"I didn't break up with him... Why didn't I break up with him?" The quiet words were almost inaudible as the sharp night breeze cut through the girl that had spoken them, tossing her dark hair wildly and bringing her numb hands subconsciously tighter to her coated body.
"What…?" Was Quinn Fabrays only response, as she stood across the threshold of the doorway, leaving her sheltered only slightly from the howling wind and the bitter cold.
"I-I didn't break up with him." The smaller girl repeated, her words seeming to confuse her just as much as they were confusing the blonde that stood a few feet away, but still needed to strain to hear her against the wind.
"I don't… what're you…?" Quinn struggled, this entire scenario being uncomprehend able to her as she stood in her entrance hall, clad in a pale blue night dress, her skin slowly beginning to rise in goosebumps as she faced the ice like freeze in the night air. "Rachel come in." She added then, it suddenly dawning on her that she probably wasn't the only one that was cold, as she noticed the other girls pink, silk, pyjama bottoms under her trench coat.
She shuffled aside quickly with a grace that only years of dancing and strutting the corridors of McKinley could bring, and allowed the smaller girl to make her way past her awkwardly into the hall with her head dipped slightly like some form of scared animal, before she shut the door, turning then to notice Rachel taking in the pictures that lined the walls of her narrow hall; Quinns first birthday, her first day of school etcetera.
"You were a very pretty little girl." Rachel commented quietly, her words breathy, though she wasn't sure if that was down to the brisk walking pace she'd maintained on her way here or the sent that was slowly intoxicating her system, the sent of Quinn's house, that was so much like the tall ex-cheerleader but then again not, not quite managing to be sharp but sugary all at once, almost like honey.
"Thanks…" Quinn commented still completely perplexed as to what was happening though not yet bringing herself to question it as the light fleeting aroma of strawberries seemed to linger in the air as it floated from Rachels hair and engulfed her nostrils.
"Prettiest girl I've ever met…" Rachel added under her breath and most likely to herself, though in the eerie hour of night the whisper flew through the air, the shorter girls soft silky mumble being immediately detected by Quinns ears and for some reason spiking an odd, yet frightfully common, range of emotion for Quinn, in startling contrast to the confusion and exhaustion she'd been experiencing mere moments ago causing the blonde girl to suddenly become defensive.
"Look Berry what's the deal?" The tall athletic girl asked her shorter counterpart sharply, maybe too sharp she realized, as Rachels head whipped around form the wall that had been granted her undivided attention since she'd entered to stare at her, the dazed expression she'd fashioned since her entrance falling to be replaced by shock. "I mean…"She ventured again, deliberately softening her tone and internally berating herself for such an outburst. "It's three o clock in the morning, you called me at half two in tears Rachel and asked could you come over... I didn't even know you had my number. So what's up?" She ventured again, glad that the fright in Rachels eyes from a moment ago had once again dissolving, her dazed and confused expression now set firmly back in place.
"I was given every Glee members mobile number before nationals to contact you all if any changes were made to the travel arraignments." Rachel replied meekly as her only means of explanation for such an odd sequence of events.
"That's only an answer to one of my questions Rachel." Quinn accused half heartedly, not knowing how to fight with this girl in front of her, as she took in the view of the broken look set deep in her eyes and the frail upward curve to her lip which seemed to take every ounce of energy in her being to hold in place. "But I guess we've got all night to answer the rest, so come on, I'm going to make you some hot coca to warm up and then we can go and talk properly." She added with a small smile, realizing that maybe, just maybe, going out of her comfort zone a little and showing her fellow Glee club member some love for a change would not only benefit Rachel, but quite possibly Quinn herself.
This statement was not immediately brought into effect as the pair took a moment to move, having locked eyes when Quinn had finished speaking, neither one of them needing to convey the fact that they didn't want to look away just yet as their eyes lingered in the dim light of the silent room, the piercing olive green and rich chocolate brown penetrating deep past each girls exterior to a point where they could both feel themselves be stripped away and brought closer together, it taking a moment longer before the situation between two people who were barely friends to become uncomfortable, meaning then and only then was their gaze reluctantly broken.
"R-Right, uh... Hot, hot coca then!" Quinn spluttered an octave louder than was necessary or usual, feeling a compelling urge to move on from that moment - what ever it may have been - as quickly and as permanently as possible, not even waiting for a reply before she rushed to her kitchen, Rachel trailing behind her, her feet weighed down by uncertainty as to what had happened.
It was half three before the girls finally sat comfortably in Quinns room, each of them at opposite sides of the large but dainty double bed, Quinn leaning against the cream headboard at the top and Rachel sitting at the bottom cross legged, her coca resting in her arms and a plate of cookies that they had also decided to nab from the kitchen presses sitting between the girls. It was Rachel that first broke the silence, lifting her stare from the single bobbing marshmallow in the mug, that she had found most interesting, to look instead at Quinn.
"I'm sorry for this... for calling so late I mean... I just... I... Uh..." She tried, but couldn't, just couldn't form the words in her mouth that she wanted to say; what she'd been practising since she'd left her house seeming to be trapped instead in her brain now that her moment had come.
"It's okay, I guess we're kinda friends and all that." Quinn reminded her with a nonchalant shrugging of her shoulders, even though her mind which was already swarming with questions was now filled with a million other things she could have said instead. "Though, why here, why not go to Kurt or Mercedes?" She questioned gently as she picked up a cookie and broke it carefully in two before taking a bight out of one half.
"I couldn't go to them, they wouldn't have..." Rachel paused not sure what to say next as her brain once again froze. Was this a bad idea? Should she leave? Was this a little too weird? Her thoughts were silenced however when she found herself being handed the other half of a cookie which brought her back to reality.
Quinn watched with a small but crinkled smile as the girl opposite her slowly extended her lightly shaky palm and accepted the biscuit, knowing without needing Rachel to say it that the simple offer had calmed a lot of her hesitations and fears, seeing all she needed to see in them dark almost black pit like eyes that brimmed with emotion, every kind of emotion one could desire all locked away in the deep brown pools that lay hidden behind the thick, long and perfectly curled lashes that acted as curtains to this girls soul. It was only once she saw this defensive and reluctant barrier be drawn away as Rachel retracted her cookie laden hand that she continued.
"Okay, I get it, you couldn't go to them, s'okay, just tell me what's up... Rach." She finished uncertainly but none the less with a supportive purpose, feeling kind of silly using a nickname on the other girl. "I... I know something's bothering you and... and I want to help." She added even more uncertain this time, not because she didn't want to help, it was more so to do with the fact that she wasn't sure if she knew how.
"He proposed to me." Rachel whispered suddenly, feeling it best to rip off the band aid in one foul sweep, yet never looking up from the halved cookie as she spoke, only doing so to catch the other girls eye once her words had settled in the air and the room had grown quiet once more.
"Is this the part where I'm meant to be happy for you?"Quinn retorted with a foul snap, barely missing a beat of that silence as she grew angry, furious in fact, and the way her words were spat off her tongue, like a sour taste in her mouth, was an indication to that, as well as the way her normally olive eyes darkened to what seemed to be a more sinister and poisonous shade as the room noticeable turned a degree colder. "Is this the part where I get happy and scream and giggle and talk about wedding shit with you? Beg to be a briadsmaid? Insist on helping you pick a dress? Because if so then maybe you should have gone to Kurt or Mercedes... I'm sure they wouldn't mind watching you fuck up your life." She ended slowly, emphasise being thrown into every last word with a resentful rage, her anger failing to subside as she sqeezed the cookie in her hand until it crumbled inside her fist, crumbs stumbling from between her fingers onto her white sheets.
"No! Not in the slightest!" Rachel retorted, enthusiasm seeping into her dead voice as she realized how angry the other girl was. "That's exactly why I needed you tonight Quinn, you know me better than I know myself and it scares me sometimes, but when I was lying in bed tonight, scared, shocked and completely oblivious as to what I should do or, or how to say no, I didn't think of calling either of my best friends, the two people that I tell everything and anything to... I called you, and when I was sneaking out to come here, I didn't think that it was a twenty minute walk in the wind and rain, and I didn't think that it was nearly three in the morning on a school night, all I thought was that I needed to see you, to talk to you." She finished, her mouth cutting her off before she could add the inevitable "to be with you" that was soaring in her mind and pleading to be said to no avail.
"...You're saying no?" She couldn't help it, it was all she'd managed to hear, she'd just zoned in on that one word, and even though she was sure her mouth was now hanging open a little she couldn't help but continue to stare in shock at what she'd just been told. Mere moments ago she'd felt the odd sensation of her world crumbling but now it suddenly felt as if she'd put it back together again, just as fast.
"Quinn I couldn't say yes." Rachel sighed as she cast her eyes down to a non specific point on the duvet, a bitter laugh escaping despite the tone of the conversation. "I'm eighteen years old, I'm not even done highschool yet!" She added, shaking her head in dismay with the stupidity of the entire situation hitting her for what was not the first time in the few hours since the actual event.
"I know but... you don't have to marry him now I mean..." Quinn stopped herself abruptly, unsure why she was suddenly defending Finn, especially when he was just after doing someghing so stupid and immature. "I just thought you loved him I guess..." She added half heartily with a shrug, feeling the need to finish off her feeble argument in some way, though looking away awkwardly as she was hit by a surprise wave of emotion as she said them words aloud, knowing that deep down it wasn't him she wanted Rachel to love.
"I did love him..." Rachel stammered with some uncertainty and unease. "I guess I still do love him." She added wearily with an air of defeat circling her voice. "Though if there is one thing that today has made me realize is that he doesn't love me as much, or he at least doesn't care about me half as much as I care about him, or as much as other people care about me... because... if he did, care about me that is, he'd know how much he was asking of me, and he'd know that I could never say yes... I mean I can't Quinn, I can't throw my life away for him." She cried in frustration, her sorrow over her boyfriends stupidity suddenly morphing to anger and just as quickly reaching boiling point.
"He is asking too much, thank god you see that, because he is; far too much." Quinn whispered in relief as she jumped to agree with the other girl. "... Though if you had that figured out why'd you come over here Rachel?" She asked then with an air of curiosity and anticipation, inching ever so slightly closer to the shorter girl in the process, putting this movement down to the fact that she wanted to understand exaclty what the darker haired girl wanted from her.
"You told me once... you told me that I didn't belong here, and that if I kept looking for a happy ending I'd never get it, right? Well even though you said them things to hurt me, I realized tonight that you saying them is the most anyone has ever cared about my future and my dreams, and me, and I guess I just needed you to tell me that you still thought I could get out of here and that I'd get my happy ending without having it all planned because after today I just don't know anything anymore." She looked pleadingly into the soft olive eyes.
Her silent look was one that similar to her pool like eyes was flooding with hidden meaning. Her mind and eyes and entire being begging and longing for an answer that had always secretly eaten away at her, but one that she'd always pushed aside, hidden and beaten to submission until today; today when she'd realized that the one person she though would always believe in her just as much as she wanted to believe in herself obviously didn't, or he wouldn't have presumed she'd say yes or presumed she'd so easily give up her future to stay in Lima with him.
"Yes." It was faint but not unsure, timid but said with passion and most importantly it was said without hesitation or without wavering doubt. "Yes Rachel, yes." This time louder, repeating the statement over and over again to drive it home, her words alight with a fiery passion which was to also be seen in her eyes which were now aglow with this un-foretold floodgate of emotion that was poured into every word in a hope to drive home her point. "Rachel you don't belong here." She stated firmly once more, inching again closer and never breaking the deadlock eye contact as she took hold of the other girls delicate and soft hands. "You belong in a world that is full of flashing lights, opening nights, standing ovations, awards, glitz, glamour and most importantly a world where people see you for the star you truly are and that place never has been or never will be Lima, Ohio, or anywhere near here. Finn couldn't see that but... but I can, as can everyone else Rach, he never deserved you, he's a Lima loser, but you're not... you're spectacular." She finished with a glimmer in her eye as she wrapped her hands more securely around Rachels, and pulling her upper body closer by the same means.
"Thank you." Was all Rachel spoke in return, but it was enough as Quinn witnessed the previous anger disapear and be instead be replaced a tidal wave of relief that manifested itself in sorrow, probably at the fact that her relationship was ending, though the blonde girl couldn't really tell, so she merely tugged a little more on her hands, wanting her closer but unsure if a hug was the right way to go.
With mere inches between their faces Rachel let lose a slow withered sob, the hot air being exhaled quickly from the the small gap her mouth allowed and blowing gently across Quinns face and setting the hairs on the back of her neck on edge immediately as she watched a small wall of water build up in the other girls eye and a single tear fought it's way to escape, slipping gracefully down the centre of her pink cheeks, being caught by the tip of what Quinn realized was her own finger, shocking herself with the unexpected yet automatic reaction, watching for a moment as the tear seemed to seep into her skin before she brought her hand back down to Rachels, making eye contact once more only to see that Rachels own eyes were where her hand had once been, a small "o" having formed on her mouth and her tears seeming to now be dry.
"For the record..." Quinn whispered after a short silence, scared that if she spoke to loud this perfect moment would be broken, but feeling the need to say what she had to say now or she never would, as she waited for Rachel to drag her eyes up to meet hers the other girls face again somber, but looking more calm now, before she continued. "I never said what I said to hurt you. I... I never loved Finn and I never will. He was like my ticket to the top at the start, that was all, but then you got him and I realized that it wasn't him I missed or him I longed for, it was the status, the status that had been ripped away when I got pregnant anyway and I wont lie, part of the reason I stole him off you again was to get that status back, but... but more importantly it was because I was afraid for you Rachel. I could see how much you were willing to sacrifice for him and how infatuated you were by him and I was afraid you'd give up yourself to be with him. I mean think about it Rachel, why would I say that to you if it was just pain I wanted to cause you? I could have easily just insulted you or laughed at you, I mean god knows I've been around Santana long enough to know how, but I didn't because you needed to know WHY I was doing it, even though I was too scared to tell you at the time." She confessed, feeling her own tears start to build no matter how much she pushed them away, as she toyed with Rachels hands absently.
"Scared? Why? Why scared... I don't... I don't understand?" Rachel stammered weakly, her voice still crackling in spite of the fact that her tears had quickly cleared away, her hands closing around Quinns and their fingers lacing together in an attempt to stop her from fidgeting, being able to tell she was nervous.
"It took me a long time to figure that one out myself..." Quinn admitted reluctantly, staring at their entwined fingers before she mustered the courage to continue, dragging her eyes up to Rachels before she did so. "After Finn left for the second time, back to you again and all that, I realized... I realized that this time I'd tricked myself into thinking I loved him, and when he initially broke up with me I tricked myself into being jealous and resentful of you, but I wasn't. I wasn't in love with him, because if I was then I wouldn't have cared what people thought of me when I was seen with him, and I wasn't jealous of you Rachel... I... I was jealous of Finn. For getting you." She whispered her words trailing off at the end so Rachel had to strain to hear. "I realized that I didn't care who saw me walk down the halls with you, or how many people stared when I was laughing at your jokes or that you were someone that I should avoid, because you were a person that would drag my status to the dirt, I just didn't care, and I realised after the whole Beth and Shelby thing that I didn't care because you had something I'd been looking for my whole life, that evening when you chased me out of the auditorium you made me realize that..." She paused, searching for the right word. "That I loved you." She concluded after much consideration, breaking eye contact the second she spoke.
The silence that followed, although only brief choked Quinn, making her feel as if the room had been filled with some sort of gas that was slowly killing her, the feeling of her internal organs swelling in her chest becoming almost unbarable as she sat watching her still entwined hands. She had a feeling it was coming, but still felt like someone had punched her fast and hard in the stomach, knocking the air clean out of her chest as Rachel slowly drew her hands away only to feel the same feeling of air loss seconds later when two warm palms slowly cupped her cheeks, pulling her head reluctantly up to meet them dazzling pools of beauty that shone in a golden brown haze now, alight with passion and other emotion she couldn't pin point.
"The reason I came to you tonight was because it was you that believed in me Quinn." She reminded the blonde, letting herself get lost for a moment in her shimmering olive green orbs, like two forbidden jewels protected by beauty and depth before she regained her composure to continue. "Though I also came her because I needed you to say it, I needed you to be mad at him, Quinn tonight I needed you." Rachel admitted. "Above anything else, even if you had told me that I may as well just marry him, tonight I needed to be with you, because I needed to remind myself of the other reason I'd be saying no."
The words were left hanging in the air between them, ringing through Quinns ears like the sweetest of song, their heads now more or less resting off one anothers at this point, Quinns head still being held like a fragile flower in Rachels cupped hands as Quinns brought her own up to settle against them, never wanting to lose the contact this moment had created.
"Say it, say it please..." She whispered, closing her eyes to shield the murky green depths from reality, wanting to hear the words she longed for and wanting to savour every second of it, just like she'd always imagined as she slowly let their foreheads tough lightly, creating even more contact that she at this point longed for.
"Quinn Fabray I love you. I love you like I've never loved anyone else before and I promise that I'll love you just as much until the day we die, whether or not you want me to because I can't do it anymore. I can't be in love with him when he's nothing, nothing compared to you. You make my day bright, your smile is infectious in the best possible way and your voice is the softest most comforting sound in the world to me and hearing it makes me want to jar that noise and carry it with me for life. I dream away my days waiting for Glee club, because it's the only part of my day that I see you and I wish away my nights wondering what it'd be like to sing a song for you... and I'm rambling I know, but I love you so much I don't even care." She finished with a shy laugh, her head vibrating softly against Quinns.
"This is the part where we kiss you know." Quinn breathed airily once she was sure she'd absorbed the rich song like words that had fallen from Rachels lips, opening her eyes once more and looking straight at Rachel, a soft smile tugging at her features almost teasingly causing both girls to giggle softly, their smiles growing wide and genuine as they did so.
Despite the laughter they could both feel the mood change. Quinns words, although said to be serious and joking all at once was something they both longed for, and once they both registered that hunger and lusting in the others eyes the moment was inevitable. They slowly tilted their heads closer first their noses connecting softly before they slowly slid past letting the tips of each nose rest on the others cheek, allowing room for their lips to ever so gently press against one another. That was it at first, an eagerly anticipated brush of lips that sent jolts of electricity coursing through each girl from their lips to the tips of their toes, but neither gave the other a chance to pull away as Quinn instead moved her hands to Rachels cheeks and with their eyes still closed they repeated their initial motion, this time with more force, more certainty and with more of a passion than mere testing. Each of them savoured it, both afraid that if they were to stop this moment would cease to exist and they'd be back in reality, alone.
This was not the case however, and as the moment became more intense Quinn suddenly, yet carefully slid her tongue past her own lips and trailed it ever so gently across Rachels bottom, puckered lip before she kissed the lower lip with both her own, pleading for enterance. She could feel a smirk forming on Rachels features at this act of almost desperation, but the other girl obliged none the less, proving she was just as hungry for more when she immediately changed the mood of the kiss without warning, obviously deciding to take it up a level of her own, making it all tongue and teeth as her hands slid more to Quinns neck, feeling Quinn tangle her fingers loosely in her chocolate brown locks as she done so.
It was inevitable, yet both girls let lose a simultaneously and regretful moan when their lips finally parted for air, their foreheads still pressed firmly together as they panted quietly, slowly opening their eyes and gazing at one another. When their eyes met they smiled, wide toothy grins, the single best feeling they'd ever experienced still in the air as they felt their dreams come true and their minds buzz in ecstasy.
"Be my girlfriend?" Were the next words to be spoken, the softness of the words slicing through the comfortable silence but not quite breaking it. "Rachel, please will you do me the honour of being my girlfriend." Quinn repeated with a more humble grin now in place, her voice louder this time and all doubt gone as she saw Rachels lips curl.
"My second proposal of today." Rachel quips as she flashes a dazzling smile and lets her thumb slowly stroke Quinns jaw line slowly. "Though this time I'm definitely saying yes." She concludes, before pulling the blonde forward once more and joining their lips to restart their passionate duel for dominance, Quinn easily winning, though she was sure Rachel had let her as her tongue slowly and skilfully maps out her girlfriends mouth, savouring every detail and sensation.
"Good." Was all Quinn could muster to say once they separated once again, instead focusing on letting air back into her lungs. "Rachel stay here tonight?" She added once her task of regaining oxygen was complete, noticing that her clock had just struck five am. "No funny business just... stay here tonight and we can swing by your place to get clothes and stuff for you tomorrow." She ventured again when she saw the unsure look on her face and the conflict drawn on the creases in her forehead.
"My dad's are away for the night..." Rachel reasoned as she knew this meant she wouldn't be missed, obviously fighting an internal battle with herself as to whether or not it was the best idea on a school night, though noticing the time obviously decided it didn't matter much at this point. "Yea, okay." She finally concluded, a small smile tugging at her features as she rested her forehead more heavily against Quinns, breathing deeply through her nose now and savouring the scent that was unique to the blonde as it engulfed her nostrils and ensnared her senses.
A smile was then mirrored on Quinns face, but no words were spoken as she pulled the other girl into an embrace, letting them fall gently back onto the bed, being careful to place the plate of cookies and the empty cups on her dresser before she pulled back her sheets and both girls slid under, Quinn immediately taking up roll as the big spoon as she burried her head into Rachels hair, letting this moment engulf her mind entirely as she let her arms fall around the smaller girls waist, her strawberry scent ravishing her nostrils and the warmth emitting from her fill her too with a warm glow.
"What about Finn?" Rachel whispered suddenly, though her body language did not mirror her sudden panicked tone at the remembrance of the fact she still had to find a way to break his heart, as she still lay firmly pressed against Quinns chest, now more than ever never daring to let the heat leave her as she was filled with dread.
"Tomorrow babe, not now." Quinn soothed, finding Rachels hands that were up at her neck and taking one in her own, rubbing slow circles with her thumb across the back of her palm, silently soothing. "You can tell him when you feel is right, and I'll help I promise, just like when we're ready we can tell everyone about this, though fro now, we sleep." She mumbled after a moment, her thoughts becoming hazy in her sleep deprived state, though she could still feel the gentle, thanking squeeze her hand recieved. "Now we sleep." She repeated again after an even longer pause, unaware that the girl beside her had already drifted off, the notion that everything would be okay helping her drift off in the end.
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Fini.
Do tell me what you thought.