Fixation, a songfic by yellownotepaper
Category: Harry Potter
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Songfic drabble. gw.dm
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its character's.
Forward: This songfic is on 'My Paper Heart', by the All American Rejects. It's a happy sort of song, but the lyrics are good and deep enough for this story. There isn't any dialogue, but I like it. r&r if you please.
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X
Please just don't play with me
My paper heart will bleed
This wait for destiny won't do
Be with me, please, I beseech you
She slid out of her four-poster, her long, fiery red hair spilling over her shoulders. A few steps down, through the common room, and out the portrait hole, a stolen cloak thrown over her almost as an afterthought. Her footsteps were quiet and sure through the dark corridor; down the stairs and to the left, the path she now knew so well.
She turned left again, her heart pounding slightly in her chest with anticipation. A deep, cherry red door stood in the corner, waiting for her. With a soft whisper from her lips, it opened, and she slipped into the warm flannel arms of her deepest, darkest secret…
X
Simple things that make you run away
Catch you if I can
Tears fall, down your face
The taste, is something new
X
A single candle lit the darkened room, the light flickering on her infamous red hair. He touched it lightly, as if afraid that it would singe his fingertips. A small hand rested on his chest, drawing lazy circles as the other wove through his silvery-blond hair.
He closed his eyes, letting out a breath and leaning his head back to rest on his headboard. If only he could make this moment last forever, just the two of them together. There was no talking, no fighting, no stupid blood-feuds to stop them from loving each other in public.
Not that he would ever admit that Malfoys could love.
X
Something that I know
Moving on is easiest when I'm around you
So bottle up old love, and throw it out to sea
Watch it away as you cry
X
His voice did not belong to him anymore – it was hoarse and cruel, yelling things that he did not mean. Her face crumpled as she bit her lip. He knew she was desperately trying not to cry, to show any weakness, and this made him feel even worse. She was closing herself off to him, just as he had done to her so many times before. He felt terrible now, knowing what he had put her through all of those times before he had finally opened up to her. It had not been easy, he knew this all too well.
But she had not given up on him.
He ran a shaky hand through his too-long hair, breathing hard. His eyes flickered onto her face, blotchy from crying. Her hair was sticking out in odd places, some of it caught on her tear-stained cheeks. Her lips, red and swollen, were trembling, and he thought she had never looked more beautiful.
Her eyes met his, and he immediately felt ashamed of himself. His mind was spinning with thoughts, of things to say that would make it all right; so they could go back to pretending that the rest of the world didn't exist and it was just them; alone together for all eternity.
He knew that it was useless.
X
Now a year has passed
The seasons go
They were absolutely horrible for each other; they fought constantly and furiously, two completely different lives intertwined in one. All of her views, her complete outlook on life was the total opposite of his own. Her voice becomes softer and more desperate as they would row over and over, her eyes pleading with him to understand. But he couldn't.
Somewhere deep inside him, he knew that she was right, that muggleborns were just as much a wizard or witch as a pureblood was, but…it was so hard sometimes. To just throw away everything that he had been taught since he had been able to walk and talk…it was unfathomable.
He told her this, and watched as she pretended to understand. He knew that she didn't really, but the fact that she was pretending for him, to comfort him, was slightly calming. She turned away, silent tears streaming down her face, and he swallowed guiltily.
He was sure that he was solely responsible for most of the tears that she had shed in her lifetime.
X
Please just don't play with me
My paper heart will bleed
This wait for destiny won't do
Be with me, please, I beseech you
X
They clashed dreadfully, like fire and ice, each unbearably stubborn and stuck in their own ways. But nonetheless….they needed each other. So much that they could ignore the fact that they were supposed to hate each other, that they were not even supposed to be talking civilly, much less doing what they were.
But here they were, right under their noses, betraying their family and friends for something more; something that was new to both of them. It was slowly taking over their lives; nothing was more important, nothing was closer to their hearts than the other.
They just hadn't realized it yet.
X
Simple things, that make you run away
Catch you if I can
X
She tried to stop, she really did. And yet, it was like a magnetic force – they were drawn together, a force of attraction that fate alone controlled. She tried to see others, to have something to help her forget him, but her attempts were in vain.
Nothing compared to what she had shared with him. Every kiss that was not from his silky lips was clumsy and distasteful, and every touch that he did not supply was absolute torture. With him it was totally different…electricity seemed to flow out of his fingers and onto wherever he happened to touch, whether it was the soft curve of her neck, the arc of her back, the hollow between her breasts….
It was like magic.
X
Waiting, day to day it goes through
My lips are sealed for her
My tongue is tied to a dream of being with you
To settle for less is not what I prefer
X
The seasons changed, the cold, biting wind replaced by a pleasantly warm breeze. Their meetings became more frequent and passionate, for they knew that they had very little time left. He would often wake in the later hours of the morning to find her still next to him, her breathing heavy and even. He did not complain; their fear of being discovered was rapidly being substituted for a more intense fear of losing the other.
They knew that they couldn't continue outside of school – after all, they both had prior commitments that they had to honour in order to maintain their family's respect – and he would be graduating soon. As June drew ever closer, he began to write letters to her, sending them on nights that they could not be together, with whispers of a life together that they knew they could never have.
But in the end, hope was all that they had left.
X
So bottle up old love, and throw it out to sea
Watch it away as you cry
Now a year has passed
The seasons go
X
She came early that night, and neither of them slept a wink. He got a certain vindictive pleasure out of knowing that he was stealing Potter's fiancée right out from under his nose, but that wasn't the reason that he kept seeing her. Every imperfection she had wasn't like an imperfection to him – she was like a drug, always going where he wanted and further, and still leaving him feeling empty and longing for more. He memorised every contour of her body that night, every honey coloured freckle that dotted her pale, creamy skin, for he knew that he might never again have the chance to.
This is what scared him most of all.
It was a bit ironic, he sometimes thought, that he feared losing a girl – a poor, muggle-loving girl – more than he feared joining the dark lord. He was by no means a hero – he scoffed at the thought – he would gladly leave that role to Potter. However, no matter how many times that he insisted that it was for the best, she came and unraveled all of his carefully thought-out explanations.
He didn't think he could pretend anymore.
X
Please just don't play with me
My paper heart will bleed
This wait for destiny won't do
Be with me, please, I beseech you
X
She persuaded him to go tell Dumbledore, the old muggle-loving fool. He would help, she assured him. He sneered disbelievingly. She was wrong, he knew she was wrong, but he didn't argue, for he knew that she would always win. He would not go, he told himself. No one could help him now, he was in too deep. But the look on her face when he said this made him drop all reason.
If she wanted it, he admitted to himself, he would give it to her. He would give her the world if she asked; he would buy anything she showed the faintest passing fancy in at the drop of a hat if it made her happy.
So he went.
X
Simple things that make you run away
Catch you if I can
X
It could have been worse, he acknowledged. Dumbledore could have denied him everything that he had asked (and it was quite a lot) like he had feared that he would. But no, Dumbledore managed to redeem himself slightly, even though it still made him feel sick when he thought of how much he was betraying his family, how much of a traitor she had turned him into.
He soon realized that he had been the traitor all along.
X
Summertime
The nights are so long
The leaves fall down, and so do I into the arms of a friend
X
The door creaked as she came inside for the last time that year, possibly their last forever. He shook this thought out of his mind, opening his mouth to speak. But before he could say a word, or even react, she had spoken.
I've told him, she said, and at first he didn't understand. Harry, she elaborated. A cold, sinking feeling erupted inside his abdomen, and he sat down, feeling sick. He glared angrily at the floor. How could she do this to him, after all that he had done for her? He twisted his hands together angrily, feeling utterly angry and hurt.
She walked over to him and tilted up his chin so that he was looking at her. Cool gray met warm caramel, and he felt his anger melt away. I've told him that I can't marry him, she said, her lips curving into a nervous smile. He felt his heart stop.
This was not what he was expecting.
X
Winter nights
My bedside is cold, for I am gone
And spring blossoms you to me
X
Again, he opened his mouth to speak, but she shushed him with her finger, cool against his lips. They sparked with electricity, and he gave an involuntary shudder. I told him about us, she whispered, her eyes searching his anxiously. And I don't want it to end. She bit her lip after saying this, waiting uncertainly for his reaction.
He felt his heart leap into his throat, not daring to believe what he heard. His hand scrambled for hers, clasping it tightly. Say it, he told her. Tell me.
She gave him a tremulous smile, before whispering.
I love you.
X
Summertime
The nights are so long
The leaves fall down, and so do I into the arms of a friend
X
He did not answer her, merely capturing her lips in a fervent kiss, her mouth hot and warm and delicious against her own. This was unlike any kiss they had ever shared – it was raw, exposed passion, shown for all of the world to see. She tasted like toothpaste and strawberries and cream; he had forgotten how much he had missed it. The flowery perfume of her shampoo wafted towards him, and he breathed it in deeply, savoring the fragrance.
Her lips curved into a smile against his own and he broke the embrace, their eyes connected. Ginny was still smiling, but he did not, feeling fear pool in his stomach. How would this work? How could they keep this up, betraying their families in the worst possible way –
She interrupted his thoughts with a soft, tender kiss. Everything will be alright, she murmured. The doubt and panic he had felt vanished, and Draco offered her a genuine smile. Maybe, for the first time…
Things actually would be.
X
Winter nights
My bedside is cold, for I am gone
And spring blossoms you...
To me
X
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FIN
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A:N:// I think that this is the fastest story I've ever written. The words just kept pouring out of my fingers; I didn't even realize what I was writing until I was like 'wow, I'm done!' Wow. That's pretty darn cool. do you love it? Hate it? Think I'm the craziest girl ever?
Let me know puh-lease!
erin