A Mother's Strength

In response to reyes 'Angst Challenge' at the forums

"I try to believe you Bella, but not today. I only hope it is not too late to save my son."

Inspired by Avril Lavigne's song, Tomorrow

I'm watching the rain trickle slowly down the dirty windows of my lounge room listening to my sister speak. If I had the strength to, I would have tears rolling down my cheeks in similar fashion to the raindrops- but I have not the energy to cry. My husband is in Azkaban, and now my sister is trying to convince me that my only child, my son Draco, should take Lucius' place amongst the Deatheaters. How can she believe that I would agree to such a thing?

"Cissy! Are you even listening to me?" Her voice is cracked and harsh, no remnants of her old self left in the shell of a body that holds what is left of her soul. I turn my eyes slowly from the window and look up at her, I know that my face is pale from grief and worry, but she seems not to care what this war is doing to me.

"I'm sorry Bella, please continue." My voice sounds fragile to my own ears, surely it is not so weak and thin? I try with great difficultly to listen to Bella as she speaks, but the malicious words that drip from her cracked and bloodied lips float past me as though I am in a dream.

"Why must Draco do this?" I ask, I see the anger raging inside her as I interrupt, but I must, I cannot listen to any more wild plots regardless of whether or not the Dark Lord designed them.

"Why? Why? Cissy really, you know the answer to that!" Bella is on her feet now, she never sits still for very long in any case, but now she has leapt up as though my lounge room seat has burnt her skin badly. Her wild hair is standing up in crazy places; her eyes are wide with disbelief and perhaps even disgust as she looks down awaiting my response. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, attempting to clear my thoughts,
"No Bella, I do not know anymore." I open my tired eyes and look up at her; she is staring at me with indignant rage clearly plastered across her once beautiful face. I cannot let the Dark Lord sink his teeth and poison into Draco and destroy him like everyone else that I have every loved. Bella and Lucius are but two of the people whom I have lost as a result of this damned war. I will not lose my son without a fight. "I would not be able to live with myself if something happened to Draco and I had done nothing to protect him." I whisper hoarsely, what I really need is to wake up and find that Lord Voldemort never returned, that Harry Potter is just a boy with no purpose, and that my husband and sister, no sisters, are all still one happy family.

"It will be okay Cissy; it's an honour for the Dark Lord to choose Draco for this task! You have no say in whether or not he will do this! He has no choice; it is the will of the Dark Lord! Acknowledge the great privilege that the Dark Lord is bestowing on your boy!" I shake my head, I know that I am not ready to let my boy go out into this war by himself, and whilst I know that there is nothing that I can do to save him from this completely, there is one man that I can turn to that can help him out; there is one man that I trust not only with my life, but easily with the life of my son. I stand and grab my cloak and bag,

"You're always saying that Bella, but it has never been that way. It has never been okay, everything has gone from bad to worse. I cannot risk it, I'm sorry, I want to believe you, and I have tried to believe you for years. The thing is that I just can't anymore. Everything that the Dark Lord has ever fed you about how life will turn out, it always turns out to be a different way. You are the eldest Bella, it has always been up to you, but now I need to take control for once Bella. I need to step in and look after my son, and the Dark Lord will not stop me from doing such a thing."

Bella stares at me as though I have suddenly become covered in infectious pustules, she does not understand the true feelings of love that I have for my son, and she will never understand those feelings.
"Draco has been chosen Cissy! To go against what I tell you now is to go against the Dark Lord himself!" I nod, resigned to my fate, and pull the door open, the man that I am seeking lives in a house that is merely a few streets away.

The rain has stopped, and stillness has overcome the area around me as I stride purposely out the door and down the street. I ignore the fear rising in my stomach at the thought of disobeying the Dark Lord, I was never his servant. I have always just been a nameless person whose life he has ruined. I have always ignored what has been going on around me, watching the destruction of my family with silent grief not daring to speak out or act against the word of this so called leader. But where has he led us? To the grave and to be hated by almost all the wizarding world! He has achieved very little in his time as ruler and his brainwashing must stop. I must go against him to protect my son, and though I am afraid I know that I cannot stand idly by any longer.

I know that tomorrow is a different day, and that when the sun rises my life will be different, but all that I can hope is that this strength that I have found, is enough to keep me firm in my stance to protect my son. I turn to my sister today, and for the first time have the strength to stand up for myself.

"I have never been ready until today, Bella, to stand up for what I believe. I have always wanted to believe everyone else when they tell me that everything will be okay, but today I cannot, I have seen too much to believe anyone any longer. It is time for me to stand up and have some courage for the sake of my family, for my son. I am Draco's mother, and I will protect him, regardless of the cost. You can stand beside me or you can leave, that decision is up to you, but today I am about looking out for my son, and I am not interested in anything the Dark Lord has to threaten me with."

I let out a quick breath to calm myself as I continue, "I am going to see Severus, to fill him in on what Draco has been asked to do. Maybe it is not too late to save my son."

Bellatrix stares at me in surprise, amazed that I have stood up to her and the Dark Lord. I wait for her to begin to scream abuse at me, but she says nothing. Instead she shuts the door and follows after me, silent in her support but still present. I cannot help but allow a small smile cross my face as I realise, I have gotten a part of my sister back this day. I only hope that is not too late to save my son.