The first time Bradley Sleven met Deadpool, she had thought he was a pretty great guy. He was funny and easy to get along with in the small time frame she had had with him. Bradley was an agent for S.H.I.E.L.D, holding no special 'super powers' or 'special abilities', only a keen eye for targets and a wicked trigger finger. She could shoot almost anything, from a compound bow to an Anzio 20mm Sniper Cannon.
She had met Thor, Steve Rodgers, Tony Stark, and Peter Parker, had the pleasure of working with Hawkeye, went out on the town frequently with Natasha Romanoff, and had been best friends with Phil Coulson. She was pretty popular around the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier, but when it came to Nick Fury, he liked to stick her with the odd jobs and things no one wanted to do.
That's where Deadpool came in.
Fury had confronted her about the mercenary, asking if he could stay for just a week in Bradley's flat, since she had no 'significant others' to occupy her time with. He was in town for the week, doing a job for Fury, and needed a place to stay where they could keep a close eye on him. Apparently he was a wild child with an eye for babes, booze, and chimichangas.
Unknowing of just how crazy Deadpool was, Bradley had told Fury he was welcome in her flat. Fury had sighed, visibly relieved, and had disappeared to tell Deadpool the good news.
Bradley hadn't known why they couldn't have just booked a hotel for Deadpool, being that he was only there for a week, but the thought of some company for a while made her happy.
The one thing Fury didn't tell her, though, was that Deadpool's other famous name was Merc with a Mouth, something she'd find out all too soon.
"Hey Bradley," Hawkeye greeted as they passed each other in the hall, Bradley on her way to fetch Deadpool, "Natasha was looking for you."
"Do you know what she wanted?" Bradley asked.
"She didn't specify, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with appletinis and strawberry daiquiris." Hawkeye smiled, little dimples appearing.
"My favorite." Bradley said, returning his smile, "But I have a guest staying for the week, so I should probably keep him occupied."
"Oh? A guest, huh." Hawkeye waggled his eyebrows, "What kind of guest? A boyfriend guest?"
"A work guest." Bradley said.
"Oh sure." Hawkeye winked, "Who are you having over?"
"Deadpool. Fury asked if I would take him in and I told him yes because I don't have anything better to do." Bradley shrugged.
Hawkeye blinked and then burst out laughing, "You said you'd have Deadpool as a guest? What's wrong with you?"
Bradley felt her face get red in humiliation, "What?"
"Deadpool?" Hawkeye asked.
"Yes!" Bradley said angrily, "What's so funny?"
"You have no idea what kind of mistake you made." Hawkeye said, wiping his eyes, "No one can stand Deadpool. Fury's asked almost everyone on the helicarrier if they'd take Deadpool home and everyone's said no."
"Really?" Bradley asked, "Is he mean?"
"Oh no, he's really friendly." Hawkeye said, "But he doesn't shut up. Ever. Even when he sleeps. The only time I've heard him stop talking was when he was eating, but that was for five seconds."
"Great." Bradley muttered, "Why didn't anyone warn me about this? I mean, I met him before and he seemed okay. He was funny."
"Oh he's a riot." Hawkeye agreed, "He's the person you go to when you want to have a wild party night. Want a bachelor party you'll never forget? Go to him. He's just the sort of person that doesn't know what personal space is or when not to cross the line."
"Well, I mean, how bad can he be?" Bradley asked, trying to reassure herself, "He doesn't sound that bad."
Hawkeye grinned, "I'll tell Natasha next time I see her that you won't be coming out tonight."
"Thanks Hawk." She said, slapping his shoulder.
"Good luck, kid." He winked, and then continued on his way.
Bradley silently cursed her bad luck and reassured herself that Deadpool wouldn't be so bad. She continued down the length of the helicarrier halls to the room he was waiting for her in.
When she opened the door, he wasn't there. She entered the room and looked around to make she he was, in fact, not in the room. She sighed, and started pulling a chair out from the table to sit in, when she heard a soft tap on the floor behind her and suddenly someone shouted, "Boo!"
"Oh...lanta!" She said in surprise, leaning forward away from the noise. She turned around to find Deadpool with his hands on his hips, laughing. She sighed, feeling her face growing as red as his suit and said monotonously, "Deadpool. Where did you come from?"
"Bradley." He mimicked, "I was on top of the door." he pointed to the top of the open door, "I just want to extend my sincere thanks for letting me stay in your humble abode." He held out his hand for her to shake, while simultaneously bowing.
"Oh, um, sure no problem." Bradley said, shaking his hand, "I mean, it's only a week right?"
"I took the liberty of researching your surroundings via google earth, and found you have a lovely neighborhood." Deadpool said, "Good choice."
"I try?" She said, unsure of what to say, "Are you ready to go?"
"Am I ready to go? Am I ready to go?" He shouted, then in a calm manner said, "Yes,
yes I am. Lead the way."
"Okay." Bradley sighed, leading him out of the waiting room.
Once down on the ground, Bradley lead him through the streets of New York. Fury hadn't been thrilled about the idea of letting Deadpool roam around the big city, but she'd convinced him they'd be fine and it would be a good thing for Deadpool. He was like a little kid, peering into shops and disappearing only to be found by Bradley at a hot dog stand.
They got odd looks from mostly everyone they passed, mostly because of Deadpool's
insanely bright red outfit, and possibly because of the two katanas strapped to his back. She had eyed them for long enough and finally asked, "What's with the swords? Aren't you a mercenary? All the mercenaries I know use guns."
"Oh, these?" Deadpool asked, swiftly pulling them out right in front of everyone, blades glinting in the lowering sun, "This is Betty," he put one of the swords in her face, "and Lawrence."
"Deadpool!" Bradley said, pushing the swords down, "You can't just whip those out in public!"
"Why not? They're mine. My own. My precious." Deadpool said, putting a hand on his hip, sword sticking out behind him.
Bradley smiled apologetically at a group of passersby, and said, "Because people aren't used to this kind of thing. Put them away!" and after a moment she muttered, "Did you just quote the Lord of the Rings?"
Deadpool humphed, and put them back into the scabbards, and stretched, "Can we swap life stories when we get to your place? Maybe make hot cocoa and watch Sex in the City?"
"One, I don't have Sex in the City, and two, why would you even want to watch that?" Bradley asked, "It's one of the girliest movies I can think of."
"I just want to be besties for life." Deadpool said, crossing his fingers, "You know, bros before hoes, chicks before di-"
"I get it." Bradley interrupted.
"Will you be my friend?" Deadpool asked, falling to his knees "Will you be my bro before my hoe? Please say yes!"
Bradley stared at his kneeling form, and then looked up to find four people staring at them from a booth on the other side of restaurant window. She smiled, and said through her teeth, "If I say yes will you stand up?"
"Cross my heart."
"Yes, Deadpool, I will be your bro." Bradley muttered.
"Pinky promise?" Deadpool asked, sticking up his pinky.
"Pinky promise." Bradley said, hooking their pinkies.
"Great!" Deadpool shouted, jumping to his feet, "Now can we please get to your place? Jeesh, talk about chatter box over here."
She bit back the words she wanted to say to him, and continued walking before stopping on a curb. She whistled and held out her hand to hail a taxi. When it stopped she turned to Deadpool and said, "Get in."
"A cab?" He asked, "Does it look like I take cabs?"
"What's wrong with a cab?" Bradley asked exasperatedly.
"They're stuffy, dirty, smell bad, and hello germs!" Deadpool said, and crossed his arms, "And one out of a thousand cab drivers are murders. I bet you didn't know that."
Bradley stuck her head in the passenger window and asked, "Are you a murderer?"
"No! Now are you gonna get in the car or what? I got other people I can pick up. Money ain't growin' on trees lady." The cab driver said.
"There, he's not a murder." Bradley said.
"Of course he's not going to tell you he's a murderer if he is one!" Deadpool exclaimed, "And he's got horrible manners…"
"Just get in the taxi, Deadpool!" Bradley shouted.
"Okay, jeesh, Ms. Antsy Pants." Deadpool muttered.
Bradley slid in next to him and told the taxi driver where to go. Deadpool chatted away about something Bradley didn't know because she wasn't listening. All she could hear was his voice, the words blurring together. Hawkeye had been right, the guy didn't know how to stop talking.
"D-do you ever shut up?" Bradley asked finally, interrupting his compelling story about the time he ate fifty hot wings in one sitting, "Like, every in your life?"
Deadpool cocked his head, "Um, no, hello I have stories to tell you. If you're going to be my bestie I totes need to tell you everything about me!"
"Not all at one time though." Bradley said, "Your bestie needs a break. And since we're besties, I feel I need to share with you my feelings."
"Oh! I love sharing my feelings." Deadpool exclaimed.
"No, no, no, my feelings." Bradley said, "I need a break from your...exciting life."
"You really think my life is exciting?" Deadpool hugged her, "You're the best bestie I've ever had!"
Bradley patted his back, "You are too."
"Hold up!" Deadpool shouted, "Stop the car! Stop the car!" The taxi driver came to a screeching halt, and Deadpool bounded out of it and dropped to his knees on the sidewalk, throwing his arms sky high, "Thank you kind spirit!"
Bradley shelled out some money to the cab driver before exiting her side to where Deadpool kissed the sidewalk, "What in sam hill are you doing?"
"Do you not see the fine establishment in front of you?" Deadpool sniffed, mock wiping a tear from his face, "It was sent by the Gods."
Bradley looked up to find a bright red neon sign that read, Fred's Chimichangas. She frowned, "A fast food place?"
"A fast food place? Is that all this is to you?" Deadpool asked, rising to his feet, "This is so much more than a fast food place. I'm disappointed in you bestie."
"I'm sorry?"
"A bestie of mine should always see a five star opportunity when it's in front of them." Deadpool said, pointing at the restaurant.
"Okay, since I just met you why don't you tell me what opportunity I'm looking at." Bradley said, "We've only been besties for a half an hour."
"Okay, I think I can forgive you this time." Deadpool said, "It's called Fred's Chimichangas. Chimichangas! Do you know what kind of gift chimichangas are?"
"One from the Gods?" Bradley asked.
"Yes!" Deadpool exclaimed, throwing his arms up, "See, you're learning."
In the end, Deadpool got four chimichangas, two for that night, and two for the next day. They walked the rest of the block to Bradley's flat and when she opened the door, Deadpool swept inside looking around. He sat his half eaten chimichangas on the island in the middle of her kitchen and said, "Okay, so in order for me to sleep, I need a relaxing seaweed wrap with herb infused scent. I need warm milk, but not too warm, and I need-"
"Deadpool."
"Yes?"
"I have none of that, so don't expect to see it." Bradley said, "I'm sorry."
Deadpool sighed, "Now what am I supposed to do?"
"Take a shower? Go to sleep like normal people?"
"Oh come on, Brad," Deadpool wined.
"Bradley." She said, "If you ever call me Brad again I'll stab you with Lawrence."
Deadpool put a hand to his heart and said, "Besties don't say that to each other. You promised we would be besties."
"We will be besties, but my name is Bradley, not Brad." Bradley said, "What's your name, besides Deadpool?"
He sniffed, "I don't really tell that to people."
"But..I'm your bestie." Bradley said, sitting on the stool next to him.
"Wade." Deadpool said softly after a moment, "Wade Wilson."
It was the first time since she'd met him that he'd actually sounded sane, "But you want me to call you Deadpool?"
"Yes, like you want me to call you Bradley." Deadpool said, and for a moment he was silent, and...normal. Then he snapped out of it and looked at the island in her kitchen and hopped on top of it, "Let's have a partay!"
"No, no parties." Bradley said, "I don't...partay."
"Oh come on, just imagine babes all over the place. And hot guys too, for you of course. Everyone would be dancing and we could have a disco ball." Deadpool started shaking his hips and started singing, "You know my hips don't lie, and I'm starting to feel it's right. All the attraction, the tension, don't you see baby, this perfection." He continued to dance while Bradley watched on in shocked silence.
"I don't want to know why you know that song." Bradley muttered, walking into her living room. She plopped down onto the couch and flipped the TV on. Days of our Lives was the first thing to pop up, and suddenly she heard, "Like sands in an hourglass, so are the days of our lives."
She turned around to see him staring out the window dramatically with a hand over his chest. He turned to her and said, "This show though." and again mocked wiping tears.
"Don't you have rapidly cooling chimichangas in the kitchen?"
"My chimichangas!" Deadpool cried, flinging himself across the room to the kitchen. After a moment he called, "Hey bestie?"
"What Deadpool?" She asked without turning around.
"Well one, why don't you ever call me bestie back, and two, are there always scary bulky guys in black masks in your house?"
Bradley whirled to find Deadpool with a chimichanga stuffed in his mouth, his mask pulled up just above his nose. He started laughing and slapping his knee, "You should have seen your face!"
"That's not funny Deadpool!" Bradley said angrily, "You scared me."
"Um, that's the point." He said through a mouthful of chimichanga.
She sighed, sitting back down and pinching the bridge of her nose. Fury would definitely be hearing from her in the morning. There was a crash from the kitchen and she heard, "Don't worry, nothing's going on in here!"
Oh, yes, Fury would be hearing from her.
This is frighteningly my first attempt ever writing a Deadpool fic. Ever. I just love the guy and thought it would be a fun thing to write. There is a plot, yes, and as the title suggests lots of chimichangas and bad guys involved. So tell me what you think and if it sucks, try to be delicate I'm really bad with criticism! :O
Thanks for reading, and please review, it makes my day!