Doing It Together
Based upon Stargate: SG-1
Rated T for themes of assault and violence
Set mid-season 5
- . - - - . -
Jack gently moved back and forth across the small room, making an effort to not wake either occupant of the room. He still couldn't believe it. Up until about fifteen hours ago, it had been just about the worst eight and a half months of SG-1's life.
For eight and a half months, he had dreamed the same nightmare, a memory from when it all had started.
- . - eight and a half months ago: off world, a goa'uld jail (aka: "one step down from hell")
Jack tried get his feet underneath him to be walked, instead of drug, down the hall by the two Jaffa who had just finished beating Daniel and himself. He thought he might have some broken ribs, they were bruised at the very least. He turned his head back to glance at Daniel, who didn't look any better than he did. Well, he probably looked a little worse. Jack wasn't sporting the shiner Daniel was.
The Jaffa stopped in front of the door to the cell where Jack and Daniel had originally been taken from, and where Jack hoped they would find Teal'c and Sam. They had been taken from the room before Jack and Daniel had been.
One of the Jaffa opened the door and the others pitched Jack and Daniel inside, landing hard on the stone floor. The door slammed behind them and locked shut.
Jack let his cheek press against the stone floor and let himself breathe for a moment. Just for a moment, though, he needed to make sure everyone was alright.
Once he picked himself up off the floor, Jack became aware of the other sounds in the room. The first was Daniel moaning softly, right next to him. The other sound was the sound of crying. Carter's crying.
Jack looked up and saw Teal'c sitting against the wall in the darkest corner of the room. Carter was curled up on his lap, crying into his chest. She wasn't crying loudly, but she was crying.
Teal'c was holding her gently, tightly, but gently. He was stroking her hair slowly. His eyes were moist.
Jack made eye contact with him, asking.
Teal'c simply shook his head, not answering.
Jack looked back at Daniel. He was propping himself on his elbows, staring at Carter, assuming the worst.
It wasn't until hours later when Carter had fallen asleep that Teal'c removed her from his lap and stood to move around their small cell that Jack saw the blood. There was blood on Teal'c lap, from where Carter had been sitting, and there was blood on Carter's pants.
Jack covered his mouth, trying to contain his nausea.
- . -
That was not the last time she had been raped in those five days. It had been the first, but not the last. And now, there he was, holding the result of that violence. Jack gazed at the baby. Such beauty from such violence. It really was amazing.
Carter's baby was so beautiful. Kathryn, after Sam's mother. Jack leaned his head down and kissed the sleeping baby's forehead.
The first few weeks had been difficult. There had been a lot of medical attention: both physical and psychological. Jack was recovering from a torn ACL, Daniel a slipped disc, Teal'c a broken clavicle, all three of them had bruised ribs. And Carter . . . Most of Carter's damage wasn't physical.
After most of the physical damage had healed, and they were allowed home, they all went home. Even Teal'c was feeling a little claustrophobic on base, and stayed with Jack for a few days at a time.
They all had to deal with what happened. Carter worked out a lot. She did most of her exercise on base, which comforted Jack to a small amount; at least he - or others - knew where she was. Daniel did a lot of reading, at least he looked like was reading. He was probably lost in thought.
That was Jack's problem: thinking too much. So he did what he always did, drank beer in front of a hockey game.
Teal'c starting drinking.
Not drinking like humans drink. Not getting blasted drunk. But when he and Jack sat together on Jack's couch, and Jack was eight or ten beers in, Teal'c would be two or three whiskeys in.
- . - eight months ago, Jack's home
One particular night, they were sitting on his couch, having consumed far too much alcohol, and Teal'c spoke - which was highly unusual.
"O'Neill, is there a god you believe in?" he asked.
Jack didn't answer at first, he wasn't sure anymore. "I did, before my son shot himself. And then maybe, I started to believe again. After all, the snakes had to be pretending to be someone. Then . . . Carter got raped."
Teal'c was silent for almost an entire minute. "There must a God. A real God."
Jack looked over at him. "What makes you say that?"
"If there was no God, you would have seen the things I have seen. You would be haunted by the visions which haunt me."
Jack shook his head, not understanding.
"One of us had to see. Had to be present. To witness it with her, to be her strength. Daniel Jackson . . . would not have faired." Teal'c paused. "The sight would have driven you mad."
Jack nodded. Teal'c was right. Daniel didn't have the stomach for it. And . . . Jack was haunted enough by the simple knowledge of what was done to her.
- . -
They all tried to cope. They all tried to adjust. They all tried to move on.
Then they found out she was pregnant.
At first she was going to get rid of it. She couldn't bear thinking about growing the child of the bastards who raped her. At first there would have been no stopping her, getting rid of the pregnancy.
But, as she was waiting in the Infirmary for Doc Fraiser to give her all the information, Teal'c convinced her otherwise.
- . - seven months ago, hallway outside the Infirmary
Jack was going to the Infirmary, it was time for one of the last checkups on his knee. Assuming all went well, it would only be a few more weeks of physical therapy and the physical evidence of their time in that hell hole would be gone. Gone, at least, for him.
As he neared the door, he heard soft voices, and he paused.
"You have made your decision?" Teal'c asked, though it didn't sound too much like a question.
There was no reply, so Jack assumed Sam had nodded in response.
"You wish to terminate the child's growth."
Again, there was no reply.
"You have considered the alternatives?"
"The alternatives, Teal'c?" she asked, distress clear in her voice. "What alternatives? You mean giving birth to the child of the man who raped me? That alternative? Then what?" Jack could hear her crying through her angry words.
"The man is guilty, the child is not." Teal'c voice was calm and quiet, as usual.
It took Carter a few moments to answer. "What are children if not a product of their parents?" she asked, her voice weak. Jack leaned against the wall, in an effort not to collapse. "How can I create such a person?"
Teal'c didn't answer, not right away. "Yes, children are products of their parents genetics, but they become who they are taught to be." He paused. "And you will teach your child to be strong and courageous, just and resilient, a kind and loyal protector and guardian. I will teach your child all that I know, as if it were my own. I can assure you O'Neill and Doctor Jackson would do the same." Teal'c paused again. "And if the child brings you too much pain, adoption is also a viable alternative."
Carter didn't respond.
"Your decision is not required immediately. And it is not due to me."
There was silence and then a muffled, "thank you."
A few moments later, Teal'c appeared from the Infirmary and made eye contact with Jack, but said nothing.
Sometimes Jack couldn't decide whether or not he appreciated Teal'c's silence. Instead of thinking about it, he went into the Infirmary.
Carter was sitting on a bed. She wiped her eyes. "What do you think, Sir?" she asked.
He stopped and turned to her, feigning ignorane. "What?"
"Don't pretend you weren't eavesdropping from the hall."
He sighed and walked over to her. "You want to know what I think?"
She nodded.
"I've spent six years mourning the loss of my son. If you don't want the kid yourself, you can always decide to give it up for adoption. But you can never decide to undo an abortion."
She stared at him, wide eyed. He had used the word somewhat bluntly, he admitted.
"You think I should keep it."
"I think you'd be a great mom Carter. And, if you don't want to be, there's a lot of people out there who want to be parents."
"Turning a gift of violence into a gift of love?"
Jack shrugged. "I'm not that eloquent, but yeah."
She nodded. "Thank you, Sir."
He nodded back and turned to find Doc Fraiser.
- . -
Jack looked down at the baby in his arms. She moved her head a little and then opened her eyes. He smiled at her. "Hey, baby," he whispered. "You changed everything didn't you?"
Carter had been unsure of whether or not she wanted to keep the baby up until she saw her.
Jack hadn't been in the room for the delivery, none of them had, but they saw her soon after.
- . -
They saw Carter holding her baby with the biggest grin on her face. "Isn't she beautiful?" she asked, tears of joy in her eyes.
The three of them nodded, unable to speak.
Thankfully, Carter could still speak. "Would you like to hold her?"
Jack nodded and took the baby first and a grin broke out on his face. "Damn, Carter," he said, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat. "She's pretty."
- . -
They had handed around the baby for a few minutes before handing her back to Carter and letting them both sleep for a while. Jack had been "elected" to say the rest of the night at the hospital with Carter and Kathryn, and they would be released to go home in the morning.
No one had spoken about it yet, but Jack wanted to stay with Carter at her house, at least for the first several days.
Hell, he wanted to stay with her for the rest of their lives. Jack smiled at Kathryn and kissed her again. "I wanna be your daddy," he whispered.
"Me too," he heard from behind him.
He turned around to see Carter sitting up and looking at him.
"Really?" he asked.
She nodded.
Jack moved to sit next to Carter - Sam - and handed her Kathryn. She shifted a bit and set Kathryn to her breast to feed. Jack watched them both for a few moments until he felt Sam's hand on the back of his neck, tilting his head up.
He met her gaze as she pulled him close to her and kissed him softly. He pulled back with a smile. They had made it this far, and they would make it the rest of the way together.
- . - FIN - . -