A/N: So my friend and I were looking at the fanfictions involving Waluigi, and we found that none of them portrayed him in the ridiculous, random, stupid way we do. That's when we decided to write this. If you like Waluigi as a developed character who speaks coherent sentences, don't read this. But if you like stories with almost no logic whatsoever, read on! ^_^
Waluigi was a creepy, gangly elf-man who enjoyed shouting the first syllable of his name. Wario was a greedy, smelly pile of fat. Together, they were… -WAAAAAAAAAALUIGI! Because we're not going to focus on Wario. He's too gross.
Waluigi's Trip to the Laundromat
One day, Waluigi realized that the clothing he hadn't washed in five years might be dirty.
"WAA!" he said, throwing a vase across the room in anger. The vase shattered and countless garden gnomes holding lightbulbs inexplicably exploded out of it.
"Waait a minute. Waa can go to the LAAundromAAt!" Waluigi said.
He gathered up all of his overalls and put them into a large purple box covered in pieces of chewed gum molded into pelican shapes. Then he went to Wario's room.
Wario was chewing cud in despair in the corner of the room, after being called a librarian by an ant he found in the concrete jungle. Waluigi searched thoroughly for more clothing to take while playing an electric piano. Eventually he came across Wario's pink underwear collection of DOOM, which was beginning to smell from the tartar sauce Waluigi had spilled on it the previous Monday. Waluigi used a polka-dotted soup ladle to pick up the underwear and put it in the box.
Possessing enough clothing for his mission, he broke down the front door with a hypoallergenic cat and flailed outside.
A quaint old man walked by- "YOUR CLAOTHES AARE DIRTY!" Waluigi shouted, interrupting the narrator. He then stole the pants of the quaint old man, who was using a butterfly net to perform surgery.
The quaint old man shouted ancient curse words at Waluigi and rocketed into the air, never to be seen again. Waluigi remembered he was lazy, so he painstakingly crafted a bobcat statue out of macaroni and hopped on it. "YAAAAA!" he commanded, suddenly wearing a blanket-cape, and an upside-down pot on his head. The bobcat did nothing.
"Waa?!" Waluigi exclaimed, furious. "That's illogical!" He then started feeding the statue to a horde of zombie cows, who sang show tunes as they munched on the macaroni. Waluigi got angry when they began singing his least favorite song, so he flung himself into the air with a catapult. Waluigi landed, catapult still in hand, in the middle of the town square, where a cantaloupe festival was taking place. Dozens of old men from Waluigi's neighborhood stood around trading orphans. Waluigi threw the catapult at them because they weren't yodeling.
Unimpressed with how they all fell over when the giant wooden spoon hit them, Waluigi rolled a cheese wheel down the middle of the road and acted like a police car. He screamed "WAA-OO WAA-OO WAA-OO!" all the way to the laundromat.
Waluigi broke into the laundromat through its ceiling because the sign on the front door said "closed in bright red letters" in bright red letters.
Landing elegantly on the laundromat floor, he clipped through a dryer in sprite form and dried a piece of popcorn inside it.
Waluigi dressed up as a cosmetics salesman and attempted to sell his wares to a large tortoise who was watching paint dry.
"BUY WAA'S ROGUE ROUGE!" he screeched, wrapping pocky in a trenchcoat. The tortoise blinked at him and Waluigi painted its shell French. The tortoise exploded.
The laundry machine beckoned to him with a finger. Waluigi sashayed over to the machine.
He put some coins in the machine, and then stuffed all the clothes and a malamute puppy into the coin slot. Getting bored with waiting for the machine, he decided to read a magmazine. The one he chose was called "Frighteningly RED!" and was in the shape of a strawberry. He began to read, ignoring the fact that he was now on fire from the magma pouring out of the 'zine.
"WAAtch out for the smell of HAAirsprAAy!" Waluigi read. "It makes you EEEVAAAIL!"
"Ding!" said the blue whale, who was hiding behind the soap dispenser, completely out of sight. A quail popped out of the soap dispenser and ate the whale. Waluigi flailed in excitement, knowing this meant the clothing was done. He picked up the washing machine containing his clothes and was about to leave when he realized he was on fire.
"I'M ON FIYAAAAAA!" Waluigi vociferated, taking a leisurely sip of tree sap.
A wash in a washing machine was sounding pretty good right now to Waluigi the fireball.
He climbed inside his favorite washing machine and started it. The small space began to fill up with water and soap. Waluigi snorted in anticipation. Finally, it began to spin.
"WAYAAAAAAAYAAAAYAAAAAAAAYAAA AAA!" he shouted as he was whirled around, his long limbs flailing like wet noodles. "Don't try this AAT home, kids!"
Waluigi emerged out of the toilet in his house, still spinning profusely.
"AAI love my Tele-Poilet™!" said Waluigi, hoping to get some sponsorship. Waluigi stepped out of the toilet, and slipped on a radioactive yo-yo, making him land on the carpeted floor.
"HAAAAAALP! I've FAAAAALLEN, and AYE CAAAN'T GET AAHP!" WAAluigi called out, perfectly capABLE of getting up by reverse tripping on the dinghy boat laying next to him.
Wario peered out of the shower, wearing the shower curtain as a pinstripe suit, coming to Waluigi's rescue using a rubber sasquatch.
"Waa!" Waluigi thanked.
"Wah!" Wario replied, throwing Waluigi out of the kitchen, because he was still busy showering.
Looking to his right, Waluigi noticed his clothes laying in a compact cube shape. He picked up the garment-cube and played Super Smash Bros. Melee on it. Then he realized he wasn't in the game, so he threw the disc out the window, where it was promptly embarrassed by its parents.
Waluigi ripped the cube in half. He threw half of the clothes into Wario's room, and the other onto the ceiling.
Waluigi went back into Wario's room, because he'd forgotten his cup of tea.
"Waa!" he said, quoting a famous Shakespearian play while pouring tartar sauce into his tea. Unfortunately, he got distracted by the air in the room, and spilled the tartar sauce all over Wario's pink underwear collection of DOOM... again.
"WAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!"