Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor who, or 'Call me when you're sober' by Evanescence.
Call Me When You're Sober
Rose Tyler was on her bed, in her room in the TARDIS. She'd been sitting there, not moving, not making a single sound for almost an hour.
She was still trying to process the events of the say, trying to fit all the pieces into place. The Doctor had abandoned her. He'd just left her on a spaceship thousands of years, and millions of miles away from her home. And it was all so it could save the life of one French aristocrat.
Don't cry to me,
If you loved me,
You would be here with me,
You want me,
Come find me,
Make up your mind.
Rose knew she was being very selfish with such thoughts, by putting so little worth on Reinette's life. And she also knew that she couldn't seriously have expected the Doctor to go against his nature, to go against all that he was, all that made him the Doctor, and just leave Madame de Pompadour to her grim fate.
But still Rose felt hurt at the almost non-existent amount of time it had taken the Doctor to make his decision. It had barely taken him a second to realise what he had to do, get on 'Arthur's' back and crash through the time window, knowing that he would probably be stranded. The Time Lord hadn't even paused to consider the fact that he wouldn't be the only one getting stranded. Rose knew it probably hadn't even crossed his mind that she and Mickey needed him to get home.
Mickey had plaintively asked her how he was going to get back, but Rose didn't have the heart to answer. She couldn't bring herself to say he was never coming back, and that on Mickey's first trip in the TARDIS, he'd been left behind. Her silence spoke as loud as any words could have, and Rose knew that it told Mickey everything he needed to know.
Rose had just stared up through the huge window in the roof of the spaceship. She had looked at the stars, and wondered whether the Doctor was doing the same thing in pre-revolutionary France. Had he even thought about her?
That 5 ½ hours she and Mickey had waited had been the longest of her life. A whole 5 ½ hours not knowing, of thinking that they'd be stuck there… forever.
Rose hadn't let it show, but she'd been angry… furious even. Furious that they Doctor had just dropped her without a second thought as he ran to the other woman. And then, he'd come back, all smiles.
At the time, she'd been too relieved to see him to do anything but hug him and smile back. But his casual comment before running back again for Reinette had cut straight through her…
'Great. Always wait 5 ½ hours…'
Always wait 5 ½ hours? The words had torn straight through Rose's heart as if they were razorblades. This hadn't been a mistake? He was planning to do this to her again?
Should I let you fall,
Lose it all,
So maybe you can remember yourself,
Can't keep believing, we're only,
Deceiving ourselves and I'm sick of the lie,
And you're too late.
Rose was caught in indecision. What should she do? Should she leave the Doctor? Walk away as so many before her had done? Could she go back to her safe, boring life on the estate now that she knew what was out there?
She knew that her life with the Doctor was unique, amazing and out of this world (literally), and… well, everything that life with her mum in London wasn't. She also knew that she loved the Doctor and every minute that she spent with him. But she now knew that he didn't feel the same way.
Back when she had met Sarah Jane, and found out that the Doctor had left her behind, Rose had asked the Doctor if that was what he'd do to her. And she could still clearly hear his reply in her head – 'No, not to you'. The way he'd said it… so definite, and deadly serious, Rose had hoped that it was true. She'd hoped that she was somehow special to him, and that he cared about her as much as she did about him. But she could see now, that she'd been wrong.
The Doctor had left her. Right after he'd promised not to. So how could she trust him now?
Don't cry to me,
If you loved me,
You would be here with me,
You want me,
Come find me,
Make up your mind.
Rose knew that the Doctor cared about her and would never intentionally hurt her. But it seemed that that wasn't enough anymore. He didn't care about her the same way that she cared about him.
She knew that his previous incarnation had. He'd have done anything for her. But apparently that was something that had changed along with his face, his body and his personality. She now knew that she had to face the fact that he wasn't the same man anymore. And she wasn't sure that she could trust the new him.
You never call me when you're sober,
You only want it cause it's over.
How could I have burned paradise?
How could I – you were never mine?
The Doctor wasn't hers. It was true and Rose knew it. As much as she liked to think of the Doctor as her Doctor… he wasn't. He wasn't hers at all. She had no hold on him whatsoever.
As he'd just proven with Reinette, he could just find someone else at the drop of a hat and leave her behind without remorse… even on an alien space ship billions of miles, and thousands of years from home.
Rose knew what she had to do. All she had to do was go back to the console room, and tell the Doctor that she wanted him to take her home. She couldn't trust him anymore, it was as simple as that.
So don't cry to me,
If you loved me,
You would be here with me,
Don't lie to me,
Just get your things,
I've made up your mind.
But as she crept into the console room, the sight of the Doctor leaning over the console made her take a step back.
He was staring at the monitor there, but his eyes weren't really focussed, and he had a tear silently making it's way down his face. He was hurting. He was grieving for Reinette… And Rose knew that she couldn't be the cause of any more pain for him.
If this was the way that losing people affected him… she couldn't do it.
So, she crept away back to her room. He would never have to know she'd been there, and she wouldn't tell anyone what she'd seen. The Doctor never cried, she knew that.
Rose would stay with him… for now at least. He'd fractured her usually unshakable trust in him, but it wasn't completely gone, it was just broken. And couldn't all broken things be mended?
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A/N: Hope you all liked that! A little something that's been in my head for several weeks now, and that I wrote in about 45 minutes – which means that I haven't checked through it, and it probably makes no sense at all… ah well. I just had to finish it tonight – before Dr Who tomorrow, and Martha! Who else can't wait?!?!
Also, who just saw the Doctor Who weakest link special?! – lol! Camille won!
So, anyway please review and tell me what you thought – ask any qu's etc etc!
Oh! One last thing – v. random – is a Canadian accent very different from an American one? – just something that's really been bugging me… so if anyone could tell me, I'd be most grateful (don't ask how I think of these things…)