Dear Diary,

My name is Craig Tucker and my dad bought me a journal for my sixteenth birthday instead of a car. Yeah a diary instead of car, every teenage boys' dream. Well I figured that since my dad actually took the time to remember my birthday I might as well show some gratitude and use the stupid thing. Oh and the good thing about this present is no-one going to like it enough to steal it from me like when Stan and his guys swindled me out of my hundred dollars.

So I guess I should write some secrets but then again what if someone finds the book and reads it, then they won't be secrets. Damn, I sound like Tweek always being so paranoid. Okay well I guess I can start with Tweek Tweak. I like him. A lot. He's cute, wow I'm a fag, and he's funny, yup a fag, and he knows how to make me smile, goddamnit I'm a major fag. Not many people make me smile but Tweek does, so I guess that's why I like him. He has this weird aura about him that makes me not want to flip him off but instead I want to kiss him.

I hope my dad doesn't find this he'd kill me for being gay. Then he'll never buy me a car. Well instead of dragging on about my crush on Tweek I could talk about school. I hate school. Yeah that pretty much sums it up.

I've been suspended too many times to count because I get into too many fights to count. The first time I was suspended was when I fought Stan because he was talking shit, I kicked his ass easily. The next fight was with Kyle because of the fight I had with Stan, yeah Stan's boyfriend came to his rescue, too bad Kyle is a pussy and I knocked him out quick.

Then I fought Clyde once because he was being a dick to me, he's pathetic I kicked his ass quick. Then I fought Cartman because well why not? I fought Kenny and killed him…literally. I also fought Butters, sorta…I punched his arm and he cried to the teacher.

Some harder fights were with Damien, The Goth Kids, The Sixth Graders, Token and yeah they were the hardest but I still kicked all their asses. I even fought teachers like Mr. Mackey, Mr. Garrison, I even broke my dad's nose before. Yeah people say I'm a trouble maker but I just think I'm a douche.

I don't care about too many people but I do have a heart. I do care about a few people. I care about my baby sister Ruby. She's a little bitch half the time and gets up in my business but I would honestly take a bullet for her, I even punched Ike for making fun of her pigtails one day. Kyle tried to fight me but as I said before he's a pussy. Anyways the point is don't fuck with my sister or I'll fuck you up. Simple.

Another person I care deeply about is Stripe the 2nd. Yeah Stripe number one died a few years ago so I got a new guinea pig and named him Stripe the 2nd, that way I'll never forget his name. Anyways I always watch Red Racer with Stripe and I love him for that.

Don't even dare say a 'yo mama!' joke to me 'cause I'll kill you. My mom is a bitch to me but I don't care I still would protect her with my life. She washes my laundry I have to respect her.

Oh and I care about Tweek. I know I said I would stop talking about him but god I can't help it, I love him. He's adorable with his hazel eyes, his sexy somewhat buttoned shirt, his fucking hot messy hair. Goddamn I'm a sucker for that mental case! Oh well I'll stop now…

Hmm. I don't know what else to say. My favorite color is blue. My favorite animal is a guinea pig. My favorite food is steak. My favorite show is Red Racer. My favorite person is Tweek Tweak. My favorite gum is mint. My favorite drink is Pepsi. I smoke. I drink. I fuck. I hate most people. I flip people off. I hate spiders. I can't sing. I can't dance. I have an awesome hat. I have black hair. I have blue eyes. I love chocolate even though I can make me fat like Cartman. I have three tattoos. One is a cross on my back, one is a portrait of my sister on my right arm, and the last one is a simple quote down my forearm that says 'Fuck you'. I also have my left ear pierced and my lip pierced. I'm hot.

If you read this and try to use any of this against me I'll kill you just like I killed Kenny.

Craig Tucker.

P.S. fuck you.