"Hello?"
"Sara, it's me."
The sound of his voice causes a million thoughts to swirl in your brain as your feel your heart rate speed up to a pace that you, as a doctor, know is unnatural. No. Stop, Sara, get a grip! He used you. The only thing you should be feeling towards him is anger. Embracing that thought, you don't control your voice as you respond harshly.
What do you want?"
You hear him take a deep breath and, when he begins to speak, his voice is raspy. You feel a pang of sympathy as you think that he may have been crying. "I don't have time to talk, and there's every chance they're listening to this call right now but there's a lot i want to say. Please don't hang up on me"
You mentally shake yourself and desperately cling to the anger, feeling it slip away.
"I dont...I dont want to talk to you." You cringe as you hear the uncertainty in your voice, knowing full well that you're lying. You just hope he doesn't know you well enough to figure it out. You think back to all those times you'd let your guard down around him and now the anger is directed towards yourself, berating yourself for letting yourself trust an inmate, letting yourself fall in love with an inmate.
"I heard about...I heard about what happened." Another surge of self-loathing lashes at you, as strong as a whip. How did he find out the one thing you never wanted him to know? The one weakness you never wanted anyone to find out about.
The urge to cry overwhelms you but you hold back, trying to hear what he's saying as the rush of cars and people on the street work against you.
"I want you to know...I want you to know how sorry I am. About everything." He's sobbing, she knows he is. She wants so badly to comfort him, tell him that she forgives him, that everything is going to be fine." NO. Sara, stop it. This man ruined your life, he doesn't deserve your forgiveness. Because of him, you shunned everything you stand for. The anger comes back full-force and you can't help but feel grateful for it. So you tell him the cold, hard truth.
"Sorry's not going to do me a whole lot of good with what I'm up against right now." Your voice is harsh, you know it. And you hate yourself for being like this but you know that anger is the only thing that will stop you from getting hurt again.
"Listen. Anyone with any ties to me and my brother is in danger now." His voice is urgent now but the words he's saying make you want to laugh and cry at the same time. No shit. I had ties to you and your brother and look where I ended up. But not anymore. You know you can't handle this, Michael Scofield is like a cancer, spreading bad luck wherever he goes.
"I have no ties to you and your brother anymore" You hate that it hurts you to say these words but you know it's for the best. His next words however, make your brain swirl.
"There's a way I can protect you. It's already in your possession." These words cause you to want to hug him yet slap him at the same time. Part of you is convinced that he really does care, that he does love you. But part of you desperately clings to the fact that he's trouble and this side of you tries to remind the other side that you have absolutely no idea what he's talking about, or if he's even telling the truth.
"What?! What are you talking about?!" You can hear the desperation and anger in your voice but you don't care. You need to know.
You here him sigh and you picture him closing his eyes and running a hand over his close-cropped head. "It was real Sara. You and me. It's real." With that, the phone clicks and you know he's gone but it doesn't stop you from calling out for him, hoping that he's somehow still there and that he'll just tell you what the hell he meant. He's not allowed to do that; he can't come and ruin your life and still manage to make your heart beat fast and butterflies to flutter through your stomach. That's not fair.
With a feeling of despair, you shove your phone back into your pocket and wonder if your life will every stop being so complicated.