Darling Will You Open Your Eyes For Me

One, two, three, four…

You pump your arms, five pound dumbbells in each hand as you lie flat on the bench in your basement turned mini gym and music room.

Eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen…

The burn in your muscles soothes you, and for once in such a long time your mind is empty except for the voice that mentally counted with each push. You haven't had enough time to play the drums so you haven't had a nice work out in a while.

Twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four…

How long has it been? You push the intruding thoughts away from your head as you push the weights away from your face. No, no, right now is not the time to think. Right now, you know you just need to relax, to forget, at least for a while, and to focus because otherwise you would lose count. You turn up the volume of the voice that's counting in your head.

Forty-one, forty-two, forty-three, forty-four…

Life has been good to you and your wife. The moment you got out of college, you've had a wicked streak of luck. Through connections and immediately grabbed opportunities, you soon became a junior talent scout for a small time recording company. The salary was decent and enough to get you and your then just girlfriend by. All was good and you were so happy then.

But lady luck decided to be even more generous towards the both of you and a small publishing company noticed your wife's little write-ups in the literary pages of your university's newspaper. Your wife was given an opportunity to have her poetry published. A few months later, you held in your hand the first printed edition of your fiancee's collection of poems and literary pieces. You looked like a mess that day because you couldn't hold up the tough and cool façade in front of her publisher and you ended up bawling like a baby out of pride and adoration for her. Your fiancée kept laughing, apologizing to her publisher and telling him that you weren't usually like a blubbering overly-emotional idiot. You couldn't find it in yourself to give a damn about the insult because dammit, your baby was a brilliant writer despite how much you say her works make you itch and now people are gonna know that when they buy her book.

On the way home you kept talking to random strangers the two of you passed by and kept promoting your fiancee's book to them. Your fiancee almost ran away from you because of the embarrassment.

Eighty-one, eighty-two, eighty-three, eighty-four…

As you remember that day you can't help but smile. You two have gone a long way since then. Now you've been married for four years, you have adopted two beautiful girls who just turned two.

Ah, but of course it hasn't all been great. You still hate yourself for the incident more than a year ago, when you two just adopted Mika and Rei who no more than little sleeping bundles in your arms.

You just met one of the most charismatic young women you've ever encountered in your career. She was three years your junior and you heard her sing at your old high school's homecoming. You left your wife's side and your old band's table to talk to her and maybe offer her a deal she couldn't refuse. The recording company needed young artists with potential they could culminate.

You approached her and handed her your card told her that if she's interested she should give you a call. And she did, two days later. Her audition was scheduled and she nailed it, the negotiations then came right after. It turned out that she knew no one that's living in the vicinity other than her old schoolmates who she never really got along with so she asked you if you could be her manager. You accepted without thinking twice. The two of you talked often and met up too frequently for your wife's liking, but she never said anything. You knew, though, of course you knew. You've been best friends since fourth grade after all.

One hundred and twenty-one, one hundred and twenty-two, one hundred and twenty-three, one hundred and twenty-four…

The ache in your muscles now turns into pain as your arms are pushed to their limits. But you don't intend to stop, not now when your thoughts are trying to overwhelm you.

But the memories are still there and they keep playing in your head.

Your best talent's first show just finished and it was a roaring success. You couldn't believe your luck that you found such a hardworking and talented girl. She came running to you and squealed, still hyper from the energy the crowd was giving off during her last song. You hugged her tightly back, even lifting her off the ground. She threw her head back, kicked at the air and giggled like the whole world was hers.

You asked her to come with you and get a drink to celebrate the success of her first performance and she nodded madly even before you finished the invitation. The two of you got into your car and you drove to the nearest bar. You both had one too many shots and pretty soon, you weren't as conscious of your actions as you would want to be when you're married and with two children.

She started flirting with you and you, in your alcohol-induced haze, flirted back shamelessly. You don't even remember how it all began but soon you two were sending each other sly and meaningful glances and then teased each other with feather-light touches.

Then you were both in the back of your car, making out hungrily like two hormone-crazed teenagers. You only remember small snippets of that night. You don't even know how you managed to get the two of you to a hotel and then checked into a room. But you woke up with your body covered in dried sweat, tangled in stained sheets, with a figurative jackhammer pounding against your temples… beside a woman that was not your wife.

She had the gall to smile at you and even wink when you were finally conscious enough to realize what had just happened.

The events that followed were a blur. You dressed as quickly as you could and drove off without even saying a word to her despite her many attempts to keep you there or talk to you.

You came home to your wife and she knew… of course she knew. Your wife looked at you with a look you couldn't read and until now you never found out what she was thinking in that moment.

Did she think marrying you was a mistake? Did she think you were filthy? Did she curse your name? Did she see you as nothing more than a lying, cheating bastard?

Well, you know for sure that's what you thought of yourself.

Your wife was just silent for a few moments and you had your gaze down low, directed at the floor, unable to look at her knowing eyes from the shame and guilt. But she didn't say anything that indicated she knew, didn't even say anything about the whole thing. You wife just asked you if you've had breakfast already and you didn't know what else to do, so you shook your head no.

Your wife had prepared you breakfast and you almost broke down when you saw that it was your favorite traditional Japanese breakfast; a bowl of rice with tamagoyaki, takemono, and a small bowl of hot miso soup.

You ate your breakfast in silence and your wife just slipped out of the dining room and went to your shared bedroom noiselessly.

One hundred ninety-one, one hundred ninety-two, one hundred ninety-three, one hundred ninety-four…

There is a loud thud when your arms fall to your sides with the weight of the two dumbbells and the burning pain from a hundred ninety-four pumps and you gasp for air like you were just thrown overboard and almost drowned. You couldn't even make it to two hundred pumps.

You struggle with getting up twice, you felt like you had no arms at all as they hung limply at your sides. Somehow, you manage to wipe your face, take a shower and dress yourself. And of course, you put on your trademark headband because you know your wife misses seeing it. It was time to wake up the kids and take them to visit mommy.

Now that there is nothing else to occupy most of your thoughts, the familiar feeling of sadness coupled with exhaustion slowly envelops you.

Life has been good to you and your wife. Well, when everything's compared to what is happening now, it has.

Your wife was diagnosed with Lymphoma and it was already in its fourth stage. Then after a few tests, her doctors found out that she also had a brain tumor. The doctors told you that if it isn't removed right away then it could put your wife in a coma. You demanded that she go through the operation right away but the doctors told you that there was only a fifty-fifty chance of success and that your wife will end up in a coma anyway if the operation fails.

You set your shoulders and told them to have the surgery right away and that you were willing to pay whatever amount and that you would take the risk. You also knew that your wife would have taken the risk. You had faith in your wife and believed that she would fight and she would emerge out of this well and stronger than ever with her soft gray eyes smiling at you.

The operation failed.

You blamed yourself and you hated yourself more than ever. You would have hung yourself were it not for your two daughters and your wife who would need you beside her and holding her hand when she wakes up. She's been in a vegetative state for two weeks now.

You arrive at the hospital and Satoshi is there. You asked him to watch over your wife while you try to gather yourself for an hour or so and pick up your daughters.

Mika and Rei were very perceptive despite their young age. They seem to know what is happening without you telling them. But of course, you knew you had to explain the situation to them somehow and put it in terms they would understand. So you just told them four simple words. 'Mommy is very sick.' And they nodded.

You lift Mika first so she could give her other mother a kiss on the forehead and then Rei. You give your wife a kiss too, after the kids.

The girls get hungry after a while and you ask Satoshi to accompany them to the hospital's canteen. Satoshi, being the good and supportive brother that he's always been, nods and does it right away. Before he leaves the room bending to hold a niece in each hand, you put a hand on his shoulder and mouth 'thank you'. He smiles solemnly at you and he understands everything else that was left unsaid.

You sit on the chair at your wife's bedside and stare at her peaceful expression. She didn't look like she was going through anything at all; she looked a few years younger even. You clasp her hand and bring it to your lips as a tear rolls down your left cheek.

You wipe it away before it can go any farther.

You start talking because if you don't, you know the emotions are going to overwhelm you and you can't let that happen.

"You have no idea how much I miss you, Mio…"

You choke and then you cough a few times to steady your voice and calm yourself.

Think, think about happy things, of happy times, and talk about happy memories.

"Hey, remember when…"

And then you ramble about all the silly things you would do that would earn you a bump on the head from you then best friend's fist. You talk about middle school and high school and Hokago Tea Time and you even let yourself have a few chuckles in between.

Then you talk about college and how you confessed to her, then about how awkward things were when you just started going out, you talked about your firsts; first date, first kiss, first movie you saw as a couple, first fight, first time making love, first anniversary. Then your recounting comes to the point when your wife proposed to you and you let a few tears fall without wiping them. You berate your wife on how upset you got because she beat you to it and how you've already planned it and all of your planning went to waste. But of course you were glad that she did that and it really is one of the happiest moments of your life, and you tell her that.

You talk about graduation and how you got lucky with the job offer and how she followed with her own overflowing cup of luck with her first published work. Then you tell your sleeping wife about how proud you were of her and how you've always believed that she would be great in whatever she chose to do. Your wife is so amazingly talented that it physically hurts you sometimes.

You talk about when you both decided to adopt the kids and how it was the best decision you've ever made in your life and then you talk about the worst decision and worst mistake you've ever made that followed it. You apologize for the countless time even though you know your wife's completely forgiven you and forgotten about it. You still feel guilty of course and you still hate yourself for it.

You know you would never forgive yourself.

"Mio… I miss hearing your voice. I miss listening to you lecture me on the things I keep doing wrong, on how I never pay attention, and on how careless I am. I miss hearing you call me an idiot. I miss you greeting me good morning when I wake up and good night before I drift to sleep. Most of all I miss you telling me you love me."

You close your eyes and play her voice whispering an 'I love you' after the last time you made love in your head.

"You know how much I love you, right? You know how much I need you, right? So darling, please wake up soon, for me… I know you're strong, love. I know you'll come out of this. I'll be right here to cheer you on all the while, okay?"

You pause, as if waiting for a response. You know that you wouldn't receive any but you still feel a pang in your chest when there was only silence.

"You know, I have so much planned for us after you wake up. We'll take the kids somewhere overseas, we'll go on another honeymoon trip, and we'll meet up with the rest of the gang… You know they're here in the city for you, right? They just came by yesterday. Yui finally got over her thick-headedness and proposed to Azusa a month ago, but I'm sure they told you that while they were here."

You pause again for a while, going over ideas of things the two of you can do together after all of this.

"Oh, I remember you telling me that you wanted to go back to Europe… Maybe we could visit the Irish countryside there and some old castles. Heh, but you'll probably be too scared to go into one, huh? Maybe we can go to Paris, or Milan, or maybe we could—"

You heart sinks down to the bottom of your stomach.

The dreadful monotonous beeping filled the room as her heart monitor mocked you with that flat red line.

The End

AN: I haven't forgotten TLTB and I'll never ever abandon it. I'm working on it actually. I just got really depressed today and felt like writing it out. I'm so sorry for the end. It hurt to write that. ;_;

PS I hope the flashbacks and then the sudden return to the present didn't confuse anyone. Please tell me if it did! Comments, criticisms, reactions? *points down* Review, review, please... :'(

~pineappurus