This came to me as a vision. I'm freaking serious!

Uzumaki Naruto

I've got a bone to pick with you fanfiction writers. Whether or not I'm the "hero" or whatever in the story, you guys always make me act like an idiot! Which, at times, is how I usually behave. BUT you guys exaggerate it so much, it's like I'm no better than that Looney Tunes crew. And for some reason, you guys ship me with everyone in the world! Sakura, Hinata (well, I approve of that one), even that creep Sasuke! I mean, seriously! What the heck possesses you guys to think that?! That kiss in season one was a total accident!

Uchiha Sasuke

I usually turn the other way when dealing with idiots, but this has gotten out of hand. You guys always dub me as "emo" or "chicken-ass haired loser". You have a problem with my hairstyle, say it to my face! Do not ship me with my brother, that's disgusting. Don't ship me with Naruto either, that's just plain wrong. And why is it that whenever Sakura is shipped with someone else, say Deidara, you make it that I cheated on her or something. I would never stoop that low!

Inuzuka Kiba

I don't have many complaints because, of course, I'm awesome. As long as Akamaru's always by my side, I'm fine with whatever you throw at me. I'm used to being described as animalistic, flirty and fun. Sure, if that's what works for you guys. But, why am I a minor character in most of your fanfics? That's segregation!

Aburame Shino

I like insects. So be it. I'm quiet and hardly ever talk. True. I'm hard to understand. Can't deny that. But why oh why, do I always get left behind?! Why am I the "creepy" one, or the one Hinata runs to for advice? You guys forgot me on that Sasuke Recovery Mission too! Haven't you guys noticed that I've never lost a fight?! (Well, except for that one time against Mecha-Naruto) And I'm not as obsessed with bugs as you guys paint me out to be! Cut me some slack, Authors-san!

Akimichi Chouji

Hold on a sec, lemme get my chips.

Ah, got them. So, uh, *mnch mnch* what am I supposed to be talking about? *mnch mnch* Oh yeah! Uh... you guys should stop painting me red in your fanfics! *mnch mnch* I mean, black!*mnch* Painting me black! I'm not fat, I'm big boned! And I'm not some helpless little wimp! *mnch mnch* I can fight too! And *mnch mnch* I am not obsessed *mnch mnch* with food! I eat*mnch mnch* to accumulate energy for my *mnch* ultra-powerful *mnch* ultra-strong *mnch* jutsu! Also *empty bag crinkles*, aww, it's finished. To the fridge! (Takes off running)

Uh Chouji, wait! You weren't done!

Nara Shikamaru

I don't have much to complain about. I can say truthfully that I'm cool about everything. But, there is one thing that annoys me slightly, and being annoyed is such a drag. I'm shipped with Temari or Reader. I don't mind, though it's surprising how many girls find me attractive. The problem is, these girls always call me Shika. Really, Shika. My name is Shikamaru, take it or leave it. I don't appreciate cutesy, girly nicknames, thank you very much. Also, why am I always the planner in your stories? I need a break from all this...

Rock Lee

Hello everyone! Rock Lee here! Despite my marvellous smiling face, I am not happy. Not happy at all. You Author-tachi always fail to capture the magnificence of my hard work! You make me act like a bumbling idiot attached to the side of his equally idiotic sensei like glue. *Well, that's because you are a bumbling idiot.* I heard that, Sasuke! Putting the Uchiha idiot-who I will surely one day defeat-aside, I ask that you guys include happy endings for me. (eyes getting teary) Naruto and Hinata ride off into the sunset. Sakura-san happily throws her bouquet of flowers into the sea of excited maidens! Why can't I have such an ending? Please, Authors-san! Please give me my fairy tale ending! With Sakura-san, preferably. *Sakura: Hell no!*

Hyuga Neji

It is truly embarrassing to be partaking in such an activity, but I have complaints true. Yes, I'm a frowner and I'm big of faith and destiny. Correction: was. I mean, doesn't anyone remember the Chuunin exams? You guys make me so serious, it's like I'm a tree-not flexible. I can have fun if I want to! It's just that discipline sets me apart from the rest of my friends.

Also, for those of you who actually enjoy writing all that Neji X Reader crap, keep in mind that Neji Hyuga does NOT BLUSH!

Sai

I've come a long way in learning how to express emotions. Happiness, laughter, joy, sorrow, grief. Lately though, another emotion is developing. It comes and goes. I've noticed, though, that it's at its strongest whenever I read those things you call fanfictions. Can you guess what that emotion is? I actually don't know what to call it. It's a mixture of annoyance, anger and embarrassment. Why do you people derive joy in posting such crap on the Internet? I know you won't stop, but you can at least improve the quality. Number one, by writing about me the way I really behave. I am NOT innocent and naive! I am NOT pushed around by Ino. I do NOT hate Sasuke...well, not that much...

Wait, I had more things to say. Hmmm...I'll be back when I remember.

Hatake Kakashi

Ah ha ha ha! I'm a grown man and you Author-tachi write romantic fantasies about me. Only goodness knows what goes through the heads of fangirls. I mean, you couldn't even see my face for 400 episodes, and you were still gaga over me. Thinking about it makes me laugh and reading them is always a great way to pass the time. What I don't understand though, is why you like to pair me up with Gai. Why Gai, of all people? No seriously, didn't you guys see Asuma? Not that I'm encouraging it but... Let me just tell you that the first time I laid my eyes on Kakashi X Gai, I was traumatised and was left paralysed for a week!

Also, what is up with nicknames like "Kaka" and "Kashi". That is just so wrong in so many ways.

Uchiha Itachi

I was greatly surprised when Kisame told me about the millions of stories flying over the Internet about me. So I decided to look for myself. There are so many versions of me, I lost count. Some portray me as the ruthless man I was pretending to be. Others make me so kind and loving, I feel like vomiting in my mouth. Listen, I'm a complex character, okay? If you can't understand me, don't bother putting lies about me online. And seriously, Itachi X Reader? Between manipulating my brother and Madara, when do I get time for a relationship? And Itachi X Deidara? No. Just...no.

Deidara

I'm always up for a good laugh. Reading these fanfictions is a great way to tickle my funny bone. Sasori X Deidara? I laughed so hard when I saw that, and Sasori no Danna threatened to kill me! At least you guys leave my love for art and explosions intact, un. Oh yeah, speaking of "un", you guys should totally learn how to place it! Where you guys put it makes no sense whatsoever! If you want, come to me, I can teach you, un. Hold up, I'm not saying that I'm perfectly fine with this stuff. It's bad enough having to deal with Hidan calling me a woman all the time, but now there's Sasori X Female Deidara? Seriously?! Then Deidara X Itachi. I'm just shaking my head at that one. Why would I hook up with the creep that took my freedom and bound me to the Akatsuki? Despite my looks, I DO NOT LIKE OTHER GUYS, un!

Hidan

Oh, craptastic. This is fuckin' annoying, but I got stuff to say too! Stop posting shitty versions of me on the net. It annoys the fuck outta me, Jashindammit! I am not addicted to booze or screwing different chicks every day. I sacrifice people, for Jashin's sake! That's it! Is it cos I add a few swear words to my sentences?! Huh? Is it?! I swear, I'm gonna fuckin' kill you bitches and sons of bitches!

Oh yeah, and what's with diagnosing me with the Tourette's Syndrome? I am not SICK, for Jashin's sake! (vein popping out of his forehead)

Uh, whoa. Calm down.

Tobi

Hiiii Soranaru-chan! Tobi just saw everyone coming into your dream so Tobi decided to tag along. What's everyone doing? Is it fun? Is it a game? Ooh, Tobi wants to play!

No, actually, it isn't. It's-

*Deidara: Tobi! What do you think you're doing, un?!*

AAAHHH! Don't kill me, Senpai! Tobi is innocent! (runs away screaming)

I took a nap immediately after watching the latest episode of Naruto, and they appeared to me! I'm serious! I was scared outta my mind! But I had to pass on the message.

Make sure you comment! The guys wanna know what you think! Look out for the girls' version! I have a feeling it won't be long!