Return to the Spirit World – Final Goodbye
Chihiro stood at the entrance of the tunnel, looking into the darkness that seemed to never end. The cool autumn wind was strong to her, and it felt as if it insisted that she enter the tunnel. She was reluctant to do so, but she didn't know why. It all seemed so familiar to her though and yet she couldn't figure out as to why. Perhaps it was that familiarity that brought upon the reluctance for this familiarity was strangely unnerving. She sighed heavily, closing her dark blue eyes for a moment before entering.
Her running shoes made not a noise as she began her journey down the tunnel, but she could hear the material of her flared blue jeans dragging along with each step she took. She felt she should be scared of what was on the other side, but she felt no present fear at all. She thought maybe it was because she'd changed so much over the past few years and she kept telling herself that she wasn't a scared little child anymore. She told herself she wasn't afraid of this place at all, though she had no idea where she was or where she was going.
After going through the tunnel and what appeared to be an abandoned waiting station of some sort, she came to an open field. The long grass shifted in the strong movement of the air and she could see no one in sight. She heard nothing but the moving grass and the wind around her as she stood completely still for a moment. She was not surprised by this and just crossed over the silent land, not even giving the strange little buildings lodged in the grass a second glance. She stopped when she came to a path of boulders and looked at the stairs before her. She could just see what lay beyond them; it appeared to be a town or something close to it.
She walked carefully over the rocks and up the stairs to face the world that now lay before her. Her eyes narrowed instantly for this place was all too familiar, but she didn't like it. She didn't know how it could be familiar, for she didn't remember ever coming here before. She tried to brush the thought aside, but it wouldn't go away completely, so she just did her best to ignore it.
She trudged on, not having a clue as to where she was going, just wherever her feet took her. She found herself travelling through walls of many bright coloured flowers and then before a large barn. She could hear noises of what sounded like many pigs, all squealing at almost deafening rates. Upon her entering though, almost all of them fell silent.
"Holy pigs," she muttered, her eyes wide with shock, but then she looked towards the other side of the barn and saw a person standing there. She guessed he was about her age with odd green eyes and dark hair. What she found odd was that he was just standing there motionless, as if waiting for someone to come. There appeared to be no one else around though, just her and pigs.
"Sen? Err… Chihiro?" He was completely dumbstruck other than those words. Could it really be her? After all those years?
Chihiro found that she responded to either name with no problem, even Sen. Sen? It didn't feel right. She couldn't recall ever being called that before, but she must have, because he just addressed her as that before correcting himself. Judging by the look in that boy's eyes, she gathered she should have known him, but she was positive she didn't. She gave him a look of confusion and stood there in silence for a moment.
"Who are you and how the hell do you know who I am?" she demanded after that moment.
Her voice didn't sound as kind and caring as it had once before. It sounded distant, like she didn't care at all, but she looked almost the same as she had. She was wearing running shoes, flared jeans and a baggy t-shirt with her brown hair up in a ponytail. Nothing seemed strange about that, but her voice and he noticed her eyes too were different.
He just stared flabbergasted for a moment, unable to muster up anything coherent to say. How did she not know who he was? After all they'd been through in her visit those many years ago and she didn't remember him now? It saddened him to think that she'd forgotten all about him.
"Chihiro, it's me… Haku." He suddenly thought maybe it was she just didn't recognize him. Maybe he'd changed a lot and he just didn't notice, but since she'd been away she did.
"Haku, huh?" Chihiro thought considerably for a literal second before saying rather blandly, "Doesn't ring a bell." She shrugged in a way that she normally did when showing indifference. A way that said I don't really care, yet for some reason it felt so strange and perhaps cruel to give this boy such treatment.
"What?!" This was the most shocking thing he thought he'd ever heard in his life. A sinking feeling gathered within the pit of his stomach at these words and he was sure that his dismay was written all across his face as well.
Chihiro had said it didn't ring a bell when really she heard sirens blaring in her head as if it did. These noises of sirens within her mind were almost deafening as they told her to stop being a stupid idiot. They told her she knew exactly who he was, and she figured maybe she should have known, or maybe she was crazy. Either way, it didn't seem like a big deal, or that's what she wanted to think. She shook her head slightly, wondering what the hell was going on.
"Should I know you?" she asked curiously as she watched his expression.
Before Haku could reply, the pigs started to squeal again, but this time even louder than before. To Chihiro it seemed as though they were angered about something. No, not merely angered, absolutely outraged. She looked at them, their cages shaking violently and the noise growing as they all stomped and shifted with jerky movements. They all appeared as if they were attempting to break out of their cages and lunge at her.
"What's wrong with these pigs?!" she yelled over the racket, making her way towards this Haku boy and the door on the other side of the barn. He seemed to know more about this place than she did, so she thought he could help.
"I don't know." He was just as confused as she was, but unlike him, she didn't seem frightened. More or less annoyed, while he was standing there in a panic as to what he should do. If these animals got out, Yubaba would have a fit, no doubt, and he really didn't want to deal with that at the moment.
They both forced the barn doors to close, pushing with most of their strength once they'd gotten outside. As soon as the doors were closed, the sounds were muffled and Chihiro let out a sigh of relief. She rested against the door, quite perplexed by what was going on. Something had compelled her to come to this overly strange place and she wanted to know what it was. She suddenly slammed her fist against the door, causing it to shake.
"Damn it, what's going on here?!" she wanted to yell, but she managed to say through gritted teeth instead, as if controlling her anger. She was doing a lousy job though and she knew that, yet normally she would have completely lashed out, even at a stranger.
Haku stared at her, confused and slightly frightened. He'd never seen anger from Chihiro before and it was very strange to see it then. He could only remember her as a happy girl when she was there before, well she hadn't been completely happy, but she coped with the situation the best she could. She'd been afraid before, but never angry, so this was completely out of character. He wondered if it was something he had done that angered her.
Chihiro found herself staring at her hands for a long while. It was as if she felt they should have been fading or as if they shouldn't have been there at all. She couldn't figure out why she would even think something like that, but it just seemed like that should have been happening. There was nothing happening though and her idiocy only caused her to become even more irked.
"Maybe we should go see Lin. Or Yubaba or Kamaji," Haku thought aloud, staring at the ground without really realizing it.
"Who, who and who?" Chihiro thought those names should be recognizable as well, but she couldn't place who they were. They most certainly didn't sound foreign to her ears, but they didn't register or lock in with any appearances of people in her mind.
"Lin, Yubaba and Kamaji. You were Lin's assistant last time you were here. Yubaba is the witch that rules the bathhouse. And Kamaji's the boiler man," Haku explained incredulously, now looking at her again.
"What? I've never been here in my entire life!" She was so sure of it and yet it didn't feel right to say it.
Neither of them said anything more for a while as they walked towards the bathhouse. When they came to the bridge, Chihiro stopped dead. She stared up at the large bathhouse, examining it carefully. Its big, towering green roofs covered its red sides. The lights were off, considering it was still pretty early in the morning, which didn't seem out of the ordinary at all. She walked over the bridge after staring at it for a moment longer, and she side glanced below to the bare railroad tracks.
"Come on," Haku ordered, but not in a harsh manner.
"This place is huge!" Chihiro said upon entering the building.
Haku watched patiently as she looked disbelieving around the place he'd become so used to. He observed how it appeared that it was like the first time she'd ever seen the place. It was as if she'd completely lost her memories of being there. He couldn't figure out what would have caused it though and it troubled him to think that she'd forgotten about the spirit world, her friends and even him.
They both climbed into an elevator and began their ascent to Yubaba's floor. Chihiro wanted to lean against the elevator walls, but noticed there were none, so she stood motionlessly while waiting for the elevator to stop. The ride didn't take as long as she thought it would, but the dead silence was a bit odd. She was used to silence, but it was different right then. To her, it felt like she should be telling Haku what was going on in her life, however she told herself that that was absurd. Like he would care anyways, for no one ever did anymore.
Yubaba's floor was dead silent as always and not a soul could be seen moving about. Chihiro saw it was very high class and almost didn't want to step onto the floor as if it were some precious thing that would crack and be ruined under her feet. Both of them walked over to the large doors all the same and Haku knocked. There was more silence for several minutes before the door creaked open.
There stood the largest woman Chihiro thought she'd ever seen in her life. Her light coloured hair was messy and she had a facial mask on her face. She didn't look too pleased and looked almost half asleep. That was completely understandable, but Chihiro almost felt compelled to laugh at the look on the woman's face. She held her tongue though, knowing that it would most definitely be rude and she had a feeling that she didn't want to get on this lady's bad side.
"What is it Haku? This better be important!" Yubaba snapped in a grumpy voice. Her big eyes traveled from Haku to Chihiro and stopped. They widened a great deal, in shock and even a bit of horror. "Is that… Sen?" she questioned.
Once again Chihiro responded to the name, but still was oblivious as to why. This woman was a startling appearance to her, and she had no idea what to think now that she heard the strange, nearly gruff voice she held. She glanced at Haku out of the corner of her eye, as if to ask if he was dead serious. She thought she saw him nod and looked back at Yubaba with slight apprehension.
"What is the meaning of this?" the woman snapped again, looking back at Haku.
"We were hoping you could tell us," Haku held a serious look on his face, as if to show Yubaba this wasn't a joke.
"Get in here you two," Yubaba ordered reluctantly after a moment and went into the long hall that led to her room.
Chihiro was unsure for a moment, but she figured that it couldn't hurt to merely enter into a room. The hallways seemed to never end as she followed Yubaba and Haku, but finally they came to a set of open doors that permitted them entrance into a dark room. Once Yubaba turned the lights on with a flick of her wrist, Chihiro could see the office they entered was huge, with a desk and fireplace, but what was in the room was what caught her eye. On the floor, there were three heads bouncing around. If that wasn't bad enough, they were green and making the strangest of noises. She was about to ask what the hell they were but Yubaba spoke first.
"Why have you come back, Sen?" she demanded as she lit a cigarette, inhaling and exhaling through her noise.
Chihiro started to cough as the smoke blew in her face and Haku glanced at her. He saw her using her hand to wave it away from her and how she looked displeased to have that happen. She glared at the large woman for a moment, considering what she just said.
"Come back? What does it take to get you people to understand I was never here?" Chihiro nearly yelled. This was just ridiculous and she was growing tired of it fairly quickly.
"Don't be silly, girl! Of course you were!" Yubaba raised a questioning eyebrow, taking another drag from her cigarette before putting it out as it was already done.
Chihiro narrowed her eyes in irritation and said nothing more. She balled her fist at her side, wanting to smack or hit both of these people back to their senses, assuming they had any senses in the first place. Maybe she looked like someone they knew, this Sen person perhaps. But how did they know her real name? Why was it that she felt she did know these people? Especially Haku?
Yubaba sighed heavily, able to tell that she had no idea what was going on. She thought for a moment before saying, "Haku, go get Lin, maybe she can help." But the large woman doubted it.
Haku nodded and left to retrieve Lin with haste. He wanted to know what was wrong with Chihiro, and right that very minute. Perhaps it could be something serious, like a spell that would eventually kill her or something of the sort. He found himself concocting ideas that he probably would have normally thought to be ridiculous and unlikely. He couldn't help but worry though, thus the reasoning for the quick pace.
Lin's room wasn't that hard to find, for he'd been there before. But getting Lin to actually wake up was another story. No matter what he did, the sleeping woman wouldn't come around. He prodded her, he shook her and he even kicked her lightly. Haku would have yelled at her, but for the sake of the other sleeping women in the room he didn't. He was almost fully turned to leave when he heard a voice.
"Haku? What now?" Lin groaned, sitting up and wiping her eyes.
Haku stopped and turned back to her. He took a short breath and then said quietly, "Sen's back."
"What?!" Lin yelled and then felt a hand over her mouth.
"Shut up, Lin. Not so loud," Haku said as she pried his hand away from her mouth.
After quickly pulling her hair back and putting on her work attire over her undershirt she stood and both headed out the door and around the balcony until they reached the hall. Before they came to an elevator they had to go down a flight of stairs, but it wasn't too large and not far from the elevator they needed to climb into.
"Where is she?!" Lin demanded in an excited whisper as they headed towards the elevator now, getting in and pulling the lever to make it go up.
"With Yubaba at the moment," he told her, the elevator rising once again.
"With Yubaba? Why?" Lin didn't understand, but she hoped Sen wasn't getting mixed up with that witch again.
"Something's not right. Sen has no idea who any of us are or where she is," he explained briefly. The only reason he was calling her Sen now was because he was certain that Lin didn't know the girl's true name.
When they entered Yubaba's room once again, they found Chihiro pressed up against the fireplace with a look of shock and fear in her widened eyes. They both glanced around the room and saw nothing abnormal, just Yubaba and her son. Yubaba's son, Boh, was approaching Chihiro with a smile on his face and reaching out as if to hug her.
"Sen? What's wrong?" Lin asked with concern.
'That child is abnormally large!' Chihiro thought, completely disregarding the name for a moment, and ended up saying, "That is what's wrong!" she pointed at the child who stopped instantly.
"But Sen? Don't you remember the good time we had?" Tears welled up in Boh's eyes as a crestfallen expression took over his face.
"Sen, what happened?" Lin asked bewildered by what was happening.
"Who the hell is Sen?!" Chihiro finally asked, getting extremely frustrated by the name.
"You are," Yubaba told to her while wondering why she would ask something so stupid, but then again, she had always thought the child to be rather stupid.
"No… I'm Chihiro. Chi-hi-ro," she said to them all, enunciating her name in the process to make it clear.
"I know what's going on!" Lin said triumphantly, hitting her fist into her palm. When they were all looking at her she said, "She's lost her memory!"
"Excuse me? I don't think so," Chihiro protested. She refused to believe this for there was nothing that could have caused her to lose her memory. She'd never smacked her head off of anything, never been on any drugs and most certainly wouldn't have forced herself to forget something like this. She was certain that she would probably want to remember so she could avoid it later on.
"What else could it be?" Lin asked, or more challenged.
"How about I've never been here before, but I look a bit like this Sen person you all keep talking about?" Chihiro tried, but something inside her screamed she was wrong.
"No. You may be, what, nineteen now?" Yubaba started taking a guess at how old she would be.
"Seventeen actually," Chihiro corrected, still leaning against the fireplace, but less tense now.
"Seventeen, but you're definitely the young human who came here years ago. Besides I remember your contract perfectly. You signed Chihiro," Yubaba finished as if she hadn't been interrupted.
"Contract?" Chihiro still refused to believe this. Besides, what in the hell would she sign a contract for?
"Yes. When you work for me, you sign a contract. And then I own your name and give you a new one, thus why we call you Sen," Yubaba explained in a brief manner that she expected the teen to understand perfectly.
"Say I did come here before and my memory's been erased. Would someone like to explain how?" Chihiro demanded. She looked at each of them as they all fell dead silent. "That's what I thought," she stated it as though she'd won something.
"Yubaba can make people forget their names," Lin said finally, seeing that no one else was going to speak.
"And I couldn't remember who I was or where I came from before," Haku added.
"That's because you were under Yubaba's control and you're a river spirit whose river got filled in," Chihiro turned to Haku, and then froze, her eyes widening yet again. "What in the hell did I just say?"
"She must be starting to remember," Lin thought out loud with minor amounts of relief and glee.
"Remember what?! I said it, but it made no sense to me! It had no meaning!" Chihiro was already frustrated enough and she didn't even know or understand what she was 'remembering'.
xxxxxxx
Chihiro stared out at the still water that now flooded her path back home. Wherever she was, she was stuck there now. This was all far too frustrating and no one had any answers for her at present. She just wished she could figure out what was going on and why it was all recognizable to her. Why did she get this strange feeling in her gut that said she'd been there before and she should know it? She was left in the dark though, unable to find any answers and she hated it.
She'd left Yubaba's room not long after she'd declared she had no idea what she was remembering. She'd stormed out, ignoring the voices of those who beckoned her to come back and found her way out of the bathhouse. Night was still hours away, so it was easy for her to find her way through the city. She'd hoped to cross back over the field to escape the madness that she'd been pulled into, but could only get to the steps. The mass of water blocked her retreat, trapping her in the world that she was slowly growing to hate no matter how much something wanted her to remember it.
Chihiro sat on the steps now, gazing longingly towards the other side of the water. She just wanted to go home now, but she knew that that wasn't going to happen. While sitting there, she began to wonder if what they were saying was true. What if she had indeed lost her memory of being there? She tried to convince herself that she didn't care and it didn't matter. But it did. It brought forth the questions why and how had she forgotten? Was there something so terrible that had happened that she had wanted to forget?
"Seven years," Chihiro spoke to herself once again. For some reason that amount of time was sticking in her mind. "Is that how long it's been since I've been here?"
She knew that would have made her ten. She remembered being much different at that age; her demeanor wasn't even close to being the same as it was now. She didn't even have any idea as to why she'd changed. It was just one morning she woke up and she didn't feel like her old self and didn't really want to be her old self. She hadn't thought much about it, except for when all her friends left her. There was no warning, no explanation; they just began ignoring her and giving her the cold shoulder. At first, it had bugged her a great deal, since she wasn't used to being alone. Then it all just went away when she'd finally convinced herself that she didn't need them.
No matter how long she stared, the waters didn't move and remained vacant. For the first time in a long while, she felt alone and it troubled her. She didn't want to be alone in this strange place being called ridiculous names that she found herself responding to. It felt wrong and she just couldn't figure out why; she couldn't figure out anything and it was making her frustrated and weary.
Suddenly, the images of all the pigs came to mind, stirring a far off image along the way. She could vividly see herself running down the streets of this strange city, nearly tripping up a set of steps. She saw her ten-year-old form find the place where her parents were, but when they turned to look at her, it wasn't their loving faces she saw. No, she saw the faces of greedy, starving pigs gobbling the food belonging to the spirits.
When the images left her mind, she felt shaken, wondering if that was one of the things that had happened to her while she had been there before. The fear that had racked her body then vibrated through her now. She couldn't understand it though and she still refused to believe that she had been there previously. But with what had just happened, she wondered how much longer she'd be able to deny it.
"What if they're right?" she mumbled to herself just before receiving another wave of images/memories.
She was on the back of a dragon, underwater on the back of a dragon at that. She knew she was much younger than ten at this time and could tell by the look on her childish face that she had no idea what was going on. All she knew was that the slender form of that dragon was moving swiftly under the surface of the water. She questioned how she had been able to hold her breath for so long and wondered what would happen next, but it was gone, just like the first.
She gripped her hand to her forehead, wanting it to stop. A massive headache was forming along with this and she could feel her temples pulsing heavily. She clamped her eyes shut, trying to block out the light and prevent any more pain from coming. She didn't even hear as someone approached, but jumped in a startled manner as she felt someone place a hand on her shoulder. She looked up to see the concerned face of Haku, but said nothing, just looking away again.
"What's wrong, Chihiro?" he asked, clearly worried. He could tell by the death-grip she had on her forehead that something was wrong. There was no response, or none that he'd heard anyway. He'd been crouching, but now knelt beside her, trying to get her to respond or at least look at him. "Chihiro?"
"It's just a headache," she said finally, questioning why the hell he cared anyway. She had to admit she didn't feel so alone now, but her head still pounded and it refused to stop.
He had no idea what to do for that, and it made him feel quite useless. He would have used his magic but feared making it worse. Having no clue as to what exactly he should do, he resulted in wrapping and arm around her shoulders in a form of comfort, though he didn't know if it would bring her any. He didn't feel her flinch or try to move away, so he decided that that was a good sign. He didn't attempt to talk to her, aware that it wouldn't be the brightest of ideas.
She swallowed hard, but somehow it was silent, unsure of how to react to this. It had happened before and she didn't need some vision-like thing to tell her so. She could tell she hadn't known what to do then either, so she just remained silent. Just as he was, she was at a loss as to what to do and could say nothing.
Chihiro tried to make sense of what was going on around her, but it wasn't working. She saw so many things running through her mind at the same time, and she assumed they were memories, knowing now that there was no way to not believe it anymore. Everything suddenly began to fall together in a fashion that made complete sense. Everything that had happened before now zipped through her mind, but instead of receiving pain as she had before when she remembered things, the pain was disintegrating.
Chihiro expected the reel of memories to stop once she got to the end of her adventure as a child, but it skipped ahead to the part where she changed and she now knew why. She'd changed in persona the very moment she forgot everything that took place. When the spirit world became nothing more than something like a children's tale, her personality had completely flipped around in a manner that almost screamed it was for survival. As if that was the only way she could cope with the loss of such an extravagant adventure. It made sense now and she remembered everything! What an adventure she'd had, but now that she thought about it, did she think it was a good one or a bad one?
"My god, I remember," she found herself saying once it'd really clicked into her mind.
"What?" Haku asked, unsure if he'd heard her correctly. He was hoping he had though.
"I remember everything," she declared, opening her eyes and standing suddenly and she barely noticed as she almost knocked Haku backwards.
He stayed balanced though, and stood up as well. He couldn't determine whether she was happy she'd remembered or not. Either way, he was glad. But now that she did remember, what would happen? It felt like his throat decided to close as he dreaded the thought of her leaving him again. But if that was what she wanted to do he'd accept it, even if it killed him mentally or literally.
Chihiro was okay with having her memories back, even if she didn't particularly want them. The question now was why? Why had she forgotten, even how had she forgotten? Was it a self-inflicted thing or did it happen by some other reason? She had no idea what to do now, where to go or if she should do anything.
As she stood there, Chihiro saw a shadow cast before her. Instinctively, she looked behind her, but no one was there. She gave the empty space behind her an odd look and then looked back in front of her. She stared wide-eyed for a moment and then blinked a few times. The being before her had a translucent sense to their black form. Where a face should have been there was a white mask-like thing that was just above its mouth, which could only be seen if it was open. Skinny arms protruded from its black form and hung in the air, bent at the elbows and wrists. Chihiro recognized this creature immediately.
"Kaonashi," she said with a bit of awe. She remembered now all the trouble he'd caused, but he'd also helped her, too. And now she was encountering him here again as she stood on the steps, him on two steps lower than herself and Haku.
Kaonashi merely nodded as usual since he was mute. At least that's what Chihiro assumed because the only time she'd heard him talk was when he'd swallowed others and it had been their voice emitting from within. Other than that, all she'd known him to do was nod and sort of grunt.
"Kaonashi," before Chihiro could continue, Kaonashi turned and began to walk away towards the higher ground. Chihiro gave his back a look of question and then turned to Haku, wondering if he understood.
"Do you think he wants you to follow?" Haku shrugged slightly and looked to Kaonashi as Chihiro did the same.
Kaonashi turned slightly and nodded again before turning to walk away. Upon seeing the nod, Chihiro began to follow after. Immediately, she noticed that Haku wasn't following as well. She stopped and looked back at him as if to tell him to hurry up, but he didn't move. She didn't know what he was thinking, but without further hesitation, she ran back over to him.
"Come on," she beckoned, grabbing his hand and pulling him along. To her, this didn't feel weird to hold his hand. Now that her memories were back she did recall holding his hand before on the last day before she left for her world. She just hoped, at the moment, that this wouldn't be the same situation.
Kaonashi led them to the train station; the same train station in which Chihiro had taken to Zeniba's house before. As they approached the platform in the water they could see only a single form standing upon the wood surface; it was a rather large form, but a single form all the same. When they finally got close enough to make out features and other details they could see that it was a woman who looked exactly like Yubaba, but it wasn't that harsh woman.
"Ah, Chihiro, so you have returned to us." The woman with a voice nearly identical to Yubaba's turned to look at them with her hands behind her back. Something that definitely parted Yubaba and this woman was the kind smile she bore. It was a smile that had left Chihiro's mind, but now that it was back she couldn't mistake it.
"Zeniba," she smiled happily, letting go of Haku's hand and running over to hug the woman.
"You remember everything again as well, I see. A bit faster than I expected," Zeniba returned the hug, but released her as Chihiro pulled away.
"You knew about that?" Chihiro gave her a questioning look. How could she have known when no one else had?
"Of course I did. I also know what caused it," Zeniba said knowing that the young woman would want to know. Without allowing time for Chihiro to ask what caused her memory loss, she said, "I told you it would protect you."
Chihiro stood dumbfounded for a few moments. It would protect her? What would? Obviously it was an inanimate object, or else Zeniba would not have referred to it as just that: an it. Yet, searching in her memories she couldn't figure out what she was talking about. She thought she'd remembered everything, but now she noticed a gap, an obviously important gap at that.
Zeniba, seeing the puzzled look on her face continued, "I also told you that when you forget something it is never really forgotten. It cannot be lost forever and that should be obvious to you now since you are remembering everything about this world."
"But why am I remembering now? Why not before?" Chihiro's thoughts suddenly turned to that question, sure that the woman she'd so affectionately addressed as 'Granny' before would know the answer.
"Because not only have you found us again, but you were found ready to know it all again," Zeniba explained calmly, though she could see that Chihiro didn't know what protected her from memories, which always reminded her of the world she'd had to leave.
She stood in silence for a moment, contemplating whether this was true or not. She supposed she was ready to deal with it now, but had one asked her an hour or so before she would have said no due to her not understanding. So that made sense and even if it didn't, she trusted Zeniba enough to say that no matter how ridiculous whatever she said sounded, it was no doubt true in some way.
What was it that had decided though that she was ready to remember? As she pondered this, she began to mumble to herself while staring at the vacant tracks. At first these mumblings were incoherent even to her, but then it became clearer.
"It will protect me. Created from the threads my friends wove together," she mumbled still, but this time it was heard by those around her.
These mumbled words received a confused look from Haku, a nod from Kaonashi and a grin from Zeniba. Chihiro herself wasn't quite sure where this phrase had come from, but she recalled the situation well. It was that night she traveled to Swamp Bottom; the night she returned the stolen seal to Zeniba for Haku's sake. At that time, she was still trying to figure out how she'd known Haku from when she was younger, and just as distressed by that as she was by the current situation. Zeniba, Kaonashi, Boh and Yubaba's flying servant, which she'd never learned the name of, had made her a beautiful hair tie in which Zeniba said would protect her.
The gap filled now and Chihiro said, "This," proceeding to pull the hair tie out of her hair, letting her hair fall loosely at her shoulders as she held the hair tie out, "it was this, wasn't it?" Now that it occurred to her, she had wondered at times how it was able to hold out all those years without snapping, as a normal elastic would have done.
"A hair tie?" Haku questioned, not seeing the significance of it. He hadn't been present when all this had transpired.
"Yes," Zeniba said with a nod, "it took away your memories because they were becoming to heavy to bear any longer. You had to return to your world and yet you always longed to return here as well, so instead of allowing you to suffer through that, the memories were taken. That may not have fixed everything that was troubling you in your world, but it made it easier."
"How do you know all this?" Haku inquired, though he suspected that it was because she was a sorceress like her sister. Undoubtedly her powers would have allowed her to do this in some fashion or another.
"I have been keeping an eye on Chihiro and I was able to use my powers to put the magic into the simple hair tie, along with the caring of her friends, so thus I would know what it does," Zeniba said in an 'as-a-matter-of-fact' voice. Continuing in that voice, Zeniba said, "Now that all that is clear, the choice is yours, Chihiro."
"Choice?" Chihiro asked as she put her hair back up in another neat ponytail, not understanding what Zeniba meant.
"Yes, what will you do now?" Zeniba nodded slightly as she said this.
That was indeed a very good question; what would she do? She knew her choices without giving them a second though; she either stayed in the Spirit World or she went home. In some strange sense, she felt she wanted, or even needed to stay in the Spirit World, however, she couldn't just abandon her parents and her life out in the world she called home, even if at times she hated being there. She had a real dilemma on her hands.
"How can you place such a huge decision in my hands?" Chihiro demanded a minute later and in her voice there was an evident amount of anger. For a moment or two, she wished she could forget again so that she wouldn't have to make such a choice.
"Child, you must make this choice because it is your future it is dictating," Zeniba said in a patient voice. She imagined that had Chihiro used that tone with her sister, the girl would have been reprimanded, however, Zeniba was not her sister. Contrary to her sister, she understood what was going on and what the girl was going through.
Both Kaonashi and Haku watched in complete silence as the distress and anger played clearly on Chihiro's face. They also understood the unsaid choices and the weight and consequences of each one. It was obvious that if Chihiro stayed in the Spirit World she'd never see her parents again and if she returned to her world she would surely never see them again. Either way, she lost.
The latter made Haku uneasy in every sense for if she returned to her world he would have to say goodbye again. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to bear that a second time. He couldn't merely return to her world with her, as he had nowhere to go. His river had been filled in long ago and that he'd found out the last time Chihiro had adventured into the world full of spirits. The only place he really belonged was in the Spirit World, whether he really had a purpose or not. As he'd promised, he'd ceased being the apprentice of Yubaba, so he bore no more purpose anymore that he saw. He, as many other spirits did, merely wandered.
"Damn it," Chihiro cursed under her breath so they wouldn't hear. She was at a complete loss pertaining to what she should do. 'No,' she though, 'I know what I should do, but what do I want to do?'
She knew she should go home and live as a normal human would and part of her wanted to, however there was a conflicted side of her that wanted to stay. What could she possibly gain in staying though? She'd have her friends, that was for sure, but she supposed the main reason she wanted to stay was him. Her dark eyes flickered quickly to glance at Haku, but that glance was extremely brief as she noted that he was watching her every move.
"Perhaps you should stay the night to think it over," Zeniba suggested after several long moments of silence.
What choice did she have in that? Last she'd seen her way back home was flooded. She supposed it wouldn't hurt for her parents wouldn't be too concerned if she was gone for one night; she was seventeen after all and they would assume she was somewhere safe. She'd won their trust with such things in the past so they permitted her to do pretty much anything she wanted without question. Any longer than a night though and they might start to worry, so she'd have to choose swiftly and hope it was the right choice.
"Then it's decided. You shall remain at least for tonight and then decide what's to be done then." Zeniba judged by Chihiro's reaction that she'd stay for the night and then began ushering both Chihiro and Haku back to the bathhouse with Kaonashi following silently without order.
"Will you be staying as well?" Chihiro was referring to Zeniba and Kaonashi when she asked this.
"Of course, Chihiro. No doubt my sister won't be too pleased about it, however," Zeniba told her with a grin, "she will have to put up with me."
Just as Zeniba had predicted, Yubaba wasn't thrilled about her sister's presence, but she dealt with it. She didn't particularly like Chihiro's or Kaonashi's presence either due to all the trouble they'd both caused her, especially Kaonashi. Even though he bowed politely in greeting, Yubaba kept watching him as if expecting him to go on a rampage again and destroy the bathhouse like last time. Her suspicious eyes darted in his direction with every movement he made, even if it inconvenienced her to look up from whatever she was doing.
Surprisingly, it was now growing dark though Chihiro hadn't really felt like she'd been there that long. The workers were stirring and going off to do their jobs of cleaning, serving the spirits and making food. While the others were getting ready to work, Chihiro would be preparing to sleep for the night, or relax at least. She recalled how she'd had to change her sleeping habits to daytime sleeping when she'd come to the Spirit World the first time and worked in the bathhouse.
Chihiro sat in the room that she'd stayed in all those years ago; it was so big and she could see that now since she was the only one in there. She'd thought that since no one else would be in there, since they were working, that she'd get a good sleep, yet all she could do was sit awake with all her thoughts antagonizing her. She'd half wished that Lin had been allowed to stay with her, but Yubaba sent her to work (to which Lin muttered that Yubaba was being stingy). However, Chihiro also preferred being alone for then she wouldn't be interrogated.
She flopped down onto the bed roll lain out on the floor for her, but the fall didn't hurt since she'd been sitting and the bed roll was surprisingly comfortable. Curling up, she brought the blanket over her head as if it would take her away from the worlds she was becoming so frustrated with. It was under these covers that she would ultimately make her decision.
xxxxxxx
Standing in Yubaba's office, surrounded by her companions, she felt slightly uncomfortable for two reasons. One was the fact that she felt unclean, having not had a chance to bathe and wearing the same clothes she'd worn the previous day. The second reason was that she feared they would not take her decision well, and she was quite surprised by this anxiety for she hadn't cared what others had thought for so long. These people were different though, for they truly mattered.
When she'd thought about it though, she knew they could scorn her for either decision. If it were to stay then they could say that she didn't belong in their world and that she had to return to her family and a normal life. If she were to go then they would no doubt be disappointed that she was leaving and probably try to convince her to stay. Perhaps they would even say something as crazy as it was her destiny to be in the Spirit World since she'd found her way there twice. Even if it did make some sort of sense, she couldn't believe that.
Around her stood Zeniba, Yubaba, Lin, Boh, Kaonashi and Haku. Each and every one of them were awaiting her choice, some naturally more anxious than others. She didn't need them to tell her that though for she could read their expressions quite clearly.
Unsurprisingly, Yubaba was the most uninterested of all of them, her only concern with the matter being whether she would have to hire Chihiro again and provide her with sleeping quarters. If Chihiro was right, then she was sure that Yubaba would want to do no such thing due to all the trouble her mere human self had caused last time.
Without question, Zeniba and Kaonashi were the calmest and most willing to accept whatever she did even if they didn't think it was the wisest. That was the impression Chihiro got off of both of them, anyway. She was grateful that they were so supportive and caring about her and what she did, as she'd felt like she hadn't experienced that in a long time.
Long moments of silence had stood between their entering the room and anyone speaking, but Chihiro broke through said silence with the words, "I've decided," and after these commencing words came, "that I must return home."
More silence, accompanied by the looks of disbelief and sadness came after her voiced decision. Boh instantly began to weep and wiped away the large tears, which fell down his cheeks in silence. Lin stared blankly for a moment, but after that moment passed she seemed to accept it. Yubaba seemed disturbingly happy or at least content that she wouldn't have to deal with the child. Zeniba stood with a grin of contentment on her face while Kaonashi nodded his approval soundlessly. Haku had a look that was even blanker than the one Lin had worn and his posture was rigid like he'd suddenly been frozen.
"I," Chihiro took a deep breath, "I realized that I couldn't just vanish from my world. I couldn't put my parents through having to think I'd died or something like that and I can't exactly explain this world to them to make it all right. That's why I have to go home." She explained this as simply as she could and felt that if explained in the way she did it would be clear and reasonable.
"I do believe you've made the right choice, Chihiro," Zeniba told her in a reassuring tone.
Chihiro nodded, really appreciating the support from Zeniba. She looked to the others, wondering if they would give the same support as well. If they didn't, she knew it would only make leaving harder. She promised herself that no matter how hard it was that she would stick with her choice. Her reasoning was logical and she would use that to ground herself so that she wouldn't crumble.
"If you're going to go, what are you waiting for?"
All eyes shot to Yubaba, as she looked slightly more relaxed, but yet still grumpy from lack of sleep. It was obvious to all of them that she didn't care that she'd just been rather rude and they merely watched as the woman gave them an irritated look. It was clear that Yubaba had expected them all to vacate her office immediately and yet none of them made any motion to comply.
"Why are you all just standing there? Out of my office!" Yubaba shouted at their unmoving forms. "She said she's leaving and that's that! Lin, return to your quarters before I make you start working now!" she began ordering people around to get them to move.
Lin jumped at the command and wasn't about to test the truth in the order. She nodded and walked quickly to Chihiro so she could give a goodbye. A brief hug and then Lin was out of the office in a flash, not liking that short goodbye at all, but what else was she to do? She was muttering all the way out, probably cursing Yubaba or something to that effect, but it was all incoherent as she traveled farther and farther away.
"Boh! To your room!" Yubaba instructed next once Lin was gone and as Boh gave his goodbye's to Chihiro, Yubaba continued with the others, "Zeniba-"
"I know, dear sister, I'll get out of your hair," Zeniba stated before her sibling could finish.
As Boh made his way past his mother's desk, Zeniba and Kaonashi made their way to the door, bowing politely to Chihiro and Haku as they left through the doors. Before they got far though, Zeniba turned back and looked to Chihiro with a grin.
"Good luck, Chihiro," she called before returning to her leaving with Kaonashi.
"Now, you two, follow suit and leave! Don't stand there like statues!" Yubaba growled.
Haku nodded, turning to Chihiro and saying, "Come on." He tried to sound as casual as possible, but he feared that he didn't.
"Right," Chihiro nodded as well, instinctively bowing her goodbye to Yubaba before following Haku out the door.
Once they'd finally made it out of Yubaba's quarters, the doors slammed shut simultaneously behind them. Both jumped at the loud bang all the doors made and Chihiro even turned to stare at them for a minute, perhaps just daring them to make such a noise again. The doors didn't move though, or yield to her dare in any fashion really, much like any inanimate object would.
"Let's go," Haku instructed, once again the casualness escaping his voice.
Chihiro merely followed in silence, knowing that the hardest farewell was coming. Yubaba had made saying goodbye to the others a little easier with her rash orders and Chihiro almost wished she would pop up out of nowhere and do it again. She knew such a thing wouldn't happen though, guessing that the woman was probably going to sleep.
Sighing, Chihiro was glad once they'd made it outside. The air was of course much fresher and it definitely felt less cramped as well. She didn't think she would have been able to deal with staying in the bathhouse to tell Haku goodbye. She wanted to make it quick and then run like she'd never run before. She wasn't so great with goodbyes to begin with and she knew in the pit of her stomach that this was going to be hard.
Finally, they reached the steps where the water always seemed to flood her way home when she entered that world. Now, just like before though, the water had vanished; perhaps some thirsty spirit had come along and drank it all just for her convenience. Nah, impossible and that was needless to say. She wasn't sure how it worked or why, but for the moment it looked really inviting just to take off on. She decided that would be cruel, so she couldn't.
Goodbye became the hardest word to say at that moment, but to close the book, she knew she would have to say it. Saying goodbye with a kiss didn't seem appropriate, as she saw it as only torturing them both further. Perhaps a goodbye hug was in order, yet she knew the actual words would have to leave her mouth within the next few minutes, or maybe even seconds would be better, or else she would never have a proper leave.
She sighed heavily, hanging her head for a moment too as she composed herself. When she opened her mouth, she expected nothing to leave it, however she actually said, "I guess this is goodbye again." She refused to cry and it seemed her voice was complying with that refusal.
Haku looked at her with sadness in his green eyes, however he knew she was right. He also somehow knew that after that goodbye she would never return. Why she wouldn't return he couldn't determine and it worried him. Perhaps she should just stay where it was safe; where he could protect her if need be. Yet, she'd made her decision and he would respect that by not forcing her otherwise as it would be unfair in every sense.
With extreme suddenness, Haku felt himself being embraced in a strong hug, which left him dumbstruck for a moment. Once that dumbstruck phase was gone, he returned the hug. A hug in which he didn't want to let go of.
"I'll miss you, Haku," Chihiro said with absolute sincerity.
This sincerity caught him off guard, but he appreciated every bit of it. Before he could reply though, she vacated his arms, running off through the field towards her own world once again. He resisted every urge he felt to run after her and beg her to stay solely because he loved her, yet because of that love he wanted her to be happy. He didn't think she'd be able to be happy in the Spirit World, even if she did have such great friends and perhaps now she could be happy in her world. He just hoped that the memories wouldn't burden her.
That's when he noticed something; her hair, loose and waving as she ran. Hadn't it been tied up a moment ago? Again he noticed something; an object in his hand, yet he hadn't a clue how it got there. His eye fell upon it now in his open palm, seeing it to be her hair tie. It had been that that had suppressed her memories, right? Did that mean that she'd given it to him because she now wanted to remember all the time?
It made him wonder if intended to return and something within him told him she didn't, just as it had told him before. This caused much emotional pain for him, but he tried to let it just pass over him because her decision was more important to him than what he felt. He didn't want to burden her, so he would let her go.
"Goodbye… Chihiro…" the words passed over his lips with much difficulty and she couldn't even hear them. She was too far away, his green eyes watching her distant form pass through the tunnel, possibly for the last time.
End