Forbidden Fruit
Author: starhawk2005
Summary: Castiel watches Anna kissing Dean. And he's jealous.
Castiel watches Anna kissing Dean. And he's jealous. He doesn't think it's the sexual nature of it, rather, he thinks it's their connection he's jealous of. The ability to feel attraction, love. He's never experienced that.
But Anna fell, and this is the reward. Death, yes, but also….the ability to love. He knows Uriel and the others would scoff if they knew. Such emotions are unbecoming to a Warrior; it should be about obedience, glory, victory. Love, caring, companionship? Those are for mere mortals.
And yet, Castiel finds himself becoming disillusioned. The more he thinks about it, the more he realizes that he and his fellow angels are little more than slaves, following orders, discouraged from thinking for themselves, from making their own decisions.
Unlike Dean Winchester.
When it's all over and Anna has reclaimed her place, Castiel makes a point of returning later, without Uriel, confronting Dean alone. He's not sure why he's there, but he feels compelled to.
"Gonna drag me back to Hell now?" Dean challenges him, wearily.
Castiel shakes his head and sits down next to Dean on the rickety park bench.
They say nothing for a time, just watching the sun set and the darkness deepen.
Finally, Castiel asks: "What is it like?"
"What?"
"Love," Castiel clarifies. "Physical affection."
Dean shrugs. "Why don't you ask Anna? I'm sure she can frame it in words you can understand."
"I'm asking you," Castiel insists.
"Fuck. You." Dean says flatly, startling Castiel. "First you rescue me, then you threaten me, then you sympathize with me, then you threaten me again. I'm tired of your fucking emotional blackmail, and your lame attempts to 'bond' with me, or whatever it is you think you're doing. If you're going to shove me back into Hell, just do it, already. And if you're not, fuck the Hell off."
This isn't how Castiel wanted this conversation to go. Talking doesn't seem to help, so instead he tries doing what he saw Anna doing. He leans in, and presses his lips against Dean's.
Dean jerks back, nearly falling off the bench.
"What the-"
"I'm sorry," Castiel says, but it's not an apology for the kiss. "I'm sorry that I always seem to say and do the wrong things. I want to help. I want to see you – and your brother – succeed. I'm not perfect, even if I'm divine. I'm going to make mistakes. I'm asking for your patience, Dean, and your forgiveness."
Dean sits there, thinking. Castiel laces his fingers on his knee and waits. There's nothing else to say or do. He's put the Truth out there. He'll wait and see what Dean does with it.
"OK," Dean finally says. "I forgive you. At least until the next time you threaten me with Hell."
"I won't-" Castiel starts to say, but Dean isn't finished.
"And that kiss was total crap," Dean says. "This is how you really kiss."
He leans in, kissing Castiel hard. It feels….good, actually. If sex is better than this, Castiel thinks he can see the attraction. The little trick Dean is doing with his tongue is particularly interesting.
Dean pulls back, slumping back into the bench. "Got it, Cas?"
"Yes," Castiel replies. He wonders if this is how his Fall begins.
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