A tall young man was strolling by himself in a park. He was just an ordinary person but he looked very unique with long, brown bangs that covered half his face making only one emerald green orb visible. Beautiful they were his eyes, but to a normal passerby they looked dead and expressionless. To his close aqquaintances however, they would be able to see the pain and the sadness in those eyes.
It seemed to him that everywhere he looked, there were happy couples walking hand in hand. Trowa Barton sighed as he walked on, choosing not to let the happy couples make him feel even more depressed than he all ready was. He used to be part of a happy couple, too. And it was not too long ago...
'I don't want to remember...' he thought, fighting the memories that
were rushing into his mind like an angry wave. 'I don't want to
remember the pain...' That was the last thing that came into his mind
as the memories from the past few months played in his mind.
*flashback*
"Trowa. My sisters are forcing me to marry this girl," Quatre said
softly, but his body was tense and rigid.
Trowa walked to the back of Quatre's chair and leaned forward to
massage out the hard knots in his lover's back all the while placing
feather-light kisses on the back of Quatre's neck.
"Don't do it if you don't want to," murmured Trowa. "You are
your own person. You are an adult now. You have the right to make your
own choices. Besides Quatre.. you all ready have me - or don't you want
me anymore?" This Trowa said teasingly.
Quatre sighed deeply. He turned around to gaze into Trowa's emerald
green orbs with sad sapphire blue eyes.
"It's not that I don't love you anymore - I do and I always
will; but there is a slight problem with that. WE are both male - which
means that we won't be able to produce an heir to replace me as head of
Winner Enterprise Incorporated someday..."
"We may not be able to produce our own child, Quatre, but we can
always adopt one to call our own," suggested Trowa.
"Yes, I know that but the thing is, before my father died he had
written a will stating that WEI and all of the property and money under
his name will be handed over to his heir, which is me, after he is gone,"
explained Quatre and paused hesitantly before continuing. "But he had
also written in his will that if I do not have an heir that is my
own flesh and blood before I reach the age of twenty-five, everything
will be handed over to the government and the fortune will be donated
to the poor."
"What are you so worried about, little one?" asked Trowa and extended
a long, slender finger to stroke the blonde's creamy cheek. "If you're
worried about losing your curent job, don't be. It won't be the end of
the world. You can always find some other job; one that's less stressful
and maybe something that you will enjoy. It's not that you're untalented or
underachieved to get any job you want. With your musical talent, you
can be a famous professional musician and will be able to perform all
over the world."
Trowa smiled encouragingly at Quatre, waiting for the blonde to smile
back. Instead, Quatre still had a mournful look and he had a worried glint
in his eye.
"I would have loved to become a musician, Trowa. You know I do - and
if I did become one, you'll be my partner and we'll be able to perform
together.." said Quatre and trailed off. Trowa nodded his head
encouragingly to indicate to the blonde to continue with his words.
Again, the blonde hesitated before speaking. "If I do not have an
heir by the time I am tewnty-five, I would lose everything that I own
now and all my sisters would not be able to have the life that they have
now."
"Quatre. Your sisters aren't going to suffer because of that, you know,"
said Trowa impatiently and resisted the urge to just snort. Sometimes
he thought his blonde lover was too concerned for the sake and well-being
of other people when he really should be placing more importance on
his own life.
"It's not as if your sisters would end up as paupers - some of your
sisters are married and have husbands to support them and some of your
sisters, like Iria, have good jobs with good income."
"But some of them aren't married and don't even have jobs and they
have been depending on the family money all this time," argued Quatre.
"Look at me, Quatre," said Trowa firmly and lifted Quatre's chin upwards
so that they could look straight into each others eyes. "You're not
telling me the whole truth. Now tell me what's really bothering
you."
Quatre took a deep breath and sighed.
"You're right. I'm not telling the exact truth," he said,
diverting his eyes away from Trowa's gaze. "It's just that I don't want
to go over my dead father's wishes. I regretted all those times when
he was still alive and I always disobeyed his orders. I never was the
good and obedient son he wanted me to be."
Quatre chuckled harshly.
"And now that he's gone, I wished that I could have at least followed
his orders for once - to show that I'm capable of being a good son
after all."
"I see. That's why you feel that you should do as your father wished
in his will so that in some way, your debt towards him can be paid,"
said Trowa, understanding but with a heavy heart.
"Please Trowa, don't be mad at me," pleaded Quatre, tears begining
to pool at hte edges of his big, blue eyes. "It's just that I have to do
this. But I promise you that after completing my responsibilities, I
shall divorce the person I am to marry so that I may return to you. I'll
always be yours, Trowa, no matter what - "
"Sshhh.." whispered Trowa, cutting in on Quatre by silencing the
young Arab by putting two fingers on his lips. "It may not be too wise
to do that, little one. You should be treating your future wife nicely
instead of ditching her after accomlishing your goals. I'm sure your
father would never approve of what you plan to do if he were alive."
"But - " Quatre clamped his mouth shut as Trowa silenced him with
a stern look.
"Tell me koi, to whom are you being arranged to marry?" asked Trowa
casually even though a lump was begining to from in his throat.
"To Arabella Buckley. She's the daughter of a close family friend of
the Winners," replied Quatre hesitantly, afraid of the reaction he would
get from Trowa. "My sisters decided that she would make a perfect match
for me because the girl has the makings of a good and capable wife and
because of the fact that she - that she has a crush on me for quite a
long time up until now."
"That is why you can not simply ditch her away as if she were a
piece of trash," said Trowa firmly. "Because she loves you and she
deserves to have her love returned. If she found out that you married
her just for the sake of being able to obtain an heir,wouldn't she be
heart-broken? And wouldn't she be even more heart-broken still if she
found out that she was ditched just because you wanted to be with me?
A guy and also a lowly commoner who works as a clown?"
"But what's the good of me staying with Arabella after we have had
a child, when I can't love her? It would bring misery to her one way
or another," argued Quatre. "I love you Trowa! Damnit! Can't you
understand that I want to be with you? I don't care. After I get my heir,
I will be with you and just you remember that."
"I want to be with you, too, angel," whispered Trowa as Quatre
rushed towards him to hug him as if he never wanted to let go. He could
feel the small blonde's shoulders racking violently as he sobbed into
the taller man's turtleneck. Trowa wrapped his long arms around the blonde
and crushed his face into those beautiful golden locks. "I wish we
could be together forever, too..."
The next morning, Trowa awoke extra earlier than usual. He usually
woke up earlier than Quatre but not that early. Trowa took a
moment to gaze at his angel's peacufully sleeping face for a long time
before he got up to change his clothes.
He wore his usual turtleneck and jeans hurriedly and tossed a couple
of his clothings and some odds and ends into a duffel bag he had
retrieved from under the bed. His eyes wondered over to the many
pretty picture frames that adorned every single space that was available
on the dresser and on the bedside drawers - coutesy of Quatre - and
decided to take some of them to remind him of Quatre.
He took two. One was a picture of Quatre smiling serenely as he
sat on the grass in the afternoon sun. The bright rays of the sun
glinted on his hair to create a stunning golden efect. And the other
one was a picture that Trowa favoured the most. It was a picture of
him and Quatre; and they were laughing happily in it.
Before going out of the room, he paused
to gaze at his sleeping lover again. It would be the last time he would
be able to see his lover looking like that. And he leaned down and kissed
the blonde softly on the lips.
"Goodbye Quatre," he whispered sadly. "Forever.."
Then he had left the apartment, never to meet his love ever again.
*end flashback*
That was a few months ago, Trowa reflected. But he still felt the apin in his heart as if the whole thing had happened only yesterday.
'I should have forgotten about it by now,' thought Trowa wryly. 'I used to have no feelings when I was a soldier. Now I can't seem to keep my emotions in check anymore.. since Quatre.'
The tall young man continued with his evening stroll. He was too engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't even notice where his feet were taking him. Until he heard amlost-hysterical laughter. It seemed somewhat familiar though he haven't heard that laughter for probably three years all ready.
He spotted the person who was laughing. There was a man about his age, seated against a big tree, an empty six-pack by his side. It wasn't unusual to see drunkards or druggies around this side of the park which was the inner part where not many people went. It was quite a huge park - big enought to be a small forest actually. But there was something about that laughing drunkard.. he was garbed in black and he had a long braid that went till his butt.
"Duo?" said Trowa aloud. He was sure it was the American he once teamed up with back during the war. But what was he doing here, drunk?
"Huh? Issshh that you Trowa?" came the sluggish reply. "Hey, long time no see, man!"
It was definately him. Duo Maxwell, ex-pilot of Gundam DeathScythe.
"Duo, what are you doing here? What the hell happened to you?" asked Trowa as he walked towards Duo, who was struggling to get up without succeeding, given his state.
"Me? Oh, I'm fine. Just the usual you know, I come here all the time to have a lil' picnic," said Duo and hiccuped. "You know ole Duo. I always luuurrve picnics."
"What picnic?" asked Trowa, narrowing his eyes. "You meant to tell me that you come here all the time to get drunk?"
"Yep," answered Duo proudly. "What's a picnic without any beer, eh, Tro-man?" Then the braided man proceeded to throw up onto the ground.
"I think we'd better get you somewhere where you won't be able to get any more alcohol," muttered Trowa as he looked in another direction as Duo continued to hurl.
~*~*~*~*~*
"Hey, thanks for helping me come out of my drunken stupor," said Duo cheerfully, all ready sober after hurling all the alcohol out of his stomache. "If it wasn't for you, I could have still be stinkin' drunk and would have run into a truck or something."
After Duo had his major barf episode, he had fallen unconscious onto the ground. Trowa felt that he couldn't possibly leave his friend like that - who know's what may happen to him even though Trowa felt that that was what happened to Duo every day. So, Trowa had ended up bringing Duo back to his own apartment because he didn't know where Duo lived.
"You should take some aspirin if you don't want to have a headache," said Trowa as he passed two tablets and a glass of water to the other man, who gratefully took them and downed the tablets and the water in one big gulp.
"So this is where you live now, huh? Cool place. Love the furnishing," commented Duo as his eyes swept around the small apartment that was furnished in a modern design. "So where's Quatre? Don't tell me he still works late at the office even though he's the big boss!"
"Quatre doesn't live with me."
"Eh? I thought he lived with you. I still remember the two of you living together at a different apartment," said Duo, feeling confused. "In fact, I thought that you guys would have tied the know all ready."
"We.. we separated or rather, I left him," said Trowa uncomfortably.
"WHAT! Wait, you must be joking, right?" said Duo. "This cannot be possible - the most perfect couple I know has broken up? Yeah, right. That's a good one, Tro. You left Quatre. I didn't know that you had a sense of humor."
"Never mind. Don't believe if you don't want to," mumbled Trowa.
"Hn. You're no fun! You never changed a bit. I thought you would open up and be more social once you're hooked up with Quatre but I guess my prediction was wrong," rambled Duo. "If you haven't changed that means that you won't talk to me at all like you used to. So can I just watch the tv instead of talking by myself? OK, thanks." And he switched on the tv without waiting for Trowa to give him permission.
"We have a special report live from the Alverado Church," said the anchorwoman from the local news station. "Today, more than a thousand people are gathered here to witness the wedding ceremony of the chairman of Winner Enterprise Incorporated, Quatre Rebarba Winner to the daughter of Gerald Buckley of Buckley Enterprise, Arabella Buckley. This is a very special event as the two heirs of the biggest companies of L4 will be tying the knot."
The camera zoomed to let the home audience see the two people garbed in their wedding clothes exchange their wedding vows. Trowa sucked in his breath as he saw Quatre on tv, wearing a white tux, looking more beautiful than ever. The white made the blonde look more angelic and made his fair hair look even fairer. His to-be wife was very stunning, but Trowa only had eyes for the Arab.
Duo didn't seem to notice the blonde Trowa was staring at because he was too intent on looking at the attractive looking person in the flowing gown. Actually he didn't even here what the anchorwoman said.
"Wow! What a total babe!" commented Duo and whistled appreciatively at the on screen bride. "You know, whoever it is that's marrying her sure is lucky to have snagged a great catch."
The priest was babbling about the part where they say you wanna marry that person for richer or poorer and all that bla bla bla stuff then it was time for the two people to say those two magical words that would bind them together as husband and wife. Arabella of course said "I do" happily and confidently then it was Quatre's turn.
"Do you, Quatre Rebarba Winner take Arabella Buckley to be your lawfully wedded wife, for richer and poorer and in sickness and in health?" said the priest seriously but with a hint of boredom. He obviously did the same thing over and over again till he was ready to kill himself.
Then it was Quatre's turn to say the two words. He looked straight at the camera, as if he knew that Trowa was watching this. He hesitated, as if he didn't want to say the words then he finally said it with a smile. "I do." The priest them announced them as husband and wife and then the two kissed.
Trowa felt something inside of him die the second Quatre said, "I do." He felt heartbroken, because it wasn't he who was marrying Quatre that day when he had been dreaming of marrying his angel for a long time.
The unibanged ex-pilot felt guilt, too, because knew it in his heart that Quatre wasn't happy at all at the prospect of marrying Arabella. He could even see it in the blonde's eyes when he looked into the camera for just one second. And Trowa knew that the smile the blonde smiled was forced. He knew.. he knew Quatre more than anybody else in the world.
"Wait a minute! Isn't that Quatre?" asked Duo, finally realizing that the groom was his blonde friend. "Hey, Tro! How come Q's marrying her and not you?" He turned around to face Trowa and was horrified to see tears rolling down the other man's face.
"Trowa? What's the matter?" he asked worriedly. Then he realized that his friend was sad because his love had married another person. He hugged Trowa confortingly as Trowa let all his sadness pour out in tears.
*~*~*~*~*~
It was a long time before Trowa stopped crying. He never felt so sad in his entire life. Heck, he didn't even think that he ever cried in his entire life. Up until then.
He felt grateful that he had Duo to comfort him as the truth and the emotions that he had been feeling for the past few months came to light. He had felt as if he were ready to burst with all the emotions he kept bottled up and now that he had told someone about it, he felt lighter, more calmer.
"I feel sorry for you, man," said Duo sympathatically after Trowa had told him every single thing. "It's so heart-wrenching when you lose someone you love. I should know.. I went through it myself."
Suddenly Trowa realized something. Heero was missing. Heero was the braided young man's lover and they were always together. They were practically joined at the hip. He remembered how close those two were the last time he and Quatre saw them, which was three years ago.
"Duo, what happened to Heero?" he asked carefully.
"Oh, he's still alive," said the American nonchalantly but Trowa could hear the bitterness in his voice.
"Where is he, then? Did you two breakup?"
"Breakup? Abandoned me is more like it," said Duo with a snort. Trowa wanted to ask more, but the look Duo was giving him clearly meant that he didn't want to talk about it anymore so he shut up instead.
"I'm bored," whined Duo. "There's nothing good on tv. Why don't we go out and have some fun?"
Trowa didn't object as the braided American dragged him out of his apartment. 'Oh what the heck. I've got nothing to do anyway,' he thought.
~*~*~*~*~*
'Fun' in Duo's opinion meant getting drunk at Kelley's. A bar not far away from where Trowa lived. Trowa didn't even know that such a place existed since he had never been there because he wasn't one to go to bars to get drunk when he was depressed. Unlike Duo.
So there was Duo, guzzling down huge tumblers of alcoholic stuff with weird names that Trowa mostly never heard of. Trowa just sat there on one of the stools as he watched his friend guzzle enough drinks to fill up a swimming pool like there was no tomorrow. He didn't drink of course. Drinking was a bad habit.
"How come you aren't drinking anything?" demanded Duo, seeing that more than a dozen empty tumblers were piled up in front of him and there was none in front of his friend. He ordered a drink from the bartender and pushed it towards Trowa. "Hey, drink this. It's good."
Trowa took a small sip while Duo drank on and on. Duo ended up getting stinking drunk of course. And suddenly he was sobbing loudly into his arms and cursing loudly. Trowa felt bewildered at his friend's action and didn't know what to do.
"Don't worry about 'im," said the bartender in a nasal voice as he leaned towards Trowa. "The fella's always like that when he's drunk. Always goes around bitching about some bastard called Heero and some bitch called Lina or something."
Trowa didn't say anything as he hoisted the drunk American over his shoulder and paid the bartender before going back to his apartment.
~*~*~*~*~*
"Hey, man. Sorry 'bout the carpet," said Duo apologetically, getting back to his usual self after having throwing up all over Trowa's rug. "I promise I'll clean that up."
"Never mind about it. What's the use of a washing machine if it can't wash this small rug?" joked Trowa and then laughed along with Duo.
Then there was silence.
"Duo," began Trowa. "Did.. did Heero leave you for Relena?"
"I guess you probably heard me rambling about him in the bar or else the bartender told you about it, huh?" said Duo dryly. "I guess there's no use keeping it a secret then. Might as well tell you."
Duo took a deep breath before going on. "It's true. Heero left me for Relena."
"Why? I thought he loved you. I remember during the war and after that. You both were so in love with each other," said Trowa, recalling the memories he had during the war. "In fact, Quatre and I always used to think that someday you guys would tie the knot."
"Yeah, well he left me so that he could tie the knot with that stupid Relena some day," said Duo bitterly.
"I thought that Heero never liked Relena.."
"Actually he always did but he never admitted it because if the bad guys found out that Heero had a sweetheart, then of course Relena would be their target. Amd of course, by pretending not to have any feelings for that girl, Heero thought that she would leave him alone so she won't get hurt when something happens," said Duo and chuckled harshly. "But that girl never stopped chasing after Heero, ne? Even though we were in the middle of a bloody battle.."
Trowa didn't ask any more questions. He felt bad because Duo had to tell him about his sad life. Trowa felt guilt take root in his heart. Here he was, practically lifeless because he wouldn't be with his Quatre anymore when actually he was the one who made the choice to leave his angel behind when Duo had it much worse. He was ditched by a two-timing bastard.
"That bastard! That damn fucking sonofabitch!" ranted Duo like a mad man. "I loved him with all my heart - and I thought he loved me back but everything was an illusion. I'm always the fool. I'm forever stuck in this wave of despair. I just, I just want to be loved.."
It all happened so quickly. One minute, Duo was talking to him about Heero being a total bastard and the next minute Duo's lips were on his. Duo kissed him softly at first, then with a raging passion. And Trowa returned the kiss with equal passion.
They kissed as if they have never been kissed before. Trowa felt his heart flutter at the intensity of their kiss. He remembered how long it was, since the last time he had kissed his lover. His lover!? Wait a minute, this was Duo he was kissing!
"Duo," gasped Trowa as he pushed Duo away from him. "We shouldn't be kissing each other. It's not right."
"But I want to," insisted Duo. "It's been a long time I've been with someone. I don't want to be alone anymore.. I want to feel loved again.."
I don't want to be alone anymore..
Tears sprang to Trowa's eyes. He didn't want to be alone either. He wanted to be loved just like Duo. He knew deep in his heart that he still loved Quatre but... Quatre will never be able to fill him with all the love he wanted ever again. Never again will he have someone to love him.
"Sshh.. don't cry," whispered Duo as he kissed the tears that were falling steadily down Trowa's cheeks. "I'll always be here for you We'll always be together."
"Duo, we can't be together. I love Quatre and you still love Heero. Our relationship would be something that wasn't meant to be."
"But it is meant to be," said Duo firmly. "Don't you see? We both lost the people we love and now we're both together in the same boat. It makes perfect sense for the both of us to be together."
Duo grasped Trowa's face with both hands and gazed into those emerald green orbs. "We may not love each other as the people we love but it will grow eventually Trowa. It will grow - because we have nobody else to love and to love us back except for us both. Don't push destiny Trowa, because this was meant to be."
'Destiny..' whispered Trowa in his heart as Duo claimed his mouth
for another searing kiss.
OKie, how was the fic? This is my first time writing a 2x3 so please
bear with me. I wrote this fic real quick so that I can submit it to
the GW Fanfiction Contest so I understand if minna-san thought that
this fic was really lousy. Anyway, if you think that this fic has a shot
at winning, please vote for it, ne? It would mean so much to me if
this fic did get even one vote.
Anyway, I hope that this fic was uh, touching cos I nearly
cried while in the process of writing this fic, especially the flashback
part. And this is probably the first fic I have ever written seriously.
As usual, I want your feedback. Praise and flames can be sent to me at
blue_violet@gundamwing.org
.