~**~AN: Teeheehee!! Okay, usual applies here: Do you love Rinoa? Do you hate seeing her be tortured? Do you hate the fact that she's a twit and no one likes her? If you answered 'yes' to one or more of the previous questions, please do yourself a kindness and press the 'Back' button now…… Didn't press it? Wanna brave the oncoming fic? Read at your own will.. but mind you: all flames will be…. Hacked. Yes. They will be hacked with a hammer. Oh and I also bash Squall a bit here.. but no worries, mates! We still lub him. Now, this was written off the top of my head, just as I went along. I was feeling like y'all needed somemore entertainment in the Rinoa bashing section. PG-13 for mild language (GASP) and brutal bashings. Have fun. Good day.~**~
Disclaimer: Ugh.. this again!? Okay, okay. All FF8 characters are owned & ©Square. Have a nice day, now.
This is dedicated to all yew wonderful, dedicated (er…) readers of these ff's! Those who encourage me and bash Rinoa! Thank you! *holds imaginary award at the imaginary golden globes*
"Squall! Pay attention!" rang the angelic voice of Quistis. There was a muffled giggle from the rest of the students in her classroom. She was getting fed up with Squall staring absentmindedly through the window, and watching the snow fall listlessly down. One more time and I swear I'll smack him with his own bloody gunblade, she thought angrily. Resuming her lesson, she began to talk once more.
"As I was saying. It is vitally important that everyone passes their SeeD examinations. Is everyo- alright, that's it." She grabbed hold of Squall's gunblade from off the floor and whacked him over the head with it. "YOWCH! What was that for, Quistis!? I didn't do anything!!" "That's precisely the point, Squall. You didn't do anything; and haven't all morning for that matter. Are you ready to pay attention or would you rather discuss your SeeD status with Pirate Cid in the galley?" There was an audible "oooooo" from the rest of the students as she said this, but silenced them with an icy glare.
"…….." was her only response.
"I'll take that as a 'Yes, Quistis, I'll pay attention now. So h—"
"BUT QUISTIS I WANNA GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY IN DA SNOOOOOOOOWWWWW!!! It never snows here!! Can we please go outside!!! We can have our SeeD examination there!!" Squall shouted, rather babyishly. She stared at him for a moment, then spoke; her voice dripping with frustration, but nevertheless was beautiful anyways.
"Squall, no we are not going outside to play, because we have a vital exam approaching, and you don't even know how to disarm a grat, do you? Thought not. And with that attitude, Squall, we will never go outside and play.. Or perhaps we will and you can stay inside and write an essay on how rolled up carpetry can really be a detriment, perchance you get on the wrong side of it. Am I clear?"
"…….."
"Good."
The bell rang and everyone started to get out of their seats. Quistis sighed to herself as she sat down at her desk and began correcting papers.
"Way to go, Puberty Boy," Seifer smacked Squall over the head with his heaviest book (Family Tree and history of the Ifrit, by Joanne E. Nigma.) "There goes our chance of having our exam out in the snow. You suck." And Seifer exited the classroom. After several more gouches, smacks, and abuse from the other students, Squall approached Quistis's desks sheepishly.
"Yes, Squall?" Quistis inquired, without looking up from her papers.
"………" he mumbled.
"Apology accepted. If, by chance, you happen to shape up in the next few lessons, I might have a break out in the snow for the class, after our exam, of course." It was utterly amazing, he thought, how she could interpret his mumbles so precisely. He nodded, and left the room, rubbing his head where a lump was soon to form.
****
"Seifer, shut the hell up! I didn't do anything!!" Squall whined at lunch.
"Oh come on, Puberty Boy! You were sitting there whining like a bloody baby 'cause you couldn't go out and make a snowman!" With that, Seifer chucked a half-eaten blueberry muffin at Squall's already bruised head.
"Was not!! I simply said I wanted to go out and play in the snow, not make a snowman!" Squall shouted, however, he lowered his gaze guiltily as he mentioned the snowman.
"Either way, Puberty Boy, you implied that, and all that matters is y—" further completion of the sentence was eliminated as Zell, Selphie, and Quistis joined up.
"Good afternoon, all, teehee! Boy am I boiling!! I think they've blasted the heat or something!!" Selphie squeaked as she took of her red wool scarf, mittens, and outer jacket.
"No, Selph, you just have WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY to many layers on, babe!" Inputted Zell. Selphie glowered at him angrily. "You wouldn't mind if I took off all my layers, Zell! Like I'm going to listen to you for a fashion opinion!" She snorted, and began to eat her sandwich. Zell shrugged off the idea, and bent down to eat his hot-dog.
"Anyways, how is everyone today?" Selphie inquired innocently.. Had she only known.. (~**~sigh~**~)
"Ack. Puberty Boy over there just nicked the only chance of us being able to go outside for a SeeD 'zam in the snow," Seifer moaned. He chucked another blueberry muffin Squall's way. However, it landed smack in Rinoa's icy black eye.
Everyone let out an audible sigh as they saw her approach the table.
"EEEEEEEEEW!" Rinoa squirmed, panicked, started screaming hysterically about how she can't swim; flailing all the while, and ran out screaming with a muffin in her eye.
The others laughed merrily; as if they needed the humor.
"Ugh. That's right. We have that exam coming.. again! I don't know how much more of this I can and will endure.. Technically, since we've passed five exams, we should be like.. top rank members.." Selphie sighed after her own statement, and started eating. Everyone else shrugged off the idea, and they themselves enjoyed a hot meal on the brisk December afternoon.
"'Afernoon, all!" was the beaming voice of Quistis. She smiled, and sat next to Seifer.. Well, nearly in his lap had Selphie not directed her on the seat itself.
"What's new?" Quistis inquired. They informed her on the latest Rinoa incident. She chuckled.
"Oh my, that's funny. That poor girl.. When will she ever get half a gil's decency about her? Oh, Seifer, there's something I need to talk to you about." She began, but it was muffled by the coincidental "brushing of lips" of her and Seifer, as he leaned over to grab a napkin.
Squall, Selphie, & Zell lowered their eyes uncomfortably to their food, and were silent the rest of the lunch hour.
****
"Right. Now, for this coming week's exam, we'll be dealing with some unexpected creatures." Quistis announced to the five primary SeeD members [Seifer, Squall, Selphie, Zell, Rinoa] with a twinkle in her eye that no one, who was paying attention, could have missed.
"So, please study all of the creatures briefly in your textbooks, Dealing With Disasters: What To Do When, by Melophia Gangrik, by Tuesday. We will all meet in the classroom, and I will lead you to your exam. Any questions?"
"Lead us to the exam?" gulped Zell in a whisper to Selphie, sitting next to him. Quistis was giving instructions in the background.
"Yes, Mr. Dincht, do you have a problem with this?" Quistis inquired, as she noticed Zell speaking to Selphie.
"Uhhh.. y—yeah.. Why yes I do! I am strongly against it at all costs!" Zell blurted out uneasily; he hadn't heard the last remark Quistis had made.
"You're strongly against fighting for the liberation of the primitive tribes of Tilamook Eseech Tribes, and their cheese plantations?" Quistis asked, unconvinced.
"D—darn Tootin!" Zell stifled.
The bell rang and the five members got up.
"Remember, you have Saturday through Monday off; we're back in session Tuesday. Don't forget to study the books, or else you're not likely to pass the examination. Rinoa, if you'll please see me after class, I have something I need to discuss with you. Good day, to you all." Her angelic voice was drowned by the conversations of the five [four] companions.
****
"Hey you guys, since we have a three day weekend, let's all meet in Squall's dorm to celebrate with some festivities!" Selphie spoke through a sluuuuuuuuurrrp of soup. It was unanimous, save Squall ("WHAT!? WHY MY DOOOOORRRRMMM???"): at eight o'clock they'd meet in his dorm for a three-day-weekend celebration.
"Kay, see y'all then!" Selphie left, and they all finished their dinners and headed back.
**KNOCK, KNOCK** That was Selphie, holding a teddy bear, accompanied by Zell & Seifer [Quistis had other business to attend to that night]. Squall sighed, and let them in. Selphie bounced around in her PJs around his dorm inquisitively.
"Okay, okay," Squall yawned, "can we get this goin'?" They all nodded, and sat down on beanbag chairs that seemed to appear out of nowhere.
"Right! How about we start off with some T-" Selphie was interrupted by the deep mahogany door swinging open. Everyone's mouths dropped further down than the South Pole at what they saw: Rinoa standing in the doorway.
Zell choked, Seifer cringed, Selphie sighed, and Squall just glared.
"You weren't invited, prat." Fumed Squall.
"Oh, I know. But you guys just forgot, I know. It happens all of the time. Remember when you forgot to ask me to the Ball, Squall?" Rinoa replied, and entered willingly.
"Rinoa, go avay. No one likes you, ya know." Zell steamed; his eyes, though repulsed at Rinoa herself, were ice cold and held within no mirth whatsoever towards that female-dog.
"UGH. Let's just play, guys. I wanna sleeeeeeep this weekend, and you're not helping any. Selph, what were you gunna say?"
Rinoa plopped herself down on the rock-hard floor next to Squall, where he sidled uneasily towards Seifer. Seifer stared, googly-eyed at him, and shouted, "WHOAH There, buddy! We may be 'friends' and all, but I'm not interested in that way.. I do have a girlfriend, ya know!" Seifer awkwardly schooched sideways; away from Squall. Squall just sighed.
"AS I WAS SAYING" Selphie declared loudly to cease the sub-conversations. "We're all gunna play Truth Or Dare!! Teehee! Umm… Zell, you first!"
"Kay.. Uh… Squall! Truth or Dare!"
Knowing that, if he chose 'Truth', he'd be asked about who he likes, he chose 'Dare.'
"Kay: one of two things: First: I dare you to tell us who you like!! Or second: uhhh.. Prance around in your underwear doing the chicken dance!"
"……." Squall mumbled, as he voluntarily un-dressed to boxer shorts. Selphie squeaked in awe; he was wearing white boxers with orange Mighty Mouses and purple hearts, and the cuffs of the shorts were engraved 'Squall.' Everyone roared with laughter as he danced around doing the chicken dance for two minutes and forty three seconds. He then re-dressed himself and turned to Rinoa, who chose dare aswell:
"I dare you to butt out for the rest of the semester."
She laughed, obviously not taking this seriously. He verified her doubt with a fistful of power (and knuckles!) aimed at her squared off, masculine jaw. She fell unconscious for the remainder of the 'party.'
They all had good laughs and merriment into the wee hours of the morning.
****
Tuesday came long before anyone, 'specially Squall, had hoped. Selphie, Zell, & Seifer were walking side-by-side with Squall on their way to the classroom; Rinoa was no where to be seen.. like they cared?
"You didn't study at all?!" Selphie screeched at Zell & Squall. They didn't seem too concerned, and shrugged off the idea. Seifer grinned maliciously as he patted Hyperion as he strode down the hallway; his Matrix-like trench coat trailing luxuriously behind him.
"Right. If you all will follow me outside, we'll begin the test momentarily." Quistis smiled, and lead them out into the three feet and two inches of powdery snow. The four SeeD members (save Seifer, who was doing some last-minute polishing of Hyperion) conversed in low tones about what they thought would be waiting for them..
At last, Quistis lead them to an open field, Zell was reminded of when they battled the grats. It was pristinely flat, covered in a comely blanket of fluffy milky snow, which seemed to fade into the horizon of gray clouds; full of more snow to fall soon. In the middle of such a picturesque scene, stood the wench, Rinoa: hair mangled every-which way, teeth chattering, and scrawny limbs shivering as a gust of icy wind blared her way.
Quistis simply smiled. "I know I prepared you for a creature in one of our textbooks, however, the Abominable Snowman is on vacation in Haiti, so I had to use the monster next-in-line." At this, a broad grin played across her rose-red lips. "You may use any means necessary to mame, kill, and dispose of, this foul creature. Everyone gets their own fair shot, and GFs will not be used until the finale. Begin." She stepped back, crossed her arms over her chest, and observed with intrigue.
Selphie was first to attack: she ran full speed at Rinoa. A few steps away, she leapt into the air; her heavy, black boots aimed at Rinoa's crow-shaped nose.
**CRACK**
Selphie stood up, and punched Rinoa, square in the jaw with her fist that held eight rings (and counting!).
Zell grinned savagely, and charged at Rinoa, emitting his war cry (the Xena One, to be exact), and ready to strike. He stood in front of her, arms raised to his chin, and curled into fists. Finally, his air-boxing proved not entirely worthless, as he jabbed her this way and that.. The others cheered him on.
After Zell came Squall. He smiled, too, and charged at her with his gunblade in hand, when Seifer & Quistis told him not to kill her, just maim. He nodded, and resumed charging.
He hacked off her left arm, poked her several times, cut her hair, sliced off a toe, and sliced her pajamas (not to the point of discomfort for the others.. nothing really bad was visible..).
Seifer laughed aloud, as he ran forward with Hyperion in hand. He hacked off [most] of her head, sliced her stomach, other arm, nose, two fingers, knee, and added some more cuts and gouges to her.
He turned towards Quistis, who nodded. He then motioned that it was alright to use GFs now; as she was nearly dead, not entirely..
They all summoned their particular GF, who-to-who as follows:
Squall: Shiva
Selphie: Carbuncle
Zell: Ifrit
Quistis: Quezycotyl (~**~sp?~**~)
With one giant **BOOM** and **SPLAT** that was the end of Rinoa, and the beginning of a great day!
The snow started gently falling from the darkened clouds overhead, as everyone started singing a joyous song of "Ding Dong, the Witch Is Dead!"
Afterwards, Selphie smiled, and smacked Squall in the head with a snowball. She giggled, he yelped, and everyone else laughed. Seifer smirked, and chucked a blueberry-shaped snowball at Squall. Again, a yelp of pain. Zell cackled, and made a hot-dog out of snow, and began eating that, grinning of course.
****
After long hours of playing in the snow, we find this: Squall hiding behind Edgar, the snowman, with several welts from where he'd been struck with snowballs from an earlier battle (All against him). Selphie was making a cherubim of snow angels, and Seifer & Quistis were making out in an igloo mansion Seifer so proudly made.
THE END
~**~Weee! Interesting, no? Well, R&R, lemme know whatcha think.. I made most of this up as I went along, so let's see how you like my impromptu fanfics! Have a nice day, all!~**~