NORMALCY IS…TRUTH
SUMMARY: 2nd in Normalcy is Trilogy. To have normalcy, John Carter has to be truthful about what's bothering him but it's hard when this is the second time he's been here.
DISCLAIMER: Still don't own
A/N: I hope you all like this one! The next Fic is probably gonna take a while. I have a month of homework due next week. (And no, it's not that I didn't do it. The school ran out of books and we just got them in!)
A/N2: If you can't tell past from present please let me know!
OoOoOoOo
John Carter slammed the bathroom door with a thud. He knew he needed to calm down, less he wanted to royally piss off one, Peter Benton. Of course, if the heavy footsteps coming down the hall were any indication, it was too late.
Sure enough a few seconds later, a rough knock erupted.
"John," Peter demanded, "Let me in."
"Leave me alone Peter," The younger man called back.
"I don't think so kid," Benton all but growled, "Open the damn door…NOW Carter."
"Just…" Carter leaned against the bathroom wall, "Please Peter."
"Five minutes," Came the warning after a brief pause, "Then either you open the door or I will."
There was no reply but Benton wasn't expecting one as he slumped against the wall opposite the bathroom door and waited.
OoOoOoOo
Carter allowed himself to slide down against the wall he was currently leaning on. How had things gotten so confusing? He knew if he simply told Benton the truth, the older man would understand. Benton would tell him it was ok and that would be that.
Only…he couldn't tell him. How was he supposed to tell the man he looked up to that even after all these years he was still weak. Still…
Carter's head fell into his hands as hot, angry tears fall down. Had it really been eight years since the first night he'd felt this way?
As the memories assaulted his mind, he found his stomach doing flips and soon he was up on his feet, the toilet seat up, and he was bent over, heaving heavily into the white porcelain bowl.
He never heard the bathroom door open. He never saw the shadow of the older man standing over him. He never heard Peter Benton give a discouraged and sad sigh. No, he never saw or heard anything.
He did, however, feel the arm that caught him at the waist, making sure his he didn't fall to the ground when his knees finally gave out. He did feel another arm across his chest, making sure to keep his him secure. He did feel his back, pressed into a strong, sturdy chest.
He knew he was safe and in that moment he felt himself drift back in time….a time when he felt lost, scared, and alone…
OoOoOoOo
8 ½ Years Earlier
The momentary feeling of relief as strong arms caught him from falling in a heap on the bathroom floor was replaced with a feeling of annoyance. He had demanded that no one come into the bathroom after him no matter the circumstances.
His anger rolled around in his stomach until he felt the urge to heave again. The arms that held him, loosened slightly to allow him closer access to the white porcelain he was currently "worshipping".
He couldn't stop the tears that formed in his eyes from falling.
"Alright Carter," Benton's voice soothed the younger man's nerves, "let it out. I've got you John…"
In the moment Carter knew everything was going to be ok. Oh, he knew he was in trouble. One would have to be extremely unintelligent not to realize that but if Benton was talking to him then it would be ok.
Benton!
When Carter finally stopped heaving he was once again helped to stand up and pulled back into the strong chest of his protector. He looked up, almost fearfully but what he saw gave him pause.
Staring down at him, with eyes full of worry, was Peter Benton.
"I…I-I…" Carter stumbled.
"If you can, brush your teeth so we can go," Benton's voice was firm but softer than normal, "We can talk later."
Carter nodded his head, fresh tears pouring down his face. He brushed his teeth and washed his face before stepping into the hall where his big brother was waiting, a packed back in hand.
"What…" Carter looked up and down the hall.
"You used the one bathroom that your employees are allowed to use and demanded they not come in," Benton raised an eyebrow, "You really think Sophia wouldn't call me?"
"I'm sorry," Carter bit back his tears. He felt like an idiot but ever since he'd messed up, ever since he'd given into his craving he'd been an emotional rollercoaster.
"Let's go," A hand on his neck, propelled the young doctor forward.
The ride to Benton's place was quiet. Carter could do nothing more than close his eyes and wonder if finally, Benton would declare he'd had enough and wash his hands of everything.
OoOoOoOo
"You done," A voice brought the young man back to present day.
"I think so," He whispered hoarsely, his throat raw from his vomiting.
"Brush your teeth," Benton ordered, releasing his grip slowly in case his charge was still weak kneed.
Carter did as ordered, not bothering to try and hide his shaking hands. He wanted to be left alone but knew that, that wish was not to be. Unless a whole in the ground swallowed him whole, he would be forced to tell his big brother, his mentor everything.
Benton led the way to the guest bedroom that former student now occupied, "Get ready for bed, I'll be back."
Remembering the routine well, the younger of the two men quickly changed into a well worn pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a white v-neck undershirt that still hung to his knees.
He put his dirty clothes in a basket that Cleo had provided and sat down on top of the bed, his back against the head board. Benton came back moments later.
"Open," A thermometer was thrust forward.
Carter made sure the item was under his tongue and then leaned back again. His mind drifting back to that night…the night when everything spilled forth…
* OoOoOoOo *
"You don't have a fever," Benton declared as he put the thermometer down.
"I told you I…" The pouting man responded heatedly.
"Breathe deep," The older man pressed a stethoscope against the younger man's chest to listen to his lungs. He didn't bother to respond to the statement, knowing it would be useless.
The younger doctor seemed intent on trying to piss him off and he had no idea why. Just to get his temperature checked, Benton had, had to administer six harsh swats to Carter's backside. The result had been a slightly more willing to please Carter.
"Did you eat something that didn't agree with you?" The older man was all business as a shake of the head answered his question. "Did you take something that didn't agree with you?" Another shake of the head answered the question. "Carter, it's late and I don't think you really want to play twenty questions."
Carter's eyes got wide as he shook his head again. The last time they played that game Carter ended up unable to sit comfortable for half a day.
Realizing that the man was losing his patience he got out blurted, "You weren't supposed to find out."
"I wasn't supposed to find out about what?" Benton chose to ignore the blush creeping up the younger man's face. "I wasn't supposed to find out that you had a relapse?" The blush got bigger. "I wasn't supposed to find out that you forced yourself to throw the pills up?" Wide eyes met the question. "I was supposed to find out that you went to your sponsor and then went to an AA meeting?" The blush faded he paled. "I wasn't supposed to find out that you went to Keri and admitted to what you'd done?" The younger man sank into the bed. "What exactly wasn't I supposed to find out John?"
"Everything," The doctor mumbled under his breath, not quite soft enough to not be heard.
"You want to know what pisses me off the most." It was a rhetorical question, "It's that you lied to me."
Carter's head snapped up in shock, "Excuse me?"
"I don't think so," The older doctor intoned, "If you had come to me and said 'Peter I messed up' I would have been proud that you said something. I would have tried to help you. I would have done anything and everything to help you. Do you not trust me Carter?"
"I trust you," The younger 'brother' protested, "I just…I'm sorry."
"You just what?" Benton asked, wanting and needing to know the answer.
Carter bowed his head. He couldn't answer, he just couldn't….
* OoOoOoOo *
"Lungs sound good," The voice broke through the other man's thoughts, "How's the throat?"
"Tender," Carter answered, taking a sip of the ice water he'd been given.
"Open wide," Benton grabbed his pen light and peered into the mouth, "Slightly red; will be tender for awhile. We have some ice pops in the freezer. You can have one in the morning if it still bothers you."
"Can I go to sleep now?" It was an avoidance tactic that had never worked but there was always a first time for everything.
"No," Or not…Benton motioned the younger man under the covers. He pulled the pulled the blanket up before sitting on the edge of the bed, "I don't think I have to remind you how this turned out last time, correct? Talk to me Carter."
John Carter bit his lip, he didn't want to talk but he didn't want to push the man who had re-entered into his life to do something that they would both hate. As Benton appeared to be settling in for a wait, Carter allowed himself to think back once again…
* OoOoOoOo *
"Three seconds, then we do this hard way," The warning had the younger man squirming in his seat.
Unfortunately for both the three seconds came to fast. Before he could protest, Carter found himself propelled sideways until his upper half rested on the bed and his lower half rested atop the older man's lap.
"I'm done playing games," Benton didn't bother asking questions as he prepared to start swatting the upturned backside. "You've had almost a month to come to me and you haven't. You know what happens when you lie? This."
With that a harsh swat fell. Carter gasped at the sudden pain in his backside. He couldn't believe this was happening! It wasn't fair. So he hadn't admitted to his mistake. So he maybe he had lied when he told Benton that he was working cases. So maybe he should have realized the truth was going to come and bite him one day soon. So maybe…all thoughts left the upended boys mind as the pain in his backside started to worsen.
Realizing he wasn't about to get out the position without talking, he opened his mouth and let the words flow out, "I didn't want you to be disappointed in me. I didn't want you to push me away."
Benton stopped swatting, "Listen to me carefully Carter. I'm not disappointed in you. I'm not even disappointed that you had a relapse; after everything that's happened I would have been more worried if you'd come out unscathed. In fact, I'm proud of you…"
"I took the pills!" Carter protested. "I gave in when it got to rough. I gave in…"
"No," A quick swat settled the younger man down, "You relapsed and you admitted your mistake and you went and got help. What I'm mad about right now, is that you lied to me about it. Every time I asked if you needed anything or if you were ok, you lied to me. I'm telling you now John, lying to me is not a good idea."
"I know," The younger man allowed silent tears to fall.
"Then you know why I'm not stopping yet," It was the only warning Carter had before the swats started to fall once again.
"You don't lie to me." *SWAT, SWAT* "I can't help you," *SWAT, SWAT* "if you do."*SWAT, SWAT* "You need to talk to me." *SWAT, SWAT* "You may not like it," *SWAT, SWAT* "but I can't help you," *SWAT, SWAT* "If I don't know what's going on." *SWAT, SWAT* "Let me repeat myself," *SWAT, SWAT* "I will not," *SWAT, SWAT* "let you self destruct." *SWAT, SWAT* "You mean too much to me" *SWAT, SWAT* "and everyone else at County." *SWAT, SWAT* "Trust us and if you can't," *SWAT, SWAT* "then trust me." *SWAT, SWAT* "I'm not going to let you down." *SWAT, SWAT*
"I'm sorry," Carter cried finally cried out after a couple minutes of silent sobbing, "I'm s-sorry."
Without hesitation Peter Benton stood the younger man up and, after standing up himself, hugged the younger man tightly to his chest, "It's alright…we're all right."
In his arms, John Carter cried, the month of tension finally releasing itself. He finally allowed himself to feel safe and secure…
* OoOoOoOo *
Hearing the words 'trust me' in his head over and over Carter finally took a deep breath and spoke, "I'm afraid of losing control."
"Carter…" Benton gave a huff. He'd waited patiently for the younger man to talk and now that he had, he was stunned. He tried not to show the pleasure of having the younger man's trust as he finally continued, "Did you read the prescription at all?"
"He said he was giving me pain meds just in case," The younger man explained as he shook his head in answer.
"It's just a strong Tylenol John," The older man explained, "I knew you were feeling uncomfortable and talked with your doctor. I knew you probably hadn't but I hadn't wanted to embarrass you."
"I'm sorry," Carter felt miserable.
"I should've just told you," Benton refuted gently, "I'm not going to let something like that happen again."
Carter stared at the two pills in the outstretched hand. He didn't want to take them. But still…with a soft sigh he grabbed his bottle of water from the night stand beside him and reached for the two pills. Before swallowing them he looked up, "I trust you."
Benton nodded, "Cleo should be back any minute with Reese. You need to go to bed; it's been a long day."
John Carter nodded and lied down. As Peter Benton left the room, turning off the light and shutting the door three quarters of the way, Carter couldn't stop the smile that came to his lips.
He was starting to get his normalcy back once again…all it took was the truth.
THE END