Justifiable Momicide
By: ioanhoratio
A/N: This takes place sometime between Epilogue and Dead Reckoning. It is just a moment in life when you want to sell your child, strangle your husband, and run away to Aruba…you know the usual LOL! Seriously, if I get stressed, I can't image how I would deal with life if I were in the same situation as Danny and Lindsay. I know it's been a while since I posted but school gets in the way of any free time I used to have to write fanfiction. I really miss it! For those who are interested I am really close to posting the next two chapters of Bringing Sexy Back. It is slow going because of time constraints and also I am a really slow writer. Well enough of that, on with the story…
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"Lucy, baby just chill! Please!" Lindsay begged her screaming 10 month old as she precariously balanced her on her hip. She was going to drop something; she just prayed it wasn't her daughter. She didn't really want to drop the groceries either but the squirming angry child was not making a difficult situation any easier.
Her please went unheeded as Lucy began kicking her legs and flaying her arms in a fit of rage. Lindsay had to stop and try to hitch the baby up higher on her hip but the sudden shift in motion caused her to loose her grip on one of the bags of groceries and the milk went careening to the floor. There was no way Lindsay was going to be able to pick it up without risking further damage so she just left it in the hallway of their apartment building as she desperately shifted through her keys to get the apartment door unlocked.
The plastic handles of the bags cut into her hand and Lucy was kicking her purse off her shoulder. Finally she got the key into the lock and shoved the door open, immediately dropping the bags of groceries on the floor. She shifted Lucy to the other hip and threw her purse onto the table before dashing back out into the hallway and scooping up the milk.
When she came back into the apartment she found Danny wheeling into the foyer where she had rather unceremoniously dropped the bags.
"Wow Luce that is some great screamin' there," Danny commented.
Lindsay shoved Lucy onto Danny's lap and snapped, "Just take her please."
Choosing to ignore his wife's tone, Danny turned to his irate daughter, "Lucy, geeze, what's the deal?" Lucy was currently pitching her head back and pushing against Danny's chest fighting his hold as she continued to wail.
"She's angry right now because I took my cell phone away from her," Lindsay accused as she picked up the groceries and carried them into the kitchen, "She screamed at the grocery store because I wouldn't let her pull things off the shelf. She screamed in the car because she threw her toy on the floor and I couldn't pick it back up for her. But really it's because I'm late getting off work and you were at physical therapy so the sitter had to drop Lucy off at the lab so now it is way later than normal for her to be getting dinner and ready for bed so she's tired and hungry and taking it out on us."
Danny awkwardly fought Lucy into a firm hold and then wheeled them into the kitchen behind Lindsay and grumbled, "If you knew ya were gonna be so late why'd ja stop at the store. Why didn't ya just come home?"
Lindsay turned to him and said in a deadly tone, "Because Danny we had no diapers and no laundry detergent; two items we desperately need in this house," she turned back to putting the bananas on the counter.
Not taking the hint, Danny asked, "So what's with the other groceries?"
Lindsay let out a huff of air before growling, "Because I don't want to have to go back tomorrow, Danny. Not sure if you've noticed but my schedule's been pretty slammed recently." She then threw over her shoulders angrily, "Now anything else you want to criticize me on or can I start dinner?"
"So I guess Lucy ain't the only one cranky," Danny retorted.
"Danny! I swear..." Lindsay snarled sharply but forced herself to stop.
"Fine," Danny snapped back but Lindsay could tell from his clipped tone that he was desperately fighting to keep from saying something else wise-ass-ish.
Lucy continued to fight and finally Lindsay barked, "Oh my gosh Lucy. Enough!" She turned back around and tried to pick Lucy back up but the child had no interest in dealing with her mother and clung to Danny.
Lindsay knew the hurt she felt at her daughter's rejection was irrational but her exhausted, overextended mind could do nothing about it. Instead she let go and snidely said, "Fine, fine, stay with Daddy. See if I care. I have to get dinner started anyway."
"Lindsay," Danny chided, "just chill a'right."
"Just chill?" Lindsay asked incredulously spinning on him, "That's great advice Danny. So while I'm chilling who's going to make dinner? Do the laundry? Give Lucy her dinner and her bath? Put her to bed?"
"Hmm...if only you had a husband who could help you with that?" Danny's sarcastic tone matching hers.
"Right," Lindsay whined, "'Cause you're always feeling so gung-ho after Physical Therapy."
Danny's eyes narrowed. "Sorry I'm so freakin' useless," Danny roared.
"I didn't mean it that way," Lindsay barked, "Don't make this about you. Not every damn thing is about you."
"What the hell is goin' on with you?" Danny demanded as he shifted Lucy who was currently doing her best impression of a wet noodle as he tried to lifter her higher against him, "Dammit, just...
Danny trailed off as he grabbed a snack net for Lucy. Lindsay seeing what he was doing aggressively peeled a banana, cut off part of it and handed it to him.
"Thanks," he murmured as he but the banana in the net. After a few moments of wrestling with his daughter he finally got her attention to focus on the food and she awkwardly grabbed on and shoved it in her mouth. She settled herself into his lap, still sniffling dramatically.
Lindsay by this point had gotten a pot of water on to boil and was forcefully cutting up a block of cheese.
"Is that cheese me?" Danny teased lamely. It was clear Lindsay was not in the mood since she simple continued to cut and ignored his question.
Taking a deep breath Danny tried again, "Look, Linds I'm sorry..."
"Danny," Lindsay interrupted him softly, "I just need you to back off for a minute ok?"
Danny considered pushing the topic but he saw how Lindsay's shoulders slouched in defeat and how thin her control was on her emotions. So he tucked Lucy close to his body and wheeled out of the kitchen without any further comment.
"A'right baby girl, it's jus' you and me," he said quietly to the baby. She had calmed down significantly and was happily turning the banana into a mush she could suck on. She looked up at her daddy and yawned. "A'right, so I piss off one girl and bore the other," Danny scoffed, "come on Luce let's see if we can't help momma, 'K?"
He wheeled them into the nursery and carefully wrangled Lucy out of her clothes. After a few moments of tickling her feet against his scruffy face and listening to her giggle, Danny wheeled them into the bathroom. It had been a while since he had given Lucy a bath. It was usually easier for everyone if she bathed with Lindsay but he was going to get the job done tonight. He just had to figure out how to maneuver himself and Lucy without drowning both of them.
He stripped Lucy out of her diaper then set a towel in the tub. His shower chair took up a bit of space so he was able to lay Lucy down on her back in the tub and keep her relatively well contained while he determinedly transferred himself from his wheelchair to his shower chair. He rolled up the legs of his sweatpants and pulled of his socks, tossing them aside.
He leaned down and scooped up Lucy then put the towel in his wheelchair. He then leaned forward and turned on the water. Lucy squealed excitedly as the water poured from the faucet.
Once there was about 2 inches of water in the tub Danny lowered Lucy into it and sat her between his feet and leaned her against his legs. He tossed a few bath toys down at her and spent five minutes carefully watching his daughter splash and play in the water. Knowing Lindsay would probably be finishing dinner soon and that Lucy was one tired little girl Danny cut her play time short and grabbing her baby soap and made quick work of washing and rinsing her. Lucy started whining, not at all pleased to have her fun interrupted.
"I know ya tired baby girl. We're almost done just give Daddy a few more moments an' I'll have ya in your p.j.s in no time," Danny cooed to her.
He began draining the water then reached for the towel. Lucy's whining was turning into whimpering as Danny wrapped her securely in the fluffy duck-yellow towel. He leaned over and placed her again on her back but this time on the soft rug next to the tub but far enough away from the wheels of his chair. He hoped he had wrapped her tight enough that she wouldn't be able to escape in the time it took to transfer himself out of the tub.
Lucy was apparently fascinated by her father's actions since she lay perfectly still, her gaze staying fixed on him. Once he had secured himself in his chair again he picked up Lucy and snuggled her warm body close against his. He breathed in her clean baby smell and smiled proudly, "We did it didn't we? I just gave you a bath and it wasn't a disaster. We did it together baby girl. I bet Momma is gonna be surprised."
Lucy just babbled at him and fought to get an arm free showing her father how little she was impressed. Danny couldn't help the feeling of accomplishment however. He soon had her re-diapered and dressed in her night clothes.
He wheeled back to the kitchen and stopped at the entrance. He lowered Lucy to the floor and watched as his daughter crawled immediately to her mother.
Lindsay was finishing up dinner when she felt a small tug on her pants. She looked down and found a grinning Lucy staring back at her. Lindsay felt some of her frustration melt away and her daughter pulled herself up into standing position and wrapped her arms around Lindsay's legs--a sure indication that she wanted to be picked up. Lindsay immediately complied. Lucy smashed her face against her mother's shoulder and the let out another yawn.
"Hey, you smell clean and you're dressed for bed," Lindsay observed awed as she turned to Danny and gave him a questioning look.
Danny just shrugged nonchalantly but Lindsay wasn't buying it, "You gave her a bath?"
Danny tried to keep the smile off his face but the look Lindsay was giving him--a look that spoke of awe and appreciation--made it difficult.
"How..." Lindsay began but Danny cut her off, "Luce and I figured it out."
Lindsay gave a small smile--the first one Danny had seen all night--and made her way over to him. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and whispered, "Thank you." She pulled back and looked at her little daughter, "I better feed her before she falls asleep. Come with me?"
Danny nodded and followed her into the living room. Lindsay curled up on the couch and started to nurse an eager Lucy while Danny parked his chair directly in front of her.
"Ya wanna tell me what's goin' on?" Danny prompted her kindly.
"I'm sorry," she began, "I just got stressed at work and then stressed with Lucy. I shouldn't have been so short with you earlier and I took out my bad mood on you. "
"I deserved it," Danny accepted.
"No, I got frustrated and you were the closest target," Lindsay confessed.
"Babe you got frustrated because you have a lot on you at the moment and I haven't exactly been doin' a whole lot to help," Danny insisted.
Lindsay opened her mouth to protest but Danny stopped her, "Hold on, I figured out tonight that I can give Lucy a bath. I didn't before because it was just easier to let you do it and 'cause if I tried and failed I don't know how I would have dealt with that. But ya know what? That is really unfair of me. I can't be afraid of this. But ya know what else?"
"What?" Lindsay asked quietly.
"You gotta be willing to let me help," Danny informed her lovingly, "I know you are tryin' to make things as easy as possible on me but it ain't workin' well for you or our family. I'm ok with challenges."
"I know you are," Lindsay defended, "I just thought learning to walk again was a big enough challenge to deal with."
"I ain't gonna lie, it is a lot for me but as I watched Lucy splash herself in the tub and successfully handle the job on my own I felt like I was really bein' her dad. I remembered why I was fighting so hard to get back what I lost. I need that reminder just as much as I need physical therapy. I need both to get out of this chair Linds. I gotta stop relying so heavily on you. It's unfair to all three of us."
Lindsay wanted to argue. She wanted to convince Danny that she could handle it all, that she was super mom, super wife, and superwoman all wrapped into one. The hard reality though was that she needed his support as much as he needed hers.
"Ok," she conceded. She saw a small lazy smile spread across Danny's face.
"Good," he grunted.
She reached out for one of his hands and he accepted her gesture. She looked at him intently and promised, "We'll get through this Danny. And when I see you standing again I'm going to be just as proud of you as I am right now."
They were silent a moment.
"Isn't she beautiful?" Danny asked her for the thousandth time as he indicated towards a now sleeping Lucy.
"She is always so gorgeous when she sleeps," Lindsay agreed, "Her cheeks get all pink and rosy. And she looks so sweet and innocent. Not the screaming terror she was today."
Danny chuckled at his wife.
"It's not funny," insisted Lindsay, despite the smile on her face, "I wanted to chuck her out of the car earlier."
"Well I'm glad you chose to keep 'er around," Danny teased seriously.
Lindsay sighed, "Me too. I'm going to go put her down then get dinner on the table for us."
"How 'bout you go put her down and I get dinner on the table for us," Danny replied.
Lindsay grinned at him, "Even better."
The end.
Thanks so much for reading! I apologize for any errors.