"Would you call taking this role a change of direction in your career?"
Pam gave a small smile, but pursed her lips slightly before answering. "I don't think any one role is important enough to change a career's entire trajectory. But I'm enjoying myself here. It's a nice break."
"So you consider this role easier than your others?"
Chuckling, Pam said, "It's certainly different."
The reporter smiled back at her. This is fun, we're having fun. "I'm sure you're expecting this next question…"
Don't roll your eyes. "Yes, I think I know where this is headed—,"
"You and Bruce Wayne have been looking pretty cozy lately. Is there something going on there, or is it just my wishful thinking?"
Lady, you don't know me. After a short giggle (that one's for my publicist) she smiled coyly and said, in her best teasing, cutesy voice, that "A lady never tells."
/
"Where the fuck is Isley?" Selina demanded—to the whole set.
Bruce shrugged from where he was boredly scrolling through his Instagram feed. "Thought she had press this morning."
"Well, unless it's Katie-fucking-Couric that's wondering who she's sleeping with, she should have been back here an hour ago," Selina complained. "Every second she wastes is $1000 of our budget down the toilet."
"This whole project is a waste of money," Jared spoke up, still standing on his mark despite the hour delay. "Just another corporate—,"
"For the love of God, Jared, take your used condoms and your rats and shove them down your unresearched-communist throat."
Selina was…feeling a bit impatient. Bruce chuckled mutely at her response, still not bothering to look up.
That's when Pam decided to return to the studio, pushing open both of the double doors to make her grand re-entrance.
"Ah, so glad you decided to join us, Ms. Isley," Selina reacted sardonically. "If that was anyone less than the NY Times, you're fired."
"It was Buzzfeed," Pam retorted. "And Warner Brothers can't afford to fire me. I give this production clout."
Rolling her eyes rather than taking the bait, Selina motioned to the makeup team and they swarmed as Pam sat. "We'll start from Isley's monologue."
"You're going to have to be more specific," Pam intoned from somewhere within the gaggle of makeup artists. "This bitch loves to hear herself talk."
"You love to hear yourself talk," Selina countered, watching the cameras reset. "That's why you're perfect."
Again, Bruce snickered.
"And you're appropriately vapid," Selina told him. "Congratulations. Now let's wrap this goddamn movie."
Her touch-ups completed to satisfaction, Pamela stood, taking her coat off to reveal the leafy leotard that she thought looked absolutely ridiculous. "The press thinks we're fucking," she told Bruce.
He shrugged, pulling his cowl on as he walked to join her on their marks. "Suppose I could hypothetically do worse." A crew member rushed forward to wrap him in vines.
"You certainly couldn't do better," Pam assured him.
"Alright!" Selina shouted. "Let's get this show on the road. Quiet on set. Rolling…and…action!"
Pam started her slow walk around him, swaying her hips with some exaggeration and trailing her finger over his chest and shoulders. She clicked her tongue. "Batman…you should have known better than to enter my lair unarmed."
"I'm—never unarmed—Poison Ivy," Bruce gritted through clenched teeth, pretending to fight against his restraints.
"Mmm…I can see that…" Pam let her hand trail down between his legs where she gave a quick, menacingly teasing squeeze. I hate myself. "But playtime will have to wait. First, I'll bring Gotham City to its knees, then we can negotiate your…position."
"You flatter yourself," Bruce spat.
"Oh, Batsy, why must you make this so difficult? I—OK, fuck this. Are we in a porn parody of a movie we haven't even made yet?"
Selina groaned when she broke character. "Goddamn it, Pam! We all want to go home. Let's just get through this."
"I'm a serious actress, Selina!"
"And you're getting a serious paycheck for this one! We all are. So suck it up and say your line. Take it from 'you flatter yourself', Bruce. Rolling…and…action!"
"You flatter yourself," Bruce delivered the line with absolutely no augmentation. Not that there was much room to go with a three-word line.
"Oh, Batsy, why must you make this so difficult? I have Gotham City under my green thumb, and soon, I'll have you too."
Jared feigned betrayal beside her. "I promised you The Bat, but you said Gotham was mine!"
"Yes…well…" Pam smiled slyly. "Plans change." She turned and thrust her hand forward. It looked pretty stupid pre-CGI, but they were spending enough money on that shit that Pam trusted the vine thrust wouldn't be the thing to make her look stupid.
Jared reacted like he'd been wrapped up in a vine, and was dragged to the ground by invisible forces. "You witch!" he screeched.
"Suck it, prick."
"That's not the line, Pamela."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm looking at the script right now."
"Jesus, she knows that," Selina assured the line producer, pinching her nose. "We're still rolling. Let's go."
"It's a woman's nature to scheme," Pam said, getting back on track. "And a man's to fall for it, like the empty-headed Neanderthal he is." She laughed evilly.
"That's not the—,"
"Close enough," Selina cut the line producer off.
While "Ivy" was distracted, "Batman" reached for his batarang and used the sharp edge to cut the vines restraining him away.
"My babies!" Pam screamed dramatically.
That's when she was supposed to lean to the right to dodge the batarang Bruce was throwing at her. But she leaned into it instead, and the metal bounced off her shoulder. "Oww!"
"Shit, are you OK?" Bruce looked worried.
"Remind me why the FUCK we're using practical effects for this?!" Pam demanded, holding her shoulder.
"If you'd remembered your blocking, this wouldn't be a problem." Selina shot back. "Cut! Get the stunt coordinator out here. We'll practice and go again."
Pam grinned internally, making sure not to show her delight. She rubbed her shoulder some more for good measure, then quickly flipped her hair.
"Are you OK?"
The redhead turned at the sound of a female voice, feigning embarrassment, convincing her cheeks to flush. "Yeah, I just…forgot the blocking. Sorry, Harley. I guess I'm not much of an action star."
"Wha—of course you are!" Harley seemed personally offended. "Pamela." She took Pam's hands. "You put so much effort into this…"
Bruce rolled his eyes, taking off his cowl. "I'll leave you guys to it."
They ignored him as he stalked away.
"You're sweet," Pam pretended to try and hide her smile.
"It's true!" Harley assured. "This is an easy one, I promise. Don't get too much in your head."
"Show me…" Pam's response came out a bit throatier than she'd intended.
Harley nodded like it was her job (it was her job) and said, "Go ahead and get on your mark."
Pam backed up until she found it, pretending like this was all very important (it wasn't).
"Bruce is going to throw it at your outside shoulder for the camera, so you're going to move inward. Don't twist too much, remember?" Harley instructed. "Selina wants it to look effortless."
"Right, so…this way?" Pamela purposefully twisted the wrong way. She could hear Selina groaning somewhere in the background.
"No, um…" Harley approached her, placing her hands on Pam's shoulders. "This way."
Pam allowed herself to be moved, wishing that Harley's hand would slip just a little lower….
"That way."
"Yeah," Harley smiled, her blue eyes twinkling. "That's it. Easy as pie."
"You done?" Selina shouted, interrupting what Pam hoped Harley understood as 'fuck me' eye contact. "Good," she said before she got an answer. "Then let's go again. Bruce!"
The man sighed as he stood, pulling his cowl back into position and returning to his mark. Jared had never left his.
Harley gave Pam's shoulders a reassuring squeeze and then moved to stand behind Selina, giving Pam a thumbs up once she arrived.
Is she straight? Or just…stupid? Or is that her way of flirting back? Maybe I'm not being obvious enough…
"Action!"
Pam was pulled from her thoughts when Bruce's batarang, again, glanced off her shoulder. "Fuck!"
"I called action!"
"Goddamn it, Selina, I'm an Oscar nominee!"
"Yeah, well, I'm an Oscar winner. So let me know when you join me. Let's go again."