How to sell your soul to the internet

by jeglovesmemes

Do you love how-to lists? Do you love crazy characters? Most importantly, do you love MEMES? Then how to sell your soul to the internet is perfect for you! Filled with, twists, turns and a few over-exaggerated pop culture references, this fanfic will change your life, or just make you smile for fine minutes:)

How to sell your soul to the internet:

Open laptop

Wait, what if this is their first time opening a laptop, what if they don't know how to do it?

Shut up Blake, they know how to open a laptop

BUT HOW ARE WE SURE? What if they're from the past. What if they lived in a bunker for the past 20 years and have never heard of this so called "laptop" GOSH DONT DISCRIMINATE RILEY!

Ok… so let's just assume they know how to open a laptop. Next, they should login…

logWHAT

Login, what's so hard about that?

That is a very general term, this is a "how to manuel" we're supposed to explain everything in VERY. PRECISE. DETAIL. There might be some poor little child reading this right now crying because we didn't tell them what "login" means. THINK ABOUT THE STARVING CHILDREN

Well all of my siblings are under the age of seven and know how to log onto our computer

THE STARVING CHILDREN

*staring*

*staring*

Ok let's move on, after entering their username and password to get access to their computer. HAPPY?

Well usernames…

BE HAPPY. So after they login successfully in the laptop they should click on….

*dah duh duh dahhhhh*

What?

Well we're getting deep into the tutorial now, we should probably add some sound effects

Blake, THEY DON'T NEED SOUND EFFECTS OMIGOD THEY'RE READING THIS

Well I like having sound effects when I read stuff

Well, most people aren't idiots. MOVING ON they should click on that icon that says "internet"

Yayyyyy

Again,a sound effect but the icon above the world internet can be many different things, sometimes it's a compass while other times it's a fox

Or someone dabbing

OHMYGOD

What, shouldn't these instructions be lit*whips*

Why

*smiles*

Just. Why.

*smiles harder*

After the user clicks on the internet icon, (WHATEVER IT MAY BE) they should search the word "meme"

Accordingtoallknownlawsofaviation, …

AHHHHHHHHHHH STOP

The ground?

I honestly don't understand

I just wanted to show the readers a good example. They might not know what a meme is, those poor souls

It's 2017, they better know what a meme is

DID YOU JUST ASSUME OUR READERS KNOWLEDGE ABOUT POP CULTURE #CONSPIRACYTHEORYREILYISANALIEN

Fine, I'll explain it to them, according to google, a meme is "a humorous image, video, piece of text, etc., that is copied (often with slight variations) and spread rapidly by Internet users." and yeah wow who knew google was that good at definitions. Memes can be about basically anything, from a quirky screenshot to a TV show to a confusing sound or to a recent current event. They usually have captions that are very relatable to the person reading them. The more relatable the caption the quicker the meme spreads

And that's math kids

*rolls eyes* to continue, memes are everywhere and have become one of the biggest sources of humour in the modern era. To obtain memes, one has to go onto the internet, which is why searching the word "meme" is part of this tutorial.

Oooooh wowzerz

So after searching "meme" the search results will probably be a mix of life-questioning images and funny puns. At this point the user...

Why do you keep calling them "the user" they probably have a name like if I had to read a tutorial I would want it to be like "now blake go to website and yadah yadah yadah"

Don't be an idiot, that's not how tutorials work

Well why can't we change the rules of tutorialing?

Ugh. so at this point (insert name here)-

That works

Should find the website tumblr

Tumblr is basically like the atlantis of memes

Wow. that was ACTUALLY helpful to the how-to list. Good job contributing

ALSO ADD ME MY USERNAME IS MEMESTOTHEGRAVE12345

Aaand its gone

Wow this list is starting to get really lon-

SHUT UP. On tumblr, search the words "cringey meme"

Wow that step was really similar to the one about searching memes. GUYS RILEY IS REALLY BAD AT THIS

WHY ARE YOU* EVEN TRYING TO HELP ME YOU* SUCK

AH

Ah

Ah.

*breathes* upon searching "cringey meme" they should find a buttload of humorous images and text posts-which are memes without the pictures

I WAS JUST ABOUT TO SAY THAT

WELL YOUR FACE WAS JUST ABOUT THE SAY THAT

You honestly make no sense

*sighs*

*sighs with passion*

After getting the search results, the reader

WHAT DID I SAY

They should go back between looking at memes on google images and on tumblr for as long as it takes for them to get through all the memes

This task may seem impossible but it isn't. BELIEVE!

Yep

If they need to do something to pass the meme searching time, they should just have the "here come dat boi meme" playing in the background

You're making this less of a guide to selling one's soul on the internet and more of a guide about driving someone to insanity.

HOW DID YOU KNOW MY TRUE INTENTIONS

Yeah so after looking at all of these memes, this average internet user will be craving mo-

BYE FELICIA I NEED MORE MEMES

Exactly. To solve this problem they should go to the creator of all memes

Or as most people refer to them: god

Their real name is Jordan go home

Well I call them god

So yes they should contact the glorious

That's an epithet

*stares* Jordan by cropping various memes/textposts to say the words "give me the dankness"

For me I accidentally said "give me the duckness" and they sent the first 3 duck song remixes. I was crying for hours

No one cares about YOUR STUPIDITY

Yeah that's true, I even gave up for awhile.

Ok. So within 3-5 weeks Jordan will respond through an email

WHERE THEY GET THE EMAIL, NO ONE WILL KNOW OOOHHH SPOOKY

You sent the first message THROUGH EMAIL

Heh.

DO YOU TRY TO BE LIKE THIS

Will we ever know?

Anyway, in this email, Jordan will give them these new, cool memes for a price

BA Bu buh buhhHh

Are you still using sound effects?

SO DON'T. STOP. ME. NOW.

Ugh

Ugh to you too

This price, as they may of guess from the name of this tutorial, is their soul

So. Yeah. we're Voldemort now

No we're not, Buy soul they meant 5,000 dollars

OH RIGHT. Did you pay it yet?

WHAT DO YOU THINK, and that bring us to our final step: them asking their parents for 5,000 dollars

When we did, they slapped us, causing us to die

Unfortunately for once reader,

*LOOKS AGGRESSIVELY*

Blake is right. We're dead. So that's how we lost our souls. Please don't try this at home. Memes arent worth it.

They sort of are tbh

NO THEY'RE NOT YOU STUPID MOTHER-

The end.