FMA belongs to Hiromu Arakawa. I make no money by writing fanfiction.
Rainless Days and Nights
June 17
Temporary camp set up in the middle of nowhere. Nothing but sand for miles. Too hot during the day, too cold at night.
June 18Saw a cloud today.
June 19There is more than just sand out here. Found a scorpion in my bedroll.
June 20Twenty-mile march through the sand. Who the hell came up with these uniforms? How do we fight a war when we're dying of heat exhaustion?
June 21How Maes gets his hands on whiskey I do not know.
June 22Crimson frightens me.
Training today was almost unbearable. I need more coffee.
June 23Cake. Maes brought me cake for my birthday. How he got hold of cake I will never know. Probably got it from the same place he got the brandy. Eighteen today, now I'm officially old enough to be in the army. Of course the record says I'm nineteen, so I'm nineteen.
June 24I want to strip down to my boxers and soak in a tub of ice water while drinking cold orange juice.
June 25Need more blankets at night, less clothes during the day.
June 26Wasn't cold last night. Maes is like a furnace.
July 19
Hectic. We attacked rebel base three weeks ago. I was separated from everyone. I spent the last fortnight as a POW, then took a week to get back to camp. I'm glad Maes is so tactile, I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams.
July 20Maes is warm in every way.
July 21Wrote home today. I hope Father has left Ishbal. Last I heard he was still here, trying to promote peace and gather all the information on the culture that he can before the place is wiped off the map.
July 22Camp was attacked today. They were just children. The oldest couldn't have been more than twelve. But some of them had guns and the rest had shovels or rocks. They were just trying to protect their homes and families. There are twelve grave-markers at the top of the near sand dune. Two of the bodies are charred.
July 23If Maes was always at my shoulder before, now he's glued to my side.
July 24His eyes are even more beautiful when he takes his glasses off.
July 25Had a run-in with Crimson today. He's definitely a dangerous kind of insane.
July 26I have sand in my ear.
July 27Maes is going on a recon mission. It still amuses me that someone that boisterous and flamboyant can be inconspicuous. I miss him already.
July 28I don't care what they say, these rations aren't food.
July 29I wish I could speed up all the clocks.
July 30Modified the array on my gloves. I wonder if I can turn the sand into glass.
July 31It never works the way you think it will.
August 1Someone needs to do something about Crimson. And Gran.
August 2Maes got back today. He hasn't been talking. Something happened but he won't tell me what. I hate this war.
August 3Been keeping in as much physical contact with Maes as possible. Something really messed him up.
August 4Maes killed a couple of kids last week. They found the place his team was observing from. This is hard to write. Hard to think. Maes loves kids. I want this damn war to be over. I'm no good comforting. Not used to topping. It's all so perverted and obscene, this war.
August 5Maes cried today.
August 6He's not eating.
August 7I don't know what to do. I feel so useless.
August 8I ended up hitting him today. He seems better after our fight and yelling match. I'm glad. I was really worried about him. We're getting ready to attack. I'm still worried about him.
August 9Got word from home today. Father's still out here somewhere.
We mobilize for attack tomorrow. Maes still isn't right.
What the hell am I doing?
August 13
Father was in the city we attacked. I saw him trying to get away from the flames. I made a pathway through the fire for him. I don't think – I hope he didn't see me. He took a couple of Ishbalan children with him. I feel worse for having let him go than I feel for having killed all the people I didn't allow to leave. Just because I know him, that means he's lucky enough to get a free pass out? I can't stand this. I want to go home.
August 14I feel like a scared little boy. I think Maes feels the same way. We've been finding as many out-of-the-way places as we can and curling up together. I don't know which one of us needs more comforting. I want to go home and take Maes with me.
August 15I don't know what I'd do without him. He's the one still, stable thing in this vertigo.
August 16We fear that which we do not understand. There's just something about Crimson I don't want to understand. He was touching Maes today. Touching his cheek, his hair, his shoulders. I was so scared.
August 17He's so warm at night. So warm all the time. The one source of heat I don't mind during the day. I finally cried last night. He held me close, like I'm something worth keeping. I'll set it down in print right here: I am in love with Maes Hughes. I would be lost without him.
August 18Two year anniversary of the day we met. I had no idea, back then. I thought he was loud and annoying and useless. We danced tonight. We danced to the tune he's been humming ever since I met him. Why is it that every time I feel happy, I want to cry?
August 19I would be lost without him, I know I would.