Could it be? A Family Guy fic by me that isn't about Meg?! You bet!
In the end, you confess all to me. The baby. Oh, you've had a hard day and need someone to confide in, but you can't risk them interrupting your angst or telling your deepest secrets! So you come to me. After all, how could a tiny little brain such as mine proccess the words of adults?
You spill your dirtiest secrets to me because who would iI/i tell? Go ahead, let me hear all about your secret crush on the new transfer student. Your dirty little secrets, your most embarrassing errors you hope no one finds out about. Your gambling debts. The fact that you've been substituting yogurt for butter in the mashed potatoes for the last decade.
Your deepest, darkest fears.
Who am I going to tell? My teddy bear?
Let me tell you a secret of my own: I already know! Sure, I can't be everywhere at once, but with today's technology anything's possible. I could be listening in on your phone conversation while at the same time watching you humiliate yourself in front of your crush via webcam, and still be able to learn how much money you sank into your latest crazy scheme!
Isn't modern science amazing?
I see all. I know all. And someday when you least expect it, I'll use it all to destroy every last one of you simpletons.
Sleep tight...