Rain
Disclaimer: Don't own Seed, so don't ask.
After dealing with five particularly stubborn representatives from different places, going through a number of reports and complaints, attending one unusually long pointless meeting, and the car deciding to die half way back home, it was concluded that life could not get any worse at this point.
Then it rained.
Wonderful.
Truly wonderful.
It was noted, however, that the word wonderful happened to have no sense of sarcasm attached whatsoever. Not the second it came to mind, and certainly not later.
In fact, at that very moment, she had decided that her life was not so bad and so miserable after all.
What the hell?
Well, you see, she happened to be the one person who loved rain very much and felt that nothing could go wrong, as long as she was there, standing under the rain and alone. Alone, so nobody would see and stare and scream in scandalized shock then told her off for doing such things. Such things that she was about to do now…
And so, she threw away the heavy case and the purple jacket, the very one she had been wearing and hating with passion.
She ran.
She ran into the arms of the silver rain as a child would to its mother.
She laughed.
She laughed as if she had never known care and worry.
She danced.
She danced as if she had never been touched by pain and hatred.
She sang.
She sang as if she had never been sad and sorry.
Suddenly everything ceased to matter. It was very much like when she was only but a little girl, knowing nothing and caring nothing.
When they were still here.
They usually got angry when she played in the rain. Not much though. It was more that they were worried that she might get sick. But sometimes, when they were alone and together, when it rained, they would play and get wet together. During those times they would run, they would laugh, they would dance, they would sing… They were very, very happy together.
And because of that, even when she was very sad and very unhappy, when it rained and she was with the rain, she felt better.
That's not the only reason, though.
Still singing nonsense and smiling, she didn't care that she was soaking to the bone and looked just a little better than a very wet dog. She laughed when she remembered she hadn't got a key with her and ran to the back, where the secret door was. That door hadn't been used for a long time since she passed away.
Another reason that she loved the rain was…
She kicked the door open and kicked it close again. It's old and had this creaking noise; she must remember to come fix it sometimes. Probably next week when there's no more stupid meeting…
"Cagalli!" someone shouted her name.
She turned around, and was surprised.
Running toward her, a devastated look on his face, no umbrella with him, no raincoat or even a light jacket on him, and sopping wet just as she was, was none other than Athrun Zala.
Questions and fear came pouring forth into her suddenly sober mind, she swore her heart had stopped for a second at the possibility of what could have happened to upset the usually cool, calm and collected Athrun so.
She rushed forward, all the while thinking 'Had something bad happened?' 'Was someone hurt?' 'Kira and everyone…were they all right?' 'Are we under att---'
"BAKA!"
There was no time for the second surprise to register her white-blank mind when he grabbed her shoulders and started shaking her almost violently.
"Where the hell have you been!" he was very near yelling (if he's not there already). "Do you know how much you've made us all worried? Kisaka almost jumped that bastard and I swore if Kira hadn't got his hands on that pea-brained secretary of yours already, I would have strangled him to death by now! Do you know how afraid I was when I drove up here and saw your car there, the case on the road, your jacket caught on the tree but you were not there? Goddamnit, Cagalli! What in all the nine hells were you thinking!?"
The wind was howling around them as the storm became harsher than before and the pouring rain felt like thousands of ice needles on them.
He should be angry. He should be very angry with her because this was almost exactly like last time, which was not so long ago. It was raining just like today and Mana had gotten worried because, after three hours of waiting, Cagalli still had not yet returned and her secretary – a very poor excuse of a secretary – knew nothing but the numbers before him. So, they all went searching for her – he, Kira, Kisaka and a dozen more others. He was near going mad after an hour of searching and still finding nothing. Half way to Cagalli's old home, though, he thought his heart had stopped when he found her car on the side of the road and it looked as though it just got stepped on by an unsuspecting gundam, which happened to stroll past by.
It didn't take him long to find her. Down, down the slope, covered in mud and blood and a gun in her hand, she was lying there under a tree, still and unconscious. He remembered vaguely noticing that some distance away lie another body, cold and dead. This, not unlike the others, was just another failed attempt at the representative Athha's life. Failed, but also too precariously close to success.
And for that briefest second, he thought he had lost her. Just like he had lost…them.
Then tonight, he thought he was about to really lose her when he couldn't find her anywhere. He couldn't help but be furious – and, oh god, so relieved – when he came through the gate and saw her standing there, kicking at the wall and looking very much alive.
But that did not mean he would calm down any time soon. He wanted an explanation. He wanted it here and he wanted now, and she better had a good one…
Except the raging storm around them, everything was tensely still and silent.
Blinking once, twice, Cagalli stared at him, regarding his face intently. Despite his obvious anger and the way he treated her just now, she was calm and had this peculiar absent expression on her face. She looked at his dark hair, limp and dripping from the unrelenting rain, and this one bang that falling just across his green eye. His eyes, they were no longer kind and gentle but were blazing fire of cold fury as she had never seen before. She looked into them and saw, beneath the anger and fury and rage, there was something else…
Reaching up, she brushed the bang away from his eye, her gesture tender and almost curious. Then, gently, she cradled his face in both her hands and gazed into his eyes.
"Have you been crying?" she asked.
Athrun blinked, his anger momentarily forgotten at the simple, unexpected question. "What?"
"Have you…" she repeated, her eyes never wavered from his, "…been crying, Athrun?"
He stared at her, that's what he did and could do at that moment.
For a while he kept staring at her --- into those amber brown eyes that met his steadily and unflinchingly --- as though by staring hard enough, he might find answers to the other hundred unvoiced questions in his mind.
And, apparently, he found what he had been searching for.
Closing his eyes, Athrun leaned into her touch and put his hands over hers.
"Don't…" he whispered, his voice hoarse and broken with barely suppressed emotions. "Don't you ever do that again."
Cagalli leant forward until their foreheads touched. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I worried you and everyone. I didn't mean to, really, it's just that…"
He suddenly pulled her against him, almost crushing her, burying his face in her hair. His body was trembling slightly.
"...It's okay. Just…don't do it again, all right? I don't want to lose you. Not again… I can't lose you, Cagalli…"
For one fleeting second, pain and sadness of long ago flitted across her eyes. He could not see it, though. If he did, he would have cried with her – and for her. But he didn't. He never did.
Cagalli wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm sorry, Athrun. I won't do it again. And you know, don't you, that you've never lost me. You'll never lose me because I'm always here…with you."
The rain had calmed and the wind was whispering softly. The storm, for the moment it seemed, had passed.
Breathing out a long deep sigh, Athrun pulled away slowly, his arms still wounded securely around her, as if afraid that she would disappear any moment that he let her go.
But Cagalli didn't disappear and she was smiling up at him. A smile so sad and heartbreakingly empty. And… were those her tears that he saw, or were they just rain? Were those her tears that kept running endlessly down her face?
He brought one hand to her cheek, brushing his thumb gently over a small trail of water that ran down from her eye. "Have you been crying, too, Cagalli?"
She blinked at him, looking obviously surprised by the question. Then, shaking her head, she leant back into his embrace and closed her eyes.
"I don't cry when it's raining. I don't cry when the angels are crying for me to be happy."
Perhaps another reason that she loved the rain was because she knew when she cried, she wasn't crying alone. She would never have to cry alone in the rain.
And no one had to know, no one had to see that she…was crying.
It was raining.
Her black dress limp and plastered to her body, the little girl trudged on and on quietly and steadily. She did not care how she was soiled and the dress was ruined as she stumbled in and out of the many puddles. Drenching to the very bone and shivering from the cold rain and harsh wind, she didn't stop but kept trudging on and on.
Just in front of the secret door known only to her, her Mother and Father, a tall familiar figure stood alone.
She walked up to his side and, without a word, took his hand.
"Have you been crying?" he asked, sorrow was heavy in his gentle voice.
She nodded. "Are you crying now, too, Father?"
He did not reply.
"Mother told me that there's rain because the angels cried."
"…Did she tell you why they cried?"
Her little hand curled around his fingers. "They cried because they didn't want us to be sad. They cried because they were sad that we were not happy."
He was silent.
"Mana told me Mother's an angel now. So, is Mother crying with us now, too, Father?"
He did not answer her at once. But then, he slowly crouched down, until their eyes were the same level. "She's crying with us now, Cagalli. But do you know why?"
Maybe they were her tears that she felt on her cheeks, maybe they were just the rain, or maybe they were her mother's tears --- the differences ceased to matter at that point. It did not matter so much anymore who cried and who didn't.
"Father… Will you play in the rain with me?"
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