Shades of Grey, an alex rider fanfic

Disclaimer: Alex Rider series and all it's affiliated characters belong to Anthony Horowitz.

Author's note: Cross-post from AO4. First time poster, long time lurker, beware the grammar however.

Update: Fixed bunch of typos. Now with a sequel, Shades of Red, where we can learn more about Yassen and John!

When Alex first learns of the whole soulmates business he is just five years old. He asks his uncle how come some people tend to use words that mean something else than light and dark and white and black and how come red can look just like green, but also completely different. Ian gets completely overwhelmed by the question yet still carefully explains, not really able to tend to his nephew's curious questions on how do these colors really look like. The disappointed look almost breaks something inside him.

"See Alex, I don't know. Maybe I don't have a soulmate, maybe we haven't met yet. And there is nothing wrong about that." Alex doesn't know that Ian hopes he will never see colors, for he got long ago used to life of solitude, that his uncle was willing to sacrifice another part of his humanity for his work.

His native curiosity even enhanced his wonder about this magical thing called a color. He even went as far as learning what specific object is meant to be in which color, playing the game of an acting like he could see them. Jack expresses her worry over Alex's almost unhealthy fascination at one of the rare dinners that the whole household has together. Ian dismisses it as child curiosity, instead amused by his nephew behavior.

Alex forgets all about colors when his whole world is shaken by its core. One day he is telling his class about his uncle's boring job - and the next one he is wearing black at a funeral. The one place where colors do not hold any value anymore, the one place where you hide behind the darkness that swallowed all color, the only shade that doesn't discriminate.

Then there is chase for Ian's car, a dangerous trip through bank's windows to his uncle's office and then he is being told what is expected of him, what his uncle would want him to do, what might happen to Jack if he doesn't agree.

The only thing standing before two weeks of training is one last meeting with a civilization, when they require him to sit before a doctor as he does a short medical checkup. After he is done, there is among other things a small note scribbled inside his file about him being unable to differentiate colors.

It's late evening when the sergeant shows him the way to his cabin and introduces him to his unit. He peers at the four soldiers standing to their attention, their features shaded by the retreating sun that doesn't allow much light to get inside.

It takes Alex one unrestful night of sleep to know something very important changed. He is afraid of the implications as he carefully studies the four trainees sitting with him at the table in mess hall. He knows it's one of them and while he can't say that he hates them for all the bad words they keep throwing at him, he sure hates the notion of one of these men - a man who could be ten years older than him! - being his soulmate. The problem is, none of them seem to react at all, maybe ignoring the fact that the world is bathed in color now. Maybe that's the cause of all the jabs, Alex musses, as he observes Wolf shovel the breakfast into his mouth with disgust. This man was the instigator of most the hate in this group. Maybe it's his way of copying.

Alex doesn't dare to ask, not even once. For something tells him he probably won't see any of these men ever again. It takes him two weeks to stop caring about it enough so that it doesn't occupy his daily thoughts anymore, yet still bit sad of the romanticism he lost because of it.

It takes him the whole Stormbreaker mission to realise he gained something very useful the first day of the camp and staches it as one of the traits that just make him unnaturally good at this job.

Then he is sent to the Alps and there is one question at the dinner in France that makes him stop for a second as he wonders at what answer he should choose. The repulsive lady asks him if he met his soulmate yet and Alex says no. He didn't after all, just because he can see colors, doesn't mean he met the one. That day he also decides no one needs to know. It's considered very personal after all.

It's all he needs to tell apart the mad doctor's clone from himself.

And if he maybe tries to satisfy his curiosity about Wolf - his idea that he won't meet these men ever again shaken apart - with telling him that he will recognize the hidden door because it was hidden behind the bronze sculpture. Wolf just asks him to elaborate, to describe the statue a bit better, rather to tell him about the shape.

"My son was my everything and it's only because of him that the world got more colorful." Sarov shares and Alex is instantly repulsed at the idea, at the implications. He always thought that soulmates were only romantical, that for them to appear in a direct family, something must be very wrong.

"Tell me, Alexei, can you see the world in its fullest potential too?"

Alex denies everything, hoping it will make this madman change his mind, that it will make the gap between his dead son and himself bigger. The Russian ignores his answer, lost in his ideal world.

"I loved him. He changed my world.", Yassen says and Alex's breath hitches as he realises what the dying assassin is implying. What kind of secret he almost brought to his own grave. He always entertained the idea that the parents he never met were each other soulmates, that in their short life they had the pleasure of spending it with their soulmate. He wonders if his mother knew, that her husband found in Yassen more than a very strange protege, that he was forced to choose one path at the crossroads when ordered to pull out from the deep cover.

The next time he meets someone from K-unit, he feels like a completely different person. The naive boy is long gone and he is on a quest to know more about his past. If it just takes to follow his godfather to learn more, he feels it's worth it.

Then he is literally ambushed on the street by Fox, who introduces himself as Ben Daniels and Alex is remembering the Brecon Beacons again. He asks the man how he recognized him, for he looks like an Afghan refugee now and Ben just answers that just because his shades are bit darker now, doesn't change that he knew what he was looking for already. "Well, I am glad that my yellow teeth didn't scare you away.", Alex allows himself a small joke. "I wouldn't really know.", the man responds while laughing, a hint at the start of something new, the fast camaraderie refreshing.

He receives a call from Sabina just a few days after he came back from spending the Easter holidays with her and her family. He picks up the phone with dread in his gut, hoping that she doesn't bring bad news. He long ago got used to not expecting sudden phones to bring good news.

Sabina practically makes him deaf as she explains about this one guy she just met and oh god Alex it was love at first sight if only you could see that. "I can't be always the third wheel, Sab.", he says back, chuckling at his own joke. He is glad Sabina is happy, even if he can't bring himself to say, that he very knows what she talking about when she explains the vibrancy of the colors when he can't agree that sunsets are just the best thing ever. So he just enjoys listening to the barrage of words.

Snake makes it easy when he describes the fiery red hair of his girlfriend, which in his opinion exactly explains her personality. Eagle calls him that he is just henpecked and he suffers from Stockholm syndrome and no, being abused by his girlfriend of five years has nothing to do with having fierce and passionate personality. Alex just sits back, slowly sipping on his coke, enjoying that for once the group of soldiers didn't made him the number one talk of the day.

Eagle is the last missing piece and it takes Alex one uneventful Friday evening to finally find out. He is happily spending it while crunching through his massive hoard of homework when the doorbell resonates through the house. A few moments later Jack calls him downstairs that one of his weird friends is waiting for him. Alex is confused, for he barely gets any visitors, nor he has any friends these days - if it was Tom, Jack would just call him by his name.

Instead he is greeted by two travelings bags thrown in the kitchen corner and Eagle who just stands there like deer caught in headlights. Alex just narrows his eyes at the scene. "How do you even know where I live?", is the first question that escapes his mouth and Eagle just sheepishly looks like he wants to drop through the ground.

"Look, I know we aren't really best friends, but I barely know anyone in London and-"

"How?", Alex interrupts him.

"Er, Ben told me some time back, just in case of emergency." And something inside Alex melts because he knows that Mitchell isn't really up for interrogation session, so he drops the cold act.

"You need a place to stay, then? Why not the others?", he asks even if he knows the answer - Ben is somewhere in France right now, Neal is having a refresher medic course and James is on mission who knows where.

"They are not exactly available. Can I just stay there for few days until I find a place? My ex threw me out of my apartment."

"Hers. And I sure hope she wasn't your soulmate.", Alex supplies. Eagle just narrows his eyes at that, like he clearly didn't need to be reminded.

"Oh thank god no. Maybe that was the problem, because I still need to find them."

And Alex just looks at the clock on the wall, shocked that it's midnight already. "Just, take the sofa, don't go into our rooms and for god's sake - don't touch anything in the kitchen. I'll lock all the sugar tomorrow."

Alex is sixteen and he hid the secret for two years now. He doesn't really think about it anymore, doesn't dare to satisfy his curiosity. Maybe he was wrong all that time ago, maybe it was the shock, maybe he was just special like that. Maybe he shouldn't let something mundane as the idea of a soulmate to dictate his life.

He sits in Ben's kitchen, a cup of hot steaming cocoa on the table in front of him, Ben helping him to re-bandage his arm that got caught on the fence as he escaped the factory he was investigating. It feels almost domestic.

He makes a comment of how Ben's apartment is absolutely horribly furnished, how the colors clash too much.

And Ben just looks at him as if in new light and asks. "Are you implying what I am thinking?"

And Alex nods and tired of hiding, spills his guts, of what also happened at the camp in Brecon Beacons and Ben almost chokes on his own air as he remembers something from Cairo, the way Alex tried to ask him the same question, but in very subtle way.

"Did you ask the others?", he asks, too softly, too afraid, mustering all strength so his voice won't crack, preparing for the worst.

"Wolf doesn't and neither does Eagle. Snake told me he could see the colors since fifth grade, since he met his girlfriend. That only leaves you and you confirmed my suspicions a long time ago, that it also can't be you. But maybe I am mistaken."

"I can't see them.", Ben agrees. "But," and then he takes a long breath as he musters all the courage to continue "But I will never be able to, no matter what. I was diagnosed with monochromia at birth, it's hereditary in my family."

And Alex just blinks as the realisation drops over him and suddenly he is very glad it is this man in the end - not like he would have cared if it was any of the four, for he became close to all of them to call them friends. And then surprisingly to Ben, he just smiles. "We have all the time in world to tell you how they look then.", he says. "And now I have another reason to help you furnish this place."