Happy New Year! I'm done! Yay! I worked really hard on this, so please review, and sorry it was short.
Sabine cracked all her knuckles one at a time, simply out of boredom, before removing her gloves. After pulling the leather off, she looked at her hands carefully. Ever since switching to finger-less gloves, things had been easier to do, especially engineering and the like. But it left her fingers exposed to things that caused callouses. She was a Mandalorian, so scars were a great thing to have- a symbol for an accomplishment. But, she was also an artist, so seeing her beauty thrown out was kind of difficult, especially since she made delicate art with no longer delicate hands. They were becoming rough, less feminine.
Meh, whatever. First world problems.
Sabine and the crew had just gotten back home after 'The Mining Guild Mission'. At least, that's what Ezra had titled it. Sabine was exhausted, and they had another attack scheduled in less than twenty-four hours. The whole crew was going to try and get some sleep while it was possible.
Sabine was always nervous to take off her armor, in case of an emergency, but she couldn't sleep with it on. So, she removed it and set it on the table under her bed, unzipped and ready in case something went wrong. Then, she put on her new sleepwear that she'd received from her caretakers, since hers were very worn out. It was a plain white material, the cheapest they could find. It was all they could afford. The girl didn't mind cheap sleepwear, but the fact that it was a nightgown tended to annoy her. It wasn't her style at all, but Hera had insisted.
"Oh! Look how pretty, Sabine, she said. You'll look beautiful in it, don't you think? she said," Sabine mocked in a dopey tone. But she would never say how she hated it, it would break Hera's heart.
Then, once she'd finished buttoning the nightgown, the teenager climbed on top of the bunk, set an alarm, and snuggled herself in. This planet was freezing at night, and they needed to save fuel in the ghost right now, they couldn't waste it on heating. So, she pulled the blanket as tight as she could around her body. Sabine often felt lonely when she slept, but now she felt even more so in the cold. She wished she had someone or something to hold, that would cuddle her and keep her company, and keep her warm…and keep the nightmares away.
"-and so we have an hour of free time," Zeb said, his voice echoing in the hallway. Sabine groaned and turned over, putting her pillow over her ears. She barely heard the muffled whisper that followed. That whisper received a reply from Zeb's deep, booming voice again. The Mandolorian put her fingers in her ears. It was much more effective.
"I know right! We can always just hang out though," the Lasat laughed.
Sabine sat up and screamed towards the door, "Hey, Zeb, speak up will ya! I'm trying to hear this fascinating conversation through my state of unconsciousness!"
"Everyone is up now! It's not my fault you're lazy!" the Lasat shouted back from down the hall.
"Knock it off!" Hera yelled. Sabine was annoyed she was being blamed, too, but at least Zeb got what he deserved. The big furry blockhead fell silent at Hera's threat. If he muttered some sort of retort under his breath, Sabine couldn't hear it.
Although the girl hadn't been ready to wake up, there was no point in trying to fall back asleep now. And Zeb was right about everyone being up. She could hear them in the common room. The problem with small ships was even if you were quiet, everyone heard you.
Sabine climbed down the bunk ladder and stretched. She started unbuttoning her nightgown, thinking over her most recent dream, and what her subconscious was telling her through it. She pulled the gown up over her head and rubbed her face blearily. Sabine sighed and started to pull her pants on, tightening the belt and zipping up the middle. She picked up her shirt and felt around for the head hole. There was a knock on the door, and before the teenager could respond, it opened.
"Kanan!" Sabine squealed, covering her top half with her nightgown. "I'm changing!"
"Oh, sorry, sorry," he waved frantically and stepped back out, closing the door.
"You're supposed to knock," she scolded, still scared to uncover herself.
"I did."
"Yeah and then you barged in!" she exclaimed in disbelief mingled with frustration.
"You know I'm blind, right?"
Sabine sighed. She quickly pulled her shirt on, then socks, then boots. "You can come in now," she muttered, fastening on her armor. The door opened and Kanan stepped in, looking a bit nervous. Sabine felt bad for snapping, and she gave a sincere apology. Kanan gave one as well. Sabine brushed her hair, wondering why it was so embarrassing to change in front people. She had undergarments on, and they were her family, and Kanan was blind, so what was the deal?
It's just the way it is with sentients, she supposed.
"I assumed you were sleeping," Kanan explained. "I didn't want you to have to get up and answer the door right after waking up."
"I understand," she frowned. "I know you had good intentions. Did you need something though?"
"What, I can't just pay you a visit?" he smirked. Sabine smiled. She knew he was joking, but she also knew there was more to it. No one just 'pays a visit' while someone else is sleeping.
After a pause, Kanan said, "Hera is making us a real meal for once, and I thought you'd like to eat it with us. Our next attack has been delayed because our allies have to travel around an unexpected patrol. So, we have an extra hour of free time. This is a dangerous mission, we need to spend some time together-"
"I wish you wouldn't talk like that," Sabine whispered.
"Sorry."
The teenage girl turned away from the mirror and forced a smile. She took his gloved hand in hers and dragged him a few feet before letting go. The two walked to the common room where Hera was dishing food with Chopper, and Zeb and Ezra were competing in a holochess game.
"Well, look who finally got her lazy butt out of bed!" Zeb snorted, slapping Sabine on the shoulder. "Check out my strategy. His little brain won't be able to get him out of this."
"That's not true, Zeb! I'm a Jedi!"
"So?" he shrugged.
"So I'm better than you."
"Of course," Sabine said coolly. "Because we all know that having floating powers means you automatically win everything."
"Uh-huh," Ezra nodded. The Mandalorian rolled her eyes. Hera served everyone and they all started eating and talking, except Sabine who stayed reserved. She listened at times, spaced out at others, wondered what to do with her scraps also. Then, she got a brilliant idea, one worth sharing. So, in an attempt to be part of the conversation, she jumped in when she could.
"Hera, Kanan, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure, Monster, ask away."
"Can we get a puppy?"
Ezra lit up immediately. Hera thought it was a joke. "You have a cat," the Twi-lek laughed, gesturing to Chopper.
"That's not a cat! And chopper is basically yours anyway. All the experiences I've been having with the Loth wolves, it makes me want a dog."
"How about a hamster?"
"But a hamster isn't loyal enough to carry me through a desert away from danger, smart enough to take us to a new base, and-"
"The Loth wolves are special, Sabine. Normal dogs don't act like that."
Kanan finally chimed in, tightening his arm that was around Hera's shoulders. "You can have a dog, if you can prove you can take care of one."
"How is she gonna do that if doesn't have one?" Ezra challenged.
"Well," Kanan shrugged, "I guess you can't have a puppy then."
"Zeb's like a dog!" Sabine smirked. "If I take care of him, I can prove myself."
The Lasat looked up. "What?"
"No pets," Kanan said firmly.
"But-"
"Sabine, you know the rules," Hera said gently. "That's always been the rule. We can barely feed ourselves… We can't support a pet right now."
"What about a goldfish?" Ezra suggested. Sabine crossed her arms and slumped in her chair. There were other ways to convince them. She had methods…
...And then Ezra had methods. Sabine was speechless. Had he picked this up in the Lothal markets? What the heck was going on. He just waltzed into her room holding the little bundle in his arms. Well, it was sort of little. But it would be a big dog, she could tell.
"Do you like it?" Ezra grinned. "I never got you a Christmas gift a few months ago, so it's a late one."
"Ezra, are you crazy?" she hissed. "Get that out of here. If Kanan hears it, or Hera sees it- dang it! Zeb can probably smell it already!"
"I know, we're dead. But now you can prove that you can really take care of one." Ezra set the long legged, skinny puppy down. Its fur was thick and somewhat long, its eyes were dark brown and its jaws were parted in a carefree smile as it sniffed around. "It's a boy, and he's a few months old."
"I had my own plan to get one. But I don't actually want a dog, Ezra."
Can a Jedi sense a lie, though?
"Sabine, I hear you talk to yourself all the time. You cry in the middle of the night. You paint alone, you eat alone, you play catch with the wall!"
"It always throws it back."
"You need a friend… One that isn't sentient. One that won't judge you."
Sabine bit her lip. Maybe she wasn't as good at hiding her feelings as she thought. Or maybe it was a Jedi talent. Either way, she couldn't keep denying it. A dog wouldn't mind when she changed, a dog could have her scraps, a dog could protect her while she slept without armor- and it wouldn't laugh when she wore a nightgown. Sabine smiled.
"Well?"
"...I guess I can just play with it for a while. I'm sure they all know it's here by now. So until Hera makes you return it, I can hang out with it."
"Right, I'll let you get to know each other."
"You don't want to play with it?"
"Of course I do, but it's your puppy. See ya later."
Sabine sighed. The puppy had one ear that hadn't quite stood up straight yet, so it flopped around in his face while he sniffed his surroundings. Sabine knew better than to name it- then she'd be attached. But she needed a way to call it over. Maybe Check? Like come check this out? Or maybe something a little harsher, like Temporary? She could simply call it Dog. The girl tipped her head and studied the canine.
Apparition.
He didn't exist, and would vanish as fast as he came. Transparent when seen, but not truly seen at all, just a figment of the imagination. And besides, ghosts were something no one wanted around. They were feared. Most important, they weren't real. Apparition.
So, raising her voice an octave, like most people did when speaking to animals, Sabine called the lanky pup over, "Apparition, come here."
The dog didn't know it was a name, but he responded to the tone of her voice. He came bounding over giddily, his tongue lolling out in a carefree manner that was somewhat contagious. Sabine began to relax. His fur was soft, though a little frizzy. The Mandalorian ran her fingers through it gently, then harder as he leaned into her touch, attempting to lick her hand as she stroked him. She started scratching and rubbing him, feeling all her worries melt away as he responded with his full heart, throwing himself completely into loving her.
"No," Sabine whimpered, standing up quickly. "No, for stars sake, no."
Sabine Wren was becoming attached. This mutt was becoming attached. She felt the dread well up in her stomach as she looked down and realized, as she made eye contact, that this dog had just committed his life to her. He watched her intently, with love and loyalty and- Oh gosh… It was a mirror of her own soul. They both had just thrown their heart fully to one another, Apparition on purpose, Sabine on accident. In her attempt to push him away, she'd opened a door that would make her even more attached once she finally stopped pushing. How could she be so stupid?
Love can be broken, she assured herself. It was a lie, but a necessary one. Sometimes lying to yourself was the best way to deal with emotions ...But if it can be broken, what's the harm in enjoying it for now?
Apparition had gotten up and started chewing on a paint can. Sabine gasped when she grasped the situation, and ran over to take it from him. She gave him her old sleepwear instead. She was done with it anyway. The little canine was really not that little. He was only a few months old and his shoulders were already just inches short of Sabine's hips.
The teenager took the nightgown in her hands and wiggled it. Apparition's ears perked up and his tail started to thump on the ground. He lifted a massive paw and slapped it over the cloth to get a better grip, clenching his front teeth onto the material. Sabine started to smile. She was teaching him to play tug! She pulled it hard enough to where it was closer to her, and then let up just enough to let him start winning, then she would pull harder again. Eventually, she let him win. He started to gnaw on it, but he only waited a few seconds before he stood up and started to climb on the crouching girl, knocking her down. He must weigh at least fifty pounds- on this planet anyway.
Sabine giggled, trying to keep quiet and stop laughing, but she couldn't. She was too overjoyed right now. Apparition licked her and shuffled around on top of her. It quickly turned into a game of wrestle. Sabine gently pushed his head, riling him up enough to get him to jump up. His front paws landed again on her shoulders. She fell down on her back, Apparition licking her as she struggled to push the big puppy off.
"Stop," she laughed as he licked her neck. "That tickles really bad." She tried to push him away before giving up and putting all her energy into shielding her neck with her arms. "Get past this," she smiled, her voice muffled by the floor. "I have a tickle shield."
The mutt shoved his nose under her arm, trying to pry her hands away to make eye contact. Suddenly, Sabine wrapped her arms around him and turned over, putting her in the lead. She grinned and stood up, the dog jumping off the floor to keep at her level. He twisted awkwardly each time, landing sloppily and tumbling over with every enthusiastic leap. The girl slapped her knees and bent down.
"What, you gonna get me? You gonna get me? Not if I get you first!"
Apparition let out a high pitched squeak and stood on his hind legs, grabbing her shoulders and jumping up on her. Sabine hopped around the room, and he followed her. Every once in a while she'd turn around and push him or let him jump on her. She tripped over her own feet in the small room and was quickly greeted by a brownish gray dog on top of her, nibbling her playfully.
"And the winner!" she smiled, standing up, is the one and only-" Sabine cut herself off. They were being so loud. Of course, she was certain they knew already, but still. She tried to calm him down, petting him gently and whispering. Apparition started to calm a bit when she gave him the clothes to chew on. He must be teething, cause stars did he chew.
Sabine jumped when her comm beeped. She felt a cold stone in her belly, almost didn't answer. Hesitantly, she pushed the button. "Specter five."
"Hey, it's six."
Oh, thank goodness. "Go ahead, Ezra."
"Hera says we have to go back to sleep."
"We slept," the Mandalorian argued.
"Yeah, but only for a few hours. She says we have to go back to sleep until the sun comes up."
"Is she sleeping, too?" the teenager challenged.
"Probably not. You know Hera… How's your friend?"
"Fine."
"Okay," Ezra muttered. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
Sabine looked at Apparition and bit her lip. Who would watch him while she slept? She started to change into her sleepwear again. She'd only been up for a few hours! But whatever. He got up and began to sniff around, every once in a while coming up to her, stopping, parting his jaws in a doggy smile, and then proceeding to explore. Sabine put her clothes on the table and climbed up on top of her bunk. Her previous question of Apparition getting into mischief dissolved as he tried to jump up with her. Sabine smiled and put her hands under his arms, lifting him up with a grunt. He scrambled onto the bed and started to smell everything. Sabine kept pushing him down. It took a few minutes, but he began to get the idea. He didn't want to sleep, Sabine knew, he wanted to play. Eventually, however, he obeyed and laid down.
Sabine started to drift off. She was awoken momentarily by the mixed breed snuggling closer. She squinted her eyes in the darkness and tried to make out his furry figure. The girl, in a moment of curiosity, lifted one of his paws and pressed it up against her hand. His hand was practically as big as hers. She gave a faint breath of laughter.
"You're definitely big enough to protect me," Sabine smiled. "But maybe I'm the one that should protect you..."
Slowly they both fell asleep. Her arms were wrapped around him, and his limbs were stretched out, laying casually over her ribs. She buried her face in his fur, smelling the dust and the dirt, and now, the chemicals of her own paint. They drifted away, their hearts steadying, their breathing synchronized, their dreams- well, there were none.
"Apparition, sit," Sabine said, pushing his rump to the ground. She had brought her breakfast in her room, which wasn't unusual, so she got away with it, and she began to teach the puppy some tricks. So far he almost learned sit, heel, and pay attention. Sabine was incredibly proud of herself and of Apparition. "Good boy," she praised, tossing him some inedible fat. She walked to the other end of the room.
"Apparition," she called in a happy tone, holding up a tidbit. He pranced over, his jaws dripping with drool that he licked up with his thin, pink tongue. "Good boy." Now he was coming to his name. Amazing the things you could teach a creature when it loved and obeyed you. "Apparition, watch me… Good boy."
The dogs ribs weren't visible, the fur was too thick. But Sabine could feel them easily when she ran her fingers down his sides, and she briefly wondered if he had been starving previously. It made her feel better about giving him her food, even though she only gave him the things she wouldn't eat, like the tops of fruits where the stems protruded. He ate everything. However, Sabine had learned that he didn't prefer citrus or leafy vegetables.
"Heel," the teenager ordered, luring him with some meat rind. After a few steps she rewarded him. That was the last of her scraps. "Good boy, we're all done now. I really like hanging out with you," she spoke in her high pitched voice. Then, lowering it back to normal, she whispered in his ear, "Can I tell you a secret? Don't tell anyone, but I've always wanted a child of my own." She stopped whispering and brought her tone up again and told him, "You're kind of like a child, cause I take care of you and stuff, but you're more of a friend… So what's your secret? ...Oh yes ...Uh-huh ...Really ...Oh, I won't tell. Mandalorian's word."
Sabine smiled at her own childish behavior, and gave Apparition his chew clothing. He kept himself busy with it while she painted. Every once in a while, he would look up at her, stare for a moment, and then get back to gnawing on his toy. Sabine would turn around, watch him, smile, and go back to her painting. They would both look, make eye contact, exchange a giggle and a happy growl, and both turn back to their projects. After a while, Sabine began talking to him about her day, or telling funny stories, or even sharing a secret or two. Then, he became bored with his toy and walked over to sit near her, studying her hands and face intently.
Honestly, neither one was worried about the future. They were living here and now, with each other, enjoying it while it lasted. These were memories Sabine knew they would both keep forever. And she could cling to them in times of doubt.
Hera put a hand over Kanan's. The man sighed. Everyone had woken up recently, and they were now eating breakfast, just nine hours left until the mission. There was an awkward silence for the entire mealtime. Hera squeezed his fingers and started the talk everyone was waiting for.
"An act of rebellion like this… Isn't okay… We have rules for a reason, and when you don't obey th-"
"We're taking perfect care of him!" Ezra defended. "Sabine cleaned up after him- twice. She went out and bought him food with her own money-"
"Ezra," Kanan said gently.
Ezra ignored him. "She taught him games! She's eating with him! We can never get her to eat with us!"
"Where is she?" Hera asked.
"In her room, eating with him, obviously."
Zeb grumbled, "Or giving him her food."
"Yeah, maybe the gristle or something!" the boy cried. "The dog doesn't even bark."
"Ezra, why did you disobey us when we said no pets?" Hera demanded, making sure to keep her voice firm, yet gentle.
"Sabine didn't do anything. I got the dog, I brought it here, and I didn't take it back when she told me to. It was all me."
"I asked why."
"...Because ...I wanted to."
Kanan shook his head. "We'll deal with your punishment later. Love, do you want to talk to Sabine?"
"No," Hera frowned. "But I will." She stood up and made her way to Sabine's room, preparing herself for what she was going to say. Was she really about to do this? Break her daughter's heart like that? She had no choice. They had no money. It may be hard for some teenagers to understand, but Sabine was smart and knew very well the danger it put them in to have another mouth to feed. Hera sighed. Parenting was so hard. Regretting every step closer she took, the Twi'lek raised her knuckle above the door and knocked.
No answer.
Hera shook her head and opened the door herself. Sabine had her headphones on and was sketching on a pad. The dog was curled up on her lap, acting as a table for her as he chewed on… Was that a pair of pants?
"Sabine."
At the mention of her name, the child scrambled up, throwing her sketchpad across the floor. She removed her headphones and reached for the dog who's eye whites were showing in response to her outburst. "Hera, I know- I mean," she stopped when Hera raised her hand.
"Sabine, we need to take it back. You know that. I won't give you any other punishment, that should be enough, yes?"
"Yes."
"Good. You didn't get attached, did you?" Hera asked, knowing the answer.
"No. I didn't even name it."
Just cause it's not named doesn't mean you're not attached.
Hera studied the mutt. It was a mixed breed, and many of them. It had medium length, shaggy fur, and a very dense coat. The fur wasn't silky though, it was rough and just short of wiry. He was very skinny, with long, lanky legs and a sunken in belly. His triangular ears weren't even equal. It was a hideous dog, but Hera understood why Sabine wanted it.
"Sabine, come here," the older woman beckoned, inviting Sabine to sit at the table. "A long time ago, when Kanan and I first got together, there was a kitten that we found all on its own, sick, injured, probably abused and thrown out. I believe it was some kind of loth cat cross. We took it in, I nursed it back to health, fed it from a bottle, weaned it, taught it how to be a cat, did everything for it. As it got older and gained its strength back, it started to roam. It would follow me around, it kept me company in the morning when I got up to work long before Kanan woke. It sat in my lap when I drank my caf for the day. We played together, it slept with me, even watched out the window when I piloted. After a couple weeks, Kanan told me we couldn't afford to keep it. We were outlaws now. At first I resented-"
"Then you realized he was right."
"Yes. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, giving that kitten to a different home. But it deserved better than to starve with me. And I would rather it have a happy life than know I'm letting it waste away simply so I can have some company when I take a shower."
"...Thank you, Hera."
"Of course," she smiled, fighting the tears. "Now, let's go take him back to his owners, or give him to new ones."
Sabine nodded and made a makeshift leash out of a bungee cord. Hera and Kanan walked with her to the nearest street market, looking for someone that would take a stray dog. The guy selling fruits couldn't afford it, the woodworker didn't want one, the mechanic had twelve pets already. No one wanted a dog. It was four hours until the mission, and they might have to just turn him loose.
"It's a good dog," Kanan assured her, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Someone will want it." Hera smiled at him, even though he couldn't see it.
He had been wrong.
They needed to go now. "Sabine, we need to let him go."
"But Hera, he's just a puppy!"
"Someone will take him," Kanan told her. "We can't just wait around till that person comes wandering over, though."
Sabine opened her mouth and then snapped it shut. Hera knew she'd given up the argument. The girl went away to where she probably though she was out of earshot and crouched down, cupped the dog's face. "Listen," she said. Hera wondered if Kanan could understand her as well. "You're a really good dog. I love you, but I can't keep you. You'd be happier with someone else." Her voice cracked briefly. "Be loyal to them and give them as much love as you gave me, okay? But don't forget me...promise me, and I promise I won't forget you… And just… stay alive, okay?" Sabine whimpered, a single tear rolling down her cheek. "Stay alive till the very end. I'll stop this war, I'll fight to bring down the Empire. And I want you to see it, to know freedom. Just… For stars sake, stay alive!" Sabine threw her arms around him and buried her face in his chest.
Hera squeezed Kanan's hand and turned to face him. Sabine had only cried once that they knew of, and that was a few tears for something huge. This dog was bringing actual crying, however she wasn't sobbing. Nonetheless, this dog... was huge.
"Oh, Kanan..."
"No Hera, we can't. You know that."
"Isn't there some way?"
The older man stroked her cheek with his fingertips. Hera was fighting tears herself now. She never cried, but that didn't mean she didn't feel the urge sometimes. Sabine pulled the leash off his head. He was a happy puppy, and immediately showed it by bursting into a run. Sabine stood up. The dog looked back, realizing Sabine wasn't following. Hera walked over to the girl and put her hand on her shoulder. She jumped, and quickly rubbed her face with her gloved hand.
"Hi, hello. I'm not crying, I just, got his fur in my-"
Hera cut her off with a hug. "You did good, Sabine."
Kanan gave her a hug, too. They watched as Sabine convinced the dog to go. He kept trying to get her to follow, and then eventually went to play by himself, probably unaware that she wasn't coming back.
"Stay alive," Sabine whispered. And the dog was gone as fast as it came. Like a fleeting shadow, a vapor in the wind, a ghost in the night…
Sabine was coping better than she thought she would as the weeks passed by. Her emotions were well in check. Things had gone back to normal in a day. Ezra talked about it, which was fine with her. She missed Apparition dearly though, and she wondered sometimes if he was still okay. But supposedly, one of the members of the Lothal Rebellion, one she hadn't talked to yet, needed a communication partner on the front lines. She had found a stray dog wandering near the market, and was teaching it to carry messages across land. It was a brownish gray mutt with lopsided ears, and it was only a puppy judging by the teeth, Sabine had heard. Of course it was just rumors…
But that was the thing with apparitions. Whenever one appears, everyone claims to have seen it.
