New Years with our causing a death."
"Awww, come on tiger, you can do it" Jack crooned
All he got was that look of doom.