Realise

DISCLAIMER: Would love to own these fantastic characters. I'm still in high school so what's the likeness that I do. None out of 100. Cameron/Eglee do. I'm jealous.

SUMMARY: Max decides she needs to be honest with Logan. I would love any comments so please e-mail me. This is my first fan-fic so response or encouraging tips will be well appreciated. I'm from Australia and we have only just been graced with the beauty of Dark Angel. I haven't missed an ep since I feel in love with the Pilot, the only episode I'd watched to that point.

SPOILERS/TIMEFRAME: After 'Hit a Sista back' and Logan's walking.

RATING: PG 13

AUTHORS NOTE: This fanfic I wrote in about hour and I posted it to see if people would like the story. So far so good, thanks everyone for the reviews. I'm not planning on another chapter as of yet, if I'm hassled enough I may consider. My original copy typed in Word had Italics so if the 1st and 3rd person are confusing, really sorry. I'm not a punctuation guru, grammar has never been my strong point. I'm the kind of writer that prefers to just type and type and forget I'm typing cause I'm so involved in the story. THANKS AGAIN.

In all I have seen, it's weird how even the most evil can still surprise me. Is that weird to say. Evil can surprise me and it scares me so very much. Logan and I have talked for hours some nights. I'd end up staying the night, in the guest bedroom and I'd stay awake the entire night dreaming my dreams about him, awake yet dreaming. It's hard to fall asleep when I can hear so clearly his heavy breath.

My friends, you know them have even told me how they think it will happen for Logan and I. It starts of with 'him cursing his chair, saying he's not complete, me telling him he is to me, we say we love each other and then banging the gong'. Sketchy always mentions that there might be some role paying then we'd run around naked after the actual event. He would also mention how much fun role-playing is. If Sketchy could actually form a thought besides sex, I'm pretty he'd curl up into a neonatal position and count back from 1 million just to stop a blackout.

My dreams of Logan and I are different. I keep denying it for a whole lot of reasons and no one but me can really understand them. Manticore gave me so many scars and every corner I face, another scar seems to reveal itself. Love is something that was just totally left out of the X5 training modules. We learnt through our Undercover Ops that people believed that they could love each other. Phoney Sentimentality is what Zack calls it and in someway I believe it. To love somebody, society believes that you can totally give your heart and soul to someone. Soul! That's another Manticore discussed topic; no one has a soul. Religion is where it comes from, the same people who believe in the saviour Jesus Christ and a virgin becoming pregnant. I'm not sure what I believe in. I'm not sure about a lot of things. Why do you think I deny Logan?

Logan Cale! Man of Mystery the moment I met him. Eyes Only, Meal Ticket, Rich Bastard, No more but all the same, better of financially then me. Whenever I see Logan, I can't explain the feelings in my entire body. Original Cindy has told me time and again that it is love but I don't know if I even believe in it. I know I can love, I love Zack and the rest of my brothers and sisters. But I feel differently for Logan. The other day I called by his place and as per usual, I find him typing away on his computers. I swear when he's old and elderly Eye's Only, he's going to still be typing away and then have to stop cause he has arthritic fingers. Anyway, I love surprising him so I tickled him from behind. He spun around and started tickling me and I swear, just having him touch me made every nerve ending in my body just hum. At Manticore, we used to have tickle fights and it was so much fun. I never got the feeling I got when Logan did it to me though.

He knows what buttons to press. I can't hide anything from him any more and in a way I just don't want to. I can lie to anyone but to him, it is getting harder everyday. Although in a way, I guess I am always lying to him. I want him and in a way I know he feels the same. I can see what everyone else sees. I finally worked up the courage to tell him about my heat, it was a good decision to do it over the phone. If I told him in person, I know I would have just jumped him there and then. When he looks into my eyes I feel like I start humming(I'm repeating myself) and I could just sing but then my brain kicks in and I look away. I can't let him see the weaknesses he's instilled into me. He never did a single thing but be someone I needed and someone I could rely on. He thinks he's the weak one. Uh ah.

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Sometimes I think about my life before Eyes Only and Max. I was married and my wife was a drunk. It's a good think that I don't think about that period too often. How pathetic a life was I living? Now today, well that is a different story. After an ass kicking feel of the worry I put Max through has pretty much given me the reality check I needed to realise how lucky I am compared to most. I was going to kill myself and I'm the one trying to prevent the killing. People are homeless on the streets, sick and I'm here in a penthouse, with a mission, with friends and healthy. I may be on a lot of hit lists and be in this chair, but at least I know I can live for tomorrow, have a task for tomorrow. Have someone I am most definitely happier around. Anyone in my life can tell you that is Max. Even my informants give me there version of our relationship.

I am very much attracted to Max Guevera. I admit it, and I don't think there is a male that can walk pass her and not be. She is so beautiful and her physical beauty aside, the most strongly and fantastic willed person I know. Manticore built her to kill, and as all her instincts tell her to do so, she is so strong as to fight the urge. I am past the whole ideas that Lydecker put in my head. The way she loves her family, the way she is so loyal to her friends, the way she makes you feel when your around her is so incredible. She is so dark in appearance, her hair, her eyes, and her clothes but yet she can brighten a room with just a smile. She certainly turns on all of the lights that fill all the corners of my dark spots.

I've also realised a whole lot of things about my life with Max. When I was young, before the pulse, when Hollywood was the American dream for so many people, I used to hear people talk about how a star is born and knows there a star the moment that they breath. The moment I met Max, I was definitely physically attracted to her but just the fact that she knew whom the goddess Bast was, I loved her mind. I saw her soul in her eyes and knew that behind the cat suit there was a heart, beating and scared. She put up an unwearying front. My mind believed it. Me heart didn't. I needed to find her again.

There is so many obstacles that I see in front of us. I know I have to be the voice of reason. She has so much more to fight then me. Personally, she has so much to fight let alone me. I'll wait forever for her.

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"Logan?" Max closed the door and started for his office. 'Where else would he be.'

"In the Kitchen" 'That would be the other place!' Max thought as she skipped to the kitchen.

"So this is a social visit then. Cool, what culinary miracle would you be preparing today?"

"A Sandwich!" Logan prepared with a smirk. 'Logan Cale is a smart-ass like me.'

"A Sandwich? It's after 4.00" Max asked in a mocking tone.

"Want one?" Logan returned the mocking tone.

"Since when do I turn down food. You know that food and anything for my baby is the way to my heart!"

"I assume the baby is your bike" Max nodded. "So what would be your preferred filling" Logan directed his vision to an array of food spread in front of him. Max pointed to the jar of Vegemite that Logan had been given as a present from one of his informants. Vegemite is a spread that is well none in Australia. Americans aren't to keen on the stuff. Even during the time before the pulse, getting Vegemite in America was a hard prospect. Logan and Max love the stuff. "I love this stuff on toast"

"I think we should treasure this stuff like gold." 'She said we.' Logan thought to himself and smiled.

"So how has your day been. I thought it might be nice just to sit back and enjoy the day with some sandwiches and some wine. The day, funny enough is beautiful."

"My days been okay but your page was a welcoming distraction. We should open up all the windows. And ...smell the pollution, bad idea. " Max chuckled and snacked on the sandwich laying before her.

"The air conditioners working so we could put that on."

Max and Logan went into the living room and instead of sitting on the couch sat on the floor and Max layed down. 'This is so weird. I feel so relaxed, so comfortable. Why is it that Logan can make me feel so good?'

"You look so relaxed." 'See he knows what I'm thinking'. Max sat up and decided it was best to just be safe and not just give in to her feeling of conformity with Logan.

"It's weird, but I have always loved summer. Even at my days at Manticore I did. When I was designed they made a flaw. I should be blonde." Logan laughed and tried to imagine a blonde Max. "Can you imagine me as a blonde?"

"With lighter skin yeah. But you have such tanned skin, Brunette you is definitely more you."

"I know. So I really need to talk to you about something and it's important." 'I got to just get this out in the open. Logan is an understanding person. One of the reason I lo-. Do I love him?' Max thought to herself and breathed in ready to tell Logan exactly what she felt and why she was wary.' I have to let him know EVERYTHING. I can't lie to Logan, he's my best friend.'

"Is it serious?" Max nodded.

"Okay, let's sit on the couch cause I may pass out saying this." Max was serious and this frightened Logan. 'Pass out. Since when is there anything that would make Max pass out! Is she sick?'

"Are you okay. Are you sick?"

"Logan, I'm not sick. This has nothing to do with Manticore or my wellbeing, well at least not directly. It's about us. There is an us and there has been for a while even though we both deny it and both of us have our reasons for that. For you, I'm not too sure why, I'd like to know but first I need to tell you exactly why I've denied it. I'm young, younger than you, young in my experiences with life, with freedom, with my feelings and with everything else in my life. I'm not sure about myself and I'm still learning about the world out of Manticore. The scars are around every corner I turn. For me to be this honest about myself and to even say this to anyone, well that is an achievement in itself. The reason I'm able to do it is cause of you. Your the reason I can do this cause I trust you. Out of all the people in the world there is only a few I'd trust with my life. Original Cindy, Zack, and you and I know Zack has feelings for me other than as a sister but he still no matter what would look after me. You would sacrifice yourself for me. I know. I can see everything. I know you can see me. Gosh, it doesn't ever surprise me when you echo my voice. I'm going to have a drink cause I didn't think I'd talk so much. I'm no way near my point yet. " Max took a drink of wine.

" X5 endurance has kept you going so far."

"You're telling me. Anyway, not only do I trust you, but I've realised I need you. More than need you. I want you. Every time I walk into a room I feel funny inside. I'm not sure it is love. Gosh, I don't know if I even believe in love. I don't know love, except the way I feel for my family. But, all I know is that I think about you every minute and it takes every part of my being to stop myself kissing you-" 'I didn't plan on being that honest.' "I don't know what love is. But I do know is that if anything happened to you, it would happen to me to. If you were killed, the killer 'might as well of just killed me to', cause my life would be nothing without you. Is that love. Is the need, the want, is all of this I'm feeling love. Is the reason I kissed you when I was afraid I'd never see you again cause I loved-?

"Yes!" Logan interrupted. "And I feel the same way. I love you too."

"I've felt this way ever since I met you. When I watched the news and saw you getting shot, I could feel all this pain. I felt your pain." With that Logan and Max just sat there looking at each other. Max felt warn out from the amount she had just revealed, taking in everything, Max finally realised what Logan had said to her.

'She loves me! She really loves me!' 'He loves me! He really loves me!' Logan's and Max's thought echoed each other. The lives they both led had been busy and exhausting and yet there relationship was a lot the same, in a way it was so silent, so still, so meant to be. Taking this all in, Max and Logan just sat there in need on time to reflex. Max let a tear fall down her cheek. Logan broke the silence finally.

"Since I met you, I felt this way to." Both Max and Logan had felt physically drained. They smiled at each other and Logan made the first move.

Logan took hold of Max's left pinkie finger and kissed it. It was the sweetest touch Max had ever felt in her entire life. Max couldn't take another moment without his touch. Max leaned forward and they kissed a kiss that could be felt in every corner of both of their beings. It was so soft and yet made each of them beam like nothing ever beamed before. They stopped and again just stared then kissed again deepening its intensity with every moment passing. As they kissed, the realisation of how deep the love they shared was so distinguishable. The mind then switched of. Love and Need was all that was controlling Max and Logan now.

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It was only 8:00 and Max and Logan just couldn't find a place that they'd rather be than in bed. 'Original Cindy and the others were pretty much on the money, except Logan didn't say he was less a man. It was better than I thought it be I did the talking. Since when was I the voice of reason? That's his job.' On the bed, a single sheet covering both of them, Max and Logan just stared at each other.

"Why did we wait so long for this?" Logan asked

"I don't know. Your gonna have some real fun when I get to heat again. I might even like it for the first time in my entire life. Anyway, I so don't want to talk." With that Max kissed Logan again.

'I am in Love. Suffer Manticore. I found Love; you can never take that way from me.'