Powerpuff Graduation Day
by Rob Morris
(We open on the city of Townsville, some 12 years after the Powerpuff Girls adventures that we know)
Blossom: I can't believe it. With a perfect 4.0 average, we are leaving High School.
Bubbles: (A bit sad) I'm going to miss it. I can't believe its over.
Buttercup: Me, I can't believe we survived. College is gonna rule!
(Of course, they mainly look like older versions of the girls we know)
Blossom: Buttercup, did you have to beat up on Princess so hard? She still hasn't woken up.
Bubbles: Yeah, you did go a bit too far.
Buttercup: Oh, she has sooo had that whupping coming for a long time. Especially now, lying in wait everytime the Mayor sent us to stop some bad guy!
Blossom: I did wonder about that myself. How could she always know we were going someplace?
Bubbles: Maybe she had Miss Bellum's office bugged.
(Professor Utonium, aging yet proud of his girls, speaks up from behind them)
Prof: Girls, let's settle down. The Mayor is about to speak.
(Mayor Mayer stumbles on stage)
MM: Err, with Miss Bellum having quit on me due to her religion forbidding demon worship, my remarks are going to have be off the cuff.
(He tears his shirtcuffs off, which have writing on them)
MM: Sometime between 99 and 101 years ago, Townsville was founded. But not by me. I'm an ordinary man, with an ordinary lifespan. Not a demon. Anyway, there was a picnic. Somebody just hadda bring that German potato salad. I never liked that much...
(We see Mojo Jojo messing with the diploma rack)
MJ: While the Mayor makes his speech, I will endeavor to replace the Powerpuff Girls actual diplomas with these fine gourmet bombs I have created in my lab atop the volcano which for some reason they allow me to keep. They shall not know the difference between these bombs that I, MOjo Jojo have created, and the actual diplomas that they only think that they are getting. But they will not be getting those diplomas at all...(Mayor drones on)
MM: ...it wasn't even good vinegar and onions. I prefer the mayonnaise kind with a little green pepper mixed in, and its all cut up instead of being in those big chunks...
(Mojo continues)
MJ: ...those diplomas at all. It will be bombs, rather than those diplomas which they are obviously expecting and should expect because that is what you get at a graduation. One rarely attends one's own graduation without expecting to graduate, for if one were not to graduate at one's own graduation, one would look very foolish, and who wants to look foolish at their own graduation, and not graduating would be certain to cause such a state. However, this is rarely seen outside of situation comedies during the May sweeps. But I must wait until the Mayor is done with his speech, for if I should strike and explode the bombs that have replaced the diplomas before the bombs that have replaced the diplomas have been given to the Powerpuff Girls, it would ruin my intention to blow up the Powerpuff Girls, and that would be counter to my plans and make me feel very foolish, much like one who has attended one's own graduation expecting not to graduate....
(Mayor is still going)
MM: ....and I just asked, why can't we order the other kind of potato salad? The deli's still open. Oh, it was so frustrating. So I decided to constantly keep the town businesses on their toes by causing the formation of the EvilGrin, which draws in all kinds of villains and monsters...
(The PPG see the EvilGrin beneath their feet in the schoolyard)
Blossom: I never really noticed that before.
Bubbles: I think there's been some discoloration. Maybe some
Oxy-Cleaner would do the trick.
Buttercup: Man, you live in a place your whole life, and you never see
what's right around you.
(Professor looks down; Scratches his head)
Mojo: ...and then at last, I, MOjo Jojo, will have triumphed over the Powerpuff Girls, breaking the pattern of the many defeats I have suffered, and am likely to suffer in the future. For to defeat them is far more preferable than to be defeated by them. For when I am defeated, I am tossed in jail, sometimes for over a week, and lose all the television programs stored in my TIVO. Now I must only wait for the mayor to complete his speech, which may take a while, as he is a verbose individual, talking in many words when only a very few are needed. I roundly despise such people, for they go on, and on, and on, never quite realizing that they have worn on the patience of others....
(We see the PPG's prodded awake by the Professor, who only just awakened himself)
Prof: C'mon, girls. He's almost done.
(The crowd stirs; Buttercup shakes her head)
Buttercup: I saw Princess try to tell me something in a dream. Something about the Mayor.
Blossom: What'd she say?
Bubbles: Was it a cryptic message containing puzzles? I just love word-games.
Buttercup: I dunno. When she showed up in my dream, I just started beating her up. Ahh, it couldn't have been too important.
Bubbles: I think she's kinda touchy.
Blossom: Say, why's the sun going down? I checked the weather report, and it said fair and sunny. And what are those vampires doing here?
(She heat-visions them to ash)
Blossom: They are NOT ruining my graduation--the way that the proms, the football games, and everything else got ruined.
Mayor: ...there are some who could not be here today but should...like Princess, who I was secretly helping ambush the Powerpuff Girls.
PPG: WHAT?!
(The Mayor's face distends, and he begins to grow)
Mayor: If you think this is painful, I had to eat bugs for the last 100 days!
(He grows to his full height; Of course that hat is still on top of his head)
Mayor: Time to say goodbye, Girls. But I'll see to it you're given posthumous citations for helping the city of Townsville. That's only fair.
(The snake swoops down, the people scatter; The PPG prepare to attack)
Bubbles: I just can't believe the mayor would be involved in a plan so diabolical and devious!
Buttercup: I can't believe the mayor would be involved in a plan so demonic and evil!
Blossom: I can't believe the mayor would be involved in a plan this coherent and competent.
Mayor-Snake: Oh, I wrote this whole thing down in my day planner, back when. I'm just such a forgetful Fred.
(Mojo is fuming)
MJ: Nooooo!!! You have ruined my plan which probably would not have worked anyway! If you, the transformed Mayor-Snake who has shown surprising competence very much out of character for you is attacking the Powerpuff Girls, then I, Mojo Jojo, may not attack them with these bombs which I am holding disguised as diplomas, which is probably very foolish to do, as I have lit them. You have brought chaos to my plan, when chaos is not what I wanted at all. No, I would not choose chaos for my plan, if I were asked to choose, though I would choose it for the plans of others although again probably not because I would fear their chaos rubbing off on me and my plans and I have said that I would not choose this at all if I were asked. No, I would not want chaos, but rather I would have ORDER! I WILL HAVE ORDER!!!!!
(The Mayor swoops down and eats him)
Mayor: Tastes like Pickles!
(The Mayor expands and blows up; Mojo is standing there with the burnt-out shells of the phony diploma-bombs; He is in very bad shape, natch)
MJ: Well, Gosh. (Collapses)
Blossom: I'll go get Miss Bellum. Otherwise, we may never get our diplomas.
Buttercup: Bubbles--the Mayor is gone. Forever.
Bubbles: Hee-he. Let's go raid his candy jar!
(Professor Utonium sees a small worm with a top hat crawling away)
Prof: Oh, No, you don't. We both know you'll be back. The girls are heroes. But I'm not.
(Takes hand and smooshes Mayor-worm; Looks grimly at his hand, then shakes it in disgust)
Prof: ICK! Worm-guts!
(Runs for bathroom)
SOME MONTHS LATER.....
(We see Princess in her hospital bed; Wakes up. Screams out)
Princess: BUTTERCUP!!!
(Sits up enraged; Is punched back into coma)
Buttercup: Well, that should keep her under for another six months.
(Flies off smiling)
ANNOUNCER: So once again, the day is saved, thanks to...The Powerpuff Girls! Now if they'd only select their college majors, we'd be getting somewhere.